Today my beautiful daughter got her nose pierced. She wanted to go last night, have me take her and make me part of this new experience, but I could not. I looked at the sweetness of her face and thought this was one thing I could not do, not today. The place was to close at 8pm and it was 7:30pm when we thought we might go out. But I needed time. I needed time to circle the place about ten times in my car. Park and sit for another ten minutes and pray. Pray that they had run out of ink. Nope that is a tattoo. Pray that the needles all fell on the floor and were no longer sterile, or better yet pray that they did fall on the floor, she would get a terrible infection and have to take the thing out. But instead she went today.
I even went to the bank and transferred money into her account and paid for it. Yet, I feel sick to my stomach over this. She and her brother went together, and I would have gone, but all three little boys needed naps. I have been mad at myself all day for NOT being okay with this. I have had to ask myself why I am not okay with this and I realize that the stereotypes I have embedded in the core of me are the reason.
I almost cry every single time I look at Emily. I am distracted by this nose ring. Although the gold loop does match her petite gold loop ear rings. She does not even have her ears double pierced. She is no rebel by any means. She has a love and passion for life, her family and God. Does a nose ring some how change all of who she is?
I guess I have always felt that when people put rings on their faces it's because of something they lack in their face or heart, so this distraction takes away from what ever it is. Which is silly, but it's a cultural understanding that came down through the lines of life.
Later this afternoon I had the opportunity to chat with Emily about her nose ring. She understands where I am coming from and in the spirit of Emily and the kind sole she is, she listened intently and help me understand her more.
It's just a strange thing when the worst thing your child has ever done is get a nose ring, and then I realize that it's not so bad really. The funny thing is that at our Home group this past week two young gals (early 20's ) shared about a mission trip experience. Both whom Emily knows and made a special point of introducing them to me with their lovely nose rings. It was her way of saying..."see these two Godly women, they are so beautiful and yep have nose rings".
It may take me a few more days of processing to understand myself as a mother in all of this, and will take me some time to get use too, but she is growing up, her own person, and wants to do things that will be different than what I might do, and I embrace her in all her independence because at the end of the day, she is one terrific young woman, she is my daughter, my best friend and I love her.
What an honest post from the heart. You will get use to it I'm sure. Your daughter sounds like a lovely young woman of God. It's okay to process through these things.
ReplyDeleteI am sure I would feel the same way. Both of my sisters have had nose rings and currently only one has one in. One has had a tattoo and is now paying to have it removed. I often wonder what my children will decide to do once it is their choice. My prayer for my children is that if they make a mistake or an unfortunate decision that it won't be one that will affect them the rest of their life. Emily may or may not decide to have a nose ring forever. However, it won't be a decision that she can't live without a constant reminder of. She's a beautiful lady of God and her soul is taken care of. You can be thankful that her decision on that matter was a great choice and that this nose ring is simply an expression of herself. But, like I said, I would probably feel the same as you and so I sympathize. Take care dear one. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you on this one. I, too, would be grateful on one hand that this is the worst thing my child would want to do, but then I would hate it. I hate body piercings, though, because they are just not me.
ReplyDeleteKEEP BELIEVING
Love you, mom:)
ReplyDeleteI understand completely how you would feel. On the one hand if the worst thing any of my girls ever do is get a nose ring then hey, I'm happy with that. On the other hand, I understand how you feel about the ring itself and what it symbolizes for you. I have some of the same steroetypical feelings about piercings and tatoos. I think its great tha tyou and your daughter can share so honestly about these things without getting caught up in a power struggle or a fight as so many moms and daughters do today. That's a testimony to what a terrific mom you've been and will continue to be!
ReplyDeleteBig hugs!
Been there.Sorta.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter got a huge tattoo. huge. A butterfly. To her it is a symbol of rebirth. A sign of her faith. She has used it as a starting point to witness. It was hard to hold my tongue when she got it. It has been a few years now.....it's just a tattoo. It did not change who she was, and it doesn't hurt to look at it anymore...in fact, it is a part of her and I have grown to understand and even love that huge tattoo.
You are on the right track...you and Emily have a good relationship. Thank God for that!
Did Elliot ever want to pierce his ear(s)? I don't know how we are going to deal with that one.
ReplyDeleteI raised three kids in a conservative christian home.. and we never had any rebellion, or power struggles during the teen years. No drugs, smoking, or alcohol.. no really..But after our youngest went off to a christian collage.. she came home with a ring in her belly button.. !!! I was shocked!! That is something we do not believe in.. and I really didn't think she would ever even consider one, let along doing it!! I did not react well, and now looking back (10 years).. I wish I had seen it as something temp.. like it turned out to be.. It's the inward beauty that shines through..not the outward appearance... and she realised that in time. She doesn't need rings in her ears, nose, or bellybutton, or colored hair, or all that glitters to make her feel special.. she has God.. and a godly husband and home. That is all behind her now.. and we all made it through the teen years with Gods help.. Praying for you.. Lis
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you posted this. Even though my oldest is only 7, I constantly think about things like that in their teen years. I've always been a big advocate of picking your battles with teens, and currently I see strange hairdos, piercings, etc. as just superficial and so unimportant compared to what's going on on the inside. If it came right down to it, I'd rather see my teen pierce something and then talk to me openly about a problem at school or a relationship because they see me as non-judgemental.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER...I don't have a teenager/young adult child yet!!! I kind of have a feeling that I"ll be right there with you if/when the time comes! Thanks for sharing; it kind of helps me know what to expect later! *grin*
Oh, dear, sister! Is it just about the stigma? For me... I would just keep thinking of that precious baby skin that I birthed. That beautiful baby face that is seared in my mind... I pray God will make this beautiful... btw why did you pay for it?
ReplyDeleteI raised 3 boys and though we had some rough years, they never pierced anything...that I know of. But, I can say that a piercing is surely not the worst thing to have to deal with. I learned to ask myself, "Is it illegal?'', "Is it immoral?", "Is there a possibility someone else can get hurt?" and "In 5 years, will anyone care that this happened?" This helped me to put things in perspective. So much of what kids do today is about style and fashion and of course, peer pressure. If they are going to experiment, let it be with something as dumb as piercing their nose. In a few years she will probably be saying, "Mom, why did you let me do that?" It is also a matter of picking your battles. I learned to save my 'big guns' for things that were really important.
ReplyDeleteI think you are handling this wisely...you have surely become more 'with it' in her eyes.
I've always thought my mom was "with it," whether she said I could or couldn't do something. She's always had that balance of being my best friend and the disciplinary.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, 2 of my very best and most beautiful friends have nose rings (actually they aren't rings, just studs). I've always loved it on them... It matches their creative and unique character for they are most definitely the artistic and creatively talented types. I'm sure Emily is also beautiful with it, it matches her unique and fun personality! I can't wait to see it :o)
ReplyDeleteWow...I have no idea how I would've dealt with this! I hope that I am able to let my kids have some freedom when it comes to not-so-tragic things such as this.
ReplyDeleteI think you did a good job...and I'm sure Emily respects you more for not just saying 'NO!'