Parts of Ethan's Journey

The following is a brief recap I wrote about Ethan on Feb 28th, 2005
PART 1
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The first time you hold your newborn child; there is nothing that can be said to keep mommy from looking into those wrinkly and squinting eyes. Knowing that the love you have felt for the past nine months has just exploded off the charts.

Ethan was born a full term baby boy in April of 2002. Ethan did not pass his left ear newborn hearing screening test. I had no concerns as his second testing as two weeks later confirmed he was fine. Even when the technician tried three separate machines saying that often the machines are not functioning correctly he was passed and off we went.

Ethan, like most newborns slept most of the day. He had a happy disposition with very little fussing. In the first weeks of having him home I noticed that he did not startle like my first two babies. Nor would his eyes follow my voice. He would look so intently with his big blue eyes at me. I thought for certain that I had birthed the next Einstein.

Around four months I noticed that Ethan did not seem to be disturbed by any kind of sound or unexpected noises, nor did he ever turn toward the source of sound or noise around him such as a TV, Emily or Elliot's voice, and even at this time my voice. We contacted our pediatrician who ordered a hearing test for Ethan. Before our next appointment, we did our own series of testing. We banged pots and pans above his crib while he slept, whistles, shaking sounds from toys. All our efforts to wake a sleeping child were fruitless. Ethan lay resting in peace with his deep breathing of sleep.

My heart was breaking inside, but Ethan's world was a happy one. My emotions were kept in check, as we slowly, as a family came to realize that our perfect little blue eyed, curly blond haired boy just might be deaf. My son Elliot decided that if his brother was going to be deaf, he would teach Ethan to feel music. Many afternoons Elliot would take Ethan to the piano, and play really loud. He placed Ethan on top of the piano so Ethan could feel the vibrations.

At five months old Ethan was confirmed at being profoundly deaf in his left ear and moderately deaf in his right ear. We were then told to wait another six months before doing anything. As parents we were hopeful. We did very little research, as we were told our option was to wait and see. We, as parents had no experience with deafness and did not even understand the degree to which Ethan was deaf. Being sent home to wait and see, and not starting anything requiring hearing aids gave us great reason to really not be alarmed. When we walked out of the doctors office we believed that if we just talked louder Ethan could hear us and Ethan would be fine.

Ethan's behavior around his first birthday became very frustrated and angry. He was happy one moment, struggling and angry the next moment. He would hit his head on the floor, bang on cupboards, scream non stop for what seemed like hours. We made two other attempts over the next 12 months to get his hearing tested. It was suggested that he had behavior disorders and then labels were placed on him such as the possibility of being autistic, oppositional disorder, sensitivity disorder. Ethan would try to talk, and focus his eyes directly on our mouths trying to make the same shape with his own mouth and deep utterance were what followed. No words, no communication to connect with him.

Around 18 months he was watching football with David. David yelled TOUCHDOWN and raised his arms. Ethan then raised his arms and said DUH-DOW. He loved to watch football with daddy and thus produced his first real word. We never heard a mama or a dada, which are typically the first sounds a baby makes. We were happy with "duh-dow". His next word was "mo-mo" for no-no.

During the months that followed (18-26 months), Ethan redefined parenting for us. We made attempts to have an audio gram done, but to put a toddler into a confined sound booth and expect him to keep a headset on for testing was to much for this frustrated and anger toddler. And the assumption by the professionals was that he was fine. Ethan could connect with his eyes and follow most of what was going on in his world. We were then told to wait another six months.

Ethan could not transition from one moment or change to the next. Most of his days were filled with screaming, tantrums that rung loud through our home. You could not tell him to put on his shoes and get him excited about where we were going. You could not get him excited that daddy would be home soon. We developed a schedule for Ethan that was predictable in order for Ethan to be able to function in his world. He did not know how to ask for milk, nor could he share with us what made him happy, scared, hungry, or tired. I was with him all day and he and I were able to develop our own communication through hand gestures. However this was frustrating for David, Elliot and Emily. Yet in Ethan's own way we could see his character, his intelligence, his passion for music, and his humor. I had to insist in the depth of my heart that something is wrong with his ears, not his mind.

At 28 months my husband insisted that Ethan have an ABR (Auditory Brainstem Response) done on Ethan. A procedure which involved putting Ethan to sleep, hooking up wires and then seeing what kind of responses he would have. The procedure took about 45 minutes. When they called my husband and I back into the office, I knew from the look on the audiologists face it was not good. Ethan was confirmed as being profound bilateral hearing lost. We were given a large white notebook with the options we now had and directed to an Early Intervention Progam. This was the first piece of literature we had been given concerning deafness. This book was more devastating than the news that Ethan was in fact deaf. This book contained resources that were available to Ethan since he was five months old. I was a stay home mom, stuck with a deaf child who could not communicate and here in my hands were the sources available. I cried for days and almost every single day for months to learn of this information. To learn that I could have been doing so much more for Ethan.

In the three months that followed we were informed that Ethan had truly slipped through the cracks of the system. We should have been informed of Early Intervention (EI) when Ethan was five months old. We were never informed of such programs and not ever having been around any one with a handicapped child did not know to seek out such programs. The devastation of learning that our child was deaf and that we could have been helping him for over two years was more than my heart could handle.

We were given several options on how to help Ethan, but ultimately it was our choice. How on earth could it be our choice as parents? We have no experience with a deaf child. We did not know the first thing about what would be best yet the specialist in this area put that on the parents? We were given our options of teaching Ethan to use his voice, along with hearing aids, sign language and schooling options. How does a mother with four children attend the two, one hour classes each week on signing? Then how do the other family members learn. Language happens every waking day of the week, not just an hour a day. How does a mommy sign to her two year old while nursing a newborn? Needless to say our life with Ethan became more difficult.

I purchased all the signing books I could get my hands on and insisted that the state provide someone to come into my home and teach ME how to communicate with my sweet little boy who was locked up inside his mind. I would write out all the events in a day and then ask this deaf woman to teach me all the words around the events in my life. I also took pictures of every event in a normal week, so I could point to the picture to give Ethan an understanding of what was going to happen next. He learned the alphabets in sign, counting, colors, shapes, and animals. It took hours a day of working with him at home.

Day to day life was very hard and I was very isolated. He was a very loud child, and because there was no way possible to explain to people in passing I finally stopped going out. Because I was his source of information into his world he would not let me out of his sight. As a matter of fact I could be on the other side of the kitchen and he would scream at the top of his lungs until he could see me. He had sleep issues. I soon learned that closing your eyes and having dreams for a toddler is scary, but it's through talking about what is scary that mommy can help. He could not tell us anything, but to scream, bang his head on the ground and throw tantrums.

Around November of 2004 it was clear that his hearing aids did nothing to help Ethan. He could say many words, but unless you have spent a great amount of time with him, you could not know what he was saying. He learned to lip read, which kept his face connected to every family member. He would take your face and turn it towards his when he wanted your attention. He could never say daddy, because those are all letters formed inside of you mouth and hard to read, so he learned to say Papa which was easy to lip read. A day did not pass when I did not cry. I would cry over my inabilities, to want so badly to help Ethan express himself. Everything with Ethan was visual, but how do you visualize the creative mind of a little boy locked up inside.

He learned early on to take everything apart to see how things worked. His world was very concrete, but he could not ask for a waffle for breakfast. One afternoon Ethan kicked, screamed and cried at the front door for almost two hours. We had been on errands earlier that day, I had a baby to nurse, and did not have the energy to take him outside again. It was his nap time and he would not stay put. Finally I gave in. He walked over to the car. I opened the door and he reached in and grabbed a tiny toy helicopter. Once he had the helicopter he walked back inside the house, crawled in bed and took his nap. He could not even communicate his favorite toy for the day.

Ethan is very bright. When the specialists would come to our home to teach him new concepts he already knew them. Ethan wanted to learn and I took every opportunity of time and repetition to teach him. With the options we were given it would seem that his handicap would keep him from many opportunities of normal hearing children. My only relief from Ethan during the day while my husband worked was to sign that I was going to use the bathroom. I abused this phrase on a regular basis. He had no interest in going to the bathroom with mommy. So if I needed to make a phone call, get dressed, or just breath for a moment to collect myself from the emotions that spilled from my heart I would go to the bathroom. I did not want Ethan to see me falling a part. I wanted to be a happy and fun mommy which through the grace of God I could fake really well.

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Today April 27, 2009

I will share what happened in the days that followed when I wrote this story out, but that will have to be in my blogs to follow.

What Ever Shall I Do

It's a glorious day outside. I slept in until 8:00am, which is about two extra hours. Music now fills my home as Elliot has returned from school. He snatched Emerson from my arms the early am and from there I heard nothing as I slept. Around 8:00am Elliot woke me up wanting to know when Ethan goes to school.

What ever shall I do. As of right now he is jamming with Eric and Emerson. I hear a nice steady beat with pots and pans which I am certain is Emerson and well all this to say that Elliot is home for the next four months. He is an AMAZING big brother. He is playing his guitar, singing and carrying the boys along.

It's a different visit with Elliot this time. For the past three years Elliot has been a visitor. Only home once or twice a year for a week or two and then gone. So during those short visits we have an action packed time, and he is treated like a short term guest. Now he is home to live. Move in, unpack, set up camp. For four months. I am more relaxed, less stress over many planned events in a short time.

Elliot is focusing on setting up speaking opportunities all around Portland. His desire (since he was two years old) has been to share Jesus. So he is making calls, appointments and going to minister at apartment complexes, and smaller churches. He's mindful that larger church's have ministry leaders, and are "programed" out, often bringing in well know dynamic speakers. So instead of beating the door to get his foot in the door, he's going to smaller churches who would welcome a break from a night of worhsip or welcome a guest speaker for their smaller congregation. It's pretty cool. He has an opportunity at a smaller church of about 90 people. It's a new little church and when I called asking to get information, pastor's name, who to contact blah blah blah, the man of the phone was the pastor and wears all the hats and is interested in meeting Elliot. How cool is that. Please pray for this ministry this spring and summer as this is what God has placed on Elliot 's heart. This morning he said "you know mom, if you show up you may be the only person in the audience and I am totally down with that".

Our family dynamic changes with just a slight change of another body in our home. We are blessed and pray God's blessings on Elliot and his passions. As for me, again I say what ever shall I do. He has consumed his brothers and my morning which is typically filled with activity is quiet, up in my office with a wonderful cup of coffee that I could start and finish before it went cold. I like to step out of the way, and allow Elliot to reconnect with his little brothers. The mother hen mama in me wants to go and be a part of it, but I know that this is his time and really the little boys just want to eat up Elliot.

I know that Elliot has committed his first few days home to hang with his brothers and as his life gets busy this will become less, but for today I can just enjoy this wonderful break from the every day routines.

In my last post/blog I said that mothering can often be a thankless job. It's a lot of work growing up children. It's a huge commitment and definitely a laying down of ones self. The thanks comes every single day when I see my older two children walking with Jesus with passion. No thanks to me, but to a God who smiles on a mother who is doing her best. I may not get thanks for the peanut butter sandwich, but it's an unspoken thanks as I watch my kids making good decisions in their lives and learning from the harder decisions.

So, my coffee cup now empty, I am going to sneak downstairs back into the kitchen. Our house has two entrances into the kitchen, so it's easy to get pass everyone unnoticed. In my stealth like way I will be back at my desk in no time with another cup of perfectly brewed coffee with milk. Opening my Bible up to 1Peter1 which is what I have been reading as of late as well as my Proverbs for the day. I think it's the 22ND day of the month thus Proverbs 22 here I come. Be blessed today.

Pursue Peace

I journal a lot. I like to write out scripture in my journal. The verse or chapter that is challenging me, holding me accountable to God's call in my life. I often struggle with what should just be my own private thoughts between God and me, and what I am to share here in my blog.

I have just come in from playing outside with the boys. The sunshine is glorious. We went to early service giving us this entire day to enjoy. I loved riding my bike with Ethan. He's old enough now to take that little step into the real world of biking. Today it was a little one, but it's one that is important in learning safety. More so for him, in that with Cochlear Implants he will have some problems with directional sounds. David and I are so blessed with our little dead end street. Only three houses so really no traffic.

After a hearty lunch the boys are now settled in watching a movie before nap times, David is getting ready to go and play golf, and I am up here pondering all the little projects I want to jump into. Which is when I started to journal and visit my verse for the past couple of days. Earlier this week I had a friend ask how I spend time with God. What does that look like for me? I did not have to think long and hard. I actually said that I crave God almost every moment of my day. I have two Bible's on each floor of my home because I like to take moments to read bits and pieces as time allows. It sounds like an oh so holy way, but really it's because I lack so much that I need a shot of Jesus all the time. I have kept an book "My Utmost for His Highest" since I was 15 years old within reach too. I also have a couple of journals that I write in.

Today, this is the verse that has captured my spirit.

Hebrews 12: 14-15

Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.

I love looking back at what God has spoken to my heart through His word, His teaching, and the wisdom of others. This is why I love journaling so much. It gives me a break, a time to sit, write and pursue God in the areas of my heart that need to be worked on. I am a work or a piece of work depending on who you may talk too.

I don't want my blog to be something about what I do each day, but I want my life experiences, my joys, my struggles to be shared in bits and pieces with the prayer and hope that another may be drawn closer to the cross and understand how real God is and wants to be in their life as He is to me. Perhaps that is why I am so honest here.

This week has been particularly hard on me. My responsibilities as a mother. My nature is a peace maker,to serve, to see that everyone is living to their God given potential, to know as their mother what that is so I can encourage and offer the experience to begin to help my children understand what that looks like. It's a hard act of service on my part, but I know for me, as a mother of five it it what I am called to do. Often in the day to day stuff it's pretty thankless and I admit I often will feel bitter. And crazy as it sounds I will actually ask God to help me mask the bitterness, so that my family does not see it, rather than to just pray that the bitterness be removed. I don't want to cause trouble for my family with a mother and wife who is bitter. And I realized on walk yesterday that my bitterness is not really deep seeded, more like moments.

My heart is to pursue peace. It's me and it's genuine. With that peace comes service. It's a huge responsibility on me, because out of five kids you can bet on most days there will be one in the bunch who is having a bad day. So most of my days are not joyful and happy, but it's the pulse I try to create for my home and truly the grumpy one in the crowd stands out. So when does mommy get to be grumpy, get to be selfish, get to be less than peaceful? I have come to understand that pursuing Christ is not a mother thing, it's not an Elizabeth thing. It's what we are called regardless of what walk we are in. This passage does not say something like...pursue peace only with your co-workers or you will get fired, or pursue peace only when the other person is being nice, or pursue peace because it's a bumper sticker. It clearly says "pursue peace with all men." It's something I strive for, trying to move forward with confidence that as a mother, a wife, a friend I am being accountable to what the Bible calls me to do.

So as I journal or blog I can't help but be faithful to God's word, teaching and understanding. I know that I may say being a mother is a thankless job because on most days our young children do not remember to say thanks for the peanut butter sandwich, but as they grow older and we live out God's calling for our life we have the hope of being that example. I pray my life is one that is an example of the pursuit of peace.

Take up "his" cross

Yesterday I was reading in Matthew 16: 24-27. It's a familiar passage. One that has had a few markings, a few highlights, and one that is red lettered. I have been pondering the days leading up to Easter. Having heard many messages teaching on Jesus' last days I am stuck in my human brain, unable to comprehend what it must have been like for Jesus to walk that road carrying a cross. I have watched movies, some kind of corny with the feeble timid looking Jesus.

I prayed that I could try to understand for a moment what that must have been like. I was in a church service many years ago. It was a special baptismal service for grade school kids. Each child wrote out a statement of faith, and then they were baptized. It touched my heart to hear each child read the process and thoughts of salvation in their lives. They were all 8-12 year old boys and girls. There was one girl in particular. Her words brought about 500 people to tears. Her simple words pierced my heart. Here is what she said.

"When I learned about Jesus is that I could not understand why He would love me. When I learned that He had to carry a cross and then died on that cross I realized that He was a very brave man. I knew that He must truly love me".

I wrote those exact words on a scratch paper and then later transferred into my journal. A little ten year old could grasp and get it. Yes, Jesus was a very brave man.

So how does this passage of scripture penetrate my spirit today, yesterday and now something to grab hold of. Here is something I never realized before.

Matt. 16:24

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself and take up "his" cross and follow me".

"His" cross, is in lowercase. Jesus is speaking. He did not say take up "my" cross. If He is speaking and he meant to help Him carry that burden, then it would have said take up "my" cross, but it said in the red letters to take up "his" cross. How come I have never taken notice of that before. I thought we were to take up His cross. Jesus did that for us over 2 million years ago. He did it on His own, walked the street with thorns on His head. He did not ask for help. He was a very brave man.

Jesus is now saying something like this.....my version of modern day theology. (I hope that is okay here) Hey guys, you have a lot going on, you possess so much, you have compromised so much of your souls away from Me, away from my calling for your life. If you want to save yourselves, you are going to lose it, but whoever loses his life for MY sake will save it. So Elizabeth, take up your cross and lose yourself unto me. (paraphrasing vs. 25)

So I am sharing this year my own Easter blessing and the truth in the red lettered part of my Bible that has unfolded. It's not so much the rolling of the stone part, but it is a part that God placed on my heart for a reason. What do I need to lay down at the cross, what do I need to place on the cross and carry or am I too feeble to even give it up and carry it. Carry a cross is not for the feeble minded, and since God made us He did not give us that feebleness we kind of choose that....whining, kicking,,, no God not that. My prayer this Easter season is that I take note of the cross and ask God to "break my heart for what breaks Yours" (taken from one of my favorite worship songs called Hosanna)

Happy Easter.

Old Wounds Resurrected

Do you ever have a disproportionate amount of emotion over something that seemed so insignificant? Tonight my dear husband asked every so tenderly..."honey I don't mean to ask this, but could it possibly be a certain time of the month?" I had to chuckle through my tears, because even on my worst day I am not wrought with this much emotion.

We were having a family meeting. It was a good meeting. It was a time to sort out some misunderstandings, defining our ourselves and just good discussion. I love this about our family. We can sit and lay everything out. Kind of like opening up a box of odds and ends, placing everything on the table, and then randomly picking up something to dust off or sort out.

There was an incident that seemed important, yet not earth shattering. Emily said this..."mom, why don't you just tell me". I felt heavy in my chest. I felt fear. I felt so much emotion erupt like a volcano which confused my daughter as to the emotion did not fit the moment. As the tears, and then sobs were released I realized that I was holding on to some very deep hurts in my past. I did not realize this. A relationship that did not allow me to speak so freely. A relationship that shut me down with no freedom to just say what I was feeling. For those of you who know me this may come as a huge surprise. I use to say, long before David, that I was a paradox. I did not know how to act or be in my own home because things went unresolved and I did not know how to just say it, whatever "it" might have been. So I shut down and said nothing, and life would go on as if everything was okay. When it was not.

Since being away from that situation I had not experienced any kind of situation that would bring out such deep emotions until this evening. I love that I am safe with David to just bumble out the words to explain where the emotion was coming from. Bringing clarity to my heart and understanding from my family.

I think God protects our hearts from wounds of the past. I know He knows our hearts and what we can handle. I don't know why, but tonight was the night to bring this area of my life up which had gone unnoticed for so many years. There is such grace and healing. Perhaps, in God's way of protecting He knew that I would not have been able to process or heal from this any time but now.

This verse came to my mind:

Psalm 13: 5 & 6

5. But I have trusted in your loving kindness; My heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6. I will sing to the Lord, Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

I feel at this moment that God chose this time earlier this evening to show me His loving kindess and truly He has dealt bountifully with me. What a joy and blessing to be able to replace our own situations and our lives into the words of the Bible. This is for me, for us and it's there to fill our hearts.

So the box was emptied, we all took notice of it's contents, put everything in order, recycled the box and renewed our hearts. I am blessed by an amazing family.

Fast Food Novice

Today my patience was really tried. I mean to the point of wanting to write letters to the presidents of these companies. All because I lack fast food savvy.

This morning I passed a Burger King with a huge blow up Sponge Bob sitting over the building. The kids went crazy with delight and wanted to know just how big he is. I saw a sign that said kids meals 99 cents. Wow, that is a deal. So I told the boys that after we picked up Emily from college we'd go there for an early dinner. I pull into the drive thru and give my order for four kid meals. Emily even wants one. Heck 99 cents and a Sponge Bob toy. Before ordering I asked what the meals contained thinking it would be scaled down for the price but no, it's a full meal kind of deal so I proceeded to order. After taking my order the voice in the box kindly tells me that I must order four(4) meal deals, which basically start at about $4.00. WHAT?! She said the 99 cent deal was only if you order a meal menu. WHAT?!!!

Now I had just told three little boys that we were getting Sponge Bob meals. But I was not about to spend $20.00 to get the almost dollar deal. I told them that they should be ashamed of themselves, that this is clearly false advertising. She said it's written on the sign at the drive through, to which I looked over. By this point Emily is feeling a little embarrassed that I am taking issue with this. Until she looks over at the sign, and there beneath the over sized BOLD letters is something,so small if an ant were crawling across the sign it would need glasses. Even then I could not read the finer print, nor could Emily. By this time Emily is feeling less embarrassed and much the dissatisfaction of the moment that I am feeling. So with a slow boil, no kid meals we drive away.

The boys are clearly upset, but McDonald's is at the next light. They are not so happy but McD's will do. So I end up spending $10.00 and some change on three kid meals. (Sorry Emily). As I am at the window waiting, I see painted on the window. "Happy Meals Every Tuesday from 4pm-8pm $1.25" I look at my clock and it's about 3:58pm. I get the lady's attention and tell her it would have been nice to know that I could have bought these meals for much less only minutes later. She is handing me my bags, smiles and says..."lady we've been doing that for six years".

Okay, I get it, I clearly do not know how to navigate through a fast food joint. And I can't say I am disappointed. I absolutely can not stand spending money on overprocessess out food. So I guess I may a few buck down, but the better part of me fine that I am just a novice in these parts of the world.

One More Last Time

Today I had just one child with me as I strolled through the parking lot of Target. This little had reaches into mine and says..."one more last time mommy"...I looked down at Emerson, his white blond and very straight hair reflecting the sunshine, and I asked what was "one more last time". He's three, articulates well with his precious lisp and says..."hugs and kisses mommy. When it's night time you say just one more last time".

Oh how my heart melted. It's true. By days end I am tired, and with three sometimes for children to tuck in (even Emily will call me into her room for a tuck-in)those one mores can turn into plenty of more and many minutes later. I do say things like boys one more time, and this time it is the last.

I want many more of those "one more last time" moments because there will come a day when those do end. Ethan informed me, just this week, that kissing on the mouth is only for married people. That precious puckered kiss, that last time, and appropriate given his age. Often our children decide when that last time is and as parents we respectfully follow.

As I walked hand in hand with Emerson my youngest of five I smiled. Realizing how many more times I will have with him before it's a last time. I did error on last times this past year. Elliot reminded me of his need to be recognized and praised in his accomplishments. I do that with all the kids all through out life, but with him gone the hugs, good jobs, and I am proud of you moments are stretched out with visits and phone calls. Over Christmas I shared with Elliot how proud I am with him, and he said something like..."mom, don't let that be the last time I hear that, because I still need that from you and David". One more and I promise it will not be the last time.

It's a precious time when children still want us in their space and I will cherish these all one more time and never the last time. If that makes any kind of sense.

Jewelry Blessings

Last Saturday I had a few women over. Emily was came downstairs all dressed up to ask the opinion of her outfit and if it was appropriate for being on stage. She was part of worship the following Sunday and got this new blouse that was over the top gorgeous. Very much out of her normal attire, thus questioning if it was appropriate. It had a conservative plunging neck line. Conservative by today's standards, but not so much by Emily's standards. All the ladies in the room were in aw of her outfit and we all agreed a necklace would look nice. Only she did not having anything. She will be playing three bluegrass songs for our church's celebration in two weeks, so we all said this outfit should be saved for that event. It really was very fun, but may be a little distracting with the bold prints for a time of worship. I love that she is sensitive in this way.

Today I went to visit a friend. She was one of the gals from Saturday night. Today she blessed me with all of this jewelry she had made for Emily and a couple of things for me. All of the colors are perfect for what Emily wears. This woman attends our church and has watched Emily up front for months, making it easy to choose the best colors and designs for Emily and her personality.

I am always searching for reading glasses that I have put down somewhere, so she blessed me with a beautiful beaded glass holder necklace thing that is in colors that I wear all the time. I am sitting here very blessed and humbled by the generosity of someone who has very little. I am not gifted in this area of craft at all. I mean I have tried, collected a few beads over time, but never able to pull something like these pictures and ended up moving on to something I was better at.

How do I take time to bless others with my gifts? What gifts do I have to share? As I drove home I was taking inventory of just this. I started thinking of my friendships and the blessings, often very different from one person to the next, and smiled. I know I can host in my home, feed lots of people, and offer childcare, but when it comes to crafty stuff I check out. We all don't need to be the same, but we should think about how we are doing. Today Dawn did amazing in how she blessed our family. Doesn't it make you feel so special when someone does something just for you, and with you in mind?

I am going to make a list of friends I want to bless in the next month. A small challenge for a stay home mom like me. It may mean that some things get left undone, but knowing how I feel today I want to pass along the blessings.