This Lovely Girl sees him sitting with a bunch of guys. He is in his hipster jeans. The same ones he wore last week. He is also wearing the same hat too. She loves how his Bible is leather and torn on the edges. She finds a friend in closer proximity to him and she begins to look his way again. He catches her eye and smiles. Her heart just fell in her right sparkly pink TOMS. She does this casual turn away from him. She can only handle one glance this evening. She goes home, prays about him. Asking God if "he" could be the one? He must be if he is on her heart. He must be if she is thinking about him. She is praying about him. God would not put so much of him on her heart and head if it were not true.
Once again, he is there. Only this time he is chatting away with people she knows, so she joins the group. He looks her way and tells her he like her hat. She smiles and says "thanks, I bought it at Target. Do you shop at Target? I love that store, last week I ........." And then she feels silly. Silly is her middle name when she is nervous. So is talking to much. She fades away quickly and shy is always followed by silly. Later, as "their" friends are gathering to plan what is next on the evening, he asks if she want to ride in his car with some of the others. She says yes and hops in the back seat. Her friends squeezes her leg, and this lovely girl throws a look of "do not say anything."
Later in the safety of her home this lovely girl and her girl friend talk the night away. Going over every single detail. The girlfriend says, "He would not have asked you into his car if he were not interested." She says, "He also noticed my hat. Guys just don't notice hats...unless...oh I am not going to get my hopes up." Her friend says, "You should get your hopes up. He is amazing and I can see that he likes you." She says, "Really, you think so, I mean really what else did you notice?" She says, "I noticed that when he was driving to the place, he glanced back at you, as if to make sure you are okay." BIG SQUEAL!!!
This Lovely Girl journals the evening, like many others. Only this one is different. She got to hang out with him all night. Not really with him, but with everyone and he was there. She inventories every detail of the evening. She is so blessed to have had a friend along, who could make sense of all of this. She lays in bed thinking of how he is going to fit into the canvas of her heart. Her Lovely story, being written and painted. She looks up on the wall, Many unfinished paintings and realizes that he is truly the one for her. Her dreams and her sleep are peaceful
This Lovely Girl talks with important influences in her life and shares the mysteries God is exposing to her about this young man. A very well intended influence, who is soon to be married, expands on this new love affair. Telling her how excited she is, how wonderful it has been to be dating such a Godly man herself and now about to marry in a few weeks. This Lovely Girl's hopes and dreams continue to build.
Days, weeks, and months pass. This Lovely Girl finds that they work alongside each other in various ministries. They like the same coffee spot and even if they have never gone on a date it is okay. She knows that he will ask her when he himself knows that she is the one. So she saves her heart for him. This Lovely Girl continues to ask God to show her peace and direction. She keeps her heart open, and even month later his hipster jeans are sooooo looking good on him.
This Lovely Girl was walking to her car one evening. He called her name. "Oh Lovely Girl, wait up, I have a question for you?" Her heart is pounding. She knows what is coming. She has waited months for this. She prays that God would keep her from dropping her heart into both her right and left sparkly black TOMS. He takes her backpack that she almost dropped while trying to unlock the car. This Lovely Girl can smell his cologne. And then the question of all questions. "Lovely Girl I noticed that you and I work in the same ministry and I am going to be out of town next week, can you cover for me?" Her heart skips a few beats. Caught off guard she quickly says, "yes". This Lovely Girl, trying to make conversation asks, "so where are you going?" He smiles and says, "You know That Other Girl who we have all been hanging around with. She and I have been dating now for three weeks and her parents are coming to town to take us to breakfast. Thanks so much Lovely Girl." This means a lot to me and will mean a lot to The Other Girl too.
What just happened to This Lovely Girl? How could this even be? Why could she not know this? Didn't God direct her heart towards him? All devastating questions to be asking herself on her lonely drive home. This Lovely Girl was lead to believe it was more. Journal entries, many prayers how could this be?
Dreamers, hopefuls, and misguided. I shared something important to some Lovely Girls about this very thing, these very kinds of situations. God would not ever be fond of a man who directs our hearts away from Him. Let me say this again. God would not ever be fond of a man who directs our hearts away from Him. This Lovely Girl did not realize it. She once journaled her thought and her prayers to God. God was no longer the priority in her heart. The Lovely Young Man monopolized her waking thoughts. This Lovely Young Man would have been no match for The Lovely Girl who already wrote "their" story, long before the first page was opened to be read by him.
I wrote a blog next to this one called Pseudo Dating ( http://elizabethonthego.blogspot.com/search/label/Pseudo%20 ) . I wrote from the guys perspective and this perspective is my experience with many Lovely Girls, younger, older, mid-olders and mid-youngers. My heart too has been like many a Lovely Girl. This Lovely Girl Pseudo Dating this Lovely Man for months and her heart broke into pieces to learn that all she had hoped and dreamed was not what it was or to be. Go to the next blog and read about Pseudo Dating and ask if this is you.
We girls are love sick for love stories. We come alongside and embellish with our own love stories. We want to know all the details, and then giving our meaning to those details. We want to be an encourager of a heart that is ready to love. Many of us live in our love stories today, so we know what we mean when we know it is right. We are not meaning to do this, but we do. If we are single, and there is not one person on our own radar, we get excited with this Lovely Girl because, well, it is fun to dream through the dreams of another. Our Lovely Girl hearts do take that pen from God and we begin to write our stories. We take the paintbrush and carefully begin to paint this Lovely Man into our futures. God designed us as dreamers, as hopeful romantics and yet God, desires for us to give Him back the pen, the paintbrush and let Him continue with your story. Lovely Girls walk in the plans that God would have for your life. He knows your desires to be loved, and to love. He knows the longings of your heart and one day your journal entry will change to reality of that Lovely Man God brings into your life.
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Pseudo Dating
He sees her. He gets to know her. He begins to fall for her. He talks about her to all his closest friends. He speaks about her to important influences in his life. He spends time with her and her friends, and soon they have their friends. Weeks pass by. He continues to watch her, gets in her space to have conversations in the safety net of their friends. A gentleman-like side hug when they leave. She even smells good. Many more weeks have gone by. Making sure this is the one he would choose, even just for a cup of coffee alone. Falling more for her each day. Thinking more of her each day. Seeing how she loves others, serves others and her smile is contagious to those whom she comes in contact with. And then she falls over laughing and he smiles from a distance and likes her more. Two months have now gone by in this delicate process. He learns, by observation her heart for knowing God in her life. His fondness deepens and he decided to make that bold step of asking her out.
His friends are cheering him on. His mom wants a detailed report of the first date. Everyone knows his heart for her.....................deep sigh...............long pause and he walks over to her. He asks her on a date and she accepts. He puts his hand behind his back and gives a thumbs up to those who are watching from a distance. His step is now a swagger as he walks away with a smile that only a heart sick young man can know.
They have coffee. They were only scheduled for two hours, but it turns into five hours and they talk away the afternoon. She then is able to join him for unexpected evening plans with their friends. The perfect evening, the perfect first date. Everything he has learned about her over the past few months is so right. He listens to great teachings at church on Christian dating, and everyone around applauds him.
After a month of dating he begins to see more clear the future he will have with her. He talks about an event a few months out that he wants her to join him on. He talks about Christmas and how fun that will be, even though it's months away. He starts dreaming of how special he is going to make her birthday and starts dropping hints, even though they have only been dating less than two months.
Then something unexpected happens. She begins to pull back from him. She pulls away from him. She goes to her friends to shares these things. She goes to important influences in her life to discuss how she feels like it is so soon in the relationship and he is speaking of things months out. She is not even certain she is ready to be in committed long-term relationship. He asked her to coffee. He is kind and she has always thought he was nice, but he was not on her radar for dating at all and now he is moving so fast. Those important people around her said to accept his date. It's just a few dates. You have to spend a little time alone to see if you even like him. She explains that together they have lots of friends, but she never really got to know him apart from the group so she was willing to accept a coffee date. He was kind, a complete gentleman, so she accepted another date. She is a sweetheart. She would never play with his heart and the innocence in getting to know him is sending him mixed messages. How can this be?
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
She realizes she is not ready for what he is offering and ends it quickly. It was only a few weeks. It is not like they were getting married.
What is going on here is simply this. After years of conversations around dating, doing that dance on dating and hearing the hearts of both women and men, young and old I have come to some concrete conclusive evidence. Allow me to digress. Last night with men and women my own age (amazing I do have friend my own age, who knew?) We talked about this very thing. A middle age man not married blushed when I laid out my observations. He said, "oh gosh this is exactly how it is!" Another young man, confused over why his break up was so painful and he was still hurting said, "I thought I did everything I was suppose to, and after a month she broke up with me."
So what is going on? I am going to call this Pseudo Dating. I am sure there is some dating book that has already written about this very thing, but for some reason it's not getting read, because over and over I hear the heaviness of a relationship that ended to soon. Really, a month? Is that to soon. First I think it is a gift to every man and woman out there when it's ended early, in that you have not invested so much to have it come later when the stakes are higher. But I digress again.
What is Pseudo Dating? The definition I shall give is this: Falling in like/love with with the opposite sex and daydreaming about the future of the relationship long before there is ever a relationship.
In the scenario I painted above. This young man had Pseudo Dated this young woman for the better part of 2-3 months. I have see Pseudo Dating that has lasted almost a year. So when that first date is set up, the Pseudo Dater has already invested so much of his or heart into her. He has plans, big dreams with her, and shortly into dating her begins to share these plans and dreams. For the sake of clarity I will stick to the couple above. He had been Pseudo Dating her. He was not on her radar at all, other than a friend from their group of friends. She started the thought process of dating him, the first time he asked her out. He had weeks and then months invested in her with his heart. In his mind and process that relationship was well into it's 3rd or even 4th month.
He already knows she is an early riser, he knows she likes her coffee a certain way, he knows she loves to take long walks, and wander in and out of shops. She knows nothing of him and is actually quite shy about asking all the important questions until she thinks she might even want to date him. He comes away a bit confused. Questioning her, and wondering why? His heart is now confused and he lacks clarity in what is going on. He is no longer himself around her, there is awkward which is turned into simple statements like "I don't know why I am not myself today?" She continues to pull away from that "closeness" they once had. Really? They were not close, he was close to her. She just did not know it. His heart begins to sink and she does in fact break up. "I don't understand. I had people rooting for us, praying for us, telling me that we/she is perfect." "I shared my dreams with her for us and she did not accept them, how can this be?" Two words: Pseudo Dating.
After years of watching and listening I realized last night that I just could not sit dormant with this information. I drove back from Seattle with my oldest son in the front seat. These kinds of topics roll in and out of my ears. He wants to know how long he should wait, or what is the appropriate time to ask a girl out. I laughed and asked if he had girl in mind. Then I realized it did not matter. I cautioned him about putting to much thought into asking a girl out. Sounds like I lack sound wisdom to some I am sure. However it is often taught to wait, listen to God, protect her heart, and God will show you. All very good things, but a man or woman, or a girl or a boy begin the Pseudo Dating process because God designed us as dreamers, hopefuls, and gives us the ability to love and embrace easily, even from a distance. I told my own son that I know he speaks to God on these matters and if God has put a girl on his heart to pray about it. I cautioned him on Pseudo Dating, although I did not come up with that name until I started writing this blog post. He laughed, and again recognized even himself having done that over and over. I said if you have someone in mind, keep it an evening field of getting to know each other. Ask her out ALREADY!!! And then call me with the details.
My daughter shared a few statements a very nice young man had made after only two dates. He had been thinking for months to ask her out and got to know her, without her knowing him. She was, at her mature age of 20 said "okay whatever mom, now I am the bad guy for not accepting a 3rd date. Sheesh you'd think we were getting married the way he is taking it." Months later I did learn that he truly thought God was telling him she was the one. He had Pseudo Dated her for months. Her 2nd date with him produce plans he dreamed up as her husband. She ran fast and far away. What would have happened if he first noticed her, and then took time to take her to coffee and build a face to face friendship. He would have learned that God was working some big things in her life, that marriage was not on her radar and that she would rather walk in the country rather than the city, but she had such a serving heart, she was okay to go where the group went which often took them into the city. (which she does love too.)
So who do we know that is Pseudo Dating? How do we encourage them? All good questions.
His friends are cheering him on. His mom wants a detailed report of the first date. Everyone knows his heart for her.....................deep sigh...............long pause and he walks over to her. He asks her on a date and she accepts. He puts his hand behind his back and gives a thumbs up to those who are watching from a distance. His step is now a swagger as he walks away with a smile that only a heart sick young man can know.
They have coffee. They were only scheduled for two hours, but it turns into five hours and they talk away the afternoon. She then is able to join him for unexpected evening plans with their friends. The perfect evening, the perfect first date. Everything he has learned about her over the past few months is so right. He listens to great teachings at church on Christian dating, and everyone around applauds him.
After a month of dating he begins to see more clear the future he will have with her. He talks about an event a few months out that he wants her to join him on. He talks about Christmas and how fun that will be, even though it's months away. He starts dreaming of how special he is going to make her birthday and starts dropping hints, even though they have only been dating less than two months.
Then something unexpected happens. She begins to pull back from him. She pulls away from him. She goes to her friends to shares these things. She goes to important influences in her life to discuss how she feels like it is so soon in the relationship and he is speaking of things months out. She is not even certain she is ready to be in committed long-term relationship. He asked her to coffee. He is kind and she has always thought he was nice, but he was not on her radar for dating at all and now he is moving so fast. Those important people around her said to accept his date. It's just a few dates. You have to spend a little time alone to see if you even like him. She explains that together they have lots of friends, but she never really got to know him apart from the group so she was willing to accept a coffee date. He was kind, a complete gentleman, so she accepted another date. She is a sweetheart. She would never play with his heart and the innocence in getting to know him is sending him mixed messages. How can this be?
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
She realizes she is not ready for what he is offering and ends it quickly. It was only a few weeks. It is not like they were getting married.
What is going on here is simply this. After years of conversations around dating, doing that dance on dating and hearing the hearts of both women and men, young and old I have come to some concrete conclusive evidence. Allow me to digress. Last night with men and women my own age (amazing I do have friend my own age, who knew?) We talked about this very thing. A middle age man not married blushed when I laid out my observations. He said, "oh gosh this is exactly how it is!" Another young man, confused over why his break up was so painful and he was still hurting said, "I thought I did everything I was suppose to, and after a month she broke up with me."
So what is going on? I am going to call this Pseudo Dating. I am sure there is some dating book that has already written about this very thing, but for some reason it's not getting read, because over and over I hear the heaviness of a relationship that ended to soon. Really, a month? Is that to soon. First I think it is a gift to every man and woman out there when it's ended early, in that you have not invested so much to have it come later when the stakes are higher. But I digress again.
What is Pseudo Dating? The definition I shall give is this: Falling in like/love with with the opposite sex and daydreaming about the future of the relationship long before there is ever a relationship.
In the scenario I painted above. This young man had Pseudo Dated this young woman for the better part of 2-3 months. I have see Pseudo Dating that has lasted almost a year. So when that first date is set up, the Pseudo Dater has already invested so much of his or heart into her. He has plans, big dreams with her, and shortly into dating her begins to share these plans and dreams. For the sake of clarity I will stick to the couple above. He had been Pseudo Dating her. He was not on her radar at all, other than a friend from their group of friends. She started the thought process of dating him, the first time he asked her out. He had weeks and then months invested in her with his heart. In his mind and process that relationship was well into it's 3rd or even 4th month.
He already knows she is an early riser, he knows she likes her coffee a certain way, he knows she loves to take long walks, and wander in and out of shops. She knows nothing of him and is actually quite shy about asking all the important questions until she thinks she might even want to date him. He comes away a bit confused. Questioning her, and wondering why? His heart is now confused and he lacks clarity in what is going on. He is no longer himself around her, there is awkward which is turned into simple statements like "I don't know why I am not myself today?" She continues to pull away from that "closeness" they once had. Really? They were not close, he was close to her. She just did not know it. His heart begins to sink and she does in fact break up. "I don't understand. I had people rooting for us, praying for us, telling me that we/she is perfect." "I shared my dreams with her for us and she did not accept them, how can this be?" Two words: Pseudo Dating.
After years of watching and listening I realized last night that I just could not sit dormant with this information. I drove back from Seattle with my oldest son in the front seat. These kinds of topics roll in and out of my ears. He wants to know how long he should wait, or what is the appropriate time to ask a girl out. I laughed and asked if he had girl in mind. Then I realized it did not matter. I cautioned him about putting to much thought into asking a girl out. Sounds like I lack sound wisdom to some I am sure. However it is often taught to wait, listen to God, protect her heart, and God will show you. All very good things, but a man or woman, or a girl or a boy begin the Pseudo Dating process because God designed us as dreamers, hopefuls, and gives us the ability to love and embrace easily, even from a distance. I told my own son that I know he speaks to God on these matters and if God has put a girl on his heart to pray about it. I cautioned him on Pseudo Dating, although I did not come up with that name until I started writing this blog post. He laughed, and again recognized even himself having done that over and over. I said if you have someone in mind, keep it an evening field of getting to know each other. Ask her out ALREADY!!! And then call me with the details.
My daughter shared a few statements a very nice young man had made after only two dates. He had been thinking for months to ask her out and got to know her, without her knowing him. She was, at her mature age of 20 said "okay whatever mom, now I am the bad guy for not accepting a 3rd date. Sheesh you'd think we were getting married the way he is taking it." Months later I did learn that he truly thought God was telling him she was the one. He had Pseudo Dated her for months. Her 2nd date with him produce plans he dreamed up as her husband. She ran fast and far away. What would have happened if he first noticed her, and then took time to take her to coffee and build a face to face friendship. He would have learned that God was working some big things in her life, that marriage was not on her radar and that she would rather walk in the country rather than the city, but she had such a serving heart, she was okay to go where the group went which often took them into the city. (which she does love too.)
So who do we know that is Pseudo Dating? How do we encourage them? All good questions.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Here Is What He Thinks Qustion One
Last winter I lead an intimate little study in my home with some very amazing young women. Over the course of about seven weeks we took at look at what hinders our ability to be in a committed relationship. Please note that these are women in their twenties, all of whom have never had a "real" boyfriend, are passionate in how the they love and serve Jesus, and beautiful both inside and out. After weeks of deep study. A study that will be repeated with a new group their is the finale. What do the guys think?
A list of 13 questions went out on facebook to the young Christian men I know. I asked them to answer honestly, and that I would not reveal their identity. One young man shared that they went over the questions in their house church. For the next 13 posts I will list one question and the answers that follow. I was not surprised by how similar many of the answers were. After receiving over 35 responses, I have chosen those answers that represent all the answers submitted. Please comment and ask questions and offer your own answers to each question. Here we go with the first question:
“Yes, when I sense this, then I totally back off, sometimes pretend to ignore her for a period of time after to show her I'm not interested, I was just either being nice/or being conversational like I would with anyone else.”
“On the first time I do not think they are misunderstood. After repeated times of kindness and without clarity in intention, often I do feel they end up misinterpreted (or least lead to a heightened level of interest from women)”
“Absolutely! I'm always very up front in my communication with a girl though so that she knows my intentions behind my actions. Despite even open communication I think we can tend to want to see someone else’s actions as a sign of interest because we really want it that bad.”
“Sometimes. It’s not a big deal for me because I know my intentions when I do something. If I get misunderstood (question 2), I will pull back, but still be kind to her. I will just try to make sure I am not doing an act of kindness to JUST her, but that I do the same thing to others as well. For example, I hug everyone at my home group. If I get an idea that a girl likes me, I may not hug them... but I will still say hi. If I do hug them, they see me hugging everyone, so they will see they are not getting special treatment.”
“ ... I am having trouble answering this because there are so many different answers depending on things said above...”
“ Yes, I understand that I need to be more discerning in how I am around certain girls, but if I am just a guy being nice, it does not mean I am interested, and if I am stand off, then I have a problem. It’s harder than girls think.”
" It is really hard to strike up a conversation with a girl without being misunderstood. Especially if she is interested in me, and I had no idea. Then it turns out that I back off and offend her."
A list of 13 questions went out on facebook to the young Christian men I know. I asked them to answer honestly, and that I would not reveal their identity. One young man shared that they went over the questions in their house church. For the next 13 posts I will list one question and the answers that follow. I was not surprised by how similar many of the answers were. After receiving over 35 responses, I have chosen those answers that represent all the answers submitted. Please comment and ask questions and offer your own answers to each question. Here we go with the first question:
Do you get the sense that your acts of kindness towards a girl are misunderstood?
“Yes, when I sense this, then I totally back off, sometimes pretend to ignore her for a period of time after to show her I'm not interested, I was just either being nice/or being conversational like I would with anyone else.”
“On the first time I do not think they are misunderstood. After repeated times of kindness and without clarity in intention, often I do feel they end up misinterpreted (or least lead to a heightened level of interest from women)”
“Absolutely! I'm always very up front in my communication with a girl though so that she knows my intentions behind my actions. Despite even open communication I think we can tend to want to see someone else’s actions as a sign of interest because we really want it that bad.”
“Sometimes. It’s not a big deal for me because I know my intentions when I do something. If I get misunderstood (question 2), I will pull back, but still be kind to her. I will just try to make sure I am not doing an act of kindness to JUST her, but that I do the same thing to others as well. For example, I hug everyone at my home group. If I get an idea that a girl likes me, I may not hug them... but I will still say hi. If I do hug them, they see me hugging everyone, so they will see they are not getting special treatment.”
“ ... I am having trouble answering this because there are so many different answers depending on things said above...”
“ Yes, I understand that I need to be more discerning in how I am around certain girls, but if I am just a guy being nice, it does not mean I am interested, and if I am stand off, then I have a problem. It’s harder than girls think.”
" It is really hard to strike up a conversation with a girl without being misunderstood. Especially if she is interested in me, and I had no idea. Then it turns out that I back off and offend her."
Monday, February 7, 2011
Dating & Relationship Questions
I posted the following on Facebook requesting a response from the many young people in my life. I have been so overwhelmed by the honesty in the responses. This morning while driving my boys to school and taking Elliot home, Elliot told me that yesterday at a Super Bowl gathering he and a bunch of people broke down each question and answered these questions openly. I am now going to post this on my blog. Many people from all walks of life read this blog. Please if you have some time I would appreciate your response. You can cut and paste the questions and answer as a message on my Facebook or as a comment here. Young, old, married, or dating your insights will be very helpful.
“Just because a guy is pursuing the heart of God does not mean he is pursuing your heart”
I have the blessing of having a couple of twenty-something kids who bring a lot of their friends around. I get to be that fly on the wall often. I also have the blessing of mentoring many young women and serve alongside ministries where again, God has me dipped into that twenty-something crowd. I am not the kind of mom who is the center of attention and desires to be 22 all over again. I end up being mom to many. Pulled aside for a private chat about this or that. I am grateful that my adult children ask that I love not just on them but on those who come around.
One thing I have observed in the past few years is that there seems to be a misunderstanding of the friendships that guys and girls have. A question of intentions, desires, pursuits, and back to a confusing friendship all over again. Many book are written each year on relationships, dating, and marriage and I am beginning to think that there is really no cure in the confusions, thus more and more books continue to hit the book stores.
I have been working on a study for the past few months. It is geared towards those lovely ladies we pass every day. It is not just about how to be a Godly woman, but more how to be a friend with a guy, develop healthy friendships, and most important, (in my opinion) how to allow a guy to be himself. That young man God has designed, placed in a family, has been formed and grown to the man he is today. That young man who is awkwardly sincere, witty, shy, outgoing, quietly seeking God, outwardly seeking God, fitting in the middle of a group or just on the sidelines.
Women, with the best intentions often misunderstand the sincere intentions of a young man, which stirs her heart in directions she has never been. Left to build hope or disappointments on assumptions often formed by well-intended girl friends that are also struggling with the same issues. That guy then fades out, and then fades in and un-intentionally confuses yet another girl’s heart.
So YOUNG MEN HELP ME OUT. I am need so me feedback from the guys. Please email me privately. Your answers will be held in confidence, however will be used for this study in a way that brings understanding and clarity to many of the topics we will discuss.
Here are the questions. Please cut and past into a message back to me thanks.
1. Do you get the sense that your acts of kindness towards a girl are misunderstood?
2. Do you have to pull back from what you had hoped would be friendship, as not to be misunderstood once again?
3. How is a friendship with a sister in Christ different than someone you would want to date?
4. What attracts you to friendship first?
5. What are some things that you do differently with a girl you are interested in getting to know for the purpose of dating?
6. Do you think it is okay to have a few dates to get to know someone on a more personal level, without ever suggesting a “dating” relationship?
7. Do you think girls misunderstand your intentions/actions for friendship first?
8. If you are misunderstood in question #7 do you pull back immediately in that friendship?
9. What are some behaviors of a sister in Christ that send you running to the hills? (away from friendship with a girl)
10. What are acceptable actions towards a girl in pursuing her for more than just friendship?
11. Do you feel that girls are to forward and aggressive in their launch of friendships, often suggesting they want more from you?
12. If yes to question 11 how do you personally respond to that kind of girl?
13. Please share i some positive things you see in your sisters in Christ that are attractive and might draw you in to get to know a girl better.
Thanks in advance for taking the time to fill this out. Please forward it or link any other dude who would be willing to answer these questions. If you are a young gal who would like to be part of this study, you may message me also.
If you are married or currently dating someone please answer based on your past experiences or things you now observe. I chose you specifically for a reason. :)
“Just because a guy is pursuing the heart of God does not mean he is pursuing your heart”
I have the blessing of having a couple of twenty-something kids who bring a lot of their friends around. I get to be that fly on the wall often. I also have the blessing of mentoring many young women and serve alongside ministries where again, God has me dipped into that twenty-something crowd. I am not the kind of mom who is the center of attention and desires to be 22 all over again. I end up being mom to many. Pulled aside for a private chat about this or that. I am grateful that my adult children ask that I love not just on them but on those who come around.
One thing I have observed in the past few years is that there seems to be a misunderstanding of the friendships that guys and girls have. A question of intentions, desires, pursuits, and back to a confusing friendship all over again. Many book are written each year on relationships, dating, and marriage and I am beginning to think that there is really no cure in the confusions, thus more and more books continue to hit the book stores.
I have been working on a study for the past few months. It is geared towards those lovely ladies we pass every day. It is not just about how to be a Godly woman, but more how to be a friend with a guy, develop healthy friendships, and most important, (in my opinion) how to allow a guy to be himself. That young man God has designed, placed in a family, has been formed and grown to the man he is today. That young man who is awkwardly sincere, witty, shy, outgoing, quietly seeking God, outwardly seeking God, fitting in the middle of a group or just on the sidelines.
Women, with the best intentions often misunderstand the sincere intentions of a young man, which stirs her heart in directions she has never been. Left to build hope or disappointments on assumptions often formed by well-intended girl friends that are also struggling with the same issues. That guy then fades out, and then fades in and un-intentionally confuses yet another girl’s heart.
So YOUNG MEN HELP ME OUT. I am need so me feedback from the guys. Please email me privately. Your answers will be held in confidence, however will be used for this study in a way that brings understanding and clarity to many of the topics we will discuss.
Here are the questions. Please cut and past into a message back to me thanks.
1. Do you get the sense that your acts of kindness towards a girl are misunderstood?
2. Do you have to pull back from what you had hoped would be friendship, as not to be misunderstood once again?
3. How is a friendship with a sister in Christ different than someone you would want to date?
4. What attracts you to friendship first?
5. What are some things that you do differently with a girl you are interested in getting to know for the purpose of dating?
6. Do you think it is okay to have a few dates to get to know someone on a more personal level, without ever suggesting a “dating” relationship?
7. Do you think girls misunderstand your intentions/actions for friendship first?
8. If you are misunderstood in question #7 do you pull back immediately in that friendship?
9. What are some behaviors of a sister in Christ that send you running to the hills? (away from friendship with a girl)
10. What are acceptable actions towards a girl in pursuing her for more than just friendship?
11. Do you feel that girls are to forward and aggressive in their launch of friendships, often suggesting they want more from you?
12. If yes to question 11 how do you personally respond to that kind of girl?
13. Please share i some positive things you see in your sisters in Christ that are attractive and might draw you in to get to know a girl better.
Thanks in advance for taking the time to fill this out. Please forward it or link any other dude who would be willing to answer these questions. If you are a young gal who would like to be part of this study, you may message me also.
If you are married or currently dating someone please answer based on your past experiences or things you now observe. I chose you specifically for a reason. :)
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