A list of 13 questions went out on facebook to the young Christian men I know. I asked them to answer honestly, and that I would not reveal their identity. One young man shared that they went over the questions in their house church. For the next 13 posts I will list one question and the answers that follow. I was not surprised by how similar many of the answers were. After receiving over 35 responses, I have chosen those answers that represent all the answers submitted. Please comment and ask questions and offer your own answers to each question. Here we go with the first question:
Do you get the sense that your acts of kindness towards a girl are misunderstood?
“Yes, when I sense this, then I totally back off, sometimes pretend to ignore her for a period of time after to show her I'm not interested, I was just either being nice/or being conversational like I would with anyone else.”
“On the first time I do not think they are misunderstood. After repeated times of kindness and without clarity in intention, often I do feel they end up misinterpreted (or least lead to a heightened level of interest from women)”
“Absolutely! I'm always very up front in my communication with a girl though so that she knows my intentions behind my actions. Despite even open communication I think we can tend to want to see someone else’s actions as a sign of interest because we really want it that bad.”
“Sometimes. It’s not a big deal for me because I know my intentions when I do something. If I get misunderstood (question 2), I will pull back, but still be kind to her. I will just try to make sure I am not doing an act of kindness to JUST her, but that I do the same thing to others as well. For example, I hug everyone at my home group. If I get an idea that a girl likes me, I may not hug them... but I will still say hi. If I do hug them, they see me hugging everyone, so they will see they are not getting special treatment.”
“ ... I am having trouble answering this because there are so many different answers depending on things said above...”
“ Yes, I understand that I need to be more discerning in how I am around certain girls, but if I am just a guy being nice, it does not mean I am interested, and if I am stand off, then I have a problem. It’s harder than girls think.”
" It is really hard to strike up a conversation with a girl without being misunderstood. Especially if she is interested in me, and I had no idea. Then it turns out that I back off and offend her."