I posted the following on Facebook requesting a response from the many young people in my life. I have been so overwhelmed by the honesty in the responses. This morning while driving my boys to school and taking Elliot home, Elliot told me that yesterday at a Super Bowl gathering he and a bunch of people broke down each question and answered these questions openly. I am now going to post this on my blog. Many people from all walks of life read this blog. Please if you have some time I would appreciate your response. You can cut and paste the questions and answer as a message on my Facebook or as a comment here. Young, old, married, or dating your insights will be very helpful.
“Just because a guy is pursuing the heart of God does not mean he is pursuing your heart”
I have the blessing of having a couple of twenty-something kids who bring a lot of their friends around. I get to be that fly on the wall often. I also have the blessing of mentoring many young women and serve alongside ministries where again, God has me dipped into that twenty-something crowd. I am not the kind of mom who is the center of attention and desires to be 22 all over again. I end up being mom to many. Pulled aside for a private chat about this or that. I am grateful that my adult children ask that I love not just on them but on those who come around.
One thing I have observed in the past few years is that there seems to be a misunderstanding of the friendships that guys and girls have. A question of intentions, desires, pursuits, and back to a confusing friendship all over again. Many book are written each year on relationships, dating, and marriage and I am beginning to think that there is really no cure in the confusions, thus more and more books continue to hit the book stores.
I have been working on a study for the past few months. It is geared towards those lovely ladies we pass every day. It is not just about how to be a Godly woman, but more how to be a friend with a guy, develop healthy friendships, and most important, (in my opinion) how to allow a guy to be himself. That young man God has designed, placed in a family, has been formed and grown to the man he is today. That young man who is awkwardly sincere, witty, shy, outgoing, quietly seeking God, outwardly seeking God, fitting in the middle of a group or just on the sidelines.
Women, with the best intentions often misunderstand the sincere intentions of a young man, which stirs her heart in directions she has never been. Left to build hope or disappointments on assumptions often formed by well-intended girl friends that are also struggling with the same issues. That guy then fades out, and then fades in and un-intentionally confuses yet another girl’s heart.
So YOUNG MEN HELP ME OUT. I am need so me feedback from the guys. Please email me privately. Your answers will be held in confidence, however will be used for this study in a way that brings understanding and clarity to many of the topics we will discuss.
Here are the questions. Please cut and past into a message back to me thanks.
1. Do you get the sense that your acts of kindness towards a girl are misunderstood?
2. Do you have to pull back from what you had hoped would be friendship, as not to be misunderstood once again?
3. How is a friendship with a sister in Christ different than someone you would want to date?
4. What attracts you to friendship first?
5. What are some things that you do differently with a girl you are interested in getting to know for the purpose of dating?
6. Do you think it is okay to have a few dates to get to know someone on a more personal level, without ever suggesting a “dating” relationship?
7. Do you think girls misunderstand your intentions/actions for friendship first?
8. If you are misunderstood in question #7 do you pull back immediately in that friendship?
9. What are some behaviors of a sister in Christ that send you running to the hills? (away from friendship with a girl)
10. What are acceptable actions towards a girl in pursuing her for more than just friendship?
11. Do you feel that girls are to forward and aggressive in their launch of friendships, often suggesting they want more from you?
12. If yes to question 11 how do you personally respond to that kind of girl?
13. Please share i some positive things you see in your sisters in Christ that are attractive and might draw you in to get to know a girl better.
Thanks in advance for taking the time to fill this out. Please forward it or link any other dude who would be willing to answer these questions. If you are a young gal who would like to be part of this study, you may message me also.
If you are married or currently dating someone please answer based on your past experiences or things you now observe. I chose you specifically for a reason. :)