Today my beautiful daughter got her nose pierced. She wanted to go last night, have me take her and make me part of this new experience, but I could not. I looked at the sweetness of her face and thought this was one thing I could not do, not today. The place was to close at 8pm and it was 7:30pm when we thought we might go out. But I needed time. I needed time to circle the place about ten times in my car. Park and sit for another ten minutes and pray. Pray that they had run out of ink. Nope that is a tattoo. Pray that the needles all fell on the floor and were no longer sterile, or better yet pray that they did fall on the floor, she would get a terrible infection and have to take the thing out. But instead she went today.
I even went to the bank and transferred money into her account and paid for it. Yet, I feel sick to my stomach over this. She and her brother went together, and I would have gone, but all three little boys needed naps. I have been mad at myself all day for NOT being okay with this. I have had to ask myself why I am not okay with this and I realize that the stereotypes I have embedded in the core of me are the reason.
I almost cry every single time I look at Emily. I am distracted by this nose ring. Although the gold loop does match her petite gold loop ear rings. She does not even have her ears double pierced. She is no rebel by any means. She has a love and passion for life, her family and God. Does a nose ring some how change all of who she is?
I guess I have always felt that when people put rings on their faces it's because of something they lack in their face or heart, so this distraction takes away from what ever it is. Which is silly, but it's a cultural understanding that came down through the lines of life.
Later this afternoon I had the opportunity to chat with Emily about her nose ring. She understands where I am coming from and in the spirit of Emily and the kind sole she is, she listened intently and help me understand her more.
It's just a strange thing when the worst thing your child has ever done is get a nose ring, and then I realize that it's not so bad really. The funny thing is that at our Home group this past week two young gals (early 20's ) shared about a mission trip experience. Both whom Emily knows and made a special point of introducing them to me with their lovely nose rings. It was her way of saying..."see these two Godly women, they are so beautiful and yep have nose rings".
It may take me a few more days of processing to understand myself as a mother in all of this, and will take me some time to get use too, but she is growing up, her own person, and wants to do things that will be different than what I might do, and I embrace her in all her independence because at the end of the day, she is one terrific young woman, she is my daughter, my best friend and I love her.