Today is not my day....

Today is not my day. I woke up with that tightness you get in your chest and throat as if someone has stuck a dry rope in there. I was in and out of sleep and wandered around the house most of last night. It was so peaceful to realize just how quiet this house can be. I felt blessed to know that almost every room was cozy with a sleeping sweetheart. I prayed for whatever popped into my mind and even though I could feel a deep chest cold coming on, it was just peaceful to know the presence of God is there always.

Our pastor has been teaching from James 1 these past few weeks. I love James 1 and in most cases I really think I get it. Several years ago I was in a tremendous storm. My dad said that I put an "unhealthy" positive spin on the situation. He has said that often about me. I do try to be positive, and in the midst of storms, as painful as they are we are called to ...."Consider it all joy, my Elizabeth, when you encounter various trials" (James 1:2) So I will often sit back and smile in my heart to know that God is going to bring joy through the trial, as I consider it all joy. I have said to my children for years that the most amazing things have come out of the most difficult trials. So I have a healthy track record with God. I would not call it a "positive" spin, or try to phyco- analyze it, it just what we are truly called to do...consider it all joy.

I don't know if I am about to walk into a huge trial. Our pastor said that we are either in the process of going into a trail, currently in a trial, or about to come out of a trial. I have to say that my life from day to day has been pleasant and steady. I have experienced so much joy and peace these past six month that I was not so happy when I heard the pastor speak those words. I just want to keep things where they are at. I have had trails, you know neighbors..considering it all joy, sending kids off to college...still considering it all joy, and even stressing over my deaf child as he works his way through first grade...still joyful.

Yesterday I was not so joyful. Yesterday I was angry at my husband. A word we use around here is disproportion. My energy was completely disproportionate and I had to own that and take responsibility for it. I am feeling very scared right now which presented in anger towards my husband . I feel that my normal "consider it all joy" process is in it's greatest need over the next week. So I sit here with my Bible wide open seeking comfort through reading James 1 and reviewing my notes over the past several weeks from church.

I had a Doctor's appointment yesterday that did not go well. I am having an MRI on Monday. I am going to be tested for a brain tumor and MS. There...now consider it all joy? I shared with some friends yesterday that I have felt peace, only the kind of God holding your hand peace. I am not someone who gets uptight over the unknowns. That is where we are at...complicated unknowns. No diagnosis, nothing conclusive just those words spoken by the Doctor. Just lots of blood taken and even without the known I am sitting here with peace in my heart in the confidence of a trial. Remember I have a good track record with God. Trials will come our way, always, this we all know to be true. But, where is the joy? Where does it come from? How do we move about our day, or in my case last night with joy?

I have known about this appointment for a while. I was feeling especially conflicted and ask God to show me what I needed to do. I am telling you, that God has an amazing sense of humor. Even in our trials He lives by what He speaks...JOY!!! I was giving a friend a grandma gift. Earlier on Wednesday as my heart was heavy and as I was leaning on some wisdom from God I became more frustrated as I could not find my wrapping paper to wrap these gifts and I wanted to deliver them Wednesday evening. All I could find was a Christmas bag. I tucked everything in there and thought oh well. This bag sat in plain view all day. All day my heart hummed with thoughts of comfort for the mind can take you away from joy if you let it and mine was wandering from joy. And there, all day on the kitchen counter. A bag I gazed passed most likely over a hundred times. There in big bold letters J-O-Y. I never noticed it. Until I sat there praying and asking God, what am I suppose to do this next week. JOY on a silly bag. Joy delivered to the grandma, joy to lead my Bible Study that evening. A Christmas bag carefully placed by a God who knew exactly what I needed to be reminded of. Joy.

So, if you are reading this and have a trial you are experiencing call only on the one who gives us complete peace and joy. Please pray for me over this next week as I learn of what health issues I may be dealing with. Remember sisters in Christ consider it all joy........be blessed today.

Not Me Monday...

Not Me Monday

My children have a mother, not me to EVER be in the pictures, but look here I am.

Not me, making this poor child carry his own pumpkin. But look at that sweet face of accomplishment, choices on his own, and me NOT thinking this is the cutest child born to man kind. Not any of my kids for that matter.

Not me to buy my kids lollipops the minute we get the pumpkin patch because it will keep their hands and mouths busy.

Not me to have the cutest boys ever, and be the most admiring mother of her children. Okay, I admit these are faces that only a mother could love, and I am way braggy about my children, never, not me...this mommy walks in humility. Not me, just not today.

These not me moments are brought to you by the simple fact that I am me, and most things I keep to myself about, but really when given the opportunity to have a Not Me Momemt, a mama just can't let a day at the pumpkin patch pass on by. Nope not me.

For more Not Me Moments visit this blog:
http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Soup is on Saturday

Soups on Saturday

This is hosted by an amazing mother of six children. Tiffany is very savvy in her appeal as in soup appeal, however she does have lots more to offer in her life. Check out her blog here:

http://butihadatiara.blogspot.com/2008/10/soups-on-saturday-versatile-chicken.html

About two years ago I was standing in my kitchen feeling totally junk fooded out. My daughter and I were craving extreme health and I needed to grocery shop, but did not feel like it. I promised her I would find something to make. I came up with this recipe. I will do my best to write it out. Since that time I have served this as a guest favorite and always am asked for the recipe. I always say, oh a little of this and that. So here is my idea of a little of this or that.

1 Lg. bag of frozen spinach

1 stick of butter

1 Lg. onion chopped

5 Lg. tomatoes or ( two cans of stewed)

2 Cloves of garlic or (2 Tbs of the jar stuff)

1 cup of green olives sliced (sounds not so good, but really adds a unique flavor)

3 cups of water or (chicken broth)

Add all these ingredients into a soup pot and cook on med-high with a lid on the pot.

After cooking/boiling for about 45 minutes you can simmer for about another 30 minutes on low.

After the 45 minute cooking time you can add the following options:

3 cans of white beans

4 chicken breast chopped up (already cooked) ( I will boil chicken separately while soup is cooking and then cut up and add a little later)

I will choose one or the other option. I have never done both.

Once ready to serve grate some fresh Parmesan on top. Perhaps it's our pallet, but we LOVE this soup. Even my two year old eats it up. I will make this up on a Sunday and eat for lunch during the week for a healthy filling lunch. This recipe makes enough to feed a family of six and still have enough to freeze for another meal. Which it does freeze well.

When I serve with company I had some fresh bread with garlic Parmesan and I kid you not it's just so yummy. A nice bottle of red wine tastes good with this soup. You can also add in about two cups of red wine into the soup for a more full bodies flavor.

Enjoy Soup Lovers

or is that

Lovers of Soup

The importance of hugs...

I asked one of my single friends how often she gets hugged? I don't know why I asked? I am a pretty comfortable hugger. My kids have all grown up in my space and we feel comfortable with a hug. I was just curious where single people, if not dating find hugs.

My husband and I agreed a few years ago that hugging each other as he went out the door to work, and then hugging when he returned from work is important to us as couple. For us, we both want to let the other know that no matter what is going on in our lives we are still a team. No matter what mood I am in, how his day went at work, we are still a team. I have guaranteed hugs from my husband and endless hugs from my children. I have been a mom for almost 21 years. That is basically 21 years of hugging and being hugged.

So to look into the face of this sweetheart of a person and hear her say she never is hugged. I just had to hug her no once, but several times. Single people, unless they are living with their parents don't ever get hugged unless it's a friend at an event. I just can not imagine. It made me so aware of how much my older kids miss being hugged, not just by me, but by David and the boys. Elliot will call home often, and say I just want to give David a big bear hug, and just hug my brother's.

If you have people in your life that are single I suggest hugging them. Now unless they have grown up around our house I do not make it a point to hug all my kids friends. I was recently at a concert with Emily. This young man a little older than Elliot, an anointed musician. I was touched by his music and told him that he reminds me so much of my son, that I just have to give you a proud mama kind of hug and he let me and smiled really big.

Pray for those who are single and hug them too.

Just another Saturday

Boys getting ready for our bike and hike afternoon.

We be the guides for these young lads.

It is just so beautiful in this part of the country.

I love how the leaves all have so much color lining the trail.

This young lad gave up on the bike and decided to hike.

With three younger boys, there is never much planning that goes into a Saturday. If they were up late the night before, it might mean early naps, or if it's my sleeping in day, which it is every Saturday who knows when nature will wake me up. (today 10:25am).

As I was getting my morning coffee brought to me by my sweet husband I asked what we should do. Emerson typically naps around noon, so our first thoughts were it would have to be a short outing. But then we decided to just see how he does with no nap and just go for it. It was one of those sunny brisk Autumn days when you just have to be outside. So we loaded up their bikes and off we went to a destination only twenty minutes away. It was so nice outside and the boys had so much fun.

We had to park Emerson's bike on the side of the trail and just let him walk. The bigger boys were way to fast for him, and he was more interested in stopping and looking at all the little sticks and stones.

Lately my boys have been asking so many questions about God and why we can't see him. At one point this week Ethan said that he did not think God was real and that he wanted to see him right now. So he prayed at that moment for God to show his face. I know his frustration in a faith without seeing the physical likeness of Jesus. But today, while out on our walk we talked about what God does to show himself to us. Ethan was able to grab hold of and believe that there is truly a God who is real. We talked about what kind of factories could possibly make such a beautiful forest, plants, the colors of the leaves. Our kids live in such a manufactured world, no wonder it gets confusing to them and even us.

This was such a sweet afternoon, that ended in boys later having to run ten laps around the house. Since no one had napped, they were getting pretty grumpy with one another. So in an effort to burn off more steam, energy, and keep them busy while I planned dinner they did their run...walk...stop...run...walk...stop. By the time they hit about the sixth round they were all in good spirits and friends again.

I am blessed by days like today. Just a peaceful feeling of being with a family that is fun. I love my husband, my boys, and miss my older two children who will see these pictures, call home and say..."mom I wish I were with you guys". They do that often. Blessings all.

Not Me Monday....

Again I say it's just not me to be spending a little of my Monday morning thinking of all that was NOT Me. It is especially not me to put my boys on the bed to watch TV just so I can think of all that is not me. (who made my bed on a Monday? Not me!) Nor is it the others who do the same. So take a moment to visit all those who swear it's not them either. http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

I did not make not one, but two yummy soups this past Sunday to be prepared for dinners this next week. I know it may sound silly, but I didn't. I really didn't. However there are two beautiful containers of home made chicken soup and veggie soup in my frig.

I did not beg my husband to skip the healthy dinner our church provided last night only to end up at the KFC drive through, only for both he and I to be up all night from an overdose of grease. Nope not me, as I pride myself in not being an unhealthy person.

I did not tell Eric this morning that there "might" be another toy store at the other side of the mall, a twenty minute walk with two kids one way, just to kill time and little boy energy.

I did not just send my husband a picture of a bed I think Ethan should have. We have enough beds around here, but I knew my husband would go for this one, and he did NOT just call and say he thinks it's a great idea. I am not a furniture horse.

I did not sleep on the sofa last night because I wanted to watch a show until 1:00am and fell asleep. Not this busy mommy who has to be up around 6:30am and get kids dressed and out the door...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

If it's not me then I don't know who, but it was not me standing on the scale buck naked this morning when all four men in my life are staring wondering what I am doing, and why I am naked. It was not me to think for three seconds I might have a moment to myself. End of story. (eating all that KFC I was curious the affect it would have on my fit body...oops that is not me either)

So, as you can see there are a few not me's wondering around and I am still looking for the saint that she is.

Abandonment

I posted this in Fall 2008. This particular post is linked to the Women of Faith blog and has been from last fall. It has only been in the last few weeks that I discovered so many were finding this post from the Women of Faith sight. I have received countless emails of the beginning of forgiveness and healing in the lives of many women who have read this. For that reason I am posting this again.



I was four years old when he left our home with a lot of boxes. Loaded his truck and drove away. I sat on the edge of the windowsill crying. I don’t really know why, but there was something different on that day. My younger sister and I also got the chicken pox on that day. The day my dad walked out the door forever. Abandonment.

Along with my sisters we stood before the judge. I was eleven years old. A decision was made that day. My mother handed us over to the state’s care. She had a choice to stay with the abusive step father or put her children into the states care. That day the judge read the report and all of our girls walked single file into a small room. Never again would I go home with my mom.
Abandonment.

My life was in shambles. I did not know from one day to the next how I could get up in the morning, be a good mother, make business decisions and have it all together. I just could do no more. I drove into my driveway. A strange car parked out front. A man met me at the walk and asked if I was Elizabeth. I asked who he was. He served me papers, divorce papers.
Abandonment.

I sat in a restaurant with my second set of parents. At this time my life was still spinning out of control, and bad decisions being made by me. And then I hear these words. “If you don’t give this baby up for adoption, you are no longer part of the fellowship of this family”.
Abandonment.

This past weekend I heard a speaker at a women’s conference talk about being abandoned. She spoke about the emotions behind being abandoned. She spoke about the shame, the guilt, and the feeling of never being wanted. I know how I felt in each of those situations. She captured every emotion I have ever felt. I look at this list of people leaving my life and try to understand why so many people have left me.

I know the feeling of shame and never speaking to anyone about the reasons. Embarrassed at the blame I placed and owned on myself. The feeling of me having no value to the important people in my life, thus them always leaving me.

It has been through many years of truly trusting in God. I know that He will never leave nor forsake me. I have rested on Lamentations 3 for many years.

Lamentations 3: 22-26
Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassion's fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion, says my soul”, Therefore I have hope in Him. The Lord is good to those who wait for Him. To the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

I have rested my heart on these verses for so many years. I have faltered on many levels and believed I was so worthless for many years of my life. I could smile, and cover the pain, often with a cute handbag matching shoes, a little charm, and some wit, but at the end of the day, alone with my thoughts the pain of being abandoned over and over haunted me. I faced shame, guilt and a true sense of nothingness. I only really prayed that God would protect my children and their hearts from having such a worthless mother.

I was reminded of all those emotions that once strangled my heart this past weekend. Thinking that if all these people have left me, then how could God possibly want or ever stay with me. And then, those many years ago, His beautiful words came across my vision. Untangled those ropes that tried to strangle my hope and set me free to live my life of complete acceptance of Him. My heart was no longer bitter, ashamed, and guilt ridden. I could rest my soul in His loving care, His commitment to never leave me.

I wanted to share this for those who may read this and be bound by the loss of those who have left you. There is an amazing God who is going to carry you. I have a Father who carries my heart in the palm of His hand. He is there always when others walk away. Blessings!!!

Grilling Goodness # 2

If you feel that your Friday needs some good insights into the hearts of women across American, first read here and then go here...http://goldengoodness.blogspot.com/, and then add your own for good measure.


1. What can cheer you up when you're feeling grumpy?
I love when my husband does these cute silly things to make me feel better, you know like sneak up on me with a cutsie kind of hug, or offer me a drink of water, or something, but always in a silly kind of way. I also love when any of my children will look at me, and give me a hug because they get a sense of some grumpiness.

2. Give one feature that could make or break the deal if you were shopping for a new home.
One feature that makes the deal is a large soaking tub, a must have. A deal breaker is always small bedrooms.

3. What's the craziest thing you've ever let your children eat for breakfast?
I can't say there has ever been anything edible that would be marked as crazy. However when I have had migraines and left the six year old to help out he fed his brothers marshmellows, raisins, chocolate bars, and milk. But they would have ended up with some of that through out the day anyway.

4. If you are a 'watch what you eat' kind of person, share a meal or dish that makes it easier to diet.
I have this spinach, tomatoe, garlic, onion, bean, green olive soup that is to die for. I make it up almost every Friday since my husband is a carbo-holic it helps me get through the weekends with out joining him. Then I snack on it during the week for an easy and quick lunch. Now mind you I still carry extra weight, but thing is, it's not the extra it could be. LOL


5. Is there something you used to do as a child that you would never let your children do now?
I am most certain they will not be hiding behind the park bathrooms at the age of 11 practicing being cool with a friend and cigerettes.

6. If you have a daughter, are her ears pierced? When did you allow it?
Yes, my daughter's ears are pierced. I allowed her to get them done around the age of 11. She has recently got her nose pierced which every mother at one point or time must endure something of a simular nature. Here is the link to my thoughts on that one.... http://elizabethonthego.blogspot.com/2008/07/mommy-thoughts-on-kids-growing-up.html

7. Are you the only person in your house who changes the TP roll??
Up until about a two weeks ago. Now I have the six year old doing a check on the bathrooms and I took the tp from my husband's potty because I told him that I did not think he needed because every single time I go in there it's empty. Next time I went in the roll was was low, and low and behold there sat an extra roll.
8. How old were you when you no longer lived with a parent(s) for the first time?
I was 20 years old. To this day I still can't believe my parents set me up in a nice studio apartement on Capital Hill in Seattle. I loved it!!!!! I was basically on my own at 20 and loved it.

Success in our Garden

We have these beautiful pumpkins growing under our front window.

The color and beauty of the season has popped out of these.

I love that the boys worked on this garden all summer.

Can this little boy just for once NOT be so dang happy? Of course I do not mean that, but Emerson is just the perfect 5th child when it comes to easy going and happy.

We have been in our new house for three months now. I was very excited to take the space under one of my front windows to plant the most beautiful flower garden. With three little boys helping they decided what was going in our front window along the front walkway to our front door. I must say at first I was the grumbling mother giving in. I did ask them what they wanted to plant. However the conversation of the massive pumpkin plant strung up and down the walkways along the sides and then the production of these huge pumpkins has created a daily stir.

We did find a sign which was appropriate, and each day the boys take turns with the watering can., moving the sign around, touching and hugging each pumpkin, and then smiling really big. One bag of seeds was released at random, and I did not even know what it was, but behold these beautiful whatever you call'ems. They fit perfectly with our pumpkin patch. So I would say our first plantings have proven successful indeedy!!!
to

Grilling Goodness

This is a fun new questionaire for Fridays. It's called Grilling Goodness and hosted by Tina. If your Friday is free to answer a few questions, and then to read the laughs and roars of others be sure to visit: http://goldengoodness.blogspot.com/


1. Do you snort when you laugh?
Every once in while, and let me tell you it is never pretty.
2. Do you have any idea why we don't sneeze in our sleep? Wild guess?
Because for some reason my bedroom does not contain the impurities as the outside or the rest of my house?!
3. Do you give much thought to astrology?
Just about every single night when I put my two year old to bed and he wants to count the "twinkle-twinkle's" in the sky.
4. What is the most expensive thing you've purchased this year?
let me see....a HOUSE!!!!!
5. What kind of shampoo do you use? Loyally?
I have no one kind of shampoo. Typically my darling is with me wanting to try something new, so I pick up extra bottles for my bathroom. As of today it's the pink bottle of Garnier Nutrise.
6. Whose music are you really diggin' right now?
I am probably the most undermusiced American. I have a house full of kids who all have mouths. Thus, music to my ears is silence and even that does not typically come until bed time.
7. What is your favorite thing about the Fall?
I love trying to pumpkin cookie, bar, muffin, cake, and pie recipes. You can never go wrong with pumpkin and spice as your main ingrediant. I also love the colors. Although orange and brown hues are not my personal best color, it all looks good in my yard and house.
8. Do you have a GPS?
My GPS just went off to college, so not any more. You know "mom turn here" or "mom, I think it's that way", or my favorite, "mom I did not write directions down because I was sure..."

My Space or Face Book

I have had a myspace and facebook for the past two years and I realize it's not really necessary to be host to both.

The funny thing about the two is I rarely have time to decorate my page or make it all snazzy. I will have the same picture often up for months. Even with my blog it's boring, which I am not particularly boring. I even had a blogger try to help me decorate my page, but the sad truth is that unless someone sits at my desk for me, it may never get done....oh Christelle!!!!!!! I have always been creative in many area's of my life, but have yet to find pleasure in picking and choosing a look, style, or decorative page.

Many of the same people on myspace are on facebook, but my older children have more fun with facebook and I can keep up with the two of them better on facebook, and they seem to keep up with me better. Myspace was first set up by my son, as he went off to his freshman year of college...and now times are changing. So no more myspace for me.

It was kind of sad to take down. It's been like a new friend that I never really had time to learn and understand. My intentions were always there, but when it came time for being on the computer I wanted to read emails, blogs, and some other things, so the little time I had was not ever to be used to learn all the fun I could have. Oh well. I can't say I will learn much more from facebook, except that I do like it's format. So enough about that for now.

Oh to be Zachaeus

This past week our church had a familiar evangelist come and speak. I say familiar because he visits our church often and comes with such amazing insights into God's word. He spoke from Proverbs 30 which was all good. But he brought us over to Luke 19 very briefly. However it was this message that gripped me.

Even today, four days later I have landed on this one verse that has challenged my heart. We all know the story of Zachaeus. Short businessman, cheated people out of taxes, heard Jesus was in town, knew his stature would keep him from seeing Jesus, he climbed a tree, Jesus saw him and Jesus told him that he was going to Zachaeus's house. Yep that pretty much sums it up. I get the story, and have since I was probably ten years old. Even my kids know the story and the song to go along with it.

So, what has hit me sideways this week. Verse 7

..."But when they saw it, they all complained saying that he (Jesus) has gone to be a guest with a man who is a sinner..."

The followers of Jesus complaining about who Jesus chose to hang out with is just baffling to me, but so real of what we Christians run and hide from....sinners. Hello, last I check ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

This verse has me thinking all week long that there was complaining because Jesus chose a sinner. It is so like Jesus to sit and have wine with sinners. I think it's a very compelling story by today's standards. This verse had challenged me. I am a Christian and I seek to live my life like Jesus. Even in my Christian-ness I am still a sinner needing to be mindful of every word, action and thought I have. Am I being Jesus. Am I complaining when I see a person living like Christ spending time with a (in a whispering voice) sinner.

I don't want to be part of the crowd complaining. At our church, our pastors and many staff members will stay up front after each service and extend prayer, a hug, and listening ears to hearts that are hurting, celebrating, or just an offer of encouragement. These are my modern day Jesus's because they are seeking to live and be Jesus. Often I have watched as I see so many trying to get an opportunity to chat with them. I have to admit. One time I sat and watched one of the pastors talk for a long time to this one guy, who apparently had just walked into the church and I felt my heart complain a little because I had something important to share. But in the moments that followed, I realized the tenderness this pastor had towards this man, who wanted to know and seek Jesus. For a moment I was like the complaining crowd.

Okay, this may all sound silly. I don't sit at my desk with concordances, and Bible books to learn what it all means. I don't think God expects us all to be scholars of the Word. His Word speaks to us right where we are at. And it's always a blessing to have someone with more knowledge bring the Word to greater meaning, but I tell you. Oh to be Zachaeus that day. Knowing he had a hard heart, knowing that he was cheating people, and yet his heart yearned for more and yearned to just get a glimpse of this savior... and the song goes...."and as the Savior passed that day he looked up in the tree and said Zachaeus you come down, for I am going to your house today". (verse 5).

I challenge each person who takes time to read this to ask yourself if you are complaining about what Jesus is doing in the hearts of others or do you grumble and complain?