Today is not my day. I woke up with that tightness you get in your chest and throat as if someone has stuck a dry rope in there. I was in and out of sleep and wandered around the house most of last night. It was so peaceful to realize just how quiet this house can be. I felt blessed to know that almost every room was cozy with a sleeping sweetheart. I prayed for whatever popped into my mind and even though I could feel a deep chest cold coming on, it was just peaceful to know the presence of God is there always.
Our pastor has been teaching from James 1 these past few weeks. I love James 1 and in most cases I really think I get it. Several years ago I was in a tremendous storm. My dad said that I put an "unhealthy" positive spin on the situation. He has said that often about me. I do try to be positive, and in the midst of storms, as painful as they are we are called to ...."Consider it all joy, my Elizabeth, when you encounter various trials" (James 1:2) So I will often sit back and smile in my heart to know that God is going to bring joy through the trial, as I consider it all joy. I have said to my children for years that the most amazing things have come out of the most difficult trials. So I have a healthy track record with God. I would not call it a "positive" spin, or try to phyco- analyze it, it just what we are truly called to do...consider it all joy.
I don't know if I am about to walk into a huge trial. Our pastor said that we are either in the process of going into a trail, currently in a trial, or about to come out of a trial. I have to say that my life from day to day has been pleasant and steady. I have experienced so much joy and peace these past six month that I was not so happy when I heard the pastor speak those words. I just want to keep things where they are at. I have had trails, you know neighbors..considering it all joy, sending kids off to college...still considering it all joy, and even stressing over my deaf child as he works his way through first grade...still joyful.
Yesterday I was not so joyful. Yesterday I was angry at my husband. A word we use around here is disproportion. My energy was completely disproportionate and I had to own that and take responsibility for it. I am feeling very scared right now which presented in anger towards my husband . I feel that my normal "consider it all joy" process is in it's greatest need over the next week. So I sit here with my Bible wide open seeking comfort through reading James 1 and reviewing my notes over the past several weeks from church.
I had a Doctor's appointment yesterday that did not go well. I am having an MRI on Monday. I am going to be tested for a brain tumor and MS. There...now consider it all joy? I shared with some friends yesterday that I have felt peace, only the kind of God holding your hand peace. I am not someone who gets uptight over the unknowns. That is where we are at...complicated unknowns. No diagnosis, nothing conclusive just those words spoken by the Doctor. Just lots of blood taken and even without the known I am sitting here with peace in my heart in the confidence of a trial. Remember I have a good track record with God. Trials will come our way, always, this we all know to be true. But, where is the joy? Where does it come from? How do we move about our day, or in my case last night with joy?
I have known about this appointment for a while. I was feeling especially conflicted and ask God to show me what I needed to do. I am telling you, that God has an amazing sense of humor. Even in our trials He lives by what He speaks...JOY!!! I was giving a friend a grandma gift. Earlier on Wednesday as my heart was heavy and as I was leaning on some wisdom from God I became more frustrated as I could not find my wrapping paper to wrap these gifts and I wanted to deliver them Wednesday evening. All I could find was a Christmas bag. I tucked everything in there and thought oh well. This bag sat in plain view all day. All day my heart hummed with thoughts of comfort for the mind can take you away from joy if you let it and mine was wandering from joy. And there, all day on the kitchen counter. A bag I gazed passed most likely over a hundred times. There in big bold letters J-O-Y. I never noticed it. Until I sat there praying and asking God, what am I suppose to do this next week. JOY on a silly bag. Joy delivered to the grandma, joy to lead my Bible Study that evening. A Christmas bag carefully placed by a God who knew exactly what I needed to be reminded of. Joy.
So, if you are reading this and have a trial you are experiencing call only on the one who gives us complete peace and joy. Please pray for me over this next week as I learn of what health issues I may be dealing with. Remember sisters in Christ consider it all joy........be blessed today.