I spent the earlier part of the afternoon gardening with Eric. After wandering around Target yesterday, looking for some new gardening tools, I realized I did not really want to spent $30 on the three things I needed. Rake, shovel and new nozzle. That is all I need. Our yard is a disaster. We have three fir trees that belong to the neighbors who back up to us. The damage to the lawn, which is now non-existant. due to being over powered by needles, and the branches and twigs that nature contributed, and the damage to all the flower beds seems a bit overwhelming. And truly with the right gardening tools can be a joy to see the before and after.
I did a stop over at the toy section of Target and found the perfect gardening tools all packaged together for only $7.99. Tike has a set which is larger than the little hand size stuff they typically make for the yard. All plastic, chunky, and sturdy. Nothing that can do serious damage if one of the tools made contact with a body part.
So Eric and I unpacked the tools. He was very excited to go out be a farmer with mommy. Once he had the shovel he asked if we could play sword fighting. I reminded him that we were going to be farmers and these are farmer tools. He worked so hard and was a terrific help. The yard container was filled within the hour and we put our farming project on hold to have a popsicle.
The yard looks so nice. Only half of it. The half that you see when sitting at our breakfast table. Oh joy, bliss, and a job well done. I love gardening. Next we will finish the other half of a very small yard and plant our flowers. That will not be until next week. I love spring, fresh air, outdoors and a clean yard. Blessings.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
How to be a Testimony that Teaches
I need to write a book. I have life experience that I seem to think is just average. Yet when I share a story, an event in my life, a brief yet profound moment in my life I am met with the same…always. “You need to write a book”. God has been so amazing in my life, he has been consistent and it’s today’s view of Christianity that I don’t get, yet I am looked at, by many as a “real” woman in Christ. I have not adopted the world’s view of who Christ is in my life. I have not adopted my parent’s view, or even the limits I often see spoken from the pulpit. God is part of every aspect of my life regardless of what others think and I think that is the pulse of my life. All kind of ordinary if you ask me.
So what kind of book do I write? Today my son called from college. He is in his second year pursuing a business major and worship/ministry/music minor. He said that with all the teachings and opportunities he has had he has come to realize that his mother is a prophet of God. All that I have poured into his heart as his mother is from the Bible and he realizes more and more that he walks in God’s favor because I have taught him how to seek God in all he does and God will give him the desires of his heart. He has heard this since he was a young boy. My daughter is blessed beyond measure. She too has committed everyday life to serving God. Yet I look at our lives and think, we are nothing of the boring stereo-typical Christians. We are fun, hip, and pretty cool. Really. So do I write a book on how to grow kids up in a Godly way?
I have had great fortune and success. I have traveled and dined in the finest of places. I have spent money within my means. When I had little I spent little always giving God the first fruits of the financial harvest, so that no matter how little money there was, there was always enough. I never wanted for much, just the basics, yet God blessed me much. I had large portions of money in my bank accounts and continued to give back to God and serve others. Should I write a book about living a life of giving and serving in the name of serving our Lord and Savior?
I have lost everything. There was a time when I lost all my financial stability. I was on shaking ground. I did not handle the situation well and made choices that only devastated a bad situation all the more. Through the pain, the heartache and heartbreak I continued to serve an amazing God. A testament to my children’s character is that they lost everything, too and reminding me that it was just stuff and God will sustain us. Even with no money for food, phone, or electric we have the stories to tell of laughter, singing and praying. Do I write a book on how to survive the realities that we have no control over?
I have worked in ministries when church leaders have hurt others and remain in leadership. I have watched how these leaders have no accountability. I have watched amazingly gifted individuals have their hearts ripped open by those who claim Christ and then have their own faith challenged. I have been in that position. I have watched exits of people and pastors from one single establishment. Those leaders have blamed everyone leaving and have yet to look into their own hearts, and see the patterns that continue even after people and pastors leave, and the same continues. God has restored my heart. God has blessed me with his word and the strength to not be taken out or down. Do I write a book about this process as others may learn, grow, and have their faith restored in a God of love, and a God of resolve.
I have a midlife dynamic that is new to me, that I am walking through right now and learning as I go where and how God is going to use me. My friends of years past are all now finding jobs outside the home. Their children, like my older two, are off to college and this new season I was to come along with them. I get invitations for long lunches, and afternoon coffee breaks or a weekend away. I have three very young boys. In order for my younger boys to have friends I am now friend to very young moms who have children the same ages. How do I identify with them? I am in a stage of life where I am blessed to be home full time and also blessed to afford extra help with the boys. My young friends are not as they are just beginning careers and if they are home full time it's at the cost of extreme financial restrictions. Do I write a book about this process?
I grew up in a home with extreme child abuse. I was emotionally, physically, and sexually abused. I have stories that I don’t even tell my adult children. How even then God protected me/us. How we told stories to each other and imagined what we would do if we could escape. I was only six years old. But God protected my young heart, a heart that has clung to him through every stage of parenting so that I would not do the same. I started praying for myself, at the age of sixteen, that God would show me how to be a good mother. God blessed me with Christian women whom I could come along side, long before I had my own children to model Christian mothering. Should I write a book about my earlier life?
I sat in tears last night. Praying over how to behave without being prideful over ALL that God had done in my life. How to be a testimony that teaches. Maybe that should be the name of my book.
“How To Be a Testimony that Teaches” by Elizabeth Traub
What do I mean by a title like that? How can I be a testimony that teaches, rather than one that comes across as braggy, prideful? How do I show humility in the blessings that God gives me? How, oh Lord do I go about this.
I am going to put all this in a blog. Really. My personal and deepest thoughts thrown out there. That is the beginning of being an author isn’t it? It’s being real with your words in a way that other’s can read and say….wow she is a character, or someone I can learn from, or someone that peeks my curiosity, or someone I can throw stones at, or someone I can send notes of encouragement, discouragement or just someone I can love and embrace.
God is going to show me the way in which he will use me. This I know and trust. If you have read this far, I pray that even in this short blurb your heart would take a moment to reflect in all that God is doing, going to do and wants to do in your life. Every single day He wants the joy of knowing that you want Him to be part of your world. Blessings, Elizabeth
So what kind of book do I write? Today my son called from college. He is in his second year pursuing a business major and worship/ministry/music minor. He said that with all the teachings and opportunities he has had he has come to realize that his mother is a prophet of God. All that I have poured into his heart as his mother is from the Bible and he realizes more and more that he walks in God’s favor because I have taught him how to seek God in all he does and God will give him the desires of his heart. He has heard this since he was a young boy. My daughter is blessed beyond measure. She too has committed everyday life to serving God. Yet I look at our lives and think, we are nothing of the boring stereo-typical Christians. We are fun, hip, and pretty cool. Really. So do I write a book on how to grow kids up in a Godly way?
I have had great fortune and success. I have traveled and dined in the finest of places. I have spent money within my means. When I had little I spent little always giving God the first fruits of the financial harvest, so that no matter how little money there was, there was always enough. I never wanted for much, just the basics, yet God blessed me much. I had large portions of money in my bank accounts and continued to give back to God and serve others. Should I write a book about living a life of giving and serving in the name of serving our Lord and Savior?
I have lost everything. There was a time when I lost all my financial stability. I was on shaking ground. I did not handle the situation well and made choices that only devastated a bad situation all the more. Through the pain, the heartache and heartbreak I continued to serve an amazing God. A testament to my children’s character is that they lost everything, too and reminding me that it was just stuff and God will sustain us. Even with no money for food, phone, or electric we have the stories to tell of laughter, singing and praying. Do I write a book on how to survive the realities that we have no control over?
I have worked in ministries when church leaders have hurt others and remain in leadership. I have watched how these leaders have no accountability. I have watched amazingly gifted individuals have their hearts ripped open by those who claim Christ and then have their own faith challenged. I have been in that position. I have watched exits of people and pastors from one single establishment. Those leaders have blamed everyone leaving and have yet to look into their own hearts, and see the patterns that continue even after people and pastors leave, and the same continues. God has restored my heart. God has blessed me with his word and the strength to not be taken out or down. Do I write a book about this process as others may learn, grow, and have their faith restored in a God of love, and a God of resolve.
I have a midlife dynamic that is new to me, that I am walking through right now and learning as I go where and how God is going to use me. My friends of years past are all now finding jobs outside the home. Their children, like my older two, are off to college and this new season I was to come along with them. I get invitations for long lunches, and afternoon coffee breaks or a weekend away. I have three very young boys. In order for my younger boys to have friends I am now friend to very young moms who have children the same ages. How do I identify with them? I am in a stage of life where I am blessed to be home full time and also blessed to afford extra help with the boys. My young friends are not as they are just beginning careers and if they are home full time it's at the cost of extreme financial restrictions. Do I write a book about this process?
I grew up in a home with extreme child abuse. I was emotionally, physically, and sexually abused. I have stories that I don’t even tell my adult children. How even then God protected me/us. How we told stories to each other and imagined what we would do if we could escape. I was only six years old. But God protected my young heart, a heart that has clung to him through every stage of parenting so that I would not do the same. I started praying for myself, at the age of sixteen, that God would show me how to be a good mother. God blessed me with Christian women whom I could come along side, long before I had my own children to model Christian mothering. Should I write a book about my earlier life?
I sat in tears last night. Praying over how to behave without being prideful over ALL that God had done in my life. How to be a testimony that teaches. Maybe that should be the name of my book.
“How To Be a Testimony that Teaches” by Elizabeth Traub
What do I mean by a title like that? How can I be a testimony that teaches, rather than one that comes across as braggy, prideful? How do I show humility in the blessings that God gives me? How, oh Lord do I go about this.
I am going to put all this in a blog. Really. My personal and deepest thoughts thrown out there. That is the beginning of being an author isn’t it? It’s being real with your words in a way that other’s can read and say….wow she is a character, or someone I can learn from, or someone that peeks my curiosity, or someone I can throw stones at, or someone I can send notes of encouragement, discouragement or just someone I can love and embrace.
God is going to show me the way in which he will use me. This I know and trust. If you have read this far, I pray that even in this short blurb your heart would take a moment to reflect in all that God is doing, going to do and wants to do in your life. Every single day He wants the joy of knowing that you want Him to be part of your world. Blessings, Elizabeth
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Journal Entry
Beloved Mama has inspired me to dust off some thoughts of years past. My journals carry me through so many different season's in my life. One thing that has been the pusle of my journals is prayer for my children. I did not realize how much, in writing I lift them in prayer. I pray for them every single night and always joke around that I sometimes feel like Maria on the Sound of Music..wondering who I have forgotten or falling asleep before I get to the youngest, so the next night I start with the youngest and then the oldest does not get prayed over. LOL I will share some of my journal entry's as the weeks unfold.
June 1st, 1991--->I was 25 years old
"We find a new hunger and thirst to spend time with Him and stay close to Him. It is through prayer that we see God's love and power at work in our lives and in the lives of people for whom we are praying. Hope McDonald
"You pay God a compliment by asking great things of Him" St. Thereasa of Avila
Dear Father,
I want to learn about prayer in a special way. I am changing in so many different areas of my life. My excuse for not spending time with you in prayer has been fatigue, business, family, etc. A funny thing happened last Thursday. I woke up at 6:15am, I didint' want to get out of bed so I rolled over and picked up my Bible. I don't remember what I read but as I was reading, Elliot walked in with sleepy eyes and his special blanket dragging behind him. He asked what I was reading. My response was, "well Elliot I am reading my Bible and it's so important to spend time with Jesus every day and to TALK with Him about everything". Wow!! A pit came over my stomach. I try to model manners, values, and I am doing my best to give Elliot and Emily the security and love they need, But you Lord are the most important relationship, and you have been put on the back burner. Please forgive me. I committment these next months to make you a priority and example in my life to my children. I love you Lord, elizabeth
It is amazing to me that 17 years later it is still my hearts desire to be part of who God is every day of my life. I have matured a little since that time. I don't let excuses prevent me from spending time in prayer as I know I can chat with God all day long about everything. I remember when I was in grade school I will play games with talking to God. "If I see someone chewing gum I will stop and say a prayer". It is so wonderful to know that I don't have to wait until I see someone chewing gum, however I might just have to practice that with the kids.
June 1st, 1991--->I was 25 years old
"We find a new hunger and thirst to spend time with Him and stay close to Him. It is through prayer that we see God's love and power at work in our lives and in the lives of people for whom we are praying. Hope McDonald
"You pay God a compliment by asking great things of Him" St. Thereasa of Avila
Dear Father,
I want to learn about prayer in a special way. I am changing in so many different areas of my life. My excuse for not spending time with you in prayer has been fatigue, business, family, etc. A funny thing happened last Thursday. I woke up at 6:15am, I didint' want to get out of bed so I rolled over and picked up my Bible. I don't remember what I read but as I was reading, Elliot walked in with sleepy eyes and his special blanket dragging behind him. He asked what I was reading. My response was, "well Elliot I am reading my Bible and it's so important to spend time with Jesus every day and to TALK with Him about everything". Wow!! A pit came over my stomach. I try to model manners, values, and I am doing my best to give Elliot and Emily the security and love they need, But you Lord are the most important relationship, and you have been put on the back burner. Please forgive me. I committment these next months to make you a priority and example in my life to my children. I love you Lord, elizabeth
It is amazing to me that 17 years later it is still my hearts desire to be part of who God is every day of my life. I have matured a little since that time. I don't let excuses prevent me from spending time in prayer as I know I can chat with God all day long about everything. I remember when I was in grade school I will play games with talking to God. "If I see someone chewing gum I will stop and say a prayer". It is so wonderful to know that I don't have to wait until I see someone chewing gum, however I might just have to practice that with the kids.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Emerson Turns Two
E5 is now two years old today.
It was a busy Saturday morning on July 2nd 2005. I was scheduled on July 5th for a tummy tuck. I was going to be staying at Mary Alice's for ten days to recover. She was going to play nurse maid. This was going to be the year of Elizabeth. I had four very big babies and my body was just not going to snap back especially at the age of 39. So I was bravely stepping out to get a little trimming of my post stretched out baby belly.
I stopped first for breakfast before running the errands a mom runs before being away for 10 days. it was then I realized I was chewing ice. I looked at my cup of ice and cringed and then smiled. All of a sudden the past four weeks were making sense. I denied at first and just said that at my age it's easy to mistake pregnancy for the early onset of menopause.
In early June I had been tired. Not just to much going on in a short period kind of tired, but really dragging all day. I was breaking out in sweats at night and after a week of this, and all the kids home for the summer, David and I agreed that hiring a full time nanny to help would give me naps during the day and help with all the kids.
So after breakfast I went home I was tired. I took the test and tossed it aside and said "nope it's got no lines it's suppose to". I tossed the test in the garbage and walked out of the room leaving David behind. He retrieved the test and the instructions out of the garbage and called me back in. Two lines means it's a positive. About 8 tests later over the next week I finally convinced myself that I was not going through early menopause. The surprise pregnancy of Emerson has been the most blessed experience.
Emerson is a true little delight. He is a terrific kid. He is happy. He follows after his brothers to be part of what they are saying, singing, or playing. He is smart and silly and has a little of all his siblings. Every night before bed he wants me to sing "bi-bi so" (Jesus loves me) . Happy 2nd Birthday Emerson. May God bless you more as you learn and explore your world. I love you!!!
It was a busy Saturday morning on July 2nd 2005. I was scheduled on July 5th for a tummy tuck. I was going to be staying at Mary Alice's for ten days to recover. She was going to play nurse maid. This was going to be the year of Elizabeth. I had four very big babies and my body was just not going to snap back especially at the age of 39. So I was bravely stepping out to get a little trimming of my post stretched out baby belly.
I stopped first for breakfast before running the errands a mom runs before being away for 10 days. it was then I realized I was chewing ice. I looked at my cup of ice and cringed and then smiled. All of a sudden the past four weeks were making sense. I denied at first and just said that at my age it's easy to mistake pregnancy for the early onset of menopause.
In early June I had been tired. Not just to much going on in a short period kind of tired, but really dragging all day. I was breaking out in sweats at night and after a week of this, and all the kids home for the summer, David and I agreed that hiring a full time nanny to help would give me naps during the day and help with all the kids.
So after breakfast I went home I was tired. I took the test and tossed it aside and said "nope it's got no lines it's suppose to". I tossed the test in the garbage and walked out of the room leaving David behind. He retrieved the test and the instructions out of the garbage and called me back in. Two lines means it's a positive. About 8 tests later over the next week I finally convinced myself that I was not going through early menopause. The surprise pregnancy of Emerson has been the most blessed experience.
Emerson is a true little delight. He is a terrific kid. He is happy. He follows after his brothers to be part of what they are saying, singing, or playing. He is smart and silly and has a little of all his siblings. Every night before bed he wants me to sing "bi-bi so" (Jesus loves me) . Happy 2nd Birthday Emerson. May God bless you more as you learn and explore your world. I love you!!!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Church Service
I was standing in worship this morning and could not help but let a release of tears roll down my face. As I stand there singing my heart out I realize that on my own I am so not worthy to be standing there singing the name of Jesus. I am flawed, imperfect and I get the privilege of standing in worship just saying his name, as the songs words said..Just same the name...the most amazing feeling to embrace this knowledge.
I stand in awe of "his glory, his honor, his mercy, his forgiveness". His name is so perfect. His name pours into my heart and he allows me to stand before him. He wants me to come before HIM and just say his name-Jesus!! I am thankful and humble as I stand with my tears falling not just off my cheek but onto his feet.
Last Wednesday Emily was studying in the coffee area of our church. She shared with me in the car, on the way home how she was blessed by this old man. He started chatting with her and she learned that he was 80 years old, a retired pastor. She said that she had knowledge and wisdom poured into her through this old guy. Guess what? The same "old guy" preached today and he is gifted enough even at 80 to speak to the heart of a young person and one approaching middle age.
I stopped this pastor after church as there was one very strong point in which I did agree with him on. I truly do not make it a point to ever approach a speaker and challenge what they are speaking out on, but this I could not resist. I was first in line to shake his hand and let him know how his teaching had touched and challenged my heart. I then said that I did not agree on one of his final statements. He brought a young mo-hawk hair, drummer dude up to the front and said that at his age he really was not the best person to minister to his age group and this young man clearly was more fit. I shared with him how it was my daughter he had chatted with on Wednesday and he just grinned from eat to ear and hugged me. He remembered Emily. She had asked him some very deep questions and prefaced it with....."Since you are so much older than I am, what kind of life wisdom can you impart on me this evening, to which he, the old guy shared much and my daughter was blessed by him.
What a dynamic speaker at 80. How blessed to start my week with worshiping. praise and great Biblical teachings. Blessings
I stand in awe of "his glory, his honor, his mercy, his forgiveness". His name is so perfect. His name pours into my heart and he allows me to stand before him. He wants me to come before HIM and just say his name-Jesus!! I am thankful and humble as I stand with my tears falling not just off my cheek but onto his feet.
Last Wednesday Emily was studying in the coffee area of our church. She shared with me in the car, on the way home how she was blessed by this old man. He started chatting with her and she learned that he was 80 years old, a retired pastor. She said that she had knowledge and wisdom poured into her through this old guy. Guess what? The same "old guy" preached today and he is gifted enough even at 80 to speak to the heart of a young person and one approaching middle age.
I stopped this pastor after church as there was one very strong point in which I did agree with him on. I truly do not make it a point to ever approach a speaker and challenge what they are speaking out on, but this I could not resist. I was first in line to shake his hand and let him know how his teaching had touched and challenged my heart. I then said that I did not agree on one of his final statements. He brought a young mo-hawk hair, drummer dude up to the front and said that at his age he really was not the best person to minister to his age group and this young man clearly was more fit. I shared with him how it was my daughter he had chatted with on Wednesday and he just grinned from eat to ear and hugged me. He remembered Emily. She had asked him some very deep questions and prefaced it with....."Since you are so much older than I am, what kind of life wisdom can you impart on me this evening, to which he, the old guy shared much and my daughter was blessed by him.
What a dynamic speaker at 80. How blessed to start my week with worshiping. praise and great Biblical teachings. Blessings
Saturday, February 16, 2008
remembering the little things
I spent over six hours today with my one and only daughter. Each time I am able to take a long chunk of time with her, she becomes more precious to me.
We sat in a restaurant sharing our favorite mid-day snack...nachos. We love trying them in various places and then talking about why one restaurant may do a better job with the chips, or salsa, or presentation. We always share and we always come away saying that is truly the best peace in my belly than anything.
Sometimes we sit in quiet, both deep in our world of private thoughts. We often blurt out the very same thought at the precise exact moment and then laugh that we embrace the same kinds of things and this is why we have this connection. One time just for the sake of "too weird" I said okay on the count of three we blurt out any state in the US. 1-2-3 we both blurted out Delaware. NO KIDDING. Of 52 states we chose the same one.
Today I looked across the table and I had this scene from Father of the Bride pop into my head. Steve Martin's movie daughter is telling him about her dreams and marriage, and all he sees is this little pig-tailed girl. Not his young adult daughter. There Emily sat sharing her dreams, her heart and I asked myself how this all went so fast. Am I going to remember the little things we share for the rest of my life. How she always has a pony tail holder on her wrist and within seconds has her hair in a beautiful messy bun. How she, like her mother, always eats just the topping off of a pizza. She is so graceful in her manner, so deep, so smart. She is gifted musically and academically and I think how did she grow up so fast. And her laugh. They way she throws her head back and her eyes twinkle like an angel. And I quietly thank God and pray we will always be this good of friends.
She is graduating and going off to college and I know I will be seeking out the wisdom of mommy's who's daughters go off into a new season without us. Because the reality has been for 18 years that it's about us as mothers. Elliot has helped tender that way. Before Elliot went away to school it was the three of us doing the long afternoons together, and with him gone it brought Emily and I together in much more intimate way. I want to remember, always, the little things. Our friendship has not evolved over big events. It's been the little things that get us laughing so hard that people will look around a corner to just a glimpse of what may be going.
Today I hid under the laundry pile on her bed. As I lay there running out of oxygen I thought....how many 42 year olds hide under blankets to scare someone? I could hear her walking into her room and did the jump and boo and I did scare her, and we just laughed. I am blessed. I will say that every single day of my life and then I will thank God for choosing me to parent Emily.
We sat in a restaurant sharing our favorite mid-day snack...nachos. We love trying them in various places and then talking about why one restaurant may do a better job with the chips, or salsa, or presentation. We always share and we always come away saying that is truly the best peace in my belly than anything.
Sometimes we sit in quiet, both deep in our world of private thoughts. We often blurt out the very same thought at the precise exact moment and then laugh that we embrace the same kinds of things and this is why we have this connection. One time just for the sake of "too weird" I said okay on the count of three we blurt out any state in the US. 1-2-3 we both blurted out Delaware. NO KIDDING. Of 52 states we chose the same one.
Today I looked across the table and I had this scene from Father of the Bride pop into my head. Steve Martin's movie daughter is telling him about her dreams and marriage, and all he sees is this little pig-tailed girl. Not his young adult daughter. There Emily sat sharing her dreams, her heart and I asked myself how this all went so fast. Am I going to remember the little things we share for the rest of my life. How she always has a pony tail holder on her wrist and within seconds has her hair in a beautiful messy bun. How she, like her mother, always eats just the topping off of a pizza. She is so graceful in her manner, so deep, so smart. She is gifted musically and academically and I think how did she grow up so fast. And her laugh. They way she throws her head back and her eyes twinkle like an angel. And I quietly thank God and pray we will always be this good of friends.
She is graduating and going off to college and I know I will be seeking out the wisdom of mommy's who's daughters go off into a new season without us. Because the reality has been for 18 years that it's about us as mothers. Elliot has helped tender that way. Before Elliot went away to school it was the three of us doing the long afternoons together, and with him gone it brought Emily and I together in much more intimate way. I want to remember, always, the little things. Our friendship has not evolved over big events. It's been the little things that get us laughing so hard that people will look around a corner to just a glimpse of what may be going.
Today I hid under the laundry pile on her bed. As I lay there running out of oxygen I thought....how many 42 year olds hide under blankets to scare someone? I could hear her walking into her room and did the jump and boo and I did scare her, and we just laughed. I am blessed. I will say that every single day of my life and then I will thank God for choosing me to parent Emily.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
The moment you think parenting is a challenge...
Just when you think, at this every moment parenting is a challenge and then.....one of your little sillies ups the performance.
I have the blessing of having two strong willed children, of my five. My first one, I am certain, paved the way for the second strong willed child. I have often asked which is more difficult. A normal hearing and speaking strong willed child or a deaf one, it's still a toss up.
Ethan challenged me in the most interesting way this weekend. It has been a rough week of everyone being home sick. I realized by Saturday that I needed to check my entire family into a hotel and have a cleaning service come and sanitize our home. That was not going to happen, so I opted to take advantage of the clear blue skies and walk two of the boys over to the park. Apparently there had been many housebound families as the park was busy with lots of kids and parents. Being a chatty sort I quickly chatted away with a handful of parents, while playing with the kids and enjoyed my first contact with the outside world.
Ethan decided he wanted to ride the bike of another child. The child and parent were okay with this except Emerson asked first and got to ride first. Ethan was not happy with this and decided to kick his leg up at me which sent his rubber boot flying. I told him he would have to go and get it, which meant he would have one barefoot walking in the wet squishy grass. He screamed in protest at the top of his lungs, got the boot, came back to me and whacked me on the leg with the boot and through it at my feet. To which I calmly took his hand and said it was time to go home. Our little family has center stage. I look around at all the parents watching me and I feel this wave of peace come over me. Truly God anointing my challenged mommy spirit. I scooped Emerson off the bike, carried him in one arm, while muscling Ethan across the little park. He is grabbing, scratching, and throwing by far one of his grandest fits as parents watched. I just calmly walked out of the park. Then Ethan decided that fit was not enough, his final act of outward defiance was throwing his new airplane on the ground. I picked it up and refused to return to him, which only sent him into a more difficult behavior, if it could get worse it did. Every parent has experienced the we noodle child while holding a toddler. Yes, that moment.
I truly think he believed that since we had an audience mommy would buckle. Ethan could be heard five blocks away screaming and still walking in one bare foot. I did not buckle. I had super human strength carrying a 30 pound Emerson, and physically trying to NOT drag Ethan. I spoke calmly and said that when we get home he was to go and sit on his bed.
We arrived home, Emerson was passed off to Emily. Ethan waited for mommy. I talked with Ethan, and listed the reasons his reasons for being so upset. He was then to sit on his bed for fifteen minutes, which he did every so quietly. I went back to his room, hugged him and told him that I loved him very much. We prayed together and then through his tears he asked if he could have his new airplane back. I said no, he had to have a timeout from it until the next day. he hugged me so tight and told me that he loved me.
It is never an easy task to know in the moment if you are doing the right thing for your child. Seeing the change of heart and the depth of remorse in Ethan for his actions I have the confidence that I am doing the right thing for him. It's easy to use his handicap as an excuse for some of his behaviors, but really it's not. Ethan is an amazing young boy who has had to overcome some very huge obstacles with being deaf. He has successfully learned to hear through the technology of Cochlear Implants. I know with this will he is going to be an amazing young man. Emily is a testament to that hope as she too once behaved in like ways, but God has plans for these kids with this kind of will and I am blessed that, even in some very difficult moments God has chosen me to mold and shape those spirits into His Kingdom. I am challenged and blessed.
I have the blessing of having two strong willed children, of my five. My first one, I am certain, paved the way for the second strong willed child. I have often asked which is more difficult. A normal hearing and speaking strong willed child or a deaf one, it's still a toss up.
Ethan challenged me in the most interesting way this weekend. It has been a rough week of everyone being home sick. I realized by Saturday that I needed to check my entire family into a hotel and have a cleaning service come and sanitize our home. That was not going to happen, so I opted to take advantage of the clear blue skies and walk two of the boys over to the park. Apparently there had been many housebound families as the park was busy with lots of kids and parents. Being a chatty sort I quickly chatted away with a handful of parents, while playing with the kids and enjoyed my first contact with the outside world.
Ethan decided he wanted to ride the bike of another child. The child and parent were okay with this except Emerson asked first and got to ride first. Ethan was not happy with this and decided to kick his leg up at me which sent his rubber boot flying. I told him he would have to go and get it, which meant he would have one barefoot walking in the wet squishy grass. He screamed in protest at the top of his lungs, got the boot, came back to me and whacked me on the leg with the boot and through it at my feet. To which I calmly took his hand and said it was time to go home. Our little family has center stage. I look around at all the parents watching me and I feel this wave of peace come over me. Truly God anointing my challenged mommy spirit. I scooped Emerson off the bike, carried him in one arm, while muscling Ethan across the little park. He is grabbing, scratching, and throwing by far one of his grandest fits as parents watched. I just calmly walked out of the park. Then Ethan decided that fit was not enough, his final act of outward defiance was throwing his new airplane on the ground. I picked it up and refused to return to him, which only sent him into a more difficult behavior, if it could get worse it did. Every parent has experienced the we noodle child while holding a toddler. Yes, that moment.
I truly think he believed that since we had an audience mommy would buckle. Ethan could be heard five blocks away screaming and still walking in one bare foot. I did not buckle. I had super human strength carrying a 30 pound Emerson, and physically trying to NOT drag Ethan. I spoke calmly and said that when we get home he was to go and sit on his bed.
We arrived home, Emerson was passed off to Emily. Ethan waited for mommy. I talked with Ethan, and listed the reasons his reasons for being so upset. He was then to sit on his bed for fifteen minutes, which he did every so quietly. I went back to his room, hugged him and told him that I loved him very much. We prayed together and then through his tears he asked if he could have his new airplane back. I said no, he had to have a timeout from it until the next day. he hugged me so tight and told me that he loved me.
It is never an easy task to know in the moment if you are doing the right thing for your child. Seeing the change of heart and the depth of remorse in Ethan for his actions I have the confidence that I am doing the right thing for him. It's easy to use his handicap as an excuse for some of his behaviors, but really it's not. Ethan is an amazing young boy who has had to overcome some very huge obstacles with being deaf. He has successfully learned to hear through the technology of Cochlear Implants. I know with this will he is going to be an amazing young man. Emily is a testament to that hope as she too once behaved in like ways, but God has plans for these kids with this kind of will and I am blessed that, even in some very difficult moments God has chosen me to mold and shape those spirits into His Kingdom. I am challenged and blessed.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Words in the margins
This morning I was having a quiet time with Jesus. I sat in bed thinking what could possibly come of this sick house and the this past week. I was not sure really where to open my Bible. I was too tired to get my journal and use my last devotional as a spring board so I just decided to read the Proverbs for the day which has been a habit of mine since my early teens.
I have read the Proverbs so many times that I think I can say them all by memory. Or often if a profound statement from my mouth is recognized I can say that it's God's word speaking through me, as I typically don't come up with this stuff on my own.
This past Christmas my oldest son was challenged in his spirit as to what the Bible has to say about being a man, wise in God's eyes, not by the world's standards. I tend to not be the kind of mom to offer great words of "help" at the front end of deep subjects. I like to ask questions, challenge my kids to think and allow God to bring their hearts into a great understanding of Him. Then when they have wrestled long and hard, seeking what is truth, we all come together and share how God has taught us. I send my kids to the Bible often as I find that is where the truth is. Elliot and I never finished that conversation with a long dialogue as I had expected.. Instead he said "mom the Bible is our greatest teacher and you have taught me well". I saw a peace in his heart and a renewed passion for seeking out the wisdom of being a Godly young man.
Fast forwarding back to my quiet time this morning I flip open my Bible to the Proverbs and notice all these notes in the margins around Proverbs 21:
"The one your mom told you about"
"How to be wise"
Followed by many underlined verses. Wow!!!! My son wrote so much more in these margins, but what touched my heart was to read that he has heard the words of God shared to him over the years and in reading this passage noted that this is what his mom was talking about.
Our children hear us. Pouring the scripture into their ears must be an ongoing process. Those of you who read this who are moms must know the importance of speaking Biblical truths into those young hearts. It's those words in the margins that grow my mommy' heart. I love that for my kids, it's not a parental authority or challenge of any sort. Not this....oh mom is right....but more an understanding that mom is sharing from the depth of scripture. A grand mommy moment. As my kids are becoming young adults I am more challenged to reference God's word on every account of who we are to be in this world. Today, in all my sickness I am a blessed woman.
I have read the Proverbs so many times that I think I can say them all by memory. Or often if a profound statement from my mouth is recognized I can say that it's God's word speaking through me, as I typically don't come up with this stuff on my own.
This past Christmas my oldest son was challenged in his spirit as to what the Bible has to say about being a man, wise in God's eyes, not by the world's standards. I tend to not be the kind of mom to offer great words of "help" at the front end of deep subjects. I like to ask questions, challenge my kids to think and allow God to bring their hearts into a great understanding of Him. Then when they have wrestled long and hard, seeking what is truth, we all come together and share how God has taught us. I send my kids to the Bible often as I find that is where the truth is. Elliot and I never finished that conversation with a long dialogue as I had expected.. Instead he said "mom the Bible is our greatest teacher and you have taught me well". I saw a peace in his heart and a renewed passion for seeking out the wisdom of being a Godly young man.
Fast forwarding back to my quiet time this morning I flip open my Bible to the Proverbs and notice all these notes in the margins around Proverbs 21:
"The one your mom told you about"
"How to be wise"
Followed by many underlined verses. Wow!!!! My son wrote so much more in these margins, but what touched my heart was to read that he has heard the words of God shared to him over the years and in reading this passage noted that this is what his mom was talking about.
Our children hear us. Pouring the scripture into their ears must be an ongoing process. Those of you who read this who are moms must know the importance of speaking Biblical truths into those young hearts. It's those words in the margins that grow my mommy' heart. I love that for my kids, it's not a parental authority or challenge of any sort. Not this....oh mom is right....but more an understanding that mom is sharing from the depth of scripture. A grand mommy moment. As my kids are becoming young adults I am more challenged to reference God's word on every account of who we are to be in this world. Today, in all my sickness I am a blessed woman.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
And the sickies continue
Last Thursday evening I started feeling achy. On the previous Tuesday I had run a few miles on a treadmill and my body is not in the best shape for hardcore tread-milling, so I assumed it was the after aches of working out. Friday morning I decided to stretch and do part of a work out video to loosen up my aching muscles. By noon I was running a high fever, and by mid afternoon it was pretty clear I was one sick gal. Being home with three boys and a flu had me sicker than a sick dog. Which was a huge bummer because my son was back from Florida for the weekend and we had some fun plans in store.
By late Friday, Eric started running a high fever and well it turns out that all the little boys and I have been sick now since last Friday. It has created some new tensions around our home. The boys are so easy. Three little boys, all normally with boundless energy are happy to sit on the sofa and watch movies, which is unheard of from my boys. Their lack of energy does make it a little easier. Actually ALOT easier. They have a new interest in all the videos that were Elliot and Emily's favorites about ten years ago.
I am missing my friends, play-dates, and my brain having a complete and clear thought. I miss enjoying my morning coffee, my quiet times in the Word, and I really missed out on running around with Elliot this last weekend. He will not be home until May. Our family has been challenged in the past five days. Never in the history of me being a mom have I been sick along with the rest of the family. I am the one who never gets sick and cares for the sick.And my "never" really means only every few years. Long enough times in-between being sick that I do not remember.
So after this experience, if I am ever this sick, for this long again I am hiring a full time nanny. I am no longer running a fever. I feel very week, and I am certain if I stepped on the scale I have lost a few pounds. This cough is terrible and I have a feeling it will be one of those that lingers.
Battle of who is sicker: I had all three boys in my "super-bath". I figured it would take up an hour of time for them to be contained in one area, they love baths, and it would be give me a break. I sat in a chair supervising the boys when I felt like I was going to pass out. I called for my husband and said he had to come quickly, he calls back and says he is sick too and "there are two minutes left in the game". Words that he will soon wish he never spoke out loud. I mean I have been home sick with three boys for a week and he leaves to go watch a game. Later I had to laugh and ask him if he regretted saying those words and he was.
So this is my long blog about being sick. It's a big bummer and up until this week Ethan had perfect attendance at school. Please pray for recovery in our family. Blessings..cough..sniffle...sigh.....
By late Friday, Eric started running a high fever and well it turns out that all the little boys and I have been sick now since last Friday. It has created some new tensions around our home. The boys are so easy. Three little boys, all normally with boundless energy are happy to sit on the sofa and watch movies, which is unheard of from my boys. Their lack of energy does make it a little easier. Actually ALOT easier. They have a new interest in all the videos that were Elliot and Emily's favorites about ten years ago.
I am missing my friends, play-dates, and my brain having a complete and clear thought. I miss enjoying my morning coffee, my quiet times in the Word, and I really missed out on running around with Elliot this last weekend. He will not be home until May. Our family has been challenged in the past five days. Never in the history of me being a mom have I been sick along with the rest of the family. I am the one who never gets sick and cares for the sick.And my "never" really means only every few years. Long enough times in-between being sick that I do not remember.
So after this experience, if I am ever this sick, for this long again I am hiring a full time nanny. I am no longer running a fever. I feel very week, and I am certain if I stepped on the scale I have lost a few pounds. This cough is terrible and I have a feeling it will be one of those that lingers.
Battle of who is sicker: I had all three boys in my "super-bath". I figured it would take up an hour of time for them to be contained in one area, they love baths, and it would be give me a break. I sat in a chair supervising the boys when I felt like I was going to pass out. I called for my husband and said he had to come quickly, he calls back and says he is sick too and "there are two minutes left in the game". Words that he will soon wish he never spoke out loud. I mean I have been home sick with three boys for a week and he leaves to go watch a game. Later I had to laugh and ask him if he regretted saying those words and he was.
So this is my long blog about being sick. It's a big bummer and up until this week Ethan had perfect attendance at school. Please pray for recovery in our family. Blessings..cough..sniffle...sigh.....
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