Happy Mother's Day 2018

How about another "Mother's Day" blog? I never thought that I was the voice of wisdom when it came to being a mother. As a matter of fact when asked, over the years, various questions about parenting I always circled back to the greatest teacher of motherhood, God's Word.

One thing I have learned in being a mother is this simple and powerful truth. From 1Corinthians 13:8 the passage starts with "Love never fails."  This truth is what has been the foundation of being a mother. Love, what does it mean?  The passages before this verse are as follows and build the founations of what love is.

1 Corinthains 13:4-6

^"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

This is my answer to being a mother. In any and all circumstances God's Word taught me to be a mother. Read this passage and ask God to pour His words into you as you mother your children. Those days when you need extra patience, when you need to be kind look to God's Word. In a world of social media conversations I ask that you NEVER dishonor your children on social media or any where.  I have actually messaged mama's carrying on about the negative behaviors of their children and believe me when I say, it was not easy, but it was not honoring to their child. And when you feel your temperature rising, take a walk. Hold that anger in check and be an example to your children of grace in difficult times. Protect, trust and hope because love never fails. 

One day they will grow up and you will leave a legacy of motherhood. What will that look like? I posted on instagram today this picture of my children. A picture taken a few years back. Here is the message I sent to my children...

"My dear children, you have no idea the absolute JOY my heart feels to think that God would choose me to be your mama. The greatest gift you each give me is your love and passion to be like Jesus and your friendships with each other. My heart is full."

May you find peace in this day. Remember that love never fails. If  you have lost your mother, may this be a day to honor and reflect on her goodness. If you have a strained relationship with your mother, remember she chose you. She may have not known how to be a good mother, but she did choose you. For that you can thank her. May you go and in peace today knowing that you were chosen, and loved. Happy Mother's Day.

Accepting The Techy NEW normal.

I have a confession. A few Sundays ago while waiting for church to start I ordered my daughter's birthday presents on-line.  I looked to my right and my daughter-in-love was taking selfies with my youngest. It has been a hard road to accept this new normal in tech at your fingertips.

I realized during this church service that I was using my phone to look up the verses shared, and then to look up deeper meaning in an online commentary. I actually got more out of the message by answering some of the questions rattling around in my head by going to my phone and looking up deeper insights.  It turns out that I am getting better at accepting what has now been around for well over 10 years.

Why has it taken so long for me to NOT be offended that a phone interrupted my time with face to face meetings? I think the detest started with my daughter, who at the time was 16 years old and texting was introduced. She started dating someone and she sat in one spot in the family room for over an hour texting with this young man. I mean how do you have a conversation without actually using your voice-box?. "Oh mom, you need to get with the times." I honestly recall her saying something like that. That was over 12 years ago.

The texting thing led to dinner table rules of "No phones at the table" which led to that wonderful thing of calling your phone service provider and asking that that texting feature be removed from my daughter's phone for three months. I was not about to let my daughter go down this path of disconnecting with human souls. That is what it seemed like to me 12 years ago.

I am an older mom raising young teen boys in the fancy phone culture. None of my boys have their own phones. I am not that popular around here. They do have access to some of my older phones and get phone time. I admit I love that the sports enthusiast can watch games on his phone. And learning to play cribbage with an app. And I love face-timing with my kids, and we do have specific rules which so far comes with some grumbling. I am okay with that,too.

Here is what I do not understand. When parents say they can not get their kids off their phones. It's pretty easy. Take the phone, hide it and insist that rules are to be kept or phones are taken. I had one kid go three months without a phone. It was pretty easy. Argue with me over your phone and you lose a week. Keep arguing and you lose even more time. I have been a little more flexible during vacations and holiday seasons but the bottom line is mom is charge of it all. I have their social media passwords and at any given time mom can take the phones. And the kids have learned to comply with the rules.

It really is not a "new normal" if you are under the age of twenty. This is your only normal, but for us older folks it does take a little getting use to.

And who does not love a good selfie of your kids when the sneak your phone. I love those goofy pictures and can say with confidence we have figured out how to navigate as a family. It has come with some struggles, but overall nothing makes my heart happy than to be tucking kids into bed who are reading books because when all is said and done, the phones are turned off and life still does have the old normal lingering.

I think I will write a post on five ways to stay connected with your kids. As I am happy to say my kids allow me to comment on their social media sights. They are not embarrassed of my sharing and I may be a bit more hip than most when it comes to teenagers and phones.

Happy New Year 2018

I am not starting the new year out as well as I had hoped. The flu bug that is ravaging many I know hit me. I think I have my sister Suzanne to thank for this. However after a wonderful post Christmas vacation in her home, I would carry the weight of the flu all over again for the fun we all had.

I have just spent the better part of two hours sitting at my desk and telling my body to, "be well and overcome this sickness." And then I look over at Eric who is not feeling well and I think..."dang this flu bug." When your head is foggy and you ache and have a fever it's easy to think it's the end of the world. Reality is I have sat here for two hours cleansing the old, and in with the new. And thinking about how 2017 is a reminder of God's amazing love for me and my family.

 I have been writing thank you notes. Not the kind you write after gift giving. Writing thank you notes to people and families who have walked out 2017 with me. The hardest year in my life and I can sit here today and thank God for each and every person who boldly stepped out to help carry the burdens of this past year and hung close to our family. Our family is so very blessed. I mean the kind of blessings where you sit for two hours and could write for days to thank people for staying the course. I could shout out names from a mountain top, but if you are reading this, you most likely are one of those people. Thank you.

Now into 2018 we go. And if you are reading this and know our family you know that we are a very strong unit. We have always be a close knit family and even with the events of this last year that has not changed.

As we venture into a new year it's easy to look back and feel all those pains and sadness all over again. I am not a look-backer. I look to the future with a a hope that comes in knowing that God knows all of 2017 and He will sustain and care for me and my family in 2018.

As I recover from the flu-bug and continue to sit at my desk there are three words I look to the future with.

Restore Rebuild Release

These are important words and words that come with great meaning as I look to God's word. Watch how God shows up to restore, rebuild and release. He has got 2018 in his hands. May your 2018 be one where you meet God in new and wonderful ways.

Happy New Year.  

Five Ways To Add Christmas Cheer With Blended Families...

 Allow the kids to be part of the process.

 Christmas 2015 was a new kind of Christmas for me. It included new people in our family. I can not say that I have mastered the art of a blended family, but I do believe we are off to a great start. Last Christmas was so much fun. Including new people you love and want to share such a special time of year with is important. Do what you can to include everyone, and make them feel special by the memories your are creating for them.

You can even throw up some cute socks with unexpected guests.

My home has always been one of adding a few more place settings at the last minute, and having extra stockings stashed away in the pantry and ready to hang in a moments notice for unexpected guests on Christmas Eve. I imagine that is why having new family dynamics seems a bit easy and natural for me.

Bring kids into your story, even let them sing their favorite songs.

It is very hard on our children to have their families divided. Do not think for one moment that while your kids are opening gifts, laughing, and eating their weight in Christmas cookies that those smiles are also masking a lot of sad. Kids want to be with both parents. No matter what the grown-up issues may be kids feel drawn, especially during the holidays, to both parents.  There are some things you can start doing now with those blended in family members.

Today I was in an online chat with @Cinnabon. Chatting about gifts, traditions, and holiday favorites. You can go to this hashtag to read the entire conversation here: #SweetTalk The  question was asked about how to do Christmas with blended families.  I found myself firing off tweet after tweet to answer this question.  Seeing the response others had I decided to turn this into a blog.

Five Ways To Add Christmas Cheer With Blended Families...

1. Ask the new family members what are some special traditions for them.  Ask the kids, the grown-ups and then implement some of their favorites into your traditions. Ask why this tradition is special to them. Include that child into making this part of your new traditions together.

2.  Ask each family member what is one thing that they would like to do, that is brand new.  Create new traditions for your new family dynamic. Make your story joined with theirs creating a new story. Include everyone. Maybe it's a walk that ends at a coffee shop and hot cocoa. Maybe visiting a nursing home and delivering treats. Then do this every year.

3.  Include the new family. Both immediate and extended family. Create events around their family so that they feel accepted and part of the new family dynamic. This one may not be so easy. Maybe you are not fond of the extended family. Make this season a time to bring good cheer. Have an appetizer evening, potluck style and exchange cards. Put a two hour limit on it so you only have to show up and be lovely for two hours. You might actually find this time to learn more about the new family and like them. Serve this extended family with your best good cheer.

4. Plan a menu during the Christmas break. Ask the new blended family what they might like to eat and to help prepare for dinner. Make it a special dinner that follows each year. It does not have to be Christmas dinner. However you can teach a child to have that one dish they contribute every year.

5.  Embrace their stories. Do not, I repeat, do not cringe when they share stories they love when their daddy or mommy were once with their daddy or mommy together.  Kids want to hold onto those memories.  Ask questions from their past. "What are some memories you have from the past?"  Allow that child to maintain that identity of being the son or daughter to two people who once loved each other.

 6.  Create a photo album of your new family.  Including each of the new family into the story of pictures. This is an important way in making everyone feel welcome, valued and part of the family. Believe me when I tell you that even the teenagers will be caught months later looking at this album.

7. Honor their mother or father.  I happen to be dating the father so thus I shall honor her mother. We made ornaments last year. I asked that sweet five year old who we should make ornaments for and of course she said her mama.So guess what, we did.   I chatted away with this sweet five year old girl. The daughter of a man I am dating. She sat on the counter eating cookies and I asked her what her favorite thing to do with her mommy is. She chatted about the things she loves doing. Unedited, she had the joy of sharing her favorite person and their experiences. I loved hearing it. 

8.  Post their Christmas wish-list along with all the other children in your house. Hang it up and talk about it in the same way you would your own children.

9.   DO NOT EVER short "his' or "her" gifts. The best way to make a child feel left out is to actually leave them out. If you have five gifts for your children to be opened on Christmas morning, then you better have five for the new  kids. I was one of those kids left out and perhaps that is why I go out of my way to make sure every kid is valued the same way.

10. Include the family in all aspects of Christmas. There will be special ways to value your own children. Extend your love, your resources, and your Christmas Cheer.  Be an example of love and service to those in your sphere of influence.

You are building life long memories. You will make a difference for a lifetime in how you nurture your blended family. Embrace this time and take joy in the new traditions and new memories being made.


Embracing Christmas and it's traditions are important to your family. Even more important when Christmas is redefined with a blended family.

When God Uses Humilty and Humilation

For the past several months I have lived in the nightmare of a custody battle with my boys. It did not start out that way.  It started out in a way that should have never landed in family court. But it did. My boys and I have faced some of the most devastating times. To be that strong mama in the face of extreme weakness has had me going to GOD at every single turn. Begging for strength, to keep being that mom in my boys lives, when I was needing to be held up. Begging to God to help me direct three boys in this massive life altering circumstance.  What did God do?  How could God love me in this hard time?  Why would God even allow this?  If God loves children so much then why my kids?  How do I trust in God? All questions I have asked. Then, all questions aside. Sleepless nights turned into God pouring into me wisdom of what to do next. Long car rides produced each of the boys going around the car and saying what we are thankful for. Sometimes long quiet moments because in the midst of this storm it was not always easy to daily find that one thing to be thankful for. Even a band-aid falling from the sky showing us HIS love and care.  As days turned into weeks God showing each of us how HE is working things out. We may not know one day ahead of what would be next, but in the midst of each day, God blessing us through people, through prayer, through provisions.

I thought that I had to walk this season alone. It's a private matter. Oh but isn't that what the enemy of truth and love tries to do. Drag you into a dark alley and beat the crap out of your heart and soul. I was in that alley for while. I was embarrassed. I have been fiscally responsible for most of my entire adult life. Even a millionaire a few times over. I was that person who could secretly write a check to help others in need. I could open my home and allow people to sit and outward process all the hurts, and pray and support and encourage and provide a meal, and love these people.That person who did all these things for others was now living in someone else's home. That person was now the one in need. But felt fear in expressing those needs. Could I have my kids taken from me because I did not have my own address? How do I keep being the mom, friend and colleague if my own house is out of order? How do I maintain order with this confusion? Confusion was on the tip of every thought and decision I made.  That is what happens when the enemy attacks in a dark alley where you are alone. And then LIGHT stepped in. Light stepped in when I chose to remember that God will give me boundless confidence in HIM. And in that boundless confidence I asked for help.

Courage, boldness and most important Truth & Love.  To understand more of this story please take a moment to read my daughter's post on Facebook.

You see I went for help. I went to a local Youth center to get help for Ethan. To get him into counseling. They directed me to the local authorities that took a recorded statement. The authorities directed me to the courts. They took matters out of my hands and in a courtroom. A hearing where "he" gave these facts.  A judge who removed custody as Emily stated and this man was put on supervised visitation.  I had no legal council, nor did I realize that these events would  and could turn into a battle to destroy my integrity as a mother and as functioning person in society. A battle that put me in a place to go to trial, which is still pending a date.

Our family, the boys and I, have been poured on with blessing after blessing. We have been surrounded and uplifted by a lifetime of family and friends. There is not one day I look back on and question evidence of God's hand. I took this case into the light. I got out of that dark alley and asked for help. Yes there are many things that happened in this case, which would never have happened had I had an attorney. Not only do I not have the means for an attorney I had no ideas on how to quickly retain one. Legal Aid takes 3-6 wks. to qualify and the opposing attorney came at me fast with motions after motion before any aid was even obtainable. Then a long time friend's son Tyler Cone stepped up and asked if he could set up a GoFundMe campaign. I told him no. I told him that it would be embarrassing to ask for money from friends. I thought for two hours over this decision. I am going to fight for my boys at what cost?  At the cost of humility and humiliation? And God pressed on my heart. My heart of hope, of peace, of truth, and honesty. Going before my peers, my colleagues, and being that girl that needed help. Yes, God and yes Tyler you can do this for me.

I found an attorney. I found one who agreed to accept half of his fee up front to get started. I called him after two days of the GoFundMe campaign and said we had raised almost half and by our first meeting I could bring half. But then something happened in my heart. I went to God and asked for affirmation of this attorney. That he was the right choice, that this was a good idea. I asked God to show me and provide the full retainer before our meeting. That I could go to this attorney with this full retainer. This was so heavy on my heart that on Oct. 14th I read Proverbs 14. (Go and read this passage here.) I was begging God to affirm that the full retainer was what I needed and begging God for clarity. The weight of this was heavy on my heart. I scribbled in my journal the verses in Proverbs 14 that affirmed over and over what I was begging for. And then I asked God for the full retainer by the day of my scheduled meeting.

"Dear God,  you have affirmed me through your Word, through wise people and one more thing, please provide the full retainer before this meeting. Please God."

That night at dinner. Sitting with my family, the Cone family. (Tyler one of their son's who set up this GoFundMe). As we all chatted about our day, their youngest son Jacob began to speak. Jacob is soft spoken. He gets my attention and says, "Elizabeth I want to help you. I want to loan you the full retainer for your meeting."

A 15 year old boy was willing to give up his savings, on loan, to get the custody issue handled in full force. God using the heart of a young man, a boy, friends with my boys. Everyone started crying. Jacob nor this family knew my prayers to God that morning. Yet here we all were crying over the generosity of Jacob. A loan. My heart may not have known this day, but God sure did. God has known every single one of these days. He is teaching my boys and I what complete faith looks like. Faith in HIM. Hope in HIM. Joy in HIM. Thankfulness in HIM. The God of the universe showing Himself daily through people.

One day I will write a book marking every single day God showed up.


Yesterday I got a text from my sweet daughter-in-love to go and read Ethan's Instagram post. (Ethan is my 14 year old who has struggled the most through these life events.) I opened my app and read his post. Tears started streaming. Tears turned into bawling my eyes out. Sitting at my desk and knowing that not one tear was lost. God has been working on behalf of our family. My fourteen year old struggling and now honoring me in the most public way possible.  Here is his post:

My boys are currently living with their dad. On a technicality, yes a technicality. All of the past few months would have never happened had I had the means to retain an attorney.  I am driving to see them every Monday and Tuesday. (They are about 90 miles away.) and have them every other weekend until the custody trial.

I am coming before strangers, friends and family. Submitting my heart and the need for help. I am thankful and grateful for how YOU have helped where the need is. I was wrong. Need does not interpret losing my kids.  Need does not interpret my inability to care for my kids. Need does not discount my call to see that others can see and know the God of the universe. All the things the enemy tried to speak into me in that dark alley. Come into the light and allow God's holiness to bless you through the hearts of those whom he has designated.  I always thought that my purpose in life was to mother my own children to the heart of Jesus by living in the example of Biblical truth.  I always thought my call was to use the gifts God has given me to bless others, and lead others to knowing Jesus. That call has not be taken from me. Today, if you are hurting and your heart needs encouraged then guess what. God is waiting to hear from you. The God I know has me awake every single morning around 5am. NEVER in my life have I been an early riser. Yet God calling me into time with Him, in his Word and my pen ready to write what he is teaching me,  and how he is guiding me through the hardest event of my life. Waking up without an alarm and going about my day sharp and ready with HIS full Armour on.

I am here for every person who reads this and needs prayer. I am here to tell you that God already knows your heart. He knows the answers to every unanswered prayer and in His time he will make all of this a beautiful testament to His glory and honor.

Please if you feel inclined to help you can pray specifically for each of my sons. Call them out to God by name, Ethan, Eric and Emerson. Pray for their hearts, souls, and minds that God will protect them from the lies of the enemy. Pray for strength for my heart. To be able to continue to show up in all the hard places. Pray for clarity of my mind. The focus away from my work and being able to provide for my family has been compromised greatly and God is rebuilding, this I know. Pray for funding that all the funding will be met.

Thank you!  Blessing and Love Elizabeth

Here is Eric my 12 year old with Tyler Cone.

The GoFundMe link:  https://www.gofundme.com/legal-representation-for-the-traubs-2ts2cs4

Pine-Cone & Bottle-Cap Parenting

Let's face it, parenting is hard. It's not always easy to be creative with how we discipline our children. Working daily to pour enriching life lessons and wisdom.  No matter how society would like to think kids should be raised, the reality is YOU get to make the decisions that are going to grow your kids into caring, kind, responsible, and loving adults.

#ParentingIsHard #ParentingIsEasy #ParentingIsShowingUp

I am on my 3rd teenager. I managed to grow the first two up into their, now, late twenties.  We are great friends and today those kids laugh, chuckle and tell stories of "mom" and how I handled their teenage moments.  There is a mutual respect and love for my older two as grown up humans. The badge of honor as a mother is when others know your grown children, and then come to you and tell you what great kids you have. Thank you Elliot and Emily for honoring me as your mother by being caring, loving, and responsible grown ups.

Now onto to teenager number three. He is no different than the first two. His opinions are now strong and he owns them.  We were on a car ride yesterday with a young man I have watched grow up from the age of four to twenty-six.  Conversations between all four boys in the car.  Ethan has an opinion, I have an opinion that differs from his. The challenge of trying to get the other person to share your opinion begins with every teenager known to mankind. It's a very good thing, but as a parent requires direction, and this young 26 year old man says, "Ethan, your mother has an opinion that is different than yours. Do you think arguing with her is going to change her opinion?  Or if she were to argue with you, would that change YOUR opinion?"  That was some amazing wisdom and questions from a twenty-six year old who happens to be the middle of child of his big family. Ethan pondered and the course of what could have been an argument turned into dialogue over our differing opinions.

Teenagers have opinions, and we as parents can embrace them.  Allow that opinion, ask more questions as opinions are formed and still maintain our own.  There are no offenses with being an individual who experiences the world differently. Emily, when she was fourteen years old worked hard on trying to get me to agree that the sky was gray not blue.  I finally said, "You are correct, through the lenses of your eyeballs tis the color you see."

Now the real meat of this post. Distractions from the energy of a fourteen your old who is board. He was board and wanted something to do. Somehow I convinced him it would be worth his time to go on a scavenger hunt.  A game I use to play when all the kids were little. Hide things all over the house, and then for forty-five minutes they would go hunting. And for forty-five minutes I could sit and sip my coffee.  Yesterday I re-introduced the scavenger hunting idea. Boys were at the store, homework was finished and now what?  I could not remember my password to Netflix.  Which all the kids have great memories from over 25 years of being in my store getting to watch a movie if homework was done.  Today I had to dig into my basket of creative distractions.

I simply said, go outside and find a bottle cap, a stick shaped like a "Y" and four pine-cones. It was just as random as that with no thought. The fourteen year old dashed out of the building. Off he went. And later returned with these...exactly as the picture is. It was fun, it was silly, and it brought back happy times of being a young boy. Parents, sometimes it's those memories from the past, that remind our kids how much we truly do love and care for them.  I am still chuckling that he did this and loved it. Now he did want to be paid for his findings, but that is another subject for another post. Happy pine-cone and bottle cap parenting.

Good Cheer

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

Things are not easy.  Life is not easy.  It's not easy getting up every single morning, day after day to little boys who need breakfast, need lunches made, need a double check over, their backpacks ready and shoes tied, teeth brushed and hairs combed, no holes in jeans, and smiles out the door.  All this in the first hour of being awake at 6am before the coffee has kicked in.

I have a habit each morning. Before my feet hit the floor.  It's a real prayer from my heart, but this particular prayer has become a habit.  Dear Lord Jesus, please put a smile on my face that my family may see joy in heart, my face, and my voice.  No matter what life may look like I can start my day with "good cheer".  I want to start my day with "good cheer". I think "good cheer" is a learned behavior.  I know it must be. How else could I wake up so happy every day. Even in the midst of tribulations.  The breakfast routine is really a pretty not a tribulation. I just use this as an example.   There are always those big HEAVIES on my heart.

 

I have been doing this school morning routine for over 20 years. You would think it would get easier. I have never been wired as a morning person. As of late, my boys on this particular morning, two brought me coffee.  Truly I am blessed. And be of good cheer friends. 

And believe me when I say I would not trade these days for all the tea in China. You know why?  For starters I do not drink tea. I will leave it all at that. Be of Good Cheer my friends.

 

 

Motherhood Post 465......

I find myself, as of late sharing my mothering experiences. If I had just one or two children those might be fewer and further in-between, but then with five kids well the words flow more often.

This commute is crazy. I mean look at the traffic.

I still can not believe I get to experience motherhood. Goodness I love being a mom.  Perhaps that might be why I keep writing about it.

Ethan just taking it all in. Moo!

My boys and I have settled on a small ranch which has been my dream since I was 18 years old.  One weekend last Fall I just sat in my car crying. Crying because it really feels good to just sit before God and cry it out. I was asking God to just show me what should be next, and I actually said to God, "I would just like to live the dream of my youth."  Living in an old farm house in the middle of nowhere is not what most young girls dream, but I did. I thought I would be a famous writer and write as I gazed out across the farm. That same day, a young woman walked into my store and said, "Hey I know you are looking for a place to live, I have an old farm house on my property."  NO FREAKING KIDDING!!!!!  God, in his awesome, answer my prayer and bless my soul kind of way is taking care of this mother and her dreams. The housing market in this small community is challenging to say the least.

My driveway takes me breath away. Thank you God!

What needed to come with that farm house was a sturdy four wheel drive rig. Again, shopping for an SUV and well to be honest, I never had to drive a used car. I have owned few cars and rolled them brand new off a lot and drove four years and years.  I could not see with starting two new business's and the thought of financing a car...no.  I again sat and asked God to give me direction in even how to buy a car. I am not car savvy when it comes to used cars and that day. As I was pondering SUV ideas and wandering from one car lot to another Emily texts me and says, "Gordon is here what do I do with him." Ahhh Gordon Harris. He is older and wiser and has a sound business mind. He will have some good advise are buying a used car.  I asked him about car buying. Right there he told me was selling his SUV because he had just bought a brand new car. He said I could have it for the money I was able to pay.  Did God just do this or am I living in a world of luck and coincidence?

I named him "Chocolate Chip" as he greets me each morning. 

Back to motherhood.  How does this post even read about my kids and being a mother. Taking care of my kids is very important to me. Seeing that they are safe and have a home that is cozy and fun.  Asking God in this journey of being a mother that  would be able to sustain a home and safe vehicle as living where I now live has challenged my driving skills.

I have no idea who owns these guys, but I often stop to pet them.

My boys have adjusted to this new normal and they love where we live and grumble when we have to be in town, because they would rather be home outside playing. God sustains all things good. Look for that goodness and you will find it smiling at you. Cheers~Elizabeth