Emotions Stirred Up With Paint

 It was one of those weekends when it was a harder weekend then normal. Ever have one of those days then it turns into a few days? Yet you have  social functions so you put it all up on a shelf and work it out later. Recently I had one of those days. 

Some people eat their emotions. I try to paint mine out. Lord knows I have eaten my share of  emotions. However I am trying to redirect the need to eat fudge or chocolates. Which really a bite here and there is fine but this day required some stirring of the paints. Feeling blue in my heart, gray day and trying to find the light. What colors does that produce. Some blue, some gray, some black and some yellow and white. 

I started around 6:30am. It gets warm by early afternoon here in Palm Desert so starting early inspired me and I am fresh.  I love blasting the music and on this day is was the Lady Gaga station.  It took me over six hours to create these four pieces. I mixed, I poured, I sponged, I brushed. It was so therapeutic.  

"Emotions Stirred" by Elizabeth Traub

I wanted to create a series. With some pouring, some sponging, some passes with the paint brush this was to my delight something I love. As every artist knows it takes hours to complete a finished piece. There is always one more pass with the brush, and then the mistakes that require more brush strokes and then you stand back and either love it or scrap it. 

What was happening in my thoughts, my heart and my soul was deeper than I can write about as it involves my family. I am the mother of five, a daughter-in-love, and three more that my partner has. I love them all and am learning how to navigate the adult friendships unique to each of them. Friendships with grown children are not a one size fits all. They are growing, learning, as am I. I am truly blessed to have friendships with each one of them. 

During the six hours of painting I committed all nine of them to prayer. It thrilled my heart to be in thoughtful and intentional prayer. I know their stories. Their success, their challenges, and the struggles of adulting. I am so glad that I can play my small part in praying over each one of them through a creative outlet. 

Take That Box Of Hard Down And Deal With It.

I am an eternal optimist. Go ahead smack me. I cannot help myself. Many years ago while going through a very hard situation my dad actually challenged my disposition. It was hard. I could admit that. It was also my choice to not bow down to the hard, and not to camp in hard. Put that hard on the shelf, go enjoy the day, make another's day good. Then take that box of hard down and deal with it.

Well folks. My cheery optimism has been getting harder and harder. And this time it is not my hard. It is watching, reading, and talking to friends and family who have so much hard right now. I am a born "Empath"  Here is the definition.

Empaths are highly sensitive individuals, who have a keen ability to sense what people around them are thinking and feeling. Psychologists may use the term empath to describe a person that experiences a great deal of empathy, often to the point of taking on the pain of others at their own expense.

I have, over the years, learned how to NOT take on the pains of others. I learned how to ask questions and guard my heart because it's easy for me to become consumed with others in their hard stuff. I know at times I have come across as being disconnected, but I have learned to listen, ask questions, allow someone to have their outward process and protect my own empath heart. 

This past week, the stories are endless of the struggles are so many facing. I have cried many tears this week on behalf of others.  Those close to me, my neighbors, friends and the countless stories on social media. Today I asked God what I could do with my limited resources. Today I told Gordon if I had all the money in the world I would write cashier's checks to those in my community. He asked why I would not just Venmo them. I said, "Because I would not want anyone to know it was me. I would just want them to believe that someone was watching out for them."  Today it is writing five Easter cards to strangers. A sweet gal at our church connected with a Senior Home and was able to get first names. Then asked if we all might consider writing Easter Cards. I chose five names. 

I guess the title of this post may see a little harsh. "Take that box of hard down and deal with it."  How are you dealing with it? Today I am writing notes to people I will never meet in hopes that I may brighten their Easter. I am also planning great meals for my family and gathering around the table daily to serve them. Today I did not get mad when someone used the kitchen to bake cookies and did not clean up. I just cleaned up thinking that in this hard season what can I do to make this less hard for others?

Taking my box of hard down and dealing with it in ways that might make someone else's hard a bit easier. This is hard. This is very hard. And I will not minimize what we are all experiencing together. Guess what friends? Together is the word. We are all experiencing this together.   And together we can all take that box of hard down and deal with it together. Dealing with it one day at at time. One heartache at a time. Truly with love for each person who reads this if you have to many boxes of hard to deal with. Ask for help. 

Allow someone else to carry the burden. I love this passage. If there is anything, within my resources and power, that you need please reach out to me. I can help sort out that box of hard and help you deal with it. 

Galatians 6: 2"Carry one another's burden; in this you will fulfill the law."

Does The Enemy Keep You Quiet?

What exactly is the "enemy". The enemy of fear. The enemy of worry. The enemy of deceit. The enemy of robbing me of sleep. The enemy is that which keeps you from being who God designed. The enemy attempts to hinder you in ALL areas of your life that God wants to step into the middle of. Imagine if we could, in the middle of  facing difficulty, release our thoughts from worry, from fear, and from deceit? What might your story look like?

I decided that I did not want to wait until the end of the story or the end of the journey or the end of this season to share the miraculous ways God has stomped on the enemy. I felt fear. Fear is standing in a court room and hearing a stranger try to prove I was an unfit mother. When I received notice that within 48 hours I was to be in court to represent myself on being a mother. I was full of fear. The enemy of deceit had a strong-hold on my thoughts.  I did not sleep for two days. I opened up my computer and panicked over what I should be googling to defend my honor as a mother. I cried non-stop for most of those 48 hours and sleep. Forget about sleep. I prayed every moment my breath could utter a prayer. I prayed every moment my head cleared. And the enemy of fear, worry, doubt, deceit and rest robbed me blind.

And here begins a story of God stepping in when we release to Him ALL of this. I called my daughter not knowing what to do. I cried my eyeballs raw. I could not eat or sleep. Being a mother for almost 30 years and two people  now wanting to prove me an unfit mother. Lord have mercy on me. Emily suggested I call my church. And I did. I knew the pastor's wife and I left the crying-est message ever. I asked if her she could send someone my number to just simply pray with me. I did not know what to pray. I did not know what I was doing. I was clueless and living with the strongholds of the enemy. My life was not around lawyers, and legal matters. I only had one full day to prepare for this court hearing and according to my daughter there were 32 of her friends praying for me. And I went to my Facebook community and asked them to pray. And then something miraculous happened.

My heart calmed down. My head cleared and if this was a modern day parting of the sea, the waters parted and a way was made. It started with a call to a friend who had worked in family law.  I had not talked with her in months. Her name and face just came to my mind. She instructed me to print anything and everything from text messages, to emails, to receipts to whatever "God puts on your heart." And then the next thing is that my printer that was "out of ink" and went on to print over 150 pages. And then I needed a document. A legal document that I was already told that I could not get access to. The process was 7-10 business days. I cried and decided to get into my car and beg them face to face. I pulled up to the offices. Before getting out of the car my phone rang. A stranger. A stranger from my church called to pray with me. And she prayed over the situation and she prayed that God would make a way for providing the paperwork I would need. And I went to the office and  a woman passing through the office heard my name. And she knew my name. She had been instructed to provide that document for me. And I walked away with the papers in my hand.

My mind was sharp. I researched online every legal word I did not understand. I researched the law and God gave me wisdom I can not explain. God removed the fear, the worry, the unknowns the words of deceit. Because not only did that lady in the office know my name, but God knows my name. And God knows your name. And He knows all your worries, your fears, your hard. AND He is there waiting to help.

I went to bed at 10pm that night. I was prepared and ready for my case. And there was no sleep to be found. I tossed and turned. Finally at 1am I got up and took my shower, did my hair and make-up and drove an hour and a half away to where court would take place. I texted my friend in that town letting her know I was driving straight to her house and may be sleeping on her sofa when she woke up. She was going to court with me that day. I arrived at 5:30am and instead of sleeping I prayed. And then she and I prayed.

And I stood in court and to this day I really have no idea what happened. I know that God gave me wisdom. God gave me the words to speak the truth in HIS name. God stepped right in and took over what the enemy tried to control. And the enemy of fear, worry, and deceit lost in court. And my friend sat in that court room praying. The judge ruled in my favor. I was prepared. I was ready and I have no idea how I even did that except I did nothing but step into what God promises.

How much do we trust God to hand it over to Him? Are we even confident that HE will see us through?   I would like to say that my trust is perfect just by walking close to Him, but guess what. It's a daily release. A daily ongoing conversation I have to have with God.

Are we "approaching" God's throne? I have to believe that this is not just a one time act and we get it. As least not for me. AND God's promise of grace and favor. Hallelejah and Glory-Be. Like I said I can not tell you about that day in court or the many other times that followed but God's grace and favor followed my "approaching" his throne.

Hebrews 4:16

"Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

The enemy would like to keep you quiet, alone and captive to his ways. Does the enemy hold you captive and keep you quiet? Do not allow that in your life. Every single day I have to renew my heart's condition and release to God all of the fears and worries. 

If you are in a situation and you know that the enemy is distracting you with fear, with worry and deceit I ask that you stop right now what you are doing and call out to God. He knows you. He knows your story and HE promises grace and mercy. And then call on your friends who can pray for you. Call on strangers to pray for you. God crushes the enemy. God wins. 

Lord have mercy on me!! Thank you for reading,