Friday, November 14, 2008

So many things crash through my mind....

I have been sitting here with my husband discussing the outcome of my health. I love my husband. He's a very smart man and can bring objectivity at just the right times. So together we both look at my situation and discuss what this will mean long term. We have both been doing lots of research, studying and talking. Hoping to find one report that we can grab a hold of to add light onto this situation. So far we have found none.

I sat at the end of our kitchen counter and just cried. How does a healthy woman go from energetic to a quality of life of pain, medicine, shunts, and all of this ongoing for the rest of life?Reading the outcome is never good. My husband and I decided we don't want to walk through this without knowing, we want to know, as hard as it is. Do I live on a sofa sicker than a dog, with different pains, not able to offer my family much more than a burden with a sense of humor or do I choose the most radical kind of living on the edge of a hope, a miracle, a risk of blindness to enjoy my family for a few more years? I did ask my husband that question. We both did not have an answer. There is no known medical treatment for recovery. There is a 10% chance with radical medical intervention this can be reversed, but if not I become subject to years of medicines and surgeries with an outcome that is noted as significant pain and compromised quality of life to keep my vision and relieve the pain in my head.

Patients spend most of their lives being cared for and honestly it sounds quite burdensome. I realize that this may sound like some kind of pity party, but I decided this afternoon to just process out loud, and in writing. I know God knows all of this already.

I have shared that I may not be healed, but healing may happen on many other levels and within people's hearts that I may never know. I want healing. I want the touch of the Master's Hand. I want to be able to race my boys to the next lamp post, ride bikes and crab crawl across the lawn. But God may not want that for me, and I can grumble, complain, and whine and I will, but trusting in my future knowing that truly God is in all of this does give me comfort. It really does. I ask that a miracle be prayed for. Already we have had one answered prayer. My next appointment was scheduled in the first week of December. More waiting. I prayed that somehow we could get in sooner. David was able to make a phone call or two, and I have my appointment made for this coming Monday. Faith building moments is what I all these. In the midst of this storm God will reveal Himself in so many ways, show direction, and through His Word, the wisdom and encouragement of others I will take one day at a time.

I never realized just how profound the name of my blog would come to mean. "elizabeth embracing life". Wow!!

Thanks for continued prayer, encouragement, and please if you know me personally trust my sense of humor is real. It's me, it's my family, and again we will laugh, cry, laugh and then cry some more.


  1. OHHH, Elizabeth... If I could send you a hug, I would.. I was so shocked to read that you are suffering ill health.. I soo wish it had not happened to you.. But don't you fret.. Your going to be fine.. God is embracing you.. and He will hold you close, and go with you through this time. If there is anything I can do, please email me..I'll email you right now, so you will know how to reach me... Your friend, Lis. I'm praying for you... !!!

  2. I really think you should go to that church I told you about this Sunday. I really believe you will be healed. They are walking in kingdom living. It is powerful. When they were hear there was a man at our church who had been deaf for 8 years and he was completely healed. That was 2 months ago and he is still hearing.

  3. Stopping by after not being a faithful blogger the past few months and am sad to read the post about your sickness. So sorry and I will say a prayer for you. May God's love for you shine through the storm and comfort you and your family. May He give wisdom to all your doctors, and may He give grace that will bring healing to you. Amen.

  4. This has taken you so by surprise and, yet, not really. God paves the way and hedges us in behind and before. He will be faithful to be with you through it. It reminhds me of that Natlie Grant song I posted last week called "Held". Though we will still suffer hard things in this world,you will be held by God -- and by the many, many people who obviously love you. xoxo

  5. This is never an easy thing to navigate through. When my husband was told he had cancer - we learned one thing - Enjoy the good days, endure the bad and just move forward. It help keep us sane.

    I stand with you in prayer for a miracle.

  6. We have things happen in our lives that we may not understand and we can only trust the Lord that He knows and He understands what He is doing.

    I am so sorry that you have been plunged so quickly into illness that is bringing uncertainty, pain, and a need to lean heavily upon your faith. May you grow even closer to the Lord as you face this tribulation in your life. My prayers are for you to be healed.

  7. Elizabeth, I've felt such sorrow and grief for you that I haven't had the heart to comment. Yet, I find you continually in my thoughts and prayers, and I do want to share that with you. I'm so glad I've had a chance to get to know you a little. You bring such joy to others! Your smile is contagious and your laughter is cheerful. I pray that you will be healed, but I also pray that if that is not God's will, that He will continue to help you embrace life abundantly!

  8. Elizabeth:
    I've been out of town at my folks house for a few days. Only now catching up with you. You are a mighty warrior, with unlimited hope because you serve the Hope-Giver. I'm going to Him tonight on your behalf...for your eyes, for wisdom, for restored health of body...heart...and soul.

    All my love, friend. All my prayers as often as I think of you.


  9. My desire to say something thought-provoking or comforting would like to interfere with me commenting at all.

    You are in my prayers, sister...

  10. My Lizzie -

    I love you, I love you, I love you...a thousand times over, my bosom friend.

    I will stand with you in faith...cry with you...laugh with you...and continue to keep you lifted up in prayer each day, through to God's victory in your life.

    "This is the Lord's doing, and it's marvelous in our eyes..." - I know this is a scripture, but it is also a song by Andre' Crouch - quite a catchy little tune that I would sing to you, and with you, if we were together...when we are together.

    There is no distance in prayer, or between the hearts of friends - I'll call you!


  11. I am praying for you and praying that you make the right choices. I am sure you will. This is really a hard place to be in, but you seem like a strong woman and I will bet that you and your family will figure this out. Please know that we are all out here thinking of you. God bless you and your family.

  12. Elizabeth..

    (((Hugz my sistah))) You know we are all here for you at Beloved Mama.. I can relate so much to your words and I read this from my your heart to mine. When my husband and I found out about my liver illness and that there was no cure or any kind of known treatment except for trial ones which I tried and it did not work for me. I can't tell you all that was going through our minds and thinking about my kids really was what I kept pondering on. you go through anger, and yes even our own sadness, we go through all kinds of emotions, and it's okay God understands. But you know my sister the Lord has the last and final report on what goes on with us. He knew when we would be born and he alone will be the only one who knows when it'a all of our time to be with him. Don't give up, like I wrote on my post, I write about the Joy of the Lord because it is the one thing that keeps giving me strength as I leave the rest in his hands as I snuggle in them and let him carry me through. As long as there is faithful and loving Father in heaven I will never stop believing in miracles.

    Luv ya Lorie


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