I have been sitting here with my husband discussing the outcome of my health. I love my husband. He's a very smart man and can bring objectivity at just the right times. So together we both look at my situation and discuss what this will mean long term. We have both been doing lots of research, studying and talking. Hoping to find one report that we can grab a hold of to add light onto this situation. So far we have found none.
I sat at the end of our kitchen counter and just cried. How does a healthy woman go from energetic to a quality of life of pain, medicine, shunts, and all of this ongoing for the rest of life?Reading the outcome is never good. My husband and I decided we don't want to walk through this without knowing, we want to know, as hard as it is. Do I live on a sofa sicker than a dog, with different pains, not able to offer my family much more than a burden with a sense of humor or do I choose the most radical kind of living on the edge of a hope, a miracle, a risk of blindness to enjoy my family for a few more years? I did ask my husband that question. We both did not have an answer. There is no known medical treatment for recovery. There is a 10% chance with radical medical intervention this can be reversed, but if not I become subject to years of medicines and surgeries with an outcome that is noted as significant pain and compromised quality of life to keep my vision and relieve the pain in my head.
Patients spend most of their lives being cared for and honestly it sounds quite burdensome. I realize that this may sound like some kind of pity party, but I decided this afternoon to just process out loud, and in writing. I know God knows all of this already.
I have shared that I may not be healed, but healing may happen on many other levels and within people's hearts that I may never know. I want healing. I want the touch of the Master's Hand. I want to be able to race my boys to the next lamp post, ride bikes and crab crawl across the lawn. But God may not want that for me, and I can grumble, complain, and whine and I will, but trusting in my future knowing that truly God is in all of this does give me comfort. It really does. I ask that a miracle be prayed for. Already we have had one answered prayer. My next appointment was scheduled in the first week of December. More waiting. I prayed that somehow we could get in sooner. David was able to make a phone call or two, and I have my appointment made for this coming Monday. Faith building moments is what I all these. In the midst of this storm God will reveal Himself in so many ways, show direction, and through His Word, the wisdom and encouragement of others I will take one day at a time.
I never realized just how profound the name of my blog would come to mean. "elizabeth embracing life". Wow!!
Thanks for continued prayer, encouragement, and please if you know me personally trust my sense of humor is real. It's me, it's my family, and again we will laugh, cry, laugh and then cry some more.