Accepting The Techy NEW normal.

I have a confession. A few Sundays ago while waiting for church to start I ordered my daughter's birthday presents on-line.  I looked to my right and my daughter-in-love was taking selfies with my youngest. It has been a hard road to accept this new normal in tech at your fingertips.

I realized during this church service that I was using my phone to look up the verses shared, and then to look up deeper meaning in an online commentary. I actually got more out of the message by answering some of the questions rattling around in my head by going to my phone and looking up deeper insights.  It turns out that I am getting better at accepting what has now been around for well over 10 years.

Why has it taken so long for me to NOT be offended that a phone interrupted my time with face to face meetings? I think the detest started with my daughter, who at the time was 16 years old and texting was introduced. She started dating someone and she sat in one spot in the family room for over an hour texting with this young man. I mean how do you have a conversation without actually using your voice-box?. "Oh mom, you need to get with the times." I honestly recall her saying something like that. That was over 12 years ago.

The texting thing led to dinner table rules of "No phones at the table" which led to that wonderful thing of calling your phone service provider and asking that that texting feature be removed from my daughter's phone for three months. I was not about to let my daughter go down this path of disconnecting with human souls. That is what it seemed like to me 12 years ago.

I am an older mom raising young teen boys in the fancy phone culture. None of my boys have their own phones. I am not that popular around here. They do have access to some of my older phones and get phone time. I admit I love that the sports enthusiast can watch games on his phone. And learning to play cribbage with an app. And I love face-timing with my kids, and we do have specific rules which so far comes with some grumbling. I am okay with that,too.

Here is what I do not understand. When parents say they can not get their kids off their phones. It's pretty easy. Take the phone, hide it and insist that rules are to be kept or phones are taken. I had one kid go three months without a phone. It was pretty easy. Argue with me over your phone and you lose a week. Keep arguing and you lose even more time. I have been a little more flexible during vacations and holiday seasons but the bottom line is mom is charge of it all. I have their social media passwords and at any given time mom can take the phones. And the kids have learned to comply with the rules.

It really is not a "new normal" if you are under the age of twenty. This is your only normal, but for us older folks it does take a little getting use to.

And who does not love a good selfie of your kids when the sneak your phone. I love those goofy pictures and can say with confidence we have figured out how to navigate as a family. It has come with some struggles, but overall nothing makes my heart happy than to be tucking kids into bed who are reading books because when all is said and done, the phones are turned off and life still does have the old normal lingering.

I think I will write a post on five ways to stay connected with your kids. As I am happy to say my kids allow me to comment on their social media sights. They are not embarrassed of my sharing and I may be a bit more hip than most when it comes to teenagers and phones.

Kids on Twitter

Kids on Twitter can be a controversial topic among moms and dads.  I understand the concerns and the continuation of yet another way to place our kids in a space that there is still much we do not know.  For the past two years I have been very active in this social space.  For years I have had this blog and never extended myself outside of what was shared here. Now, through Social Media I have since launched a few other blogs, business's and am well schooled in this social space.

My children sit around the dinner table conversations around Social Media.  They ask questions.  I share the exciting things, the Stranger Danger things and over my shoulders they have watched as I have not only learned to navigate, but also learned how to be safe.  I have been a guest on several Social Media platforms, speaking out against bullying online. My kids have be part of the story of how I have been bullied and together as a family we sharpen our own experiences.  Yes, there are people who are not kind, who are not safe.  My middle child experienced this away from Social Media and that experience has taught him to sharpen his own sword of life.

This past weekend, one of my boys, the youngest ask when he can get his Twitter page. He has looked in on some of his favorites musicians on Twitter.  He is an aspiring musician, and he has spent countless hours watching and learning music through Youtube.  He is seven years old.  What mother puts her seven year old in this space?  A mother who owns the password, which her 7 year old does not have access too.  One who gives specific time, that is monitored. Side by side he and I look in on his Twitter. I love that he is part of this. He does not have access to jump into this space, nor does my parental monitoring ever allow our kids to just "hang" online. Everything goes through me.   Immediately he wanted to follow his older siblings and now the conversations are even more real. As he is able to chat with his older siblings. Which is pretty cool for him. Here is his page. A a parent who  highly monitors ALL of my children, you can bet that I will oversee everything that passes through this page.

Those who know my parenting style know that I have never been one to wait "until they are old enough" to introduce some of the more growing up things. Who really decided "who is old enough?" If your children are asking questions, that is the teaching moments where they can learn from home rather than being schooled by their peers. When my kids come to me and ask questions I tailor the question to their age.  At the age of 7 and being the 5th child this kid knows more about life experience than most teenagers.  Together, he chose his background page. He chose his picture and what he wanted to say.  He is now writing out the sentences he wants to share with people.  Bonus! Writing skills are being enhanced.Typing skills are being enhanced.  This time is part of a very big education as the shifts towards social media are real and will not be going away. 

After getting his page set up he showed his brothers and the 11 year old got excited about possibly meeting people who love history.  Ethan then hand selected his own photo's to make his own Twitter page. He started a conversation with a history buff that had Ethan researching on his computer more information around the topic of history.  Anyone who knows Ethan knows he is a walking historian.  He came up with his name "WakingHistorian" only he could not get the "l' in, to which he says, "That is okay mom, people do need to wake up and start learning more. Ethan has also connected with sports figures, and airplane hero's that he can now follow. " Here is his page:

Should parents allow their kids into this social space?  To each parent that is a choice they will have to come to.  Sadly with the ease in which to create passwords, and hop on friends' technology, you will either find out your kids have been in this space, or you lead them, teach them, and help them learn how to use this space for good.  There is always going to be the bad.  I have already shown my kids, even with these new accounts things  that are important in real time, as they are online.  My 7 year old said, "Mommy I don't want to hang out with people who are using bad words." Showing my son how to block the foul language, the creepy stuff.  It's like sitting downtown having a muffin and cocoa with your kids and the conversation over at the next table is obscene.  Do you listen and cringe, or do you talk to your kids? Talking about why you hope they might choose differently?  It's the same in the Social Space.  

Kids on Twitter or any social platforms with parental observation and involvement will keep kids safe.  Every other kid is carry a phone in their hands. Even infants and toddlers are given phones to play with. My poor children will never have their own phone until they are able to be pay for it themselves. I sure they will get my cast offs, but the reality is this social space is not safe. Nor are the back streets of downtown Portland. Would you drop your kids off on the bad-side of town and say, "Okay kid you are on your own?" If something bad does come through their streams, don't just block it. Bring your child into the observations, the why, and then blocking. This does both teaching and develops awareness.  Since my son Ethan was bullied in school, he has already learned how to not be affected by the words and unkindness of another. He has learned how to rise up and over the behaviors of others.  As your kids get involved in Social Media, you the parent get to help guide and teach. Teach them well and kids on Twitter becomes a spring board for learning in this space which is proving to be a wonderful experience.