Journals From My Past June 22, 1991

 Journals From My Past June 22, 1991

From my 26 year old self:

*Our TV broke-Amen and we haven't the $ to repair it or purchase a new one. Big Fat Smile. 

Romans 2: 5, 13

5. "But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath. When his righteous judgement will be revealed."

13. "For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous."

Dear Father,

I needed a small miracle tonight. A word from you concerning a conversation I had with myself and you earlier this evening. I have been confused with our relationship. I was not sure what to think. You see I'm a pretty nice person, I talk about you within a safe Christian zone and I really have allowed myself to believe that I am a good Christian with justifiable thoughts and actions. Romans 2 really unleashed on me. The words, "stubbornness" and "unrepentant" are where I stand solid. God I don't think I have anything to repent and if I did I'm to stubborn to admit it to you or anyone else.  And then verse 13, "hearing the law" yes, I've heard you laws-I think as "oppose to obeying the law" it seems in the past few years I've really slipped away from you because of my stubbornness and unrepentant heart and and practiced hearing your laws...and that is all. 

Now the difficult part. I pray dear Father that you would tear down my spiritual walls. Help me to look inside and allow your precious work to encompass me....please watch over Elliot & Emily. 

Love, Elizabeth

 As I read this I look at my spiritual struggle and how God's word is challenging me. My thoughts of being a nice person, did not cancel out what God could work in my life. Never did I think 25 years later I could read the words of my young heart yearning to know God. May we all find peace in our process. 

Journals From My Past January 4, 1991

Journals From My Past January 4, 1991

My 26 year old self wrote the following:

"We find a new hunger and thirst to spend time with Him and stay close to Him. It is through prayer that we see God's love and power at work in our lives and in the lives of the people for who we are praying. "

Discovering How to Pray by Hope McDonald

"You pay God a compliment by asking great things of Him." St. Thereasa of Avila

Dear Father,

I want to learn about prayer in a special way. I am changing in different areas of my life. My excuse for not spending time with you has been fatigue, business, family etc. A funny thing happened last Thursday. I woke up at 6:15am. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to get out of bed, so I rolled over and picked up my Bible. I don't remember wheat I read but as I was reading Elliot walked in with sleepy eyes and a blanket dragging behind. He asked what I was reading. My response was......"Well Elliot, mommy is reading the Bible and it's so important to spend time with Jesus everyday and to talk with Him about everything." And Father a pit filled my already empty stomach.  Marc and I model our manners, values and are going our best to give Elliot & Emily the security and love they need but wow the most important thing in the world my relationship with with You and you have been put on the back burner. So please forgive me! Also forgive me for not being the example to Elliot & Emily and to Marc. Goodnight for now,

Love, Elizabeth

As I am reading the heart of my 26 year old self with a 2 & 4 year old I think about all the things that kept me so busy. Running a household, trying to be a wife and mother. God is in the middle of all of that. I remember being in a Bible study and being told that if I did not get up at the crack of dawn to spend time with God I was not a good Christian. Yet the message to my son was to include God in everything. I never did become an early riser. Nor did I spend time in God's word at the crack of dawn. God still carries us where we are at. He meets us where we are at in all the hours of each day. 

Why Journal?

I LOVE picking apart scripture.  I use to think that I had to wait until the pastor decided to study a specific reference, chapter or book before I could truly gain the knowledge of living out the Words written.  The I learned that I could read a passage, look at the referenced verses in my study Bible. Journal the verses and then ask God to open my eyes to the truths in the passage.  In hearing and learning the truths then live those out in my walk with Jesus.  Journals that line a big shelf that started when I was 15 years old.  I do have a few more books on my shelves to teach me more about scripture.  The reality is that as we walk close with Jesus, He does speak into our hearts what truths He would have us each learn.  We just have to be intentional with our relationship with him.  A couple of weeks ago I shared an outline I put together on journaling with some girls in a study I am leading. If you have never journaled before, this outline is just a base to get started. There are no hard rules. Just write what is on your heart.

Journaling
Why keep journals?

    A.Writing out your thoughts to God is your outward process of the intimacies of you heart.
    He wants to know your heart, your thoughts, and your prayers.
Psalms 5:1-3
“1,Give ear to my words, O LORD, Consider my meditations. 2. Heed the sound of my cry for help, my King and my God, For to You I pray. 3. In the morning, O LORD, You will hear my voice; in the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch.”

B. Being able to look back over the pages and seeing how God is showing himself to you personally through the words and prayers of your heart.
Psalms 6:9
“ The Lord has heard my supplication, and the Lord receives my prayers.

C. To understand how  God is using scripture to move your heart closer to Him, and to understand in greater depth how God uses scripture to change our hearts on every day issues in our lives.   As you go about your day, those scriptures you have written out will be easily attained out of your memory, like a Rolodex, to put ahead of situations that will not only help you, but allow you to pour into others.

Romans 12:2
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”

D. To develop a habit of relationship with Jesus.  Not having walked with Jesus, like a new friend, we must be intentional with relating to Him. Journaling develops that habit of friendship with Him, and in so doing we begin to see his work in our life daily, and moment by moment and develop a passion to know him more which makes walking with Jesus our lifestyle a wonderful habit of life.

1 Corinthians 6:17
“ But the one who joins himself to the Lord is in one spirit with him.”

E. To keep specific Prayer Requests others have requested or spoken to you, as well as your own. Date them and see how God begins to show Himself in how prayers are answered.
F. Thanksgiving.  Making a daily list of how God shows up in your life.  A list, a very long one that puts words on a page. Developing your heart to see and hear Him through out your day. Once the words on the pages are written, we all begin to write those same thanksgivings in our hearts when away from pen and paper.  Thanking God.  Actively noticing how He steps into every moment of your life.

Do not be afraid to speak the true thoughts of your heart in your journal.  Ask God to show you scriptures that will help you along and He will direct you.  When in church use your journal for taking notes and later go back and reread and write some more.  Do not beat yourself up if you don’t write every day.  As your habits of writing develops you soon see that your habits of talking to God through out the day come during times away from your pages and your pen.  Allow God into your thoughts.

It is not always easy to find that quiet and special place to write.  I admit I have about three different books I write in, and then also use my computer.  Even today I can look back on the pages of last week and see how God shows up in the everyday stuff of my life.  I look back 20 years ago and read things that I would never have remembered.  Things like a young mother crying out to God to be a happy and joyful parent to my son, my first born and reading the passages of scripture, writing them down and knowing that my heart was guided and directed closer to the heart of my Jesus.  Happy Friday dear sweet friends.