Beautiful Things for Today

I took this beautiful walk in Palm Desert this past week and these are the beautiful things for today. While the nation is under quarantine I have the complete joy and blessing of being in a beautiful place. Life does not feel any different today than it did a month ago. Having already had habits of being home, kids home-schooling, and being somewhat of a food hoarder anyway has had no ill-affect on our family.  I have been dong lots of walking. On this particular walk I decided that rather than just walk past all the beautiful gardens and flowers I would actually stop and study them.

I have never been that person who can identify the flowers. My sister Marantha and my close friend Amanda can identify any plant I have ever come across. As I sit in the morning cool air, a hummingbird close by, and the birds all singing their own tunes I reflect on yesterday's walk and it's beauty. In times of uncertainty, a deadly virus and economically hard times I find I can weather it all by looking for the beautiful things for today.

While I was walking and snapping pictures of so many beautiful flowers. This song came onto my Pandora. I just started crying. Because the words are amazing to the culture of our world. Take a moment to listen. Close your eyes and listen to the words.

Beautiful Things by Gunger

https://youtu.be/1spkhp41ig4

After listening and continuing my walk I just felt this overwhelming sense of peace.  A crisis gives us time to reflect and we have a choice. To wallow in fear and uncertainty or to look at what is in front of us and the beautiful things. Nature, and the beautiful humans in our lives.  Enjoy the photos below from a lovely walk. 

We Need Each Other

Let me just start that I am feeling a little spoiled being in quarantine with this view outside the window of Gordon's home in Palm Desert. I struggled with the decision to come. This trip was planned weeks ago. But then the title of this post is, "We Need Each Other" and even in our relationships and the Coronavirus we need to do what we can to be safe and nurture those important relationships.

It is a basic human need to be in community. We Need Each Other!! A few weeks ago, before all the Coronavirus news,  there was an alarming day for me. There were events that happened that brought me back to a time in my past that was difficult and hard.  I am pretty springy. I have a moment of sadness, embrace it and then bounce back to being that happy girl. On this particular day the weight of sadness, fear and anxiety overwhelmed me. The people that love me came around and cared for me in the best ways that I needed. I was pretty blessed to have these people on this day because I needed my people.

I also received four phone calls that day. Calls from my sister, my daughter, and two friends. Calls to just chit chat and ask how I am doing.  There were many moments on this day that I just could not help thinking how much we need our people. How we need to go back to talking to each other, hearing our voices, and having that important face to face time or ear to ear time.

Now fast forward to today. A nation under orders to be in quarantine status.  It is my turn. My turn to listen. My turn to ask questions, "How are you?  What do you need?" My turn to look at my phone list and check in with my people.

In talking to my daughter after the Nashville Tornado. Her experience of hearing the Tornado alarms and realizing there was little time. She had a neighbor call her telling her to run fast to their house and get in their basement. Scary and frightening and still recovering from those events.  Friends sent home from their jobs and kids home from school. Then another friend struggling in a relationship.  Making calls and checking in because we need each other.

As we all settle into these next few weeks, we can use our technology options to stay connected. To write, to outward process to share the incidentals of the day. We Need Each Other.  We are a resourceful bunch and what we have to give may not be in dollars, but we can give our words of encouragement, we can listen to the struggles another is facing and yes, if you have extra give a few rolls of toilet paper.  We can each do our part because at the end of each day, We Need Each Other.

Happy New Year 2018

I am not starting the new year out as well as I had hoped. The flu bug that is ravaging many I know hit me. I think I have my sister Suzanne to thank for this. However after a wonderful post Christmas vacation in her home, I would carry the weight of the flu all over again for the fun we all had.

I have just spent the better part of two hours sitting at my desk and telling my body to, "be well and overcome this sickness." And then I look over at Eric who is not feeling well and I think..."dang this flu bug." When your head is foggy and you ache and have a fever it's easy to think it's the end of the world. Reality is I have sat here for two hours cleansing the old, and in with the new. And thinking about how 2017 is a reminder of God's amazing love for me and my family.

 I have been writing thank you notes. Not the kind you write after gift giving. Writing thank you notes to people and families who have walked out 2017 with me. The hardest year in my life and I can sit here today and thank God for each and every person who boldly stepped out to help carry the burdens of this past year and hung close to our family. Our family is so very blessed. I mean the kind of blessings where you sit for two hours and could write for days to thank people for staying the course. I could shout out names from a mountain top, but if you are reading this, you most likely are one of those people. Thank you.

Now into 2018 we go. And if you are reading this and know our family you know that we are a very strong unit. We have always be a close knit family and even with the events of this last year that has not changed.

As we venture into a new year it's easy to look back and feel all those pains and sadness all over again. I am not a look-backer. I look to the future with a a hope that comes in knowing that God knows all of 2017 and He will sustain and care for me and my family in 2018.

As I recover from the flu-bug and continue to sit at my desk there are three words I look to the future with.

Restore Rebuild Release

These are important words and words that come with great meaning as I look to God's word. Watch how God shows up to restore, rebuild and release. He has got 2018 in his hands. May your 2018 be one where you meet God in new and wonderful ways.

Happy New Year.  

Famly, Friends, Siblings for Life

It has been one of my greatest joys to spend my time being a mother. These kids have been in each of each other's lives. I have often said that I learned to be a good friend by first being a sister. I, being the middle of five kids. Each of my five kids have lived in a home where each person is celebrated for their unique individual personality. The unique design straight from God.

How do you celebrate each individual child in your home?  I look at Emerson below. Since the boy could hold a guitar, a microphone, a mandolin, and pluck his little fingers at the piano he has loved music.  Along with Elliot and Emily. Three out of five is not bad for the gift and passion for music. We have scoured many garage sales for instruments to practice on. Encouraging those musical passions.

My children have learned to give and to take, and to wait and to share. And if you asked each one of them today who their best friends are, all five would say each other. I witnessed something on Mother's Day weekend. Young men who are caring and thinking of each other. I use to pray that someday when they all grow up they would want to hang out together, be friends, and desire to be in relationships with each other. The Saturday before Mother's Day Ethan asked his older brother Elliot, and his wife Sarah to coffee. He then invited Eric and Emerson. There was that split second when I almost said, "I want to come." But I held back. Today was that prayer being answered. Ethan had some birthday money and he wanted to take his brothers and Sarah to coffee.

They are all growing up. These pictures found in my archives. Pictures I had no idea I had. When I found them, I just stared at each one. Their faces and the joy of being brothers many years ago and still today. I pray that as the years go by they will always look back on the friendships they had with each other growing up.

Elliot and Emerson, my oldest and youngest building Lego's together. Believe it or not this picture has not changed much, they have only gotten bigger. I have been asked over the years what I have done as a mother to build these friendships. Emily is not in these pictures, but she, too  just as much part of the sibling friendship factor. What do I do?  I think the most important part of mothering my children was to teach them to serve each other. Teach them to be helpers to each other. Teach them to always speak kindly to each other and teach them to apologize to each other.

Each of them will always remember the little chairs facing each other. If you had a conflict, even at a young age, you would be asked to sit in a time-out facing each other. The instruction was that both had to talk to work it out and come to a mutual agreement. And then they could invite me into the conversation to assure that all was well.

There will always be days when we struggle at a parent. There are many sleepless nights, or waiting for curfew, or homework, or reading.  All those days will soon pass and one day you will look back and ask yourself what did I teach my children? Teach them to be friends with each other and they will have friends for life. 

When God Uses Humilty and Humilation

For the past several months I have lived in the nightmare of a custody battle with my boys. It did not start out that way.  It started out in a way that should have never landed in family court. But it did. My boys and I have faced some of the most devastating times. To be that strong mama in the face of extreme weakness has had me going to GOD at every single turn. Begging for strength, to keep being that mom in my boys lives, when I was needing to be held up. Begging to God to help me direct three boys in this massive life altering circumstance.  What did God do?  How could God love me in this hard time?  Why would God even allow this?  If God loves children so much then why my kids?  How do I trust in God? All questions I have asked. Then, all questions aside. Sleepless nights turned into God pouring into me wisdom of what to do next. Long car rides produced each of the boys going around the car and saying what we are thankful for. Sometimes long quiet moments because in the midst of this storm it was not always easy to daily find that one thing to be thankful for. Even a band-aid falling from the sky showing us HIS love and care.  As days turned into weeks God showing each of us how HE is working things out. We may not know one day ahead of what would be next, but in the midst of each day, God blessing us through people, through prayer, through provisions.

I thought that I had to walk this season alone. It's a private matter. Oh but isn't that what the enemy of truth and love tries to do. Drag you into a dark alley and beat the crap out of your heart and soul. I was in that alley for while. I was embarrassed. I have been fiscally responsible for most of my entire adult life. Even a millionaire a few times over. I was that person who could secretly write a check to help others in need. I could open my home and allow people to sit and outward process all the hurts, and pray and support and encourage and provide a meal, and love these people.That person who did all these things for others was now living in someone else's home. That person was now the one in need. But felt fear in expressing those needs. Could I have my kids taken from me because I did not have my own address? How do I keep being the mom, friend and colleague if my own house is out of order? How do I maintain order with this confusion? Confusion was on the tip of every thought and decision I made.  That is what happens when the enemy attacks in a dark alley where you are alone. And then LIGHT stepped in. Light stepped in when I chose to remember that God will give me boundless confidence in HIM. And in that boundless confidence I asked for help.

Courage, boldness and most important Truth & Love.  To understand more of this story please take a moment to read my daughter's post on Facebook.

You see I went for help. I went to a local Youth center to get help for Ethan. To get him into counseling. They directed me to the local authorities that took a recorded statement. The authorities directed me to the courts. They took matters out of my hands and in a courtroom. A hearing where "he" gave these facts.  A judge who removed custody as Emily stated and this man was put on supervised visitation.  I had no legal council, nor did I realize that these events would  and could turn into a battle to destroy my integrity as a mother and as functioning person in society. A battle that put me in a place to go to trial, which is still pending a date.

Our family, the boys and I, have been poured on with blessing after blessing. We have been surrounded and uplifted by a lifetime of family and friends. There is not one day I look back on and question evidence of God's hand. I took this case into the light. I got out of that dark alley and asked for help. Yes there are many things that happened in this case, which would never have happened had I had an attorney. Not only do I not have the means for an attorney I had no ideas on how to quickly retain one. Legal Aid takes 3-6 wks. to qualify and the opposing attorney came at me fast with motions after motion before any aid was even obtainable. Then a long time friend's son Tyler Cone stepped up and asked if he could set up a GoFundMe campaign. I told him no. I told him that it would be embarrassing to ask for money from friends. I thought for two hours over this decision. I am going to fight for my boys at what cost?  At the cost of humility and humiliation? And God pressed on my heart. My heart of hope, of peace, of truth, and honesty. Going before my peers, my colleagues, and being that girl that needed help. Yes, God and yes Tyler you can do this for me.

I found an attorney. I found one who agreed to accept half of his fee up front to get started. I called him after two days of the GoFundMe campaign and said we had raised almost half and by our first meeting I could bring half. But then something happened in my heart. I went to God and asked for affirmation of this attorney. That he was the right choice, that this was a good idea. I asked God to show me and provide the full retainer before our meeting. That I could go to this attorney with this full retainer. This was so heavy on my heart that on Oct. 14th I read Proverbs 14. (Go and read this passage here.) I was begging God to affirm that the full retainer was what I needed and begging God for clarity. The weight of this was heavy on my heart. I scribbled in my journal the verses in Proverbs 14 that affirmed over and over what I was begging for. And then I asked God for the full retainer by the day of my scheduled meeting.

"Dear God,  you have affirmed me through your Word, through wise people and one more thing, please provide the full retainer before this meeting. Please God."

That night at dinner. Sitting with my family, the Cone family. (Tyler one of their son's who set up this GoFundMe). As we all chatted about our day, their youngest son Jacob began to speak. Jacob is soft spoken. He gets my attention and says, "Elizabeth I want to help you. I want to loan you the full retainer for your meeting."

A 15 year old boy was willing to give up his savings, on loan, to get the custody issue handled in full force. God using the heart of a young man, a boy, friends with my boys. Everyone started crying. Jacob nor this family knew my prayers to God that morning. Yet here we all were crying over the generosity of Jacob. A loan. My heart may not have known this day, but God sure did. God has known every single one of these days. He is teaching my boys and I what complete faith looks like. Faith in HIM. Hope in HIM. Joy in HIM. Thankfulness in HIM. The God of the universe showing Himself daily through people.

One day I will write a book marking every single day God showed up.


Yesterday I got a text from my sweet daughter-in-love to go and read Ethan's Instagram post. (Ethan is my 14 year old who has struggled the most through these life events.) I opened my app and read his post. Tears started streaming. Tears turned into bawling my eyes out. Sitting at my desk and knowing that not one tear was lost. God has been working on behalf of our family. My fourteen year old struggling and now honoring me in the most public way possible.  Here is his post:

My boys are currently living with their dad. On a technicality, yes a technicality. All of the past few months would have never happened had I had the means to retain an attorney.  I am driving to see them every Monday and Tuesday. (They are about 90 miles away.) and have them every other weekend until the custody trial.

I am coming before strangers, friends and family. Submitting my heart and the need for help. I am thankful and grateful for how YOU have helped where the need is. I was wrong. Need does not interpret losing my kids.  Need does not interpret my inability to care for my kids. Need does not discount my call to see that others can see and know the God of the universe. All the things the enemy tried to speak into me in that dark alley. Come into the light and allow God's holiness to bless you through the hearts of those whom he has designated.  I always thought that my purpose in life was to mother my own children to the heart of Jesus by living in the example of Biblical truth.  I always thought my call was to use the gifts God has given me to bless others, and lead others to knowing Jesus. That call has not be taken from me. Today, if you are hurting and your heart needs encouraged then guess what. God is waiting to hear from you. The God I know has me awake every single morning around 5am. NEVER in my life have I been an early riser. Yet God calling me into time with Him, in his Word and my pen ready to write what he is teaching me,  and how he is guiding me through the hardest event of my life. Waking up without an alarm and going about my day sharp and ready with HIS full Armour on.

I am here for every person who reads this and needs prayer. I am here to tell you that God already knows your heart. He knows the answers to every unanswered prayer and in His time he will make all of this a beautiful testament to His glory and honor.

Please if you feel inclined to help you can pray specifically for each of my sons. Call them out to God by name, Ethan, Eric and Emerson. Pray for their hearts, souls, and minds that God will protect them from the lies of the enemy. Pray for strength for my heart. To be able to continue to show up in all the hard places. Pray for clarity of my mind. The focus away from my work and being able to provide for my family has been compromised greatly and God is rebuilding, this I know. Pray for funding that all the funding will be met.

Thank you!  Blessing and Love Elizabeth

Here is Eric my 12 year old with Tyler Cone.

The GoFundMe link:  https://www.gofundme.com/legal-representation-for-the-traubs-2ts2cs4

The Addition of Sarah

Notice one more in this picture?  Notice David's smile as he stretches his Papa arms across Sarah and Elliot.  This was taken the night that Sarah and Elliot got engaged and our first picture with a new family addition.   I have to be honest in saying that my prayer life is changing and I could not be happier.  I never dreamed what this day might be like.  What a blessing from God,  that the many years of praying for a sweet bride, someday for my son has been answered.

The addition of Sarah is the result of  26 years of praying for that little girl who was growing up to someday be Elliot's wife. That little girl who might be out skipping, and drawing flowers with chalk on hot summer sidewalks.  I prayed for a little girl that she was being loved by parents. My prayers were not deep, long hours daily.  They were moments throughout the past 26 years. Hand written notes in my journals of prayer for her.  Whispers of prayers as I watched Elliot growing up.   Praying that some day a young woman would know how to love, cherish and boldly come alongside his life with an identity in Christ.  The prayers of a mama's heart over who that little girl might be.  Praying that her life dreams would be to wrap her heart first around that intimate relationship with God, that she could understand the holiest of loves which would guide her heart in loving a man.

This precious girls loves boldly and out loud.  Sarah embraces the her newly extended family. She has our DNA.  When you carry the DNA of the Lord most high it's no jumble of emotions in fitting in.  She just does. She is passionate and caring and those around her can feel that care and love.  I sit back and watch her love that man I have raised.  I would be lying if I said I did not cry, with deep emotions over the magnificent way in which God answers prayers.

Sarah, in her fun spirit wrote that she prayed for a pony and prince charming. God gave her a prince.  I prayed for a princess of the Lord most high for my son. A beautiful girl that could come alongside the ministry God had set before Elliot. A girl who would know how to love and serve others right where they are at. Sarah has her ministry that God has grown her into.  She serves others and seeing her love the boys, Ethan, Eric & Emerson, and seeing her wrap her heart of sister love around Emily is a natural addition and progression of family and holy community.Our newest picture of our children.

Mama's don't ever stop praying for those who will someday join your family.  My prayer life has changed in that there is now a name to  young woman. I can now pray with a name a new prayer for both Elliot and Sarah.  God hears the prayers of our hearts.  We often wonder just how long we must pray.  We pray as long as the life we are given.  I encourage a journal of writings, scribbles, notes.  Looking back over the journals of over 20 years ago, I was but the age of Sarah when I started praying for her life.  I delight in the joy of this next season as a mother. 

Thank you God for you beautiful blessings, Elizabeth

Mother of the Groom Diaries.....

On March 10th my oldest son Elliot asked the lovely Sarah to be his wife.  It was a splendid affair.  I could write this lovely event in 1000 or more words, but instead take a few minutes to watch this video.  I am very proud of my son and his love for  sweet Sarah.  Enjoy!!!

Bacon Wrapped Smokies

Life is really full of lots of twists and turns. If you have followed my blog you will know that my family life has had many turns and twists. You can read more, which sums it all up right here: http://elizabethonthego.blogspot.com/2008/10/abandonment.html

I value family so deeply. I look at our immediate family and think how God has blessed me. All of my children did not come in the most honorable of ways yet even then, through the grace and severe mercy of God I am blessed with not just an abundance of children but children who are truly lovely in so many ways. I value family so deeply that I can remember at the age of sixteen I began a prayer journey for God to teach me how to love and serve my family without the video’s of a hurtful past brought into my own parenting. Even there through Him, and being in constant prayer God has spared my own children from my past of wounds and hurts from the parenting I received.

Last night I attended a “family” Christmas party of a large family in which I chose to exit out of around the age of 15 years. My step-dad was not such a nice person. Once removed from that home and into the arms of another family I never looked back. I attached the hurts of that family to all extended family. Also at that time I did exit from everyday life of my natural mother and step-dad. Think about it, if the state has removed me from this home it must have been pretty bad and it was. Why would I revisit these hurts if God had now blessed me with the love and care of another family? Sadly as years would pass I would soon lose the day to day interactions with that second family. This time not my choices, but theirs in that I had chosen a path in my life that was not acceptable.

For years my life became very full with my immediate family and having no real family left me realizing my role to establish life long security in our family unit. I married David, my second husband who embraced those deep family values of security, love, kindness and truly I can say we are a match made in Heaven. David loves to be involved in all aspects of running a household together. He will spend a Saturday baking, while I decorate. He will take the time to unroll lights and allow an eager seven year old to jump in to help. I embrace our family and everyday thank God for the blessings of trusting me with five little sillies as I often call them.

Going back to last night’s party, left me with a lot of thinking in the last few hours. This is the family of my past. The family that, as I child believed they sat back and watched the hurt among the children under their brother’s care, my step-dad. As I walked into this party of a very large family, five aunts, two uncles, and my cousins, I realized in one evening how I carried the hurts of this past for over 25 years. I did not know it. I realized in one evening how I have robbed myself and my children the blessing of knowing these wonderful people. I got in the car and called David who was not able to attend in that he was fighting the same chest cold I have battled. I talked the entire way home. As pulled into our drive I was laughing realize I could not say enough about this family of my past.

Seeing all my cousins that I grew up with camping, running around all day on farms, climbing apple trees, many family gatherings at the coast, the holidays, a family that I had written off as just like the step-dad. I learned that they all really did not know the details of what happened in “that house”. I watched as each person at this party embraced my children. There were so many who wanted to know the details of my life and then my cousins who had grown up just like me, with lovely families of their own.

I can honestly say that I did not realize the hurts that I carried from that part of my life. I was invited to this party and felt not an ounce of anxiety, yet wondered what it might be like to step back into this past that has been long buried.

I wrote on my facebook comment in the last 24 hours something along the lines of “how sad to hang onto the hurts of the past and thus rob ourselves of the joys of today and our future”. In order for me to have gone to that party I had to speak wisdom into my own life…..sounds silly I know…..but as I drove to this house I prayed that God would give me peace, joy, and love for this family of my past. I left that evening with the blessing of extended family. I left the party with a love for my cousins and their children who did not even wonder where these three extra boys came from. I came away with the blessing of knowing that time does heal, I just hope in other things in my life it’s not 25 years in the making.

I said to David when I came home that it is sad to have not known this family for over 25 years. And in typical male fashion he said “honey it is what it is” and then he asked if they enjoyed his homemade mints.

As you read this I hope this stirs up some of your past. I hope it stirs the things that seemed to be filled with hurts, only to realize that by a little mind reframing can turn out to be beautiful. It is the Christmas season and Jesus came to bring light to a dark world. What is dark in your world and needs to see the light? What broken relationship needs to embrace that baby Jesus who came to save hard hearts, wounds, and a past? I am blessed by the Wiggins family. If any of you are reading this please know one thing, each one of you blessed my heart at this party…right down to the bacon wrapped smokies. Merry Christmas!!