Five Tips on Navigating the Sadness & Grief in Your Life

I have learned over the past two years that there are so many different parts of grief. I wrote a post on grief here: https://elizabethonthego.blogspot.com/2017/09/be-still-and-know-that-i-am-god-in-your.html 

When I wrote that I remember thinking that in all my life I had never felt so much pain in my heart. I had felt pain before, but after a few days of dealing and processing life just moved on. Only seven days after I wrote that piece another devastating event happened in my life.  And the pain of that event caused even greater pain to my heart. A pain I never thought was possible. Right now as I write the details, as important as they are, those details are not the message of this blog post. The message is a continuation of overcoming the sadness and grief in your life.

A few months ago I met with a counselor. Asking her how to help my children in navigating some hard family stuff. Her words were wise. She said to remind your children. Remind them of who they are. Remind them that these events are hard, but this is WHO WE ARE. And her words hit me hard. I need to remind myself of the same. I love to write, but in this season I have been paralyzed in my writing. I have felt lost in the events that got me to time and season in my life.

My daughter and I have always gone into situations with this this understanding, "Plan for the worst and expect the best." Seems kind of funny. As a musician it was always a mystery as to what a venue might be like. When she was 18 we were hours before a big music event and we had no sound system. We were cool about it. Because in that situation the worst would have been, no sound system and we had already prepared for the worst. And God stepped in with a beautiful miracle of a sound system. When my children and I make plans we always plan for the worst and expect the best. You know extra food and water bottles on road trips. Extra cash in a secret hiding place if we lose our wallet.

What if you have no idea about what is about to happen and life takes you by surprise. There was no time to plan for the worst and expect the best. Only the worst is happening and continues and no matter how many people pray for you or tell you it will get better you live it daily. No matter how many blog posts you write on grief you are still in in. Your children are living it with you and looking, watching and needing YOU to help navigate. What do you do? You have already checked all the boxes for the different stages of grief and you ran out of boxes to check. How do you wake up and continue every single day?  Here are some ideas on what to do when you don't know what to do. I encourage you to use these tips with your children as you help them navigate through the sadness and grief.

1. Read the Bible
I admit that there are times I am just reading over the words. Nothing sinks in but I keep reading. What does happen is there is a peace that washes over the heartache, the sadness.  Once that peace sets in the words jump off the pages. Filling my heart with clarity and understanding. One day we will know why God allowed such heartache. Keep  your Bible by your bedside so when you have those sleepless nights you are armed and ready for God to pour His word of hope, encouragement, peace and love.

2. Listen to Worship & Praise Music 
I have no idea who the woman is in this picture. What I do know is her face is what I feel in my darkest hours. I put on my headphones. I drive to work every single day with my headphones on. Listening to worship music. Filling my heart and my soul with a fresh start. The sadness is covered and the grief is pushed away for a little while. I keep my headphones and music by my bedside. When thoughts of sadness want to consume me, I consume more music. When I have read the Bible until my eyes are blurry I put on music. My heart begins to sing. Even when the words are heavy on my heart and tears fall I am in worship with God.

3. Get In Your Car and Go Somewhere
I was invited to an evening out. I TOTALLY wanted to just curl up on the sofa and get lost in a movie. A heavy hearts wants to hold you captive. A heavy heart of grief wants to keep  you alone. Have you noticed that?  No one to ask you questions. No one is checking in on you. Because the story is still the same sad story. But listen to me. Get in your car and go somewhere. I did not want to go. I threw on some lip gloss, brushed my hair and wore black. Why black, because no matter how messy you may feel black is class and style. You may not feel like class and style but it helps. That night I was with people I love and people who love me. And it was a wonderful evening. I took a selfie that night to remind myself that no matter how much grief and sadness I feel I am going to make myself get in my car and go.

 4. Social Media is A Good Thing
Tell your story. Social Media is a good thing. Your story matters. Your story could be the story that helps another person in their journey. You can tell your story without going into the details. My story is a messy one. And the enemy of lies, deceit, and destruction would like to keep you alone and in the dark. That is when the enemy can destroy your soul. Get out of the dark and stand in the middle of the ring. There are millions of books published with a story. Why do we read these stories? Because there is a beautiful thing that happens when you realize another story. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You can paint a very pretty story on social media. It's easy to post just the pretty, the happy, and the highlights. But is that your real story.  I have posted my journey. And there have been those trying to discredit and destroy my character who have tried to use those stories to hurt me. But God is in the house and what HE is doing in my life is bigger than my story. My story has reached out to others who have contacted me, and I can help encourage. Social Media is a good thing.  It's in a very strong way, your own self publishing without the hardcover and numbered pages.

5. Talk To Your Friends, Your Family, Your Community
I love this picture with my nephew Spenser. He is full of energy and joy. No matter what is going on in life, he can make you laugh. Hanging out with my kids, and even if it feels sad or hard just DO IT!!  You will never regret showing. And everytime you do, you will be reminded of who you are long before all the sadness. People you know and love know you. Talk to your friends, your family, your community.

I am blessed to have both a daughter and daughter-in-love who have carried my heart there and back and there and back again. Even with the lingering thoughts we all have of this sad season we find JOY. We live out that joy when we are together.  We live out that joy because we know that God allows this for a bigger reason. Even when we do not have the answers. These girls have made sure to love me hard.

My brother and sister always make me smile. I love when my sister says, "you look good."  You look good. And if I am a reflection of her in my life, then yes I do look good.

My oldest Elliot is a strong leader in our family. He has made sure that I have not forgotten who I am. His text messages, always loving and sharing the mom I am to him and to his siblings. This is what you get when you

These boys, oh my oh my. They will keep me from going to bed and pulling the blankets over my head. And if I do, they bring me coffee, and hug me and love me as I am.

I write today from a place of still grieving. Yet I also write from a place of healing and helping. Healing comes. It really does. It has come through these five tips. I write from a heart of experience, not just good ideas. God knows all of this. I know that someday soon God will give the reasons for all of this, but in the meantime I submit to you to keep moving forward and if you are at a loss, them simple read this five tips. Try them for a week and I promise you will be blessed.

God Sends His Promises

It was several weeks ago.It had been a few days of the sheep wandering off. On this new day I woke up early to take care of the sheep and today they were behaving. I had a chat with them before opening the barn door. Telling them that I am like they are. I understand. That straight path to the perfect pasture for grazing has so many distractions. I told them they had to trust me in leading them to that pasture. Stay on course. It's only a 3 minute walk, but then you can run free. And they did as they were told. No herding circles around the house and out to a pasture that was not planned.

Later I dropped Ethan off at school and before closing the car door he looks back, smiles and says, "Thank you mama I love you."  Sometimes that is all that this mama needs is sheep who obey and your teenager saying sweet kind words.

I went on to my Bible study. I love these ladies. I love hearing how God is growing their hearts through life experiences. Together we discussed last Sunday's teaching on "Loving your Enemy". It was a wonderful dialogue.  Then I see  a call on my phone. I take the call and return to the table shaking and crying.

It was hard news. And the tissue box was passed my direction and the mascare I put on has all been poured down my face with tears. Today was suppose to be easy.  Says who?  Who said any day would be easy?  We all go through our days with the realization that things can change or not go as planned. I wanted to curl up in the fetal position, turn off my shop lights and cry my eyes out. That is not what God had planned. No he put me smack in the middle of the hearts of praying and loving women. Stopping the direction of our meeting and covering me in prayer. And guess what these are some of God's favorites. These women slighted the fear and the fretting with their prayers. And then one very sweet sister shared and prayed through Psalm 37. And God steps in with HIS words of encouragement and HIS promises.

Oh how God shows up and sends His promises. He put me right where I needed to be when a hard phone call comes. Have you had a blow to your day? Read the following passage. I highlighted those promises that have touched my heart. My heart was lifted and once again, as the weeks and months have shown me God is still in the business of the very promises written in the Bible.

My circumstances may not have changed, but my heart left less heavy covered in prayer and scripture.  Stay the course with Jesus through the harder days. He knows these days and his promises are true. Remember all the other times he has been there for you. 

Psalm 37 (copies from Biblegateway)

Do not fret because of those who are evil
    or be envious of those who do wrong;
² for like the grass they will soon wither,
    like green plants they will soon die away.

³ Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
⁴ Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

¹¹ But the meek will inherit the land
    and enjoy peace and prosperity....

¹⁷ for the power of the wicked will be broken,
    but the Lord upholds the righteous.

¹⁸ The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care,
    and their inheritance will endure forever.
¹⁹ In times of disaster they will not wither;
    in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

²¹ The wicked borrow and do not repay,
    but the righteous give generously;
²² those the Lord blesses will inherit the land,
    but those he curses will be destroyed.

²³ The Lord makes firm the steps
    of the one who delights in him;
²⁴ though he may stumble, he will not fall,
    for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

²⁶ They are always generous and lend freely;
    their children will be a blessing.^[b]

²⁷ Turn from evil and do good;
    then you will dwell in the land forever.
²⁸ For the Lord loves the just
    and will not forsake his faithful ones.

Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed^[c];
    the offspring of the wicked will perish.
²⁹ The righteous will inherit the land
    and dwell in it forever.

³⁰ The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom,
    and their tongues speak what is just.
³¹ The law of their God is in their hearts;
    their feet do not slip.

³³ but the Lord will not leave them in the power of the wicked
    or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

³⁴ Hope in the Lord
    and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;    when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.

Do you walk through each day with the confidence that God's Word and promises are true?  Look for His promises in your daily walk. Thank God through out the day for the ways he has covered your heart. Today I am thanking Him for Psalm 37 and these sweet gals. 

The Give AND Takeaway

This post was written on a Facebook Note page in December 2010. I thought it appropiate to share here:

The Give And Takeaway by Elizabeth Traub

There may be some who are offended by this note. If you are, perhaps it's really the convictions of your heart and the truths in which I share.

I have been overcome more these past few years with the amount of "taking" there is.  Many reports, advertisements, TV, movies, magazines and headlines promote "It is about You", "You do deserve More", "Take it while you Can".  There is a huge problem with this.  An even greater one when I watch those takers take and take and take.  This is for those who claim Christ and believe that the Word of God is the Way, the Truth , and the Life.

The Word of God states in a couple of the Ten Commandants:
Exodus 20:4 "You shall not make for yourself an idol"
Exodus 20:15 "You shall not steal."

I have watched for several years, kept quiet, stewed, brewed and chased my thoughts in circles as to how to address this situation happening among my Christian brothers and sisters.  It happens every single week, every single day, and often with a sense of entitlement which distorts and blurs the real heart of a situation.

Let me explain.  A person is in a financial situation and can not pay their bills. Heart-fully they share with another Christian brother or sister their situation.  Many going into a private meeting with a church leader to share as well.   That generous giving soul hears the heart of the situation and opens up their check book to help out this "prayerful" request.  The bleeding heart takes the money, pays the rent, or pays for the car repair, or pays for the food to feed the family with that money.  A few days later, that needy person is sporting a new handbag, shoes, and makes a statement how all of a sudden "God has blessed me".  No, that is where the distortion is.  Did God bless them with funds to be irresponsible with, so that next month the hand goes out again for help?  No. Do not be fooled.  God truly knows the heart and the intentions and the genuine needs.  This is stealing, lying and cheating. I can't think of what else it may be.  The world has taught a lie, which often is embraced as truth, which it is not.

If you have mismanaged your resources, your income, and now find yourself in trouble, I believe that God will honor the honesty of your heart, the confession and then your intention to work in that area of your life. You misrepresent your situation when you claim to have just fallen on hard times when in fact you have mishandled your resources and continue to take and take and take because a  kind heart has not heard the truth of your situation. It is a lie to express your hardships if you were out wining and dining the weekend before. If you have updated your technology for better, downloaded more stuff, oh it's just a few dollars, but it adds up.

Times are hard right now. I know that and count my blessings for a warm cozy home, and food on the table. I see a great many people stealing and lying to the church and receiving the goodness of a church wanting to help.Churches that understand the heart of Jesus to serve others.  What do you give back to that church who has helped you? Or do you take, take, take, and never give anything back?  I hope that if you are reading this, if you are a taker, that your heart would be convicted.

Matthew 25:38 "When was it we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing"  Jesus never turned away those in need, nor should we.  How that need is represented is where the concern comes in.

A couple of years ago more than half a dozen families shared with me their devastating loss's and asked where to go for immediate help.  These are the very same people who give to others, share their resources when and however they can, and in their time of need felt embarrassed to even have to ask for prayer or help.  The church came alongside to help, friends came along to help.  These families had no choice but to TAKE, TAKE, TAKE.  And as time has strengthened their situation, these are the same people who now come alongside others to help and in turn GIVE, GIVE, GIVE.

Perhaps you may have not been taught, or it was never role modeled what it looks like to give back.  We have become so self consumed, that many of us do not even have time to come alongside and help the church, a neighbor, or a friend anymore.  The very hand that feeds your heart, your soul, and many churches today feeding you, offering an amazing cup of coffee. Do you just show up and take?  Do you just come to be given too?  How do you give back to the very people, or the church that gives and gives and gives.

Do you free up a little time to serve those who so generously give of their time, their resources, their financial blessings?  I said in the beginning of this note that I have been stewing for years.  Watching people, Christ followers, claim to be in need on one hand, and on the next hand spending money frivolously on what they have to have now, and not able to take care of what needs to be taken care of later.  Then going and asking for help and painting a false picture of what the needs are.  Yes, if you spent your money last weekend fine dining, and road tripping, then sit with generous lovely old lady Sally telling her you can't afford your wedding dress.....you are deceiving both her and yourself.

Proverbs 12:14,15
"A man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his words, and the deeds of a man's hands will return to him. vs.15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,but a wise man is he who will listen to council."

The world give the "fools" view which at the time and moment seems right. It is never right to lie or steal no matter how we package it. Even if it's packaged as a genuine need, when it's not.  God does not call us into irresponsibility. No matter how you want to phrase or package it.

Seek council if you have problems managing your resources. Be upfront and honest and then truly God will bless you from one day to the next.  I know one thing for sure, as again those who have been given to under false pretenses often know it was false already, as once they are given to, you never see them again, and they go from one giving heart to the next lying, stealing, taking and this becomes the habit of their lives. It is time to break that habit?

Recently one women shared with me the generosity of her church.  The money was given to turn electric back on, fill the cupboards with food, and put gas in the car.  That was was never used for those things.  Instead a family trip commenced and glory be, "God just blessed our family." Not so "glory be" they were back at the church the next week asking for more, and never disclosing that trip.

If you continue to read in Proverbs 12 you will read this:
vs.17 "He who speaks truth tells what is right, but a false witness speaks of deceit."
vs.20 "Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil."
vs.21 "No harm befalls the righteous, but the wicked are filled with trouble."

Where are you in this line up of scripture?  Is your life a constant trouble? Do you falsely represent your situation? Do you think it is deceitful when you falsely express the needs, when you know in fact you have just mismanaged, overly indulged, and now you are forced, by the world's views to continue to take?

The Word of God is the resource for us to grow more in the knowledge of our walk with God. I want my walk to be honest, I want to walk in truth and be able to give back to those who come alongside to give.  I pray that we see the heart of Jesus, and in knowing Him intimately we surrender the falsehoods of our lives.

I pray that as we are given to, we give back.  I pray that if you are taking under false pretenses God convicts your heart to be honest with yourself, more importantly with Him, and you allow Him to expose this in your life.

Blessings & Love, Elizabeth Traub

Ethan's Story Part 2

Dear Cristina, Today I read your email and today, I am praying for your mama heart. I wrote this for Ethan, so have a record of those first moments of being implanted. Now I pass along to you.

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This is part 2 of a journal entry I made back in 2005.

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One Sunday evening in October I lost it. I mean sobbing, on the floor crying out to God kind of losing it. I was bitter, I was angry. I could not forgive the "system" that had failed Ethan. Had Ethan been diagnosed correctly, had we not been told to keep waiting yet another six months Ethan's life would have been so much easier. Our lives would have been so much easier. I was angry and bitter towards my husband. He got away every single day from the craziness of home. He had 45 minutes in the morning and another 45 minutes in the evening in his car commuting. I was angry over the fact that he could have quiet, he did not have to deal with the day in and day out struggles. I begged him to take days off for a break and was angry that he didn't. Why God, why me? I lay on the floor in a heap of smeared tears. I opened my Bible and read Job 1:22...through all of this Job did not sin nor did he blame God...

I sat on the floor and pondered this knowing the story of Job, this did bring me some comfort. That night I prayed like I never had and surrendered Ethan completely. I knew it would not change his diagnosis, nor would tomorrow be any different. Perhaps adopting a different mentality would keep me from signing up for anxiety drugs, or depression drugs..because I would say often that I am one drink away from being an alcoholic. I truly was no longer able to cope.

The next morning I had an early flight out of Portland to Los Angeles. I was meeting with a client from 9:00am-11:00am. I asked David to schedule me on the first flight out of Portland and return on the last flight out of LA. I planned to wander over to Beverly Hills to shop and take a days break from the realities of home.

After my meeting this woman asked if she could take me to lunch. I was caught between my own time in Beverly Hills to feeling that I should accept her invitation. I chose to accept her invitation. During our lunch she asked me about my children and like a proud mama I spoke of Elliot, Emily, and Eric. (Emerson was not born at this time). I shared with her that I cry when I speak of Ethan and having such a raw heart from the night before the tears just spilled over my chicken salad. As I spoke she pulled out her cell phone and dialed. I thought, at first, it was just a quick calls he needed to make and I paused. She handed me the phone and said you need to speak with this person. She told me that her husband was one of the founders of the Hearing Institute of UCLA. WHAT!!!! Am I sitting here with an angel. If I go back to her office will it even exist.

The man on the other end spoke with a beautiful South African accent. One that was only familiar to having been around an old family friends over 20 years ago. It turned out that he knew this gal well. (Allison that is you if you are reading this).

He shared with me the option of Cochlear Implants. An option? What? Why had I not been informed of these before. After our conversation I looked at this woman who brought hope into my life with one lunch, I was reluctant to attend, and then one phone call. God was working all along. This moment in my life changed the future of Ethan for ever. I was able to forgive and let go of the anger, the bitterness and move forward. When I returned home I was able to share with David this experience. He could not believe it. The UCLA guy told me exactly who to speak with in Oregon. It turns out that this person would be at OHSU where my husband works.

On November 9, 2004 I left a message with the person we now call Dr. Don. At first I was a little scared and intimidated to learn that his title was about 14 bigger than life words long. I had decided that as the mama bear protects her young I would let this man know how HIS system had failed Ethan. Bring it on buster. Truly that was my mindful thoughts.

On November 12, 2004 I received a call from Dr. Don. Within five minutes of our conversation Ethan's world had new hope again. Dr. Don was able to pull up Ethan's records and reviewed his history with me right there on the phone. He boldly shared his concerns over Ethan's lack of care and even never having been informed of Early Intervention care until almost three years old. He apologized over and over again that our son had slipped through his system. As he reviewed Ethan's records, he kept saying that I can not believe how this could have happened. In that very first conversation he said that Ethan would be taken out of protocol process for a Cochlear Implant. A process that typically took 8-12 months at that time.

On November 22, 2004 Ethan went in for a MRI and CT scan. It was discovered that Ethan had a rare disorder called Enlarged Vestibular Aqueduct with complete deafness being the prognosis. We learned that had these tests been done in his infancy he would have and could have been implanted by 12 months of age with little or no delays in language. All over again I had to grieve and work through anger, bitterness, and resentment.

I chose that day NOT ever to look back but to look ahead and work with where we were at. It would serve no one for me to walk with bitterness, anger, and grief. I just said out loud in my car with Ethan screaming in his car seat which was typical. I said God, your are real in my life and I can not forgive on my own. Please take the grief, the bitterness, and the anger from my heart today. I realized that in that moment it was not one's intentions to have Ethan fall through the cracks. He just did and our lives were miserable, and God had offered hope and it was going to be my job to embrace that hope with confidence, joy, and a renewed spirit.

On January 26, 2005 Ethan underwent surgery for a Cochlear Implant. He would then have to wait four weeks to have the initial stimulation of sounds turned on, so his incision could heal.

On February 22, 2005 My almost three year old played at a table in Dr. Don's office. Dr. Don turned on Ethan's device and said "ba-ba-ba-ba" "Ethan-ba-ba-ba-ba". Being implanted is not a guarantee, but the hope is that his head, ears, cochlear would respond. With the first sound Ethan stopped looked around at all of in the room, our entire family and a family friend. Out of his mouth came the following.."ba-ba-ba-ba". I cry as I type this. He heard, word perfect and repeated back exactly those first sounds. There was a light in Ethan's eyes that we had never seen before. The surgery was a success. Ethan could hear. It was a technological miracle that day. The video camera was rolling and we have recorded those first sounds and many more that came for Ethan.

That was six days ago, to the date of this journal entry. I thought when Ethan could hear the tears would stop, but they are only more. A day does not pass that I have cried tears of complete joy. The car ride home from Dr. Don's office was so precious. His brother Elliot looked at Ethan and said "hi", and Ethan said "hi" back. The two said hi back and forth the entire car ride home. Within less than a week Ethan is able to say "mommy come here" in a very young baby kind of way. But he can say it, and like an baby and young toddler learning to talk Ethan now understand what it means to use his voice. Ethan has learned that baby brother Eric makes noise when he cries, that there is a dog on the other side of the fence and that planes are loud. He points to his ear all the time to tell me that he heard something, looks with this questionable look and then I explain or show him what it is.

Ethan walks from one room to the next tapping on everything. Chairs, tables, walls and asks me if I can hear dat? It is six days into Ethan hearing. I was holding him, singing a song and I said Ethan I love you. And he said back to me "mama I love youooooooo".

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Today as I remember back I am amazed even now with what Ethan has accomplished in all the catching up he has had to do. He is a drummer. Not just banging on walls and tables he is amazing on the drums. He is smart and twice this year in first grade has received Honor Roll. He has the same first grade teacher Emily had almost 14 years ago. He is blessed to be in a private school that does not pay him any special attention. He is expected to achieve just like any normal hearing kid and he does. He will talk your ears off. No kidding!!! Being locked up inside for almost three years he's got lots to say. It has now been over four years, six months after his first Cochlear Implant he received his second.

Ethan just turned seven this week and he is the delight of our lives. He is hilariously funny, fun, and can build "any age" Lego set. He is kind of proud of his Lego building skills. Thanks for reading. I wanted to share this in the week of Ethan's seventh year. Be blessed.

H.O.P.E.

I am someone who lives every day with HOPE. My hope is in knowing intimately who God is in my life. A relationship that is between God and me. Often others do not understand it, or get it, but I don't need any one person to understand me. I would hope that my life would cause a person to desire and know Him more because of me.

When my heart aches I can focus my thoughts and my will towards Him. I can open the Bible and ask God to show me who to be in a situation that has me hurting, baffled, misunderstood, blamed, and falsely accused. There have been many times when my lack of "breaking down" has concerned people because apparently I should be breaking down. Life and circumstances give me reasons to, but here I sit or stand before God and asking the questions to Him of what next Lord. I have hope in a situation because He is my Lord and Savior. I can't have hope in a person. People will always fail on some level. I will fail others on many levels, although that would never be my intentions.

So today my heart explodes with joy over events and circumstances, and in the next breath is breaking over another situation. Two situations that HOPE will be the gauge of my heart. Hope will lead me, and direct my paths. Hope in the name of the Lord, Hope in Him, Hope for tomorrow and the days to come.

Dear Sisters in Christ, I ask how HOPE delivers your heart from the difficult task of being Jesus. Knowing that the Holy Spirit will go before you if you ask, and trusting in the HOPE of Him delivering on your request.

I have seen God work miracles around me in the past few months. My faith has not been shaken. I may have taken a few wrong turns, and yet God has shown me how to get back on a path of His Will in my life. It is my desire to recognize Him, the hope of His plans for my life and the joy in knowing Him even when the path is difficult.

Sometimes it's like I am in the mountains on this beautiful trail. Plugging along and enjoyingn the freshness of the air, the beauty of blue sky, and then without looking up a branch tangles my hair, or catches my glasses, and knocks me on my butt. I tumble off the trail, down a few feet, caught in brambles and lose sight of th trail. There dangling are those big black glasses of mine. I pick myself up, shake off the brambles, take a deep breath of that fine air and get moving back on the trail. Whew! I hope that you get the picture. Perhaps it may look simular to yours.

Rest on that trail, in Him, and do not let that dangling branch send you backwards. I love how God shows up, removes the branch, grabs my hands and sends me down His perfect path. I have hope just like that. Dear Lord, thanks for being my HOPE in all things.

Drum Clock Story

Ethan's Drum Set Clock

This is the face of one happy faith building moment!!!!

I want to take this time to share a story about Ethan. He is six years old. He is an extremely concrete thinker and for this reason does not do well with abstract thinking or concepts. As a matter of fact there are times when he will get so frustrated because he can not grasp the answers I give him.

This past January Ethan started drum lessons. For those of you who know him, this is truly a dream come true for a six year old. We are so blessed that the teacher would even take him, being young, deaf and all, but I assured the teacher that Ethan does fine with his Cochlear Implants and that he also does well in school. Ethan’s first lesson was very hard. Ethan is shy until he decides you are okay in his mind. For some he can cut loose immediately, for others it is a slow process. For Mr. Watson it was a slow process. Mr. Watson has an amazing music studio with several drum sets set up, as well as all kinds of interesting instruments. Ethan, as if in a candy store, ran from one thing to the next. I was impressed that the teacher was not going crazy having this kid touching and trying everything out. No, he just followed Ethan with the hope of connecting.

The drum teacher has this red clock. The clock is a drum set with the face of the clock in the base-kick thing. I apologize I am no drummer. Ethan saw that and wanted it. I mean wanted to pack it up and take it home. He was actually very angry that he could not have it. Even with the explanation of it not being his, which he gets this, but today he was just not getting it. Fortunately he did not throw some kind of fit until the comforts of our car, but I was so frustrated that he could not understand that this clock was special. Mr. Watson said he has had it for many years and well that is that.

From that lesson I felt a little weary. I know Ethan. I assured Mr. Watson that you will know when Ethan is comfortable with you in that he will ask you more questions than anyone person could possibly ask. I still think Ethan is making up for his first three years of not hearing.

After our lesson we had a trip to Good Will scheduled. Ethan was still moaning about the clock. Ethan also has a hard time grasping the concept of God. He said that he does not understand why he won’t’ show him His face. I simply say that He wants it to be fair (six year olds do get this) so when everyone goes to Heaven we all see His face together. I went onto to tell him that God shows us who He is in many different ways. He even blesses us when we least expect it in all kinds of ways.

Ethan then says that he wants God to bless him with the drum clock. What could I say? Sure, just ask God to bless you with the clock. So there in the car Ethan prayed for a clock. I then said that God does not always bless us with what we think we need, but with what will truly bring us closer to understanding Him. Ethan said something like; I think I will understand God more if He gives me a clock.

I love car rides with just one child. I love our conversations and all the directions they go. I love how they just open up with no competition of quickly getting a word in before someone else speaks up. So on we continue into the Good Will store to look for a book on airplanes. It did take us but one minute to find a really cool hardback book on airplanes. Ethan was so excited, as he is going to be a drummer and a fighter plane pilot. We wandered over to another area and there before our eyes. A red drum set clock. Exactly like his drum teachers. I started to cry. I just held up this thing and could not even believe it. Ethan kept saying, see mom God knew I really wanted this clock. I shared this story with Mr. Watson. I love what he said. Something like…”God showed His face through the face of a clock.” How cool is that. God knows how to bring understanding in such a simple way. I thought how much I must miss by my lack of faith, but then I look at my life and think how very blessed I have been too. We have a saying around our home, which I humbly share. Our family seems to walk in God’s musical favor. When the need is there musically God always delivers. This event with the drum set clock is just another example. In another story I will have to share how Ethan acquired his amazing drum set. Truly this is another amazing God kind of thing.

A quiet time of reflection

For the past few weeks I have spent the better part of the boy's napping time in prayer. Our church is hosting a women's event and I have been asked to share my story. There are many people working hard behind the scenes and I know that my part is not just sharing my story but taking time every day to pray for those who are working behind the scenes and for those women who will be attending.


Each day I have reflected on specific events in my life. I have poured through years of journaling and find myself in tears over and over again. Sometimes the tears are mourning once again that little broken girl, sometimes the tears are complete awe and wonder of how specific God has been in so many areas of my life. I am so glad to have these pages to read, to reflect, and to have the tangible evidence of God in my life. I wrote in my journal in March of 1985. I was a first year college student struggling with the normal things that young girls struggle with. One phrase I wrote "Dear Lord help me to live like You would live in the business of life". I go on to talk about a boy I was dating, my studies, and not making the traveling music group. Realizing that music was my passion and I did not make the group. The director pulled me aside, and said that I have had many opportunities in life. This other person has very little and this will esteem her. I was told that I sing much better than she but she needed this more than I did. In my journal I prayed that God would give me a career in music.

Today, as I reflect I chuckle at the sense of humor God truly has. A career in music I asked. Little did I know that career would be providing the opportunities for young musicians in my own home. Little did my 19 year old heart know that God had bigger and better plans when that was my only plan.

I have not had much time to sit and ponder thoughts to be written, but today impressed on my heart is simply that God has always had a plan in my life for His Glory. I may have swayed from His plan, but always He takes me back into His arms of Love and Care. As I pour through the pages of my life, the reflections of how I have so miserably stumbled I thank God for giving me so much to be grateful for, for the blessings bestowed on my family and on me. Even in hard times we don't have to look to hard to find God's plan and purpose.

I can embrace the past with a true Hope for the future. Blessings.