The Secret to Youth is Forgiveness

The Secret To Youth Is Forgiveness. Forgiveness is not easy. Forgiveness is not a onetime act. Forgiveness is a habit that needs to be practiced and covered with holiness and prayer.

Psalm 86:5 

"You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you."

I wake up most every single day saying this simple prayer, “Dear God please let my heart love the way YOU love even when it hurts and is hard.” And throughout the day, when anger or resentments want to take up space in my head or heart I will pray and cover myself in more prayer. And one day you wake up and say this prayer, “God I know I pray this every day and it may seem monotone but really I am sure that anger and resentment would like to creep in. Cover me in your love that nothing about who I am carries anger and resentment into my day.” And the calm of forgiveness comes.

Many years ago, I was speaking at a women’s retreat. I felt like I was NOT even qualified to be talking to women about God and life, but I had to trust that they trusted me and therefore God would somehow use me. I spoke on developing habits in our relationship with God. I shared how the habit of forgiveness is not an easy one when we are in relationships that continually hurt us. I shared some habits I had developed in hopes that these ladies may learn and grow through forgiveness. One gal came up to me afterwards.  She got within a few inches of my face and told me that she had been praying for 25 years and forgiveness was not something she could do. I did not back away. I looked at her worn, stone hard face. I learned that she was in her late 40’s. I was in my early 40’s. She went on to tell me that I had not been hurt hard enough or lived long enough to understand what real pain is. And when that time came I would be “preaching a different message.” She was shocked to learn that I was in my 40’s.

I came away thanking God for intervening into my heart. I just listened and asked her if I could pray with her. Her face, her body, her tone and her countenance were riddled with resentments and anger. I wanted to tell her that I was abused as a child. Beaten, bruised, and molested. I wanted to tell her of damaged relationships that left me empty. I wanted to tell her the pains of my life that was caused by others. I did not. I just prayed with her. And it was then I began to take notice of how people wore their anger and resentments. The health issues and the pains. The hardness of hearts and it was then I postured my heart more to see that no matter what offenses come my way I could be a forgiving daughter of Christ.

How do you forgive and let go?  I heard once that we have this notion that we, “forgive and forget.” “When really we forgive, and remember.” There is love in forgiveness. And when we do remember, because scars are reminders, we choose to love. We choose to cover the other person in love, and in doing that we protect our own hearts with love. Easy enough, right?

Five Things I have Learned About Forgiving

1.    Forgiveness is a verb. Taking steps and action on your part. No one is responsible but you. Not the person who offended or hurt you. YOU are the only one who can act on that stage of forgiveness.

2.       Pray for the person. I cannot forgive on my own. On my own I would be inclined to say bad words in my head. And I am not even a person who uses bad words. However, when I feel the pain of the hurt or the offense, I just pray for that person. I mean good Godly Holy prayers that last an hour and have me speaking in old testament dialect. Not really. It’s more like, “Dear God you know I am in pain here. Help me to forgive and give me a heart of love toward that person.” And really God intervenes into my thoughts and heart condition.

3.       Write their name(s) in your journal. Next to their name list ways you can pray for them.  And then pray for them. Ask God to speak into your heart how you can pray for that person. I would like to pray, “Dear God, may this person rot in a cold dark place for what they did.” However when you truly seek God  how to love and forgive HE pours the wisdom of praying into your thoughts. “Dear God, I know this person is in need and I pray you would provide and through those provisions you would bring someone along to show love and kindness.” Really on my own I do not come up with this stuff.

4.       Serve those who have hurt you. I am not saying go out of your way and put yourself in a position of more hurt. That is not what I am talking about here. Trust me, the day the courts handed me over to the state at the age of 11 years old. I had no desire to EVER face my step-dad. In my late 20’s I started praying for him. If you are interfacing with the peoples who have hurt you then step into how you can serve them. I faced a person who hurt me deeply in a coffee shop a couple of years ago, I was kind of mad at God about that one because I felt God saying, “you need to go over and show her love. Ask her questions and give her a heart that says forgiveness.” DRAT!!!  I sat in that coffee shop for 45 minutes arguing with God. And then my legs stood up. I walked over to her and asked if I could sit down. I asked about her life, her kids and how she was doing. She thanked me and even squeezed my hand. There was no talk of the offenses. Out of obedience to God, I could sit and love on her with a true heart of forgiveness.

5.       Avoid gossiping about the people who have hurt you by name or affiliation. The world is small and just last week I faced a very big deal that could have been bad had I blabbed about it. There were some HUGE injustices towards my daughter. I had decided to go into social media and use this company as an example. I mean don't you think future customers should know about this company? But then God, and again an argument between me and God. Okay talking about God and my fighting obedience seems to be common. Why? There is that need to let everyone know just exactly what that company did. Yet I talked with my daughter and said I would not be using social media and that we could just move on and forgive. And it turns out that there is a friend affiliated with this company.

Forgiveness is never easy.  I titled and started this post with, “The Secret To Youth Is Forgiveness”. Resentment and anger wear our faces and bodies down. Holding on, and keeping the icky stuff inside weighs heavy on a person’s countenance. I get asked all the time what kind of skin remedies I have. I always chuckle. “Uh Ivory soap and Banana Boat after Sun Care.” I have used these two products since I was 14 years old. But really the secret is forgiveness. I am sure that is it. Which also contributes to my good health.

Psalm 86:5 

"You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you."

What are you hanging onto?  What consumes your thoughts? What hurts are lingering?  Un-Forgiveness causes hurts to linger. Not forgiving eats a person up from the inside out. I submit to you right now that if you do not know how to forgive, just practice for two weeks these five steps. Ask God to step into your heart and thoughts and HE will intervene. The freedom of forgiveness is the secret to youth. Love and Blessings dear Friends~Elizabeth

Happy Anniversary To Those Who Married A Good One

 

There is MUCH  joy in sitting across from a dear friend over lunch. Friends for over 25 years.  A long four hour lunch.  Lots of catching up. Lots of chit chat over each others lives and then................

She leans in, she smiles this young girl crushing on a boy kind of smile and says, "Elizabeth I got a good one. He is a hard worker, great provider, a very good lover, even after 40 years.  Sure he has gained some weight, but he is a good man. He has always been my best friend.Some seasons in our life he has worked long hours while I was raising our kids, but I never once doubted his commitment and love to me. We have been through a lot together"

This summer my Facebook feed has been filled with the celebration of wedding anniversaries. Some a couple of  years, some ten or twenty years or more.  That lovely wedding picture posted and my heart leaps with great joy  I am like a young girl, listening, taking notes and praying that one day I may find a good one.  

As a single woman twice divorced, it's such a joy to see couples fighting for their love no matter what. The one thing that I hear over and over that follows all the gush is the trust in that "commitment" to each other. With each picture and post that streamed on Facebook, quiet prayers of "keep fighting for your love" because no one else will do that for you. No therapist, no mentor, no attorney. Believe me I know this to well. Those sad endings of your friends and his friends and no one, not one person will stand beside you and encourage you to fight for love.  Standing firm and holding hands no matter how life steps in.  I have sat back watching, learning and watching some of my closest friends work out love  and marriage and seeing how God is growing that love and growing them deeper into a love that only they know and share.I still dream and still wants to do the work, the hard work that I never got to do.  And here I am sitting and smiling and believing it's out there for all of us somewhere and someday.

 

After the cake is cut,and the guests have left you have a lifetime to make your marriage work.   Perhaps I might have a cake made in celebration of those who have made it work. Of dear friends who are speaking into me a kind of love that I did not have or know. The kind that fights with everything you have to then forty years later sit across from a girlfriend with dreamy eyes over having married a "good one."

Happy Anniversary to all my dear friends who  have married good ones.  You are always an example to me of commitment and love.  I know your stories and I know how you have worked out the hard stuff. Sometimes with grace and beauty and sometimes in messy ways, but you are celebrating and I celebrate with you.  Sheri, Stefani, Renee, Lauree, Ann, Kathy, Rita, Deborah, Amanda, Alyson, Alicia, Elliot & Sarah, and so many more.  I am cheering you all on to the next years and the rest of your lives with that good one you got.

And someday, maybe God will take me down this path again.

 

The Give AND Takeaway

This post was written on a Facebook Note page in December 2010. I thought it appropiate to share here:

The Give And Takeaway by Elizabeth Traub

There may be some who are offended by this note. If you are, perhaps it's really the convictions of your heart and the truths in which I share.

I have been overcome more these past few years with the amount of "taking" there is.  Many reports, advertisements, TV, movies, magazines and headlines promote "It is about You", "You do deserve More", "Take it while you Can".  There is a huge problem with this.  An even greater one when I watch those takers take and take and take.  This is for those who claim Christ and believe that the Word of God is the Way, the Truth , and the Life.

The Word of God states in a couple of the Ten Commandants:
Exodus 20:4 "You shall not make for yourself an idol"
Exodus 20:15 "You shall not steal."

I have watched for several years, kept quiet, stewed, brewed and chased my thoughts in circles as to how to address this situation happening among my Christian brothers and sisters.  It happens every single week, every single day, and often with a sense of entitlement which distorts and blurs the real heart of a situation.

Let me explain.  A person is in a financial situation and can not pay their bills. Heart-fully they share with another Christian brother or sister their situation.  Many going into a private meeting with a church leader to share as well.   That generous giving soul hears the heart of the situation and opens up their check book to help out this "prayerful" request.  The bleeding heart takes the money, pays the rent, or pays for the car repair, or pays for the food to feed the family with that money.  A few days later, that needy person is sporting a new handbag, shoes, and makes a statement how all of a sudden "God has blessed me".  No, that is where the distortion is.  Did God bless them with funds to be irresponsible with, so that next month the hand goes out again for help?  No. Do not be fooled.  God truly knows the heart and the intentions and the genuine needs.  This is stealing, lying and cheating. I can't think of what else it may be.  The world has taught a lie, which often is embraced as truth, which it is not.

If you have mismanaged your resources, your income, and now find yourself in trouble, I believe that God will honor the honesty of your heart, the confession and then your intention to work in that area of your life. You misrepresent your situation when you claim to have just fallen on hard times when in fact you have mishandled your resources and continue to take and take and take because a  kind heart has not heard the truth of your situation. It is a lie to express your hardships if you were out wining and dining the weekend before. If you have updated your technology for better, downloaded more stuff, oh it's just a few dollars, but it adds up.

Times are hard right now. I know that and count my blessings for a warm cozy home, and food on the table. I see a great many people stealing and lying to the church and receiving the goodness of a church wanting to help.Churches that understand the heart of Jesus to serve others.  What do you give back to that church who has helped you? Or do you take, take, take, and never give anything back?  I hope that if you are reading this, if you are a taker, that your heart would be convicted.

Matthew 25:38 "When was it we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing"  Jesus never turned away those in need, nor should we.  How that need is represented is where the concern comes in.

A couple of years ago more than half a dozen families shared with me their devastating loss's and asked where to go for immediate help.  These are the very same people who give to others, share their resources when and however they can, and in their time of need felt embarrassed to even have to ask for prayer or help.  The church came alongside to help, friends came along to help.  These families had no choice but to TAKE, TAKE, TAKE.  And as time has strengthened their situation, these are the same people who now come alongside others to help and in turn GIVE, GIVE, GIVE.

Perhaps you may have not been taught, or it was never role modeled what it looks like to give back.  We have become so self consumed, that many of us do not even have time to come alongside and help the church, a neighbor, or a friend anymore.  The very hand that feeds your heart, your soul, and many churches today feeding you, offering an amazing cup of coffee. Do you just show up and take?  Do you just come to be given too?  How do you give back to the very people, or the church that gives and gives and gives.

Do you free up a little time to serve those who so generously give of their time, their resources, their financial blessings?  I said in the beginning of this note that I have been stewing for years.  Watching people, Christ followers, claim to be in need on one hand, and on the next hand spending money frivolously on what they have to have now, and not able to take care of what needs to be taken care of later.  Then going and asking for help and painting a false picture of what the needs are.  Yes, if you spent your money last weekend fine dining, and road tripping, then sit with generous lovely old lady Sally telling her you can't afford your wedding dress.....you are deceiving both her and yourself.

Proverbs 12:14,15
"A man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his words, and the deeds of a man's hands will return to him. vs.15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,but a wise man is he who will listen to council."

The world give the "fools" view which at the time and moment seems right. It is never right to lie or steal no matter how we package it. Even if it's packaged as a genuine need, when it's not.  God does not call us into irresponsibility. No matter how you want to phrase or package it.

Seek council if you have problems managing your resources. Be upfront and honest and then truly God will bless you from one day to the next.  I know one thing for sure, as again those who have been given to under false pretenses often know it was false already, as once they are given to, you never see them again, and they go from one giving heart to the next lying, stealing, taking and this becomes the habit of their lives. It is time to break that habit?

Recently one women shared with me the generosity of her church.  The money was given to turn electric back on, fill the cupboards with food, and put gas in the car.  That was was never used for those things.  Instead a family trip commenced and glory be, "God just blessed our family." Not so "glory be" they were back at the church the next week asking for more, and never disclosing that trip.

If you continue to read in Proverbs 12 you will read this:
vs.17 "He who speaks truth tells what is right, but a false witness speaks of deceit."
vs.20 "Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil."
vs.21 "No harm befalls the righteous, but the wicked are filled with trouble."

Where are you in this line up of scripture?  Is your life a constant trouble? Do you falsely represent your situation? Do you think it is deceitful when you falsely express the needs, when you know in fact you have just mismanaged, overly indulged, and now you are forced, by the world's views to continue to take?

The Word of God is the resource for us to grow more in the knowledge of our walk with God. I want my walk to be honest, I want to walk in truth and be able to give back to those who come alongside to give.  I pray that we see the heart of Jesus, and in knowing Him intimately we surrender the falsehoods of our lives.

I pray that as we are given to, we give back.  I pray that if you are taking under false pretenses God convicts your heart to be honest with yourself, more importantly with Him, and you allow Him to expose this in your life.

Blessings & Love, Elizabeth Traub

LOVE

This goes beyond Valentine's Day.  Take a moment to read:

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