Journals From My Past June 22, 1991

 Journals From My Past June 22, 1991

From my 26 year old self:

*Our TV broke-Amen and we haven't the $ to repair it or purchase a new one. Big Fat Smile. 

Romans 2: 5, 13

5. "But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath. When his righteous judgement will be revealed."

13. "For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous."

Dear Father,

I needed a small miracle tonight. A word from you concerning a conversation I had with myself and you earlier this evening. I have been confused with our relationship. I was not sure what to think. You see I'm a pretty nice person, I talk about you within a safe Christian zone and I really have allowed myself to believe that I am a good Christian with justifiable thoughts and actions. Romans 2 really unleashed on me. The words, "stubbornness" and "unrepentant" are where I stand solid. God I don't think I have anything to repent and if I did I'm to stubborn to admit it to you or anyone else.  And then verse 13, "hearing the law" yes, I've heard you laws-I think as "oppose to obeying the law" it seems in the past few years I've really slipped away from you because of my stubbornness and unrepentant heart and and practiced hearing your laws...and that is all. 

Now the difficult part. I pray dear Father that you would tear down my spiritual walls. Help me to look inside and allow your precious work to encompass me....please watch over Elliot & Emily. 

Love, Elizabeth

 As I read this I look at my spiritual struggle and how God's word is challenging me. My thoughts of being a nice person, did not cancel out what God could work in my life. Never did I think 25 years later I could read the words of my young heart yearning to know God. May we all find peace in our process. 

Journals From My Past January 4, 1991

Journals From My Past January 4, 1991

My 26 year old self wrote the following:

"We find a new hunger and thirst to spend time with Him and stay close to Him. It is through prayer that we see God's love and power at work in our lives and in the lives of the people for who we are praying. "

Discovering How to Pray by Hope McDonald

"You pay God a compliment by asking great things of Him." St. Thereasa of Avila

Dear Father,

I want to learn about prayer in a special way. I am changing in different areas of my life. My excuse for not spending time with you has been fatigue, business, family etc. A funny thing happened last Thursday. I woke up at 6:15am. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to get out of bed, so I rolled over and picked up my Bible. I don't remember wheat I read but as I was reading Elliot walked in with sleepy eyes and a blanket dragging behind. He asked what I was reading. My response was......"Well Elliot, mommy is reading the Bible and it's so important to spend time with Jesus everyday and to talk with Him about everything." And Father a pit filled my already empty stomach.  Marc and I model our manners, values and are going our best to give Elliot & Emily the security and love they need but wow the most important thing in the world my relationship with with You and you have been put on the back burner. So please forgive me! Also forgive me for not being the example to Elliot & Emily and to Marc. Goodnight for now,

Love, Elizabeth

As I am reading the heart of my 26 year old self with a 2 & 4 year old I think about all the things that kept me so busy. Running a household, trying to be a wife and mother. God is in the middle of all of that. I remember being in a Bible study and being told that if I did not get up at the crack of dawn to spend time with God I was not a good Christian. Yet the message to my son was to include God in everything. I never did become an early riser. Nor did I spend time in God's word at the crack of dawn. God still carries us where we are at. He meets us where we are at in all the hours of each day. 

Take That Box Of Hard Down And Deal With It.

I am an eternal optimist. Go ahead smack me. I cannot help myself. Many years ago while going through a very hard situation my dad actually challenged my disposition. It was hard. I could admit that. It was also my choice to not bow down to the hard, and not to camp in hard. Put that hard on the shelf, go enjoy the day, make another's day good. Then take that box of hard down and deal with it.

Well folks. My cheery optimism has been getting harder and harder. And this time it is not my hard. It is watching, reading, and talking to friends and family who have so much hard right now. I am a born "Empath"  Here is the definition.

Empaths are highly sensitive individuals, who have a keen ability to sense what people around them are thinking and feeling. Psychologists may use the term empath to describe a person that experiences a great deal of empathy, often to the point of taking on the pain of others at their own expense.

I have, over the years, learned how to NOT take on the pains of others. I learned how to ask questions and guard my heart because it's easy for me to become consumed with others in their hard stuff. I know at times I have come across as being disconnected, but I have learned to listen, ask questions, allow someone to have their outward process and protect my own empath heart. 

This past week, the stories are endless of the struggles are so many facing. I have cried many tears this week on behalf of others.  Those close to me, my neighbors, friends and the countless stories on social media. Today I asked God what I could do with my limited resources. Today I told Gordon if I had all the money in the world I would write cashier's checks to those in my community. He asked why I would not just Venmo them. I said, "Because I would not want anyone to know it was me. I would just want them to believe that someone was watching out for them."  Today it is writing five Easter cards to strangers. A sweet gal at our church connected with a Senior Home and was able to get first names. Then asked if we all might consider writing Easter Cards. I chose five names. 

I guess the title of this post may see a little harsh. "Take that box of hard down and deal with it."  How are you dealing with it? Today I am writing notes to people I will never meet in hopes that I may brighten their Easter. I am also planning great meals for my family and gathering around the table daily to serve them. Today I did not get mad when someone used the kitchen to bake cookies and did not clean up. I just cleaned up thinking that in this hard season what can I do to make this less hard for others?

Taking my box of hard down and dealing with it in ways that might make someone else's hard a bit easier. This is hard. This is very hard. And I will not minimize what we are all experiencing together. Guess what friends? Together is the word. We are all experiencing this together.   And together we can all take that box of hard down and deal with it together. Dealing with it one day at at time. One heartache at a time. Truly with love for each person who reads this if you have to many boxes of hard to deal with. Ask for help. 

Allow someone else to carry the burden. I love this passage. If there is anything, within my resources and power, that you need please reach out to me. I can help sort out that box of hard and help you deal with it. 

Galatians 6: 2"Carry one another's burden; in this you will fulfill the law."

God Sends His Promises

It was several weeks ago.It had been a few days of the sheep wandering off. On this new day I woke up early to take care of the sheep and today they were behaving. I had a chat with them before opening the barn door. Telling them that I am like they are. I understand. That straight path to the perfect pasture for grazing has so many distractions. I told them they had to trust me in leading them to that pasture. Stay on course. It's only a 3 minute walk, but then you can run free. And they did as they were told. No herding circles around the house and out to a pasture that was not planned.

Later I dropped Ethan off at school and before closing the car door he looks back, smiles and says, "Thank you mama I love you."  Sometimes that is all that this mama needs is sheep who obey and your teenager saying sweet kind words.

I went on to my Bible study. I love these ladies. I love hearing how God is growing their hearts through life experiences. Together we discussed last Sunday's teaching on "Loving your Enemy". It was a wonderful dialogue.  Then I see  a call on my phone. I take the call and return to the table shaking and crying.

It was hard news. And the tissue box was passed my direction and the mascare I put on has all been poured down my face with tears. Today was suppose to be easy.  Says who?  Who said any day would be easy?  We all go through our days with the realization that things can change or not go as planned. I wanted to curl up in the fetal position, turn off my shop lights and cry my eyes out. That is not what God had planned. No he put me smack in the middle of the hearts of praying and loving women. Stopping the direction of our meeting and covering me in prayer. And guess what these are some of God's favorites. These women slighted the fear and the fretting with their prayers. And then one very sweet sister shared and prayed through Psalm 37. And God steps in with HIS words of encouragement and HIS promises.

Oh how God shows up and sends His promises. He put me right where I needed to be when a hard phone call comes. Have you had a blow to your day? Read the following passage. I highlighted those promises that have touched my heart. My heart was lifted and once again, as the weeks and months have shown me God is still in the business of the very promises written in the Bible.

My circumstances may not have changed, but my heart left less heavy covered in prayer and scripture.  Stay the course with Jesus through the harder days. He knows these days and his promises are true. Remember all the other times he has been there for you. 

Psalm 37 (copies from Biblegateway)

Do not fret because of those who are evil
    or be envious of those who do wrong;
² for like the grass they will soon wither,
    like green plants they will soon die away.

³ Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
⁴ Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

¹¹ But the meek will inherit the land
    and enjoy peace and prosperity....

¹⁷ for the power of the wicked will be broken,
    but the Lord upholds the righteous.

¹⁸ The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care,
    and their inheritance will endure forever.
¹⁹ In times of disaster they will not wither;
    in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

²¹ The wicked borrow and do not repay,
    but the righteous give generously;
²² those the Lord blesses will inherit the land,
    but those he curses will be destroyed.

²³ The Lord makes firm the steps
    of the one who delights in him;
²⁴ though he may stumble, he will not fall,
    for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

²⁶ They are always generous and lend freely;
    their children will be a blessing.^[b]

²⁷ Turn from evil and do good;
    then you will dwell in the land forever.
²⁸ For the Lord loves the just
    and will not forsake his faithful ones.

Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed^[c];
    the offspring of the wicked will perish.
²⁹ The righteous will inherit the land
    and dwell in it forever.

³⁰ The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom,
    and their tongues speak what is just.
³¹ The law of their God is in their hearts;
    their feet do not slip.

³³ but the Lord will not leave them in the power of the wicked
    or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

³⁴ Hope in the Lord
    and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;    when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.

Do you walk through each day with the confidence that God's Word and promises are true?  Look for His promises in your daily walk. Thank God through out the day for the ways he has covered your heart. Today I am thanking Him for Psalm 37 and these sweet gals.