I do not like being in a funk. This has been a week long funk. It has been one of those weeks when I have to take a step back, not put to much on my plate, and try to understand what is causing my funk. What does a funk for Elizabeth look like?
It starts with self talk. Self talk that leads me down a path of many conversations to myself that are not encouraging to me. I am sure they have a disorder to tag onto this kind of funk. For some reason I realize that I am not productive in my home, don't care really what does or does not get done and then I say..."I am in a funk."
I don't try to get out of it. I want to stay there and try to figure out what got me here and work from backwards to forward. Sometimes my funks only last a few hours and I don't have to go very far back to figure things out. Once I figure things out, I can resolve and process just what the issue might be that got me there.
I woke up Tuesday morning, after sleeping twelve hours. I went to be really early and thought I would read for a couple of hours. My mind started thinking and reading turned into thinking, which slipped me into a long nights sleep. I woke up feeling sad. My sad is not my families sad. I come alongside and get everyone ready for the day, for school, serving up a good breakfast with a smile, morning kisses, and a joyful heart. All the while masking my funk. I could not keep the mask on long. A couple hours into the morning I was able begin to sort out my thoughts and feelings. Emerson was off into his world of playing and I thought if I just open my Bible and begin reading and writing in my journal I would understand more of my own heart. It did not come quickly.
I slept a lot this week. More each night and a little more understanding. Here is my reality.
Last weekend I had a great time with some amazing women in my life. Grown up girls spending a weekend together. No boys, no kids just us girls. One evening we all sat by a cozy fire, snow inches deep outside, and our favorite drinks in hand. We began sharing our hearts on different topics of our lives today and our lives past. It was pretty amazing. I am a big fan of processing outward and in each person's time that is exactly what we did. It was pretty amazing to hear the stories of overcoming, dealing with the things life has dealt each one of us, and sitting around a cozy fire each lovely lady listening to the other. So if this was such a special time, why I am I in funk?
I realized today, now Saturday, that I am sad for the things I can not change in my life. The things that are what they are. Things that I had shared of my life and my past. So I have to take myself through a process that allows me to feel the sadness, to embrace the realities and then in so doing I actually do a better job being real about those things in my life. Those "things" don't need to be made public on a blog. Often I do write on many deeper subjects and sometimes I don't.
So this past week, in my funk I now reflect in a different way that does not keep me here. I understand it better, I took time, lots of time to think things through and I come out on the other side with a peace like I did not have before.
"And I pray that the fellowship of your faith may become effective through the knowledge of every good thing which is in you through Christ Jesus."
I can not focus on the things that I can not change in my life. Some things that are not so good. But I can find the good things, focus and embrace those things and find the joy to turn the calender in each new day.
Let the Word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God."
Reading the Bible does richly dwell within me. I have to sing and hear the words God has offered through many gifted and talented musicians. It stirs my heart. I can't stay where I am, in a funk, when I begin to take inventory of all that God gives to get me through and through. His Word is filled with teaching and wisdom that I crave. Especially when I am in a funk.
As a new day and new week begin I can now better understand my own heart on matters that have to do with just that the heart. Matters that only God can overcome with us, with me and in so doing I can truly remove any mask and show joy that is real. We each have a process in overcoming. Some take minutes, days or years. My funk, my process this time, was one of my longest ones ever and in that time I have learned more about what it means to be a follower of Christ.