Saturday, November 29, 2008

Why would I question?

Why does it seem so hard for me to accept and believe that God would heal me? I have been telling my children and those around me that God truly gives us the desires of our hearts when we are seeking Him. My desire was for healing. My desire is that God would use my health issues to bring others closer to Him. My desire was that God would use my health issues to restore relationships. I understood that I may not have seen the results of these requests but it was my hearts desire that this pain not be wasted.
I think so much of this world beats down our esteem and value. I know that has been the case with me. I am always surprised, truly surprised when something amazing happens in my life. I use to have a retail business. Even after having many successful months I would still call my dad in disbelief. "Dad can you believe people keep coming and buying"?

Do we relate matters of our hearts and how we view the world in the same way we do when God steps in and does the amazing? Do we trust Him enough to see His hand in the cool things in our lives? The blessings? The coming through in the 12Th hour? The healing of my body? Do we underestimate just how much the Word of God speaks of His presence and healing in our lives every single day?

If you would have asked me a week ago I would have said of course I truly believe all of this. Really. However when it came to healing and believing that I was healed all I could say was why me? Is it so hard for me to believe that God would want to heal me? Humbly I write these words of joy in knowing that there is a work to be done and God healed me for a greater purpose. I know my heart has hurt in so many areas relating to people I have loved and cared for. Often challenging my value and esteem. So therefore I relate earthly feelings to Godly wonders when God just wants me to focus on the Godly.

This is a huge step into a greater understanding in my walk with Jesus. I have learned this week a great and valuable truth in my life. It's amazing how the scriptures just dance in sync with my heart. Please take a moment to read Proverbs 3. I know it's December 4Th, but go back and read this one. I just finished reading it to Emily over the phone. It's message is about trust and honor to God. I lack knowledge and understanding of the things of this world, the medical mysteries in my life, but..
vs. 5-8 in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones..."
I had a friend send me an amazing email in Glorifying and Praising our Lord Jesus in the matters of my body being healed. I am going to post that in my next blog. Blessings and Love to all who read.


  1. Interesting... How do we respond when God gives us the desires of our heart? Especially when we've already prepared ourselves for the long haul? Knowing and believing that He can and will use our illnesses... but can He use our healings? Thanks for being real!

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  3. I too struggle with believing that he would give me the desires of my heart... sometimes, it's a matter of living in the moment rather than in the eternal...does that make sense? Sometimes, in the seems that things are not going my way- and then...many years later, I look back on those moments and realize God had an even more amazing plan all along... I suppose that at the end of our lives we will realize that every moment we walked with him- was truly a step towards our eternity and that TRULY...He was with us, carrying us, all along...

  4. God's healing touch has been upon you before. This time it was just more evident. Singing praises with you!!

  5. I am so happy that your prayers and our prayers were answered for healing. I can only imagine how this feels. I am sure you have much work to do especially spreading the word about your healing. I know that many days your posts give me something I can really think about, so I feel honored that you can continue to bless me with this blog.

  6. God bless you as you praise and honor him.

  7. PS I tagged you if you want to play along.

  8. I stumbled across your pseudotumor blog a little while ago and came over here. I'm so happy that you do not have pseudotumor. I was diagnosed with it in 2001. I never had to receive a shunt, PTL! I ended up having two spinal taps to relieve pressure (about 1 year apart) and I was on medication for three years. I've been medicine free and pseudotumor free since 2004! When they diagnosed me my pressure was so high that it caused me to have double vision. That lasted for almost a month. It was a terrible, scary time, but God was with me every step of the way.

    Praising God with you for your healing!


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