Journals From My Past June 22, 1991

 Journals From My Past June 22, 1991

From my 26 year old self:

*Our TV broke-Amen and we haven't the $ to repair it or purchase a new one. Big Fat Smile. 

Romans 2: 5, 13

5. "But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath. When his righteous judgement will be revealed."

13. "For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous."

Dear Father,

I needed a small miracle tonight. A word from you concerning a conversation I had with myself and you earlier this evening. I have been confused with our relationship. I was not sure what to think. You see I'm a pretty nice person, I talk about you within a safe Christian zone and I really have allowed myself to believe that I am a good Christian with justifiable thoughts and actions. Romans 2 really unleashed on me. The words, "stubbornness" and "unrepentant" are where I stand solid. God I don't think I have anything to repent and if I did I'm to stubborn to admit it to you or anyone else.  And then verse 13, "hearing the law" yes, I've heard you laws-I think as "oppose to obeying the law" it seems in the past few years I've really slipped away from you because of my stubbornness and unrepentant heart and and practiced hearing your laws...and that is all. 

Now the difficult part. I pray dear Father that you would tear down my spiritual walls. Help me to look inside and allow your precious work to encompass me....please watch over Elliot & Emily. 

Love, Elizabeth

 As I read this I look at my spiritual struggle and how God's word is challenging me. My thoughts of being a nice person, did not cancel out what God could work in my life. Never did I think 25 years later I could read the words of my young heart yearning to know God. May we all find peace in our process. 

Oh To Be A Mom...

What does it take to be a mom?  I use to stress myself before I ever had kids, of thinking what it must be like to be a mom. As a teenager I watched how mom's mothered.  And decided that I could never be a mom. I have a confession.  I made it through all the diapers, late night feedings, broken bones, and sidelines at the games, baking for the events, and homework and reading, and wearing the same t-shirt with spit up, and showing up to a meeting with a beautiful expensive jacket also with spit up. I have five of my closest friends around me for a life time. Two are out of the nest, three will be venturing out in the next 4-10 years and guess what, there is a secret to be being a mother. It may not be your secret, and it may not be what works for you, but God, in his beautiful direction took my crazy childhood of abuse and abandonment and taught me the greatest gift of all. To love my children unconditionally. To smile often, to let the little things go, and to just show up in their lives and love them right where they are at.

To establish from the minute they utter their first words that they matter. To listen to their babbles turn into words, which then turned into opinions and passions different than mine. To show them daily evidence that God is real was easy.  From the minute they could blow on a wish flower, to standing on a chair cutting apples and baking cookies. Talking about the glorious ways God has designed them.   I think parents who believe children should be seen and not heard are wrong. I think parents who believe that their children should respect them, and then in turn show their children no respect are wrong. You have to guide your children and teach them right from wrong. teaching them by your daily examples.  Teach them to respect other people's space and opinions. Teach them through example what kindness and serving others looks like. Let them see your process.  Let them see you struggle, and hurt and come out smiling.  If they never see the way cookies are made, they will take longer in appreciating what others have done for them.

This is a ramble.I realize there is no rhyme or reason to this blog post accept that I have five amazing kids. My boys, all four of them, are not on drugs to alter their God given personalities.  They are boys. They were designed with energy. They have a different learning style. They enjoy school, eat well around our dinner table and are void of all the freedom with technology. They play outside all the time. They are loving and enjoying life. Even as each one passes into being a teenager, the rules, with struggle are established. It's hard and I have cried a thousand times because no matter how much they push you away they show up for dinner, and bring their friends. Because deep down they remember you playing pat-a-cake, and they remember you snuggling them when they are sick, and they remember you giving up your seat so they could see better. They remember you did not walk away when it was hard. They remember that you were there listening to strong opinions and ideas.

And they remember that I did not miss out some important grown up moments with them.   I thank God every single day that I could orchestrate my work life to be present as a stay home mom. My kids think this is true, but they also see me working, and traveling for work and they share in my work load when they are old enough to travel on a plane and be left in a hotel room while I run to a breakfast meeting. They have sat with presidents of companies I have worked with because they added value to my work. Value in that the friendships we have grown into and the ideas and opinions that were valuable at two or three or thirteen are move so as they have grown up around the stories of my work.

Oh to be a mom.  To let go of how of the bad ways you were parented and adopt all that is good produces kids who love life, love school. love being in our family and bringing other in.  When the last one leaves home I will have had kids living in my space for.....are you ready.....38 years....and then it will be time for grandkids. Thanks God that your biggest blessing and joy is mine, too. Our children.

Good Cheer

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

Things are not easy.  Life is not easy.  It's not easy getting up every single morning, day after day to little boys who need breakfast, need lunches made, need a double check over, their backpacks ready and shoes tied, teeth brushed and hairs combed, no holes in jeans, and smiles out the door.  All this in the first hour of being awake at 6am before the coffee has kicked in.

I have a habit each morning. Before my feet hit the floor.  It's a real prayer from my heart, but this particular prayer has become a habit.  Dear Lord Jesus, please put a smile on my face that my family may see joy in heart, my face, and my voice.  No matter what life may look like I can start my day with "good cheer".  I want to start my day with "good cheer". I think "good cheer" is a learned behavior.  I know it must be. How else could I wake up so happy every day. Even in the midst of tribulations.  The breakfast routine is really a pretty not a tribulation. I just use this as an example.   There are always those big HEAVIES on my heart.

 

I have been doing this school morning routine for over 20 years. You would think it would get easier. I have never been wired as a morning person. As of late, my boys on this particular morning, two brought me coffee.  Truly I am blessed. And be of good cheer friends. 

And believe me when I say I would not trade these days for all the tea in China. You know why?  For starters I do not drink tea. I will leave it all at that. Be of Good Cheer my friends.

 

 

Motherhood Post 465......

I find myself, as of late sharing my mothering experiences. If I had just one or two children those might be fewer and further in-between, but then with five kids well the words flow more often.

This commute is crazy. I mean look at the traffic.

I still can not believe I get to experience motherhood. Goodness I love being a mom.  Perhaps that might be why I keep writing about it.

Ethan just taking it all in. Moo!

My boys and I have settled on a small ranch which has been my dream since I was 18 years old.  One weekend last Fall I just sat in my car crying. Crying because it really feels good to just sit before God and cry it out. I was asking God to just show me what should be next, and I actually said to God, "I would just like to live the dream of my youth."  Living in an old farm house in the middle of nowhere is not what most young girls dream, but I did. I thought I would be a famous writer and write as I gazed out across the farm. That same day, a young woman walked into my store and said, "Hey I know you are looking for a place to live, I have an old farm house on my property."  NO FREAKING KIDDING!!!!!  God, in his awesome, answer my prayer and bless my soul kind of way is taking care of this mother and her dreams. The housing market in this small community is challenging to say the least.

My driveway takes me breath away. Thank you God!

What needed to come with that farm house was a sturdy four wheel drive rig. Again, shopping for an SUV and well to be honest, I never had to drive a used car. I have owned few cars and rolled them brand new off a lot and drove four years and years.  I could not see with starting two new business's and the thought of financing a car...no.  I again sat and asked God to give me direction in even how to buy a car. I am not car savvy when it comes to used cars and that day. As I was pondering SUV ideas and wandering from one car lot to another Emily texts me and says, "Gordon is here what do I do with him." Ahhh Gordon Harris. He is older and wiser and has a sound business mind. He will have some good advise are buying a used car.  I asked him about car buying. Right there he told me was selling his SUV because he had just bought a brand new car. He said I could have it for the money I was able to pay.  Did God just do this or am I living in a world of luck and coincidence?

I named him "Chocolate Chip" as he greets me each morning. 

Back to motherhood.  How does this post even read about my kids and being a mother. Taking care of my kids is very important to me. Seeing that they are safe and have a home that is cozy and fun.  Asking God in this journey of being a mother that  would be able to sustain a home and safe vehicle as living where I now live has challenged my driving skills.

I have no idea who owns these guys, but I often stop to pet them.

My boys have adjusted to this new normal and they love where we live and grumble when we have to be in town, because they would rather be home outside playing. God sustains all things good. Look for that goodness and you will find it smiling at you. Cheers~Elizabeth

Hiking Mt. Jeneau in Alaska

Hiking Mt. Juneau in Alaska was not my typical hike.  A dear childhood friend was living in Juneau, AK. For many years sharing her biking, hiking, and snow boarding experiences.  After years of hearing her adventures, this city girl decided to venture into the culture of Alaska.  I am writing about this particular event for the simple reason of coming across this photo and busting out laughing while alone in my home office.  Memories.......!


Kari had to work her Mountaineer bike business that day in Juneau, AK.  She handed me over to the care of her energetic and fit husband, who thought taking me up a mountain was equal to my walk around the block in the city and stopping for a coffee.  He gave me all the right gear, even a nice water pack.  We were up early and started up the mountain.

Within an hour there was a vertical "walk" that was more like climbing. Let's just give meaning to this. You climb a ladder.  One hand above the other holding each rung to give you balance and stability. In my humble opinion we were climbing the side of this mountain. Both hands were required.  It was a warm day,  Each time I tried to sip my water nothing would come out. I was already embarrassed over how out of shape I was. So winded I could not even get water out of my pack. I was not about to ask why I could get no water from a simple water pack, so with a stubbornness we continued our trek.  Kari's husband was always several feet ahead of me.  This is never the good end of hike to be on. Those who scramble faster get to sit, wait and rest, and the minute you reach them, they plunge forward. No rest for the one lagging behind. In this case me.

We finally came to a creek that splashed over the trail. I drank in as much water as I could. Soaked my head and then we continued.  Ray had no ears for any whining or complaining. My stomach started to growl.  I am with someone who is responsible for my food intake. Cleary two hours into a hike required some snack. Nope not at all.  We plunged forward.

We finally reached the top. I tossed my water pack down. Ray looked at me, and said, "Are you drinking water?"  A full water pack was not a good sign. I finally told him I tried but nothing would come out. He started laughing. Really laughing hard at me. I was not amused. I was tired, hungry, thirsty and hot.  He then went on to explain that you have to bite down on the straw to allow water to pass through.  How would this city girl even know this?!

Finally time to eat. He pulled out a bar, unwrapped it and gave me a quarter of the bar. He then explained that this kind of bar was like a meal. I remember thinking, great then give me the entire meal.  That day was one of my best days in Juneau and I had so much fun. I am so glad to have  had this experience and this picture is one that makes me smile.