Why would I question?

Why does it seem so hard for me to accept and believe that God would heal me? I have been telling my children and those around me that God truly gives us the desires of our hearts when we are seeking Him. My desire was for healing. My desire is that God would use my health issues to bring others closer to Him. My desire was that God would use my health issues to restore relationships. I understood that I may not have seen the results of these requests but it was my hearts desire that this pain not be wasted.

I think so much of this world beats down our esteem and value. I know that has been the case with me. I am always surprised, truly surprised when something amazing happens in my life. I use to have a retail business. Even after having many successful months I would still call my dad in disbelief. "Dad can you believe people keep coming and buying"?

Do we relate matters of our hearts and how we view the world in the same way we do when God steps in and does the amazing? Do we trust Him enough to see His hand in the cool things in our lives? The blessings? The coming through in the 12Th hour? The healing of my body? Do we underestimate just how much the Word of God speaks of His presence and healing in our lives every single day?

If you would have asked me a week ago I would have said of course I truly believe all of this. Really. However when it came to healing and believing that I was healed all I could say was why me? Is it so hard for me to believe that God would want to heal me? Humbly I write these words of joy in knowing that there is a work to be done and God healed me for a greater purpose. I know my heart has hurt in so many areas relating to people I have loved and cared for. Often challenging my value and esteem. So therefore I relate earthly feelings to Godly wonders when God just wants me to focus on the Godly.

This is a huge step into a greater understanding in my walk with Jesus. I have learned this week a great and valuable truth in my life. It's amazing how the scriptures just dance in sync with my heart. Please take a moment to read Proverbs 3. I know it's December 4Th, but go back and read this one. I just finished reading it to Emily over the phone. It's message is about trust and honor to God. I lack knowledge and understanding of the things of this world, the medical mysteries in my life, but..

vs. 5-8

...trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones..."

I had a friend send me an amazing email in Glorifying and Praising our Lord Jesus in the matters of my body being healed. I am going to post that in my next blog. Blessings and Love to all who read.

It was the touch of the Master's Hand

I have been recovering from a spinal tap since Tuesday.  In some cases it has been a small party on my bed.  Blessed with friends and family, who have been around me enough to know that not only is my front door always open, but if I am in bed, you are welcome to cozy up and chit chat. Elliot and Emily have made me laugh as they have made several facebook video's from my bed in the past 12 hours.  So where to begin?

Has a dear friend every shared something so personal with you, with the freedom to share with others, but for some reason you want to hang onto it for a while and ponder all that it means before sharing?

I have walked through some of the most heart wrenches moments in the past weeks.  In each moment looking to the Word of God, singing praises to the Lord and knowing that He is going to carry me in all my fears of what the future may hold.

This past Sunday the pastors and elders of our church gathered with some friends, my parents, and my older children to pray for healing over my body.  I have said that this was not just a time of healing, but a time of bonding the Holy Spirit deeper into each of our hearts.  I left knowing that in my obedience to God (James 5) healing would come on many different levels. Perhaps not in my body, but in other ways.  I had already experienced some healing in my past, and in my own heart.

David and I went to our Tuesday appointment.  Pressure of spinal fluid was to determine treatment which was to start right away.  Friends calling to step in and help where needed.  Even a dear friend letting me know she would be at my house every single day to help with kids and get Ethan to school when I couldn't. Meals in the freezer frozen for whatever treatment would come.  The results of the spinal tap resulted in slightly elevated pressure.  Not that of the psuedotumor cerebri.  We were immediately scheduled to see the neural opthamologist who said my tests were all normal.  This makes no sense to the doctors and additional spinal fluid was sent out for testing.  When the Doctor said that she would be writing into the report that tests were normal I was speechless.  I had no words. No shouting from the mountain tops.  A sense of quiet that does not come naturally for me.

When David and I got to the elevator he asked if I was okay. I could only say "why me"?  Why me, the touch of the Master's Hand?  As I lay here two days into recovering from a spinal tap I have had the joy of sharing what God has done in my life, and to my body.  There are some very deep things that God has revealed to me.  Things that I am not ready to share.  There has not only been healing in my body, but in my heart that will unfold and I will share in later blogs.

We have a God that can breath on us, He is here with each one of us, and this week this Great Physician touched me.  I am dealing with migraines from this spinal tap, so I am not yet able to do cart wheels, but I am praising our Lord and Savior and look forward to my time of shouting from the Mountain top.

Happy Thanksgiving to all and bless each one of you who have prayed and encouraged me.

Happy 21st Birthday Elliot

This young man came into my life 21 years ago. For those of you who have had babies, how does a 45 minute delivery sound? May sound good, but totally eliminated any options for a spinal block.

Elliot has been the delight of my life. He is very passionate about things that are important to him. He wears his emotion on his very stylish sleeves and has never been hindered by what other's may think of him. He will be the first one to extend a hand to a stranger. He is blessed musically and walks in favor and humility of our Lord Jesus. When Elliot was two years old we were crossing a big street. Holding my hand and in the middle of the side walk he told me that he wanted to make sure everyone around him would hear about Jesus. I use to sing to him "into my heart, into my heart, come into my heart Lord Jesus". When he was three years old he asked what that song meant. That day in the car he accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior. When he was 15 years old and made the decision to be baptized, he referenced that song and said his mother lead him to Christ. I don't say this to draw attention away from Elliot to myself, only to say mother's you may never know the impact you will have on your children's hearts.

Elliot loves to wrestle with his brothers, process his life outward into the wee hours of the night with his sister and seeks council and wisdom from those whose life are a living example around him. He is noted as the question asker from every school he has ever attended. Always asking questions to learn, and for clarity. He walks this home with a guitar in hand and will join a discussion with the beautiful music playing for background. I truly miss that while he is away at school.

How does a mother begin to share the blessings of one fine young man. I only share a little. Enough to know that this is one twenty one year that makes me feel very young as he still believes in holding his mother's hand when crossing in the middle of the street. Happy Birthday Elliot.

It's hard.....

....for any one person to know what the future holds. I was chatting with a friend today. She is angry and mad that God allows such terrible things to happen to people. It's not right, it's not fair and gosh darn it she's mad. I think it's safe to say that we have all felt like that. She asked my thoughts about where God is in all of this.

I shared with her that I believe God protects our hearts always when we are seeking His will in our lives, giving Him the praise and the glory He will always protect our hearts. But in a sinful world we are all subject to pain and suffering. It's not that God "allows" it. We allowed it when we turned our backs on Him in the garden of Eden. Pain came into our world and God gives us free will. In that freedom sin and darkness are present.

Last night Josh Osteen was on some random channel. I listened to the last five minutes of his sermon while David was getting ready for bed. He had this big smile on his face, blinking eyes and said something along the lines of this...I get so excited for a person when I see the depth of their trial. If they are truly seeking God in that trial, the height of how he is going to use them is something to truly get excited and smile over. I smiled along with him.

I even laughed and chuckled to myself. Every single time I go through something hard, I talk with God over how I would like the outcome to be. I pray for that outcome and really does it ever go down like we want it to? Instead something even more amazing comes along and I come back to realizing that I am way better off seeking God's will in All things, because truly in ALL things He's got it covered.

Please continue to pray. I have a spinal tap scheduled a week from Tuesday to determine the pressure in my head which will then give direction as to the treatment. Scared? Heck yes!!!!

Panty Raid of an OCD

My friend Tiffany so boldly exposed the inside of her pantry with the process of organization to come. At first when I read her blog title I thought it said Panty Raid and I could not understand the words that followed. I was even more curious to see what would follow a title such as Panty Raid, only to realize that I had misread the title. In our conversation I said my pantry is always in a state of complete organization. I don't know why it is. It's been like that since I first kept house. Needless to say, I was reading her blog this evening and thought I would run down a take a couple of pictures of my pantry. Visit her blog to see her amazing transformation of organization with her space. It's very impressive. http://butihadatiara.blogspot.com/2008/11/pantry-raid-after-pictures.html

As for me, here are a few pictures just taken. Perhaps I should take a picture of my desk area which lacks any kind of organization. Which if we really put some analysis on this it really does say a lot. When I am in the kitchen, I do not have a lot of time and don't like looking for things or being out of the ingredients I need. When sitting at my desk I typically have kids busy or napping and do have time thus things can settle anywhere. Okay, end of story.

This is Ethan checking out the inventory
Seriously I am not OCD I just always put things in the same place so at a glance I know if I need to get more of something.

This is pretty much how it always looks.

So many things crash through my mind....

I have been sitting here with my husband discussing the outcome of my health. I love my husband. He's a very smart man and can bring objectivity at just the right times. So together we both look at my situation and discuss what this will mean long term. We have both been doing lots of research, studying and talking. Hoping to find one report that we can grab a hold of to add light onto this situation. So far we have found none.

I sat at the end of our kitchen counter and just cried. How does a healthy woman go from energetic to a quality of life of pain, medicine, shunts, and all of this ongoing for the rest of life?Reading the outcome is never good. My husband and I decided we don't want to walk through this without knowing, we want to know, as hard as it is. Do I live on a sofa sicker than a dog, with different pains, not able to offer my family much more than a burden with a sense of humor or do I choose the most radical kind of living on the edge of a hope, a miracle, a risk of blindness to enjoy my family for a few more years? I did ask my husband that question. We both did not have an answer. There is no known medical treatment for recovery. There is a 10% chance with radical medical intervention this can be reversed, but if not I become subject to years of medicines and surgeries with an outcome that is noted as significant pain and compromised quality of life to keep my vision and relieve the pain in my head.



Patients spend most of their lives being cared for and honestly it sounds quite burdensome. I realize that this may sound like some kind of pity party, but I decided this afternoon to just process out loud, and in writing. I know God knows all of this already.

I have shared that I may not be healed, but healing may happen on many other levels and within people's hearts that I may never know. I want healing. I want the touch of the Master's Hand. I want to be able to race my boys to the next lamp post, ride bikes and crab crawl across the lawn. But God may not want that for me, and I can grumble, complain, and whine and I will, but trusting in my future knowing that truly God is in all of this does give me comfort. It really does. I ask that a miracle be prayed for. Already we have had one answered prayer. My next appointment was scheduled in the first week of December. More waiting. I prayed that somehow we could get in sooner. David was able to make a phone call or two, and I have my appointment made for this coming Monday. Faith building moments is what I all these. In the midst of this storm God will reveal Himself in so many ways, show direction, and through His Word, the wisdom and encouragement of others I will take one day at a time.

I never realized just how profound the name of my blog would come to mean. "elizabeth embracing life". Wow!!



p.s.
Thanks for continued prayer, encouragement, and please if you know me personally trust my sense of humor is real. It's me, it's my family, and again we will laugh, cry, laugh and then cry some more.

Blessed Be the Name of the Lord

Last week my son called me and said "Mom our worship team sang this song (Blessed be the Name of the Lord) and prayed for you" . He then called me and said that a number of worship teams in the South are praying for you and in God's way, always His way, wouldn't you know my passion for music and I am being prayed for by young men and woman who are using their gifts of music to bless others.

I went down to the piano and looked through the worship songs my kids have kept from years of being on worship teams. Wouldn't you know it, they were alphabetized so I did not have to look past the B's to find the worship song Blessed Be the Name. I pulled it out and tucked it into my Bible.

Saturday I was at a women's gathering. It was very special in that the woman who spoke has been a mentor for our pastor's wife and our pastor's wife does not keep the wisdom of this 73 year old woman to herself. Well can you guess what one of the passages of scripture she taught from? Yep, Job. And when Job faced the worst possible catastrophes in his life what did he do? He fell on his knees before God and said what? "Blessed be the Name of the Lord".

Job did not alter his faith in the almighty God, even in the face of extreme trials. Nope he could fall before his King, your King, and my King and offer up praise to Him.

Today I sit in wonder of the examples of misfortune in the people I know and the Godly men and women in the Bible. I am comforted by these stories of those who kept their focus on Christ. It did not mean there would be no emotion, no pain, no loss. It did not mean that life was going to be honky-doree. It meant that there is someone who knows me and will give me the comfort that I am going to crave in these next months as they unfold.

The results of my MRI are "dreadful". This is a word used by a friend and I love that word. It just gives meaning to a tumor. Dreadful. This friend has given me the understanding of allowing myself to grieve this news regardless of what the next steps will be. There is a mass behind my optical nerve. It explains why my vision has been deteriorating and explains many other things. We have a mighty God and with that also comes a sense of humor. We cry, we laugh, we cry, we laugh. I told Emily she now has a title for her book she might write someday. "Deaf Brother, Blind Mother'. Please laugh, it's okay. I also took 15 minutes to shower, dry my hair and put on lipstick with my eyes closed and you know what...I did fine. I may not lose my sight, but that can happen so in my own way I tested the waters for 15 minutes.

Please pray for our entire family in way that can only bring Glory to God. I am scared and my mind would like to take me to a white cane with a blue tip or is it a red tip, but I know that I am to take one day at time and live each day breathing the same air that our Lord Jesus breaths. At this moment I am also reminded of the worship song...Give thanks with a grateful heart Give thanks to the Holy one, give thanks for ........and now let the weeks say I am strong, let the poor say I am rich, let the blind say I can see...I am not sure that is the exact words, but it jumped into my mind and out my fingers the words clip along.

If you have a trial in your life put your faith, your focus, and your heart into the hands of our Lord Jesus. And Blessed Be the Name of the Lord.

Elected Obama

This past week I have read countless opinions about the outcome of this election. Blogs, emails, facebook and news reports. I have asked myself where my heart is, who should I be and how I might respond. My heart turns towards the hope I have in our Lord Jesus. The hope of our future, my future and the knowledge of the Word. I feel confident that in my future because I do trust and believe in an amazing God. I read two blogs today that I felt spoke ever so eloquently and give a solid base of truth about our future. Please take a moment to read these two. I chose these two because they represent hearts about two decades apart in age and both seek to live out a life that is going to bring glory to God in all they do.

http://justbeingme1.blogspot.com/

http://www.pettyplethora.blogspot.com/

I am a Miracle Lord....

I look at some of the more difficult times in my life and truly believe that only God could have made it happen. When I was growing up there was this song that came on the radio...here are the words:

I'm a Miracle Lord, I'm a Miracle Lord, I'm a miracle Lord because of you. For the rest of my days, I will give you the praise...



That is all I can remember, but I look at all of my children and everyday believe that they are miracles I have been blessed with. Most of you know Ethan is deaf. You can go to this link to read up on his miracle http://elizabethonthego.blogspot.com/2008/03/monday-miracle.html.

This week he had his report card come home. He has the same first grade teacher that Emily had over 14 years ago. It's pretty cool to think that this teacher loves her job so much she would be there even for Ethan. In this picture are two awards. One for Honor Roll and the second for 2ND Highest Achiever. I cried when he brought these home. I realized that all the hard work with this kid just paid off in one moment. I remember feeling this very feeling with Emily. Both of these children are my strong willed children. We have joked for years that we don't know which is more of a challenge. A child who is strong willed that talks, or the one who is deaf. Watching how God is growing up both kids and the delight they are just goes to show that God is working every moment in the lives of these kids.

Here is Ethan's special ribbons.

Thanks Lord Jesus for the will you have put into this child to do his best work always, knowing that You gave him a terrific mind to learn. He may not always be articulate, he may not always like it when he does not get his way, but he loves to learn and I am so blessed to watch him humbly put his ribbons on his shelf for display. I am blessed that he can give thanks to YOU for making him special and he knows that when he sees you face to face his first voice to ever hear without cochlear implants will be your voice. Ethan thinks that is very cool. Thanks for reading.

P.S. I will not hear back on MRI results for about two days. I feel the love and prayers and want to send a thanks to everyone.