I hate love songs. Not really I love them. I hate them and I love them. I started out loving one love song, but then love never happened so then I did not love them anymore.
Something I will share with you. Love songs never moved me. As in N.E.V.E.R after the age of 14. I always thought my girlfriends were PMS’ing when they would cry over a song. I mean really. What I have since learned in the past year and half is that I never really fell into the kind of love that makes you cry over a song. Unless two weeks and being a fourteen year old counts. But certainly never in a relationship fully loving someone. The kind of love that makes you cry over love songs.
I was driving home, over a year ago. A thirty minute drive out to the farmhouse I was living in at the time. My youngest son was in the car with me. This song came on. And tears, real tears, started to stream down my face, as the artist sang, “I give you Allllll of me......” Emerson looked at me laughing. “Mama are you crying?” And by that time I had turned into a fully engaged cry baby. Only a couple of months into dating and some silly love song, the first time in my life made me bawl like a baby.
Okay so I may had gained more than a few pounds in a small community the year. I may have been fighting an inner struggle of how to dress and feel good about myself with this extra weight. I may have even beaten myself up way to much. But then this man, this kind and loving man would wrap his arms around me, hold my hand and my guard was let down. And then some love song comes on the radio. “Cause all of me loves all of you, all your curves and all your edges and all your perfect imperfections…” Thank you John Legend for being the first artist to make me cry. I know most girls cry in their teens. I was crying at almost 50 and it was soooo noted by my ten year old.
I explained to my young son that when a man truly loves a woman, he loves all her curves and imperfections and this man, that I am dating demonstrating that. He was 101 acts of kindness and love to me. I use to hate love songs. I hated them because they were stupid to me. And I would watch my friends get all giddy, silly and stupid over songs of love and the boys they were crushing on. And I never had the desire to listen over and over like they did. I did once a very very long time ago.
It all started in 8th grade when I kind of wondered if love was real or not. I was crushing on a boy named Stuart. He was tall, blond hair, tan. We slowed danced to “How Deep Is Your Love” at the 8th grade sock hop. He asked me to slow dance every single time but it was that song when he squeezed me in. He was wearing a plaid flannel shirt and he smelled good. He held me tight and I was a girl that could use some holding tight. Later that next week we would meet at the heaters during breaks at school. And then he kissed me. And then he wrote me a note. It was a beautiful handwritten note to me. He handed it to me at one of our meetings by the heaters. He said that every time he hears the song, “Lady” by Little River Band he thinks of me and that he thinks he is in love with me. “Look around you. Look up here, take time to make time and make time to be there. And I love you best.” And my heart melted.
The next week he did not show up at the heaters. These were large heaters in an old school building and truly a great place to warm up inbetween classes. What does a girl know about love anyway? Except I believed him. I thought about him day and night and drew hearts with my name and his name. I never told a soul. When my girlfriends asked I just told them he was a friend. I was keen to girls, whispering and gossip. I was going to protect this love.
I did not Stuart for almost three days. I thought he was sick. Then I saw him. He was standing by her locker, his arm around me. He saw me and looked away like he did not know me. The End of love and silly love songs.
It’s kind of weird to think I have been married twice and love songs never hit me. The first marriage was a shotgun marriage. Neither of us were in love, neither of us dreamed of our future, and love, and holding hands and kissing to a favorite song. It was trying to love in a hard situation. The second love was an intellectual love. He is nice and kind, this must be love, but still no songs move me. Then that one day back in early winter of 2015 driving out to a farm house with my son and that song comes on. A silly love song and I am bawling. To have someone love you in an unconditional manner is love. All those curves and perfect imperfections and he was falling in love with me.
Ladies you know what this post is really about? I am sitting at home on a rainy day and that song came on. Almost a year and a half later and it still makes me cry. Why? Love is hard and I know I am sharing more on this matter in the past year. And I talk to countless women on this matter. When a man loves you, it’s not about what you look like or think you look like. A real man in love with you will make you feel secure in that love. Not insecure and crazy. A real man will keep showing up even when things are hard, when you are high or low. Let that man love you. Let him love all your perfect imperfections. Because how we view ourselves in not how that man loving you views you. I bet if I asked 20 men to describe their wives or the women they are dating it would not be what you think. Now scroll up and listen to that song.