When God Uses Humilty and Humilation

For the past several months I have lived in the nightmare of a custody battle with my boys. It did not start out that way.  It started out in a way that should have never landed in family court. But it did. My boys and I have faced some of the most devastating times. To be that strong mama in the face of extreme weakness has had me going to GOD at every single turn. Begging for strength, to keep being that mom in my boys lives, when I was needing to be held up. Begging to God to help me direct three boys in this massive life altering circumstance.  What did God do?  How could God love me in this hard time?  Why would God even allow this?  If God loves children so much then why my kids?  How do I trust in God? All questions I have asked. Then, all questions aside. Sleepless nights turned into God pouring into me wisdom of what to do next. Long car rides produced each of the boys going around the car and saying what we are thankful for. Sometimes long quiet moments because in the midst of this storm it was not always easy to daily find that one thing to be thankful for. Even a band-aid falling from the sky showing us HIS love and care.  As days turned into weeks God showing each of us how HE is working things out. We may not know one day ahead of what would be next, but in the midst of each day, God blessing us through people, through prayer, through provisions.

I thought that I had to walk this season alone. It's a private matter. Oh but isn't that what the enemy of truth and love tries to do. Drag you into a dark alley and beat the crap out of your heart and soul. I was in that alley for while. I was embarrassed. I have been fiscally responsible for most of my entire adult life. Even a millionaire a few times over. I was that person who could secretly write a check to help others in need. I could open my home and allow people to sit and outward process all the hurts, and pray and support and encourage and provide a meal, and love these people.That person who did all these things for others was now living in someone else's home. That person was now the one in need. But felt fear in expressing those needs. Could I have my kids taken from me because I did not have my own address? How do I keep being the mom, friend and colleague if my own house is out of order? How do I maintain order with this confusion? Confusion was on the tip of every thought and decision I made.  That is what happens when the enemy attacks in a dark alley where you are alone. And then LIGHT stepped in. Light stepped in when I chose to remember that God will give me boundless confidence in HIM. And in that boundless confidence I asked for help.

Courage, boldness and most important Truth & Love.  To understand more of this story please take a moment to read my daughter's post on Facebook.

You see I went for help. I went to a local Youth center to get help for Ethan. To get him into counseling. They directed me to the local authorities that took a recorded statement. The authorities directed me to the courts. They took matters out of my hands and in a courtroom. A hearing where "he" gave these facts.  A judge who removed custody as Emily stated and this man was put on supervised visitation.  I had no legal council, nor did I realize that these events would  and could turn into a battle to destroy my integrity as a mother and as functioning person in society. A battle that put me in a place to go to trial, which is still pending a date.

Our family, the boys and I, have been poured on with blessing after blessing. We have been surrounded and uplifted by a lifetime of family and friends. There is not one day I look back on and question evidence of God's hand. I took this case into the light. I got out of that dark alley and asked for help. Yes there are many things that happened in this case, which would never have happened had I had an attorney. Not only do I not have the means for an attorney I had no ideas on how to quickly retain one. Legal Aid takes 3-6 wks. to qualify and the opposing attorney came at me fast with motions after motion before any aid was even obtainable. Then a long time friend's son Tyler Cone stepped up and asked if he could set up a GoFundMe campaign. I told him no. I told him that it would be embarrassing to ask for money from friends. I thought for two hours over this decision. I am going to fight for my boys at what cost?  At the cost of humility and humiliation? And God pressed on my heart. My heart of hope, of peace, of truth, and honesty. Going before my peers, my colleagues, and being that girl that needed help. Yes, God and yes Tyler you can do this for me.

I found an attorney. I found one who agreed to accept half of his fee up front to get started. I called him after two days of the GoFundMe campaign and said we had raised almost half and by our first meeting I could bring half. But then something happened in my heart. I went to God and asked for affirmation of this attorney. That he was the right choice, that this was a good idea. I asked God to show me and provide the full retainer before our meeting. That I could go to this attorney with this full retainer. This was so heavy on my heart that on Oct. 14th I read Proverbs 14. (Go and read this passage here.) I was begging God to affirm that the full retainer was what I needed and begging God for clarity. The weight of this was heavy on my heart. I scribbled in my journal the verses in Proverbs 14 that affirmed over and over what I was begging for. And then I asked God for the full retainer by the day of my scheduled meeting.

"Dear God,  you have affirmed me through your Word, through wise people and one more thing, please provide the full retainer before this meeting. Please God."

That night at dinner. Sitting with my family, the Cone family. (Tyler one of their son's who set up this GoFundMe). As we all chatted about our day, their youngest son Jacob began to speak. Jacob is soft spoken. He gets my attention and says, "Elizabeth I want to help you. I want to loan you the full retainer for your meeting."

A 15 year old boy was willing to give up his savings, on loan, to get the custody issue handled in full force. God using the heart of a young man, a boy, friends with my boys. Everyone started crying. Jacob nor this family knew my prayers to God that morning. Yet here we all were crying over the generosity of Jacob. A loan. My heart may not have known this day, but God sure did. God has known every single one of these days. He is teaching my boys and I what complete faith looks like. Faith in HIM. Hope in HIM. Joy in HIM. Thankfulness in HIM. The God of the universe showing Himself daily through people.

One day I will write a book marking every single day God showed up.


Yesterday I got a text from my sweet daughter-in-love to go and read Ethan's Instagram post. (Ethan is my 14 year old who has struggled the most through these life events.) I opened my app and read his post. Tears started streaming. Tears turned into bawling my eyes out. Sitting at my desk and knowing that not one tear was lost. God has been working on behalf of our family. My fourteen year old struggling and now honoring me in the most public way possible.  Here is his post:

My boys are currently living with their dad. On a technicality, yes a technicality. All of the past few months would have never happened had I had the means to retain an attorney.  I am driving to see them every Monday and Tuesday. (They are about 90 miles away.) and have them every other weekend until the custody trial.

I am coming before strangers, friends and family. Submitting my heart and the need for help. I am thankful and grateful for how YOU have helped where the need is. I was wrong. Need does not interpret losing my kids.  Need does not interpret my inability to care for my kids. Need does not discount my call to see that others can see and know the God of the universe. All the things the enemy tried to speak into me in that dark alley. Come into the light and allow God's holiness to bless you through the hearts of those whom he has designated.  I always thought that my purpose in life was to mother my own children to the heart of Jesus by living in the example of Biblical truth.  I always thought my call was to use the gifts God has given me to bless others, and lead others to knowing Jesus. That call has not be taken from me. Today, if you are hurting and your heart needs encouraged then guess what. God is waiting to hear from you. The God I know has me awake every single morning around 5am. NEVER in my life have I been an early riser. Yet God calling me into time with Him, in his Word and my pen ready to write what he is teaching me,  and how he is guiding me through the hardest event of my life. Waking up without an alarm and going about my day sharp and ready with HIS full Armour on.

I am here for every person who reads this and needs prayer. I am here to tell you that God already knows your heart. He knows the answers to every unanswered prayer and in His time he will make all of this a beautiful testament to His glory and honor.

Please if you feel inclined to help you can pray specifically for each of my sons. Call them out to God by name, Ethan, Eric and Emerson. Pray for their hearts, souls, and minds that God will protect them from the lies of the enemy. Pray for strength for my heart. To be able to continue to show up in all the hard places. Pray for clarity of my mind. The focus away from my work and being able to provide for my family has been compromised greatly and God is rebuilding, this I know. Pray for funding that all the funding will be met.

Thank you!  Blessing and Love Elizabeth

Here is Eric my 12 year old with Tyler Cone.

The GoFundMe link:  https://www.gofundme.com/legal-representation-for-the-traubs-2ts2cs4

What if we just jumped right into the middle of the hardest events?

Why do we wait?  Months? Years? Sometimes a decade to share the pain of our journey.  After all the learning?  After the trial and error?  What if we just jumped right into the middle of the hardest events of our lives and said, "Okay God it's just you and me, and those who read.  It's my story of complete opened handed trust.  And no matter how hard, God you are going to be honored."  End of Story, no really in the middle of my story.

Please understand that details are not always important to the hardest moments of your life.  It's how you are working it out. I am working out some very hard stuff.  The most hardest event in my life. (child custody)  Today, sitting before God with my Bible and journal in the middle of hard stuff. ......Today's journal entree.
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Aug. 13, 2016

Dear Father,
In my physical hunger I submit to you. I ask that the evil-deceit and confusion thrown my way is thwarted.

Romans 12:12
" The night is almost gone and the day is near.  Therefore let us lay aside the deeds of the darkness and put on the armor of God."

Father, fill me with you light. Cover me with holiness. Give me Holy peace, wisdom, and justice. I submit, I surrender, and I stand firm on your promises. Give me strength, wisdom, and a light in my path. My feet are planted Father. All of this is for YOUR glory. For YOU are to be honored.  I give all of this to you. (Believe me readers, God knows my "this" and your "this"). Thank you that you love me. Forgive me Father for all the specifics in my life. Reveal to me more of who I am to be in You.

Ephesians 4: 31-32
"Let ALL bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with malice. Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you."

Really God? Yes, Really!! Help me to be kind to those who have harmed my heart deeply. Please cover my heart and protect me from bitterness, wrath, and anger.  As my dear friend Marie has said over and over, "do not get sucked into the emotions of spoken words of deceit over your character." ( Thank you Marie for those words of encouragement.)


Ephesians 6:13-20
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand firm.  
 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ¹⁹ Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

I grew up in Sunday school learning that last passage. We even sang silly songs and decorated ourselves in costume.  Like a child, Lord Jesus. Give me the faith of that little girl who danced, sang and praised you for equipping me with a foil breastplate, and scarves for belts, and a helmet made out of milk cartons and a cardboard sword covered in foil.  You had me covered then and you have me covered now. Amen!!! 

Lord Jesus, Holy Father, in the name of YOUR Spirit protect the minds of my boys. Father you know their hearts, their names, and they are YOUR children.  Give ear to my words oh Lord. Consider my meditations.....Full Armor!!!"
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In addition to my journal entry I will say this......

We ALL have various degrees of hard. My hard is not more or less than yours.  We must equip ourselves with the WORD of God.  Today, fasting and praying and hungry.  And thinking what good can starving myself do.  Only to sit in quiet and ask God to show me who I am suppose to be in this trial and turbulence.  And then scripture pours into me. Pours instructions, and blessings, and I sit here praying that my words, my personal journal entry will reach into the heart of one person struggling as I am. Humble yourself before God.  He is there waiting.  

I think fasting also makes you incredibly weak.  So weak you are sitting home on a Saturday and realizing your energy is sucked, and then that beautiful moment when God steps in and says, "Okay Elizabeth here is my WORD. The direction you asked for."

Be blessed knowing that truly God is in the middle of it all. It may not make sense, it will hurt. Believe me when I say I keep thinking I have cried out all my tears, but there are always more. Cling to your Maker and give him honor and glory. I am in the middle of the hardest events of my life. I may not shower for days, or even put on make-up.  Again, Marie asking me, "Did you shower today?"  I walked with this dear friend in her hardest and darkest moments. Walk with me, these next few weeks and see how God shows up.

Love and Blessing, Elizabeth