Journals From My Past June 22, 1991

 Journals From My Past June 22, 1991

From my 26 year old self:

*Our TV broke-Amen and we haven't the $ to repair it or purchase a new one. Big Fat Smile. 

Romans 2: 5, 13

5. "But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath. When his righteous judgement will be revealed."

13. "For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous."

Dear Father,

I needed a small miracle tonight. A word from you concerning a conversation I had with myself and you earlier this evening. I have been confused with our relationship. I was not sure what to think. You see I'm a pretty nice person, I talk about you within a safe Christian zone and I really have allowed myself to believe that I am a good Christian with justifiable thoughts and actions. Romans 2 really unleashed on me. The words, "stubbornness" and "unrepentant" are where I stand solid. God I don't think I have anything to repent and if I did I'm to stubborn to admit it to you or anyone else.  And then verse 13, "hearing the law" yes, I've heard you laws-I think as "oppose to obeying the law" it seems in the past few years I've really slipped away from you because of my stubbornness and unrepentant heart and and practiced hearing your laws...and that is all. 

Now the difficult part. I pray dear Father that you would tear down my spiritual walls. Help me to look inside and allow your precious work to encompass me....please watch over Elliot & Emily. 

Love, Elizabeth

 As I read this I look at my spiritual struggle and how God's word is challenging me. My thoughts of being a nice person, did not cancel out what God could work in my life. Never did I think 25 years later I could read the words of my young heart yearning to know God. May we all find peace in our process. 

Journals From My Past January 4, 1991

Journals From My Past January 4, 1991

My 26 year old self wrote the following:

"We find a new hunger and thirst to spend time with Him and stay close to Him. It is through prayer that we see God's love and power at work in our lives and in the lives of the people for who we are praying. "

Discovering How to Pray by Hope McDonald

"You pay God a compliment by asking great things of Him." St. Thereasa of Avila

Dear Father,

I want to learn about prayer in a special way. I am changing in different areas of my life. My excuse for not spending time with you has been fatigue, business, family etc. A funny thing happened last Thursday. I woke up at 6:15am. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to get out of bed, so I rolled over and picked up my Bible. I don't remember wheat I read but as I was reading Elliot walked in with sleepy eyes and a blanket dragging behind. He asked what I was reading. My response was......"Well Elliot, mommy is reading the Bible and it's so important to spend time with Jesus everyday and to talk with Him about everything." And Father a pit filled my already empty stomach.  Marc and I model our manners, values and are going our best to give Elliot & Emily the security and love they need but wow the most important thing in the world my relationship with with You and you have been put on the back burner. So please forgive me! Also forgive me for not being the example to Elliot & Emily and to Marc. Goodnight for now,

Love, Elizabeth

As I am reading the heart of my 26 year old self with a 2 & 4 year old I think about all the things that kept me so busy. Running a household, trying to be a wife and mother. God is in the middle of all of that. I remember being in a Bible study and being told that if I did not get up at the crack of dawn to spend time with God I was not a good Christian. Yet the message to my son was to include God in everything. I never did become an early riser. Nor did I spend time in God's word at the crack of dawn. God still carries us where we are at. He meets us where we are at in all the hours of each day. 

Notes From My Past

"Notes From My Past" is a title that lays down the groundwork for a year long series of blogs. Taken from almost 30 years from the pages of my journals. Life gives us experiences to write about. I do not know your life but my life has been about social interactions, social experiences, social events, and gathering with dear family, friends and colleagues on walks, talks and ideas to journal. Daily experiences springing up all over in my writing.  This past year virtual is the extent of our social experiences. Going to the grocery store less, no more walking into the coffee shops, or working remotely at your favorite spots. Even my daily walks, which included friends are limited to just family.  I am going to be honest. Nothing inspires to me write less than experiencing life through the loss of what was my normal. 

We are closing in on almost a year of this social distancing business. For the most part I do believe we all take it seriously. We wear our masks, we only shop for essential needs. We are watching church from our computers and we are shopping mostly online, meetings are through Zoom, and our face-time is the extent of our social experiences. 

I have my people. My people that I talk to more now than ever. My sister, my mom, my kids, and a few friends.  Our conversations are great but we are not talking about the trip we went on, or the events we attended or are looking forward to.   It's interesting year. 

I have wanted to blog heavily on dating. since I am single and about two years in to a dating relationship.  I laugh even at that as we are not dining out, or going on adventures here and there. We did when we first started dating but then Covid hit and I am sure glad I enjoy his company because most days we are together all day and I love being around him.  Last Spring I even shared our "Garage Date" which was my highest viewed story on Instagram of all time.  We basically went into the garage to fix gadgets on bikes. I put on make-up, perfume, and documented it as a "Garage Date".   It was fun.  I have journal entrees on this relationship and with the permission of Gordon I will also share. 

What are we writing about these days? I decided to look in on my past experiences.  I journal. I have about 28 handwritten journals that started when I was 14 years old. One thing I decided to do last Fall was to start in January taking a page from my life and sharing. I use to think that I should put these journals on my computer files but my kids were like, "Nooooo reading from the book is better." Some people talk about their life experiences. They process outward through conversations and stories. I have always (always=dating back to my 14 year old self) written out my thoughts and my process before coming to the conversations. I talk to God. This is my tangible experiences with God. Written conversations, prayer requests, the cries of my heart. Those deep intimate thoughts that come out in quiet times with my Bible, journal and a pen. Favorite pens. 

This year my blogging will be notes from my past. In no random order just as I am reading and processing. I had my sister read one big event that happened in my life. She had tears streaming down her face and said something like, "Why are you not writing a book." I guess my journals are my books. All 28 of them. With the time and space I am starting this project a few years earlier than expected. I thought I would start this project at 65 when I retired. Now with lots of extra time on my hands I am starting this month. 

Every Monday  & Thursday will be a new entrée. I look forward to sharing the, "Notes From My Past"

#notesfrommypast by @elizabethtraub.

Social Connections

Social Connections are very very very very important. I cannot type enough, "very" but it is true. 

I was at the ATM making a deposit. When I first drove up there was no one around so I did not put on a mask. Shortly after I started my transaction a woman walked up wearing her mask. She kept the safe distance and waited for me. 

After I finished she started talking to me. 

Shes said, "Hello there.  You have a beautiful smile."

At first I  though I was going to be shamed for not wearing a mask. Instead she told me that I had a beautiful smile. She said it felt so good to see a smile.  Her voice was sweet and kind.

Then she said, "Actually you are a beautiful woman."

I admit my heart soured. Coming off a week of work, feeling tired and exhausted, and this sweet masked lady connecting with me, a stranger. Why am I blogging about this today?  What is my point.  I told this sweet gal, "You are a delightful and joyful human. Thank you."  What she said next is beautiful.

She said, " We may be masked, and we may be ordered to social distance, but we do not have to stop social connecting."

I got into my car and smiled. I looked in my mirror and thought, "beautiful smile" indeed.  We have lost the smiles we see in people's faces with a mask. We are social distancing and involuntarily isolated for the fears of a virus. 

This woman inspired me. Social Connections are what we are born into. From the minute we are conceived, born, and life as we have known it our entire lives. 

Skype, Skype & Filled Refrigerator

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?" 

"Date long distance. "

"I mean how have you dated successfully long distance?

I started this post last May while Gordon was still  living in another state. Shortly after I started he returned back to Oregon for several months, so our long-distance status ended temporarily. But alas he is back in CA so here it goes....

I

I  have been asked the question countless times,"How do you do it? Date long distance?"  I admit I had not really given much thought to the fact that Gordon and I had been dating long-distance successfully.  I do believe there are some key, intentional things that Gordon and I have done. However as a chatty woman trying to create an outline I thought, "why not ask Gordon."  I texted Gordon letting him know I would like to quote his profound wisdom in the success of our long distance relationship. I told him that he has loved and cared for me well. I asked what three things he thinks have contributed to our long distance relationship success. Here is his response.

Dear Readers, I am no relationship expert. I have mentored women for years on matters important to their hearts. With the number one topic being relationships. I think this one single text from Gordon can be a spring board for future success in your relationships, not just long distance. 

Here are some ways that contribute to a successful 

long-distance relationship based on my personal experience. 

I could not agree more with Gordon. I do want to add that before we were long distance we were in the same town for a few months when we first started dating. Prior to dating we had met in another town five years earlier and were friends in that town.  I may have crushed on him five years ago for a hot minute. We had our first real date five years later.   After a month of dating, Gordon asked if I would be his girlfriend. I was not sure how I would be able to do the long distance thing as he would go to a warmer climate during the winter months. We then went six months being long distance.  And I will be the first to admit it is not my first choice.  Here is what I do know.  We are still in this relationship over a year later. And our friendship has deepened through this process.  We are both intentional, which seems to come natural for us.  Here are some tested ideas for your long distance relationship.  

1. SKYPE

I had to giggle that Gordon would say Skype (face-time) as key to our success. It is not like we set up a plan or schedule. It just happened that way for us.  We started each day with face to face time.  Gordon is retired and I work. True Confessions...on most days I got up, brushed my teeth, combed my hair and put some lipstick on. After all we are dating. I always like to look my best in real face to face time. Why not digital face time. 

 What ever app you have available learn how to use your face to face time to start your day. 

Skype chats about the news 

I think I used Skype'd maybe twice in ten years before I met Gordon. I love that we developed the beautiful habit of talking to each other when we first woke up. Gordon is an early riser. He has always been respectful of my sleeping time.  When I would wake up I would text that I was awake, coffee in hand and ready for Skype. Every single morning, not a morning missed. (Which I had no idea we had not missed a morning. I went to my Skype log to see how often a week and it turns out daily.) I loved seeing his face, his smile, his positive energy and hearing his outward process of his plans for the day. Forty-Five minutes to an hour later we are chatting away. On days that I would be out the door early for work, I would set my alarm an hour earlier just to talk with him.  I admit for a gal who loves her sleep this was not easy.  On days that were more leisure he and I would watch the news together , shows, or just hang out. I have even given Gordon step by step cooking instructions in preparing meals via face-time. 

2. SKYPE

Skype, again, really?  Yes again and again as time during the day allowed.  I loved getting a Skype call after Gordon finished is long bike ride, or golf with friends or an outing with friends. I loved that I could share events of my day in the moment as time allowed on both our ends. We shared lunch dates, biking breaks, and even moments with no plan or significant meaning. 

Why is this time important?  When you are building a relationship with someone in real face to face time, you have to be intentional in balancing your life together. Sharing your life with that person, and in doing so you get to know that person.  For both Gordon and I a phone conversation and text here and there was not going to be enough. I have learned more about Gordon in our face to face time and hours and hours of conversations. This is an important relationship. 

Gordon told me that he read this article stating that most married couples spend less than 10 minutes a day in face to face conversation. I thought about that and laughed. I am pretty sure we clock about two hours a day when we are apart. 

We also end our days via Skype. Wrapping up our day together. It takes time, it takes being intention to learn and grow in the relationship.  Having quality time is important for both of us and if you know Gordon, and know me, we both of the gift of gabbing. 

Set realistic expectations of communication together and work together to meet that with each other. 

3. Investing in Monthly Visits

I expressed that I could not go months without seeing him. I knew in my heart that a long distance relationship was not my thing. Bless that man, he invested in bringing me monthly to come see him. It has meant the world to me to be able to take this time and have these visits. Take the time if you can. It was not easy for me. Gordon is retired and I still work. On my weeks home I would work extra hard to be able to take this time away. And to be honest working kept me busy and focused and distracted rather than pining for the man I love. I am in 100% agreement that,  "Absence does make the heart grow fonder."

4. 100% Trust

Every person I have talked to who had long distance relationships said the hardest part of a long distance relationship is trust. It turns out that when I did on online search, many blogs state the same. I get that. I understand that.  I have learned in ALL relationships regardless if near or far if you do not trust your partner then you are with the wrong person. DO NOT MAKE UP STORIES in your head. When they don't text back, or answer your calls in a time frame you have an expectation of. DO NOT MAKE UP STORIES if you do not know their where about at any given moment. 

I reached out to four gals about what ended their long distance relationships.  They ALL expressed TRUST being the single ONE BIG issues that affected their relationships. And when they lost touch, didn't get a text or call back their minds took them down a path of distrust, destruction, and accusations. No! No! No!

Your person has a life away from you.  Gordon has a life away from me. Gordon, like me, is friendly  and kind to everyone. He has a long list of many friends that were there long before I ever stepped into his life.  I trust him.  I am not a slave to my phone. Sometimes we miss each other's calls.  In most cases the trust issues come from damage from previous relationships. Ask yourself where that pang of distrust is coming from. Then do the work to heal that. However projecting that onto your partner will only damage the relationship and turn you into a lunatic driving yourself cray-cray from the stories created in your head. 

Trust the relationship. Trust your person.  And if you learn something unfavorable about your partner through facts then address the issues. I have heard to many stories of the "possible scenarios" or "what if he"  or "I just know he...."  It is easy to get into your head that something is going on away from you. I imagine how hard that is. I have had to overcome some trust issues from my past. However I worked those out with my sister when I was feeling insecure. I could identify where those insecurities came from. From my past. Not from any one experience with Gordon. Find a person to process outward when you are experiencing feelings of distrust that have nothing to do with your partner. 

We live in world that makes it very easy to conceal, hide, and promote distrust. Do not allow your hearts and mind to get sucked into that. 

5. Refrigerator

I literally laughed

If the way to a man's heart is a good meal. Then why not make several meals. I will never forget hearing Gordon tell his brother about the wonderful meal I had made him. And from that day on I learned that this mans loves a good home cooked meal. If good food was a love language it is definitely one of Gordon's. The last day of each monthly visit I would make up about six dishes, some to freeze and some that would last in my absence. I quickly learned that he and I had the same pallet for sauces, and salads and good home cooking. Being a mother of five children I made great efforts for sit down to home cooked meals while my kids were growing up. Yay now a man who loves the same !!!!  Feed your man well. 

In closing I want to thank Gordon for allowing me to share a bit of our personal story. Relationships take being intentional in how you love and care for another person. It's important to learn what the other person wants or needs in a relationship early in the dating experience. Ask questions so you can then serve and care the way your person knows you are in this.   Have a happy & wonderful day.

If you would like to chat, you can reach out to me in a PM via Instragram @elizonthego.

Take That Box Of Hard Down And Deal With It.

I am an eternal optimist. Go ahead smack me. I cannot help myself. Many years ago while going through a very hard situation my dad actually challenged my disposition. It was hard. I could admit that. It was also my choice to not bow down to the hard, and not to camp in hard. Put that hard on the shelf, go enjoy the day, make another's day good. Then take that box of hard down and deal with it.

Well folks. My cheery optimism has been getting harder and harder. And this time it is not my hard. It is watching, reading, and talking to friends and family who have so much hard right now. I am a born "Empath"  Here is the definition.

Empaths are highly sensitive individuals, who have a keen ability to sense what people around them are thinking and feeling. Psychologists may use the term empath to describe a person that experiences a great deal of empathy, often to the point of taking on the pain of others at their own expense.

I have, over the years, learned how to NOT take on the pains of others. I learned how to ask questions and guard my heart because it's easy for me to become consumed with others in their hard stuff. I know at times I have come across as being disconnected, but I have learned to listen, ask questions, allow someone to have their outward process and protect my own empath heart. 

This past week, the stories are endless of the struggles are so many facing. I have cried many tears this week on behalf of others.  Those close to me, my neighbors, friends and the countless stories on social media. Today I asked God what I could do with my limited resources. Today I told Gordon if I had all the money in the world I would write cashier's checks to those in my community. He asked why I would not just Venmo them. I said, "Because I would not want anyone to know it was me. I would just want them to believe that someone was watching out for them."  Today it is writing five Easter cards to strangers. A sweet gal at our church connected with a Senior Home and was able to get first names. Then asked if we all might consider writing Easter Cards. I chose five names. 

I guess the title of this post may see a little harsh. "Take that box of hard down and deal with it."  How are you dealing with it? Today I am writing notes to people I will never meet in hopes that I may brighten their Easter. I am also planning great meals for my family and gathering around the table daily to serve them. Today I did not get mad when someone used the kitchen to bake cookies and did not clean up. I just cleaned up thinking that in this hard season what can I do to make this less hard for others?

Taking my box of hard down and dealing with it in ways that might make someone else's hard a bit easier. This is hard. This is very hard. And I will not minimize what we are all experiencing together. Guess what friends? Together is the word. We are all experiencing this together.   And together we can all take that box of hard down and deal with it together. Dealing with it one day at at time. One heartache at a time. Truly with love for each person who reads this if you have to many boxes of hard to deal with. Ask for help. 

Allow someone else to carry the burden. I love this passage. If there is anything, within my resources and power, that you need please reach out to me. I can help sort out that box of hard and help you deal with it. 

Galatians 6: 2"Carry one another's burden; in this you will fulfill the law."

Beautiful Things for Today

I took this beautiful walk in Palm Desert this past week and these are the beautiful things for today. While the nation is under quarantine I have the complete joy and blessing of being in a beautiful place. Life does not feel any different today than it did a month ago. Having already had habits of being home, kids home-schooling, and being somewhat of a food hoarder anyway has had no ill-affect on our family.  I have been dong lots of walking. On this particular walk I decided that rather than just walk past all the beautiful gardens and flowers I would actually stop and study them.

I have never been that person who can identify the flowers. My sister Marantha and my close friend Amanda can identify any plant I have ever come across. As I sit in the morning cool air, a hummingbird close by, and the birds all singing their own tunes I reflect on yesterday's walk and it's beauty. In times of uncertainty, a deadly virus and economically hard times I find I can weather it all by looking for the beautiful things for today.

While I was walking and snapping pictures of so many beautiful flowers. This song came onto my Pandora. I just started crying. Because the words are amazing to the culture of our world. Take a moment to listen. Close your eyes and listen to the words.

Beautiful Things by Gunger

https://youtu.be/1spkhp41ig4

After listening and continuing my walk I just felt this overwhelming sense of peace.  A crisis gives us time to reflect and we have a choice. To wallow in fear and uncertainty or to look at what is in front of us and the beautiful things. Nature, and the beautiful humans in our lives.  Enjoy the photos below from a lovely walk.