Ethan's Story Part 2

Dear Cristina, Today I read your email and today, I am praying for your mama heart. I wrote this for Ethan, so have a record of those first moments of being implanted. Now I pass along to you.

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This is part 2 of a journal entry I made back in 2005.

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One Sunday evening in October I lost it. I mean sobbing, on the floor crying out to God kind of losing it. I was bitter, I was angry. I could not forgive the "system" that had failed Ethan. Had Ethan been diagnosed correctly, had we not been told to keep waiting yet another six months Ethan's life would have been so much easier. Our lives would have been so much easier. I was angry and bitter towards my husband. He got away every single day from the craziness of home. He had 45 minutes in the morning and another 45 minutes in the evening in his car commuting. I was angry over the fact that he could have quiet, he did not have to deal with the day in and day out struggles. I begged him to take days off for a break and was angry that he didn't. Why God, why me? I lay on the floor in a heap of smeared tears. I opened my Bible and read Job 1:22...through all of this Job did not sin nor did he blame God...

I sat on the floor and pondered this knowing the story of Job, this did bring me some comfort. That night I prayed like I never had and surrendered Ethan completely. I knew it would not change his diagnosis, nor would tomorrow be any different. Perhaps adopting a different mentality would keep me from signing up for anxiety drugs, or depression drugs..because I would say often that I am one drink away from being an alcoholic. I truly was no longer able to cope.

The next morning I had an early flight out of Portland to Los Angeles. I was meeting with a client from 9:00am-11:00am. I asked David to schedule me on the first flight out of Portland and return on the last flight out of LA. I planned to wander over to Beverly Hills to shop and take a days break from the realities of home.

After my meeting this woman asked if she could take me to lunch. I was caught between my own time in Beverly Hills to feeling that I should accept her invitation. I chose to accept her invitation. During our lunch she asked me about my children and like a proud mama I spoke of Elliot, Emily, and Eric. (Emerson was not born at this time). I shared with her that I cry when I speak of Ethan and having such a raw heart from the night before the tears just spilled over my chicken salad. As I spoke she pulled out her cell phone and dialed. I thought, at first, it was just a quick calls he needed to make and I paused. She handed me the phone and said you need to speak with this person. She told me that her husband was one of the founders of the Hearing Institute of UCLA. WHAT!!!! Am I sitting here with an angel. If I go back to her office will it even exist.

The man on the other end spoke with a beautiful South African accent. One that was only familiar to having been around an old family friends over 20 years ago. It turned out that he knew this gal well. (Allison that is you if you are reading this).

He shared with me the option of Cochlear Implants. An option? What? Why had I not been informed of these before. After our conversation I looked at this woman who brought hope into my life with one lunch, I was reluctant to attend, and then one phone call. God was working all along. This moment in my life changed the future of Ethan for ever. I was able to forgive and let go of the anger, the bitterness and move forward. When I returned home I was able to share with David this experience. He could not believe it. The UCLA guy told me exactly who to speak with in Oregon. It turns out that this person would be at OHSU where my husband works.

On November 9, 2004 I left a message with the person we now call Dr. Don. At first I was a little scared and intimidated to learn that his title was about 14 bigger than life words long. I had decided that as the mama bear protects her young I would let this man know how HIS system had failed Ethan. Bring it on buster. Truly that was my mindful thoughts.

On November 12, 2004 I received a call from Dr. Don. Within five minutes of our conversation Ethan's world had new hope again. Dr. Don was able to pull up Ethan's records and reviewed his history with me right there on the phone. He boldly shared his concerns over Ethan's lack of care and even never having been informed of Early Intervention care until almost three years old. He apologized over and over again that our son had slipped through his system. As he reviewed Ethan's records, he kept saying that I can not believe how this could have happened. In that very first conversation he said that Ethan would be taken out of protocol process for a Cochlear Implant. A process that typically took 8-12 months at that time.

On November 22, 2004 Ethan went in for a MRI and CT scan. It was discovered that Ethan had a rare disorder called Enlarged Vestibular Aqueduct with complete deafness being the prognosis. We learned that had these tests been done in his infancy he would have and could have been implanted by 12 months of age with little or no delays in language. All over again I had to grieve and work through anger, bitterness, and resentment.

I chose that day NOT ever to look back but to look ahead and work with where we were at. It would serve no one for me to walk with bitterness, anger, and grief. I just said out loud in my car with Ethan screaming in his car seat which was typical. I said God, your are real in my life and I can not forgive on my own. Please take the grief, the bitterness, and the anger from my heart today. I realized that in that moment it was not one's intentions to have Ethan fall through the cracks. He just did and our lives were miserable, and God had offered hope and it was going to be my job to embrace that hope with confidence, joy, and a renewed spirit.

On January 26, 2005 Ethan underwent surgery for a Cochlear Implant. He would then have to wait four weeks to have the initial stimulation of sounds turned on, so his incision could heal.

On February 22, 2005 My almost three year old played at a table in Dr. Don's office. Dr. Don turned on Ethan's device and said "ba-ba-ba-ba" "Ethan-ba-ba-ba-ba". Being implanted is not a guarantee, but the hope is that his head, ears, cochlear would respond. With the first sound Ethan stopped looked around at all of in the room, our entire family and a family friend. Out of his mouth came the following.."ba-ba-ba-ba". I cry as I type this. He heard, word perfect and repeated back exactly those first sounds. There was a light in Ethan's eyes that we had never seen before. The surgery was a success. Ethan could hear. It was a technological miracle that day. The video camera was rolling and we have recorded those first sounds and many more that came for Ethan.

That was six days ago, to the date of this journal entry. I thought when Ethan could hear the tears would stop, but they are only more. A day does not pass that I have cried tears of complete joy. The car ride home from Dr. Don's office was so precious. His brother Elliot looked at Ethan and said "hi", and Ethan said "hi" back. The two said hi back and forth the entire car ride home. Within less than a week Ethan is able to say "mommy come here" in a very young baby kind of way. But he can say it, and like an baby and young toddler learning to talk Ethan now understand what it means to use his voice. Ethan has learned that baby brother Eric makes noise when he cries, that there is a dog on the other side of the fence and that planes are loud. He points to his ear all the time to tell me that he heard something, looks with this questionable look and then I explain or show him what it is.

Ethan walks from one room to the next tapping on everything. Chairs, tables, walls and asks me if I can hear dat? It is six days into Ethan hearing. I was holding him, singing a song and I said Ethan I love you. And he said back to me "mama I love youooooooo".

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Today as I remember back I am amazed even now with what Ethan has accomplished in all the catching up he has had to do. He is a drummer. Not just banging on walls and tables he is amazing on the drums. He is smart and twice this year in first grade has received Honor Roll. He has the same first grade teacher Emily had almost 14 years ago. He is blessed to be in a private school that does not pay him any special attention. He is expected to achieve just like any normal hearing kid and he does. He will talk your ears off. No kidding!!! Being locked up inside for almost three years he's got lots to say. It has now been over four years, six months after his first Cochlear Implant he received his second.

Ethan just turned seven this week and he is the delight of our lives. He is hilariously funny, fun, and can build "any age" Lego set. He is kind of proud of his Lego building skills. Thanks for reading. I wanted to share this in the week of Ethan's seventh year. Be blessed.

Happy Birthday Ethan

Pretty Much, even as a one year old I am adorable.

Ethan, age 9,  picks up a guitar at the music store.

Ethan, my deafly brilliant, music loving boy is turning ten.  Ten years ago I held this little baby.  My 3rd child, looking at him and wondering, as a mama will, what will his story be and how will it unfold.  His story can not begin to be told in one blog post.  The story of a baby who could not hear. The story of a baby that was happy, smiling, and the world as he knew it was perfect.  Yet, for me, his mother I cried. I prayed and I cried almost every day for three years wondering if he would ever say, "I love you mama."  And one day he did.  Who would have thought that my deaf child would love music as he does. Cochlear implanted into a hearing world and learning to communicate, articulate, sing, and have such deep passion to know God.

Ethan, age 4, picks up a guitar and a mic at the music store.

Ethan, age 3, on a violin, jamming with a friend.

Ethan, age 8, looks on at his sister's concert, now a stage hand.

Ethan, age 4, after his second Cochlear Implant.

This is not the face of a boy who just had major surgery.

Ethan, age 2, completely deaf and smiling. His quiet world.

In a hearing world, 1st grade awards of academics. Handicaps only hold kids back if we let them.

Ethan, age 6, his first drum set and he plays well too.

 It's never to late to introduce your child to music.

Ethan, age 4, and he still loves to read.

Nothing changes between these two. Big sister Emily and Ethan always challenging the other.

Big brother Elliot keeps his little bro dates.

Ethan with his younger brothers, always playing in threes.

Ethan has a precious heart.  He has overcome so much with his handicap.  Only once, did he ask me "why did God forget to give me hearing."  A question no mother wants to answer, but I did.  I told him that God, knows him, created him and has a special purpose and plan in his deafness.  Special is not just different. Special is something bigger, requires more responsibility and today Ethan understand this.  Ten years ago, I could not have ever imagined that those mama "I love you's" would be spoken daily by Ethan.  It's been a challenge, a blessing and joy to be the mother of this boy. Happy Birthday Ethan.

Dear Lord Jesus, Thank you!  Thank you for Ethan. Thank you that you chose me to help in writing his story.  Thank you that each page that turns into the next he knows you.  You started his story and you are with him always.  I love that about you God.  Blessings, Elizabeth                                                                                                            Archer Blues And Rock Jr. Electric Guitar And Amplifier PackSchoenhut Electric GuitarUnion 5-Pc. Drum SetTivoli Audio Black Model Three AM/FM Clock Radio - Model Three PIANOSchoenhut 18-Key My First Piano

Parts of Ethan's Journey

The following is a brief recap I wrote about Ethan on Feb 28th, 2005
PART 1
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The first time you hold your newborn child; there is nothing that can be said to keep mommy from looking into those wrinkly and squinting eyes. Knowing that the love you have felt for the past nine months has just exploded off the charts.

Ethan was born a full term baby boy in April of 2002. Ethan did not pass his left ear newborn hearing screening test. I had no concerns as his second testing as two weeks later confirmed he was fine. Even when the technician tried three separate machines saying that often the machines are not functioning correctly he was passed and off we went.

Ethan, like most newborns slept most of the day. He had a happy disposition with very little fussing. In the first weeks of having him home I noticed that he did not startle like my first two babies. Nor would his eyes follow my voice. He would look so intently with his big blue eyes at me. I thought for certain that I had birthed the next Einstein.

Around four months I noticed that Ethan did not seem to be disturbed by any kind of sound or unexpected noises, nor did he ever turn toward the source of sound or noise around him such as a TV, Emily or Elliot's voice, and even at this time my voice. We contacted our pediatrician who ordered a hearing test for Ethan. Before our next appointment, we did our own series of testing. We banged pots and pans above his crib while he slept, whistles, shaking sounds from toys. All our efforts to wake a sleeping child were fruitless. Ethan lay resting in peace with his deep breathing of sleep.

My heart was breaking inside, but Ethan's world was a happy one. My emotions were kept in check, as we slowly, as a family came to realize that our perfect little blue eyed, curly blond haired boy just might be deaf. My son Elliot decided that if his brother was going to be deaf, he would teach Ethan to feel music. Many afternoons Elliot would take Ethan to the piano, and play really loud. He placed Ethan on top of the piano so Ethan could feel the vibrations.

At five months old Ethan was confirmed at being profoundly deaf in his left ear and moderately deaf in his right ear. We were then told to wait another six months before doing anything. As parents we were hopeful. We did very little research, as we were told our option was to wait and see. We, as parents had no experience with deafness and did not even understand the degree to which Ethan was deaf. Being sent home to wait and see, and not starting anything requiring hearing aids gave us great reason to really not be alarmed. When we walked out of the doctors office we believed that if we just talked louder Ethan could hear us and Ethan would be fine.

Ethan's behavior around his first birthday became very frustrated and angry. He was happy one moment, struggling and angry the next moment. He would hit his head on the floor, bang on cupboards, scream non stop for what seemed like hours. We made two other attempts over the next 12 months to get his hearing tested. It was suggested that he had behavior disorders and then labels were placed on him such as the possibility of being autistic, oppositional disorder, sensitivity disorder. Ethan would try to talk, and focus his eyes directly on our mouths trying to make the same shape with his own mouth and deep utterance were what followed. No words, no communication to connect with him.

Around 18 months he was watching football with David. David yelled TOUCHDOWN and raised his arms. Ethan then raised his arms and said DUH-DOW. He loved to watch football with daddy and thus produced his first real word. We never heard a mama or a dada, which are typically the first sounds a baby makes. We were happy with "duh-dow". His next word was "mo-mo" for no-no.

During the months that followed (18-26 months), Ethan redefined parenting for us. We made attempts to have an audio gram done, but to put a toddler into a confined sound booth and expect him to keep a headset on for testing was to much for this frustrated and anger toddler. And the assumption by the professionals was that he was fine. Ethan could connect with his eyes and follow most of what was going on in his world. We were then told to wait another six months.

Ethan could not transition from one moment or change to the next. Most of his days were filled with screaming, tantrums that rung loud through our home. You could not tell him to put on his shoes and get him excited about where we were going. You could not get him excited that daddy would be home soon. We developed a schedule for Ethan that was predictable in order for Ethan to be able to function in his world. He did not know how to ask for milk, nor could he share with us what made him happy, scared, hungry, or tired. I was with him all day and he and I were able to develop our own communication through hand gestures. However this was frustrating for David, Elliot and Emily. Yet in Ethan's own way we could see his character, his intelligence, his passion for music, and his humor. I had to insist in the depth of my heart that something is wrong with his ears, not his mind.

At 28 months my husband insisted that Ethan have an ABR (Auditory Brainstem Response) done on Ethan. A procedure which involved putting Ethan to sleep, hooking up wires and then seeing what kind of responses he would have. The procedure took about 45 minutes. When they called my husband and I back into the office, I knew from the look on the audiologists face it was not good. Ethan was confirmed as being profound bilateral hearing lost. We were given a large white notebook with the options we now had and directed to an Early Intervention Progam. This was the first piece of literature we had been given concerning deafness. This book was more devastating than the news that Ethan was in fact deaf. This book contained resources that were available to Ethan since he was five months old. I was a stay home mom, stuck with a deaf child who could not communicate and here in my hands were the sources available. I cried for days and almost every single day for months to learn of this information. To learn that I could have been doing so much more for Ethan.

In the three months that followed we were informed that Ethan had truly slipped through the cracks of the system. We should have been informed of Early Intervention (EI) when Ethan was five months old. We were never informed of such programs and not ever having been around any one with a handicapped child did not know to seek out such programs. The devastation of learning that our child was deaf and that we could have been helping him for over two years was more than my heart could handle.

We were given several options on how to help Ethan, but ultimately it was our choice. How on earth could it be our choice as parents? We have no experience with a deaf child. We did not know the first thing about what would be best yet the specialist in this area put that on the parents? We were given our options of teaching Ethan to use his voice, along with hearing aids, sign language and schooling options. How does a mother with four children attend the two, one hour classes each week on signing? Then how do the other family members learn. Language happens every waking day of the week, not just an hour a day. How does a mommy sign to her two year old while nursing a newborn? Needless to say our life with Ethan became more difficult.

I purchased all the signing books I could get my hands on and insisted that the state provide someone to come into my home and teach ME how to communicate with my sweet little boy who was locked up inside his mind. I would write out all the events in a day and then ask this deaf woman to teach me all the words around the events in my life. I also took pictures of every event in a normal week, so I could point to the picture to give Ethan an understanding of what was going to happen next. He learned the alphabets in sign, counting, colors, shapes, and animals. It took hours a day of working with him at home.

Day to day life was very hard and I was very isolated. He was a very loud child, and because there was no way possible to explain to people in passing I finally stopped going out. Because I was his source of information into his world he would not let me out of his sight. As a matter of fact I could be on the other side of the kitchen and he would scream at the top of his lungs until he could see me. He had sleep issues. I soon learned that closing your eyes and having dreams for a toddler is scary, but it's through talking about what is scary that mommy can help. He could not tell us anything, but to scream, bang his head on the ground and throw tantrums.

Around November of 2004 it was clear that his hearing aids did nothing to help Ethan. He could say many words, but unless you have spent a great amount of time with him, you could not know what he was saying. He learned to lip read, which kept his face connected to every family member. He would take your face and turn it towards his when he wanted your attention. He could never say daddy, because those are all letters formed inside of you mouth and hard to read, so he learned to say Papa which was easy to lip read. A day did not pass when I did not cry. I would cry over my inabilities, to want so badly to help Ethan express himself. Everything with Ethan was visual, but how do you visualize the creative mind of a little boy locked up inside.

He learned early on to take everything apart to see how things worked. His world was very concrete, but he could not ask for a waffle for breakfast. One afternoon Ethan kicked, screamed and cried at the front door for almost two hours. We had been on errands earlier that day, I had a baby to nurse, and did not have the energy to take him outside again. It was his nap time and he would not stay put. Finally I gave in. He walked over to the car. I opened the door and he reached in and grabbed a tiny toy helicopter. Once he had the helicopter he walked back inside the house, crawled in bed and took his nap. He could not even communicate his favorite toy for the day.

Ethan is very bright. When the specialists would come to our home to teach him new concepts he already knew them. Ethan wanted to learn and I took every opportunity of time and repetition to teach him. With the options we were given it would seem that his handicap would keep him from many opportunities of normal hearing children. My only relief from Ethan during the day while my husband worked was to sign that I was going to use the bathroom. I abused this phrase on a regular basis. He had no interest in going to the bathroom with mommy. So if I needed to make a phone call, get dressed, or just breath for a moment to collect myself from the emotions that spilled from my heart I would go to the bathroom. I did not want Ethan to see me falling a part. I wanted to be a happy and fun mommy which through the grace of God I could fake really well.

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Today April 27, 2009

I will share what happened in the days that followed when I wrote this story out, but that will have to be in my blogs to follow.

I am a Miracle Lord....

I look at some of the more difficult times in my life and truly believe that only God could have made it happen. When I was growing up there was this song that came on the radio...here are the words:

I'm a Miracle Lord, I'm a Miracle Lord, I'm a miracle Lord because of you. For the rest of my days, I will give you the praise...



That is all I can remember, but I look at all of my children and everyday believe that they are miracles I have been blessed with. Most of you know Ethan is deaf. You can go to this link to read up on his miracle http://elizabethonthego.blogspot.com/2008/03/monday-miracle.html.

This week he had his report card come home. He has the same first grade teacher that Emily had over 14 years ago. It's pretty cool to think that this teacher loves her job so much she would be there even for Ethan. In this picture are two awards. One for Honor Roll and the second for 2ND Highest Achiever. I cried when he brought these home. I realized that all the hard work with this kid just paid off in one moment. I remember feeling this very feeling with Emily. Both of these children are my strong willed children. We have joked for years that we don't know which is more of a challenge. A child who is strong willed that talks, or the one who is deaf. Watching how God is growing up both kids and the delight they are just goes to show that God is working every moment in the lives of these kids.

Here is Ethan's special ribbons.

Thanks Lord Jesus for the will you have put into this child to do his best work always, knowing that You gave him a terrific mind to learn. He may not always be articulate, he may not always like it when he does not get his way, but he loves to learn and I am so blessed to watch him humbly put his ribbons on his shelf for display. I am blessed that he can give thanks to YOU for making him special and he knows that when he sees you face to face his first voice to ever hear without cochlear implants will be your voice. Ethan thinks that is very cool. Thanks for reading.

P.S. I will not hear back on MRI results for about two days. I feel the love and prayers and want to send a thanks to everyone.

Graduation for this week...

Ethan holding his certificate with one very proud papa.

Ethan standing with his class

The kids just before Ethan's graduation....some day they will all smile nice at the camera.

Ethan, this amazing young deaf boy has just graduated from Kindergarten. He has learned right along side his class of hearing kids. He has not had to be in special ed, or had to be pulled aside for special classes. This amazing blue eyed boy has taken his handicap and risen above those expectations put on deaf kids. In my opinion, not enough is put on them by the specialists. I did not give ear to his limitations. I did not put him in public school where he would have been placed in special ed. I put him in one of the best private Christian schools I know of. How do I know because I have already had two other kids go through this school. When Elliot was six years old he was diagnosed with ADHD. I get it's a real thing, but I did not believe this should in anyway limit Elliot. Within two months of being in this private school there was no indication of ADHD. I never had to medicate Elliot, and tossed his prescription.

They are not a special needs school. They are a solid Biblical based Christian school. A school that 13 years later since we first started still has many of the same teachers. They have taken my deaf child, who came to them with delays in speech. He came to them with some confusion on words, context, and they were completely open to working Ethan into their classroom structure. They did not alter their curriculum to fit Ethan, they expected Ethan to fit into the structure. They expected nothing less. And my bright eyed, challenging young boy will start first grade this fall. He will have the same teacher for first grade that Emily had over 12 years ago.

I am so blessed that God has taken this year and taught me so much about mothering a child with a handicap. Knowing to follow my instincts and most important to believe in your child. To let them see you believing that they can do it, even when they struggle and want to give up. When you have a strong willed child you must never allow them to give up because when they are faced with a challenge the strength and confidence is built on their success. Ethan has had a school year full of many challenges and even more success. Graduation night was a year of lots of hard worked wrapped up in an amazing program with even more amazing teachers.

Hats off precious little boy. God is so proud of you this year and so is your family.

About two months ago I went into the principles office and just cried. I tried to explain through all my tears that these were happy tears. I told him how much I appreciated that they would allow Ethan to come to this school. That the teachers and staff love him, and how I watch as the older class's high five he calls them out by name. How Ethan is challenged and learning and growing and in an environment that loves him. I just wanted to let the principle know the value they had to our family.

Last night Ethan graduated with his class. He was part of the school program and performed right along side his class. Before we left for the evening, he was rehearsing his speaking parts and singing some of his songs. He is an extraordinary little boy who has not allowed his handicap to keep him from being a part of every day life. I was so blessed by this evening.

Is it really a miracle...?

I have been thinking about Miracle Monday all day. You can find out more at Beth's sight. http://beth-amomslife.blogspot.com/

I was trying to figure out in everyday life all that God brings to me that I may miss. Is He walking by and I have my head somewhere else. Did he just place His hand on me and simply bless me. Did I drive two slow for the guy behind me, only to miss catastrophe in front of me?

As I have shared I have a deaf child. Many circumstances brought him into a hearing world. That was my first Miracle Monday testimony. You can scroll back and find. I ask myself if Emerson was a reminder to trust in God. Very few people know this about Emerson. He could not hear within a couple of weeks of bringing him home. I could not admit it to myself or say it out loud for so long.

Emerson was born a normal healthy baby. He pasted his newborn hearing test. Ethan has a condition called Enlarged Vestibular Aqueducts. Hearing is lost at a rapid rate, so even a positive screening was no indication of what could be…with Emerson. I prayed that Emerson would be fine. However all was not fine. It was the same pattern as Ethan. At first I chose not to pray. This may sound very strange from a passionate praying woman, but I thought okay God here we go again. What is the point of praying?

From the time Emerson was three weeks old, he came along with me on several business trips with an assistant. The same kinds of comments came with Emerson, as they did with Ethan. “Wow, he can sleep through anything.” “He does not even startle at loud noises.” “This baby is sure quiet and easy.” And then Vena, my assistant said it out loud while we were in San Francisco. She had been with me for about six weeks and her job was to care for Emerson while I was working with a client. So she knew Emerson well. She asked me if I feared that he may be deaf too. Emerson was about ten weeks at this time.

I told her that all my babies were easy going and Emerson was no different. I came home and told David what Vena had said. He said he was already thinking the same and I knew I was thinking it. For me, it was like this; if I don’t talk to God about this, maybe “this” is not really happening. We did all the pots and pans banging, purposely slammed door with him close by, and he failed all our home tests. One of the first indications with Ethan was car trips. He would fuss and the sound of my voice produced zero changes in his crying. The radio did not quiet him to listen, nothing. This was the case with Emerson too.

We scheduled a visit to the doctor. A week before his visit, I just started praying that he NOT be deaf. I told God that my heart, my marriage, my family…ME could not handle this. I begged Him through tears. I woke up everyday and through out the day would pray over Emerson. When he was nursing I would look into those precious eyes and tell him it will be okay. God is going to touch your ears.

The night before his appointment our family prayed over Emerson’s sleeping little body. My heart was aching, but during the prayer, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I felt such a peace. I felt that Emerson was healed in that moment. When we were done praying I thanked my husband for putting his hand on my shoulder as he was a comfort. He said he did not put his hand on me. It was then I knew Emerson was healed.

The next morning at his appointment he had perfect hearing. All the sounds of home would startle him and the most amazing thing was when he fussed in the car and I spoke. He stopped fussing and was quiet.

I realize that day and even today it was God teaching me to keep myself close to Him. The outcome is not what is important it’s who we are from one day to the next. He is always watching out for us. Are we taking notice? Are we aware of how His breath is breathing on us? He is that close. I felt for the first time in my life God answered my prayer in a heartbeat and already knew that I could not handle another deaf child. Thanks for reading, elizabeth