Professional ON

Last night I sat at dinner with the boys. We have this Mexican restaurant which is a favorite. They had lots to share after spending the day with their big brother and sister-in-love. I listened, asked questions and then asked them, "What did you learn today?  Did you learn anything new today?"  I admit it was the opening of a topic I wanted to share. I wanted to tell them what I learned. And in telling them I believed it would give some clarity to having a working mom.

I added this picture as this picture as a calming image of what it means to refuel.

For my entire life, and I do mean my entire life I have been told over and over that I have the energy of 5 people. And because I have been told that I always had grace for those who could not keep up with me. I thought, maybe there was something to my diet. I eat well. Or maybe it had to do with the fact that I typically get 8-10 hours sleep, which refueled and charged me up I thought maybe because I outwardly process life, schlepping of the stresses of the day. I have had many people actually ask me, "How do you have so much energy?"  I have said, "no" to anyone who ever wanted to sell my nutrition products. Because they boast that you will have more energy, sleep better and have improved health. I rarely get sick and have enough energy, and sleep well so I took a pass.

However I learned something very important this past week. It actually took me about ten months to learn this, but it was like BAM-BAM over my head. I finally understood. And as I began to share with my boys we all sat quiet and it made sense to them as well as I explained the "Professional On". 


I am going to start by telling the story of my first born son, Elliot. When he started school he loved it. He made friends easily, he had the typical struggles of learning, but once mastered built his confidences. Every day when he came home from school he went to his room. This rambunctious boy would sit at his desk for 1-2 hours every day and quietly build and play with his Legos. I would ask if he was okay. His father and I worried that maybe there was something going on at school. Yet Elliot was content. Then one day I did the parent helper in classroom thing. And I, as a first time mother, experienced the kindergarten classroom. After two hours of time helping out in class, I had to go home and sit on my bed in absolute quiet for an hour. As I lay on my bed, it hit me and I began to understand Elliot. Elliot made sense. He was in the environment 7 hours a day. He had to be "on" for seven whole hours. A six year old boy had to be on five days a week, six hours a day. I could not even handle two hours.  It was also after that day I thanked God for the decision to keep my kids out of daycare. To be in a room full of people every single day made me feel overwhelmed, and disturbed my mental piece.

As a business owner I have always had the blessing of having really good employees. Even as I began to wind down the brick and mortar of Skip To My Room I had good people working for me. ( Shout out to Lauren, McKenzie, Fred and Emily) People think as an entrepreneur you are running 24/7.  That was not me at all. I had my calendar and I scheduled meetings in blocks of time that allowed for lots of down time between meetings. Sometimes 2-3 days of down time. If I was working in my store. I may have been there from 10am-6pm, the store's hours, but I had people to cover the showroom, and at any given time I could go into a private office, close the door, kick my feet up and refuel. There were many days I would call into the store, ask how the day was going, and decide to work quietly at home. I was not "on" all those working hours. I could come and go as I pleased and even end the day at noon if I was feeling like it. Believe me I thank God every single day for the kind of business that allowed this, because I was able to leave, pick kids up from school and be done. If I decided to work at 10pm, a quiet house, kids in bed I could do just that.

What people never saw in me was that down time. Daily taking time to get away, be in a quiet space and refuel. As I reflect back over 28 years of being an entrepreneur there were many times of marathon working, but there was an end to projects. My kids have the fondest memories, as they tell me, of eating pizza and renting movies as I worked in the showroom after hours.  As a consultant you show up for the meetings, or the business trips, but always an end. And then days to refuel and regroup because I managed my own schedule. Being home with children all day is not the kind of "being on" I am talking about. I could decide to crawl out of bed and sit in the middle of the playroom with a cup of coffee while toddlers are using me for a human jungle gym. And still not be that "professional on". 

Yet in all my years I never understood where my mental and physical energy came from. And it was just this week I was able to put the pieces together.

For the past 10 months I have had a job commitment. Daily "Professional On". That job owns me about 30 hours a week. I have to be "ON" 6 hours a day. What is the result of that being "on"? I come home and crave quiet. I mean the sit quietly and refuel my brain. And I am exhausted as in tired like I have never been. The emotional and intellectual part of my brain is 100% on for six full hours daily. Oh sure I have had many many days of being tired after a long day. Traveling and putting on events for clients is typically a full four days and long hours commitment. But then you go back to your hotel room, and you sit in quiet. You order room service and you refuel for the next day. After the event, the meetings, the fast pace you are back on a plane and home. Kids go off to school and you have an entire day of being quiet, refueling and having that down time, or "off" time. This is what people never saw in me. That down time. That off time. Doing things that bring me balance. Like crafting, or wandering through antique or thrift stores, or reading. Reading 3-5 books a week.Being home, in the quiet of a house while children are in school.  There was no "Professional On" during these times.

This has been a brand new experience for my children. Mom is tired at the end of her work day which ends early afternoons. This mom has been "on" for six straight hours daily. I love my job. I mean I have been over the top blessed with this job and no one thought I would last 3 minutes with a long term commitment given my foot-loose and fancy free life-style. It is a new season in my career. And I love my work, but being on daily, every single day, six full hours has shown me something I was not even aware of. It had me reflecting back to my first son, and his coming home after being "on" all day at school and needing to take time to be alone, refuel, and a break from human interactions.

My kids have always had a mom with an abundance of energy. I was able to manage and balance my "on" and "off" times around my kid's schedule. When picked up from school, I may have put in a full day of work, but during that day there were many moments of down time for refueling. Thus allowing the after school activities with kids to be tackled with bursts of happy and positive energy.

I drove home from work yesterday and I started crying. Crying for every single mama I have ever known who worked a full 8-10 hour job and then picked up kids from daycare and had to still give as much as they had left to their kids. I can honestly say I could never have done that. I chose to keep my kids out of daycare. Having my own business has always allowed that. I could drop them off at school, work during their school hours, and be done whey I picked them up. My kids are older now. They are now experiencing the mom working away from home and coming home tired. As teenagers their need for me is different. They want me to sit and listen to their outward processes of their day, their thoughts and their ideas. I can sit and listen, and as I sit quietly I am secretly refueling. No diapers to change, or no feedins in the wee hours with a baby. How on earth do single moms work all day and come home to young little humans who need help with a sippy cup?

As we sat through our dinner, we talked about how they feel after being in situations where they are "on". Now being home-schooled, life is.... "easier and less stressed" "I feel like I can take my time and am really learning" "It's not that I did not like the people in my class, but most of them I would never choose to be around" ......and after all these years it made sense to all of us. Being "ON, the "Professional On" day in and day out is hard. No matter what age you are. Imagine right now being in a room with 20-30 people five days a week 6-8 hours a day. Whether your kids are in daycare or school, that is what they experience. I could not do that. I mean I am honest in saying, no matter how much I love people I could NOT do that.

Even with a job commitment I have been able to orchestrate my "off" time and my kids love it. I may not be watching the baseball game, but while one kid is watching baseball on TV I am just sitting and quietly refueling and having some kid bonding time. I now understand why my friends, who work full time, are keen on a night in rather than going out. The emotional energy it takes every single day is not one that I had never experienced until working daily for another person.  Not even a full day. My bosses are great. I can take an a break any time I want. They have said, "Where do you get all this energy?" I can run out to take care of personal matters if there is need, but the reality is I have a job commitment and regardless I am "on" 20-30 hours a week. And I never understood how I had so much energy. And the reality is I had a normal amount of energy, I was just able to remove myself, whenever there was a need, for a few hours to regroup and refuel. Something that is not an option when you work for someone else.

Every day I thank God for this job. I decided for the second half of my life to take on a new challenge and career path. Every day I thank God, that as a consultant I can, and am still able to take on new clients and work around a schedule that allows me to bring my best. My best is that "Professional On". God took me down a path of entrepreneurship. And that "Professional On" requires all of us to be 100% present. Present emotionally and intellectually.   That is ALOT of brain power going out daily. Give yourself grace if you are tired at the end of you day. Give yourself a pat on the back if you have been working for someone else your entire career. I have only been at this for 10 months and I can understand my family and friends so much better. And most importantly take time to refuel and regroup. On the days I have activities with the boys after work. I listen to my favorite music on the commute home. I listen to it loud and I sing at the top of my lungs.

I appreciate my family and friends so much. I appreciate that they all had to adjust to my working on someone else's schedule. Most importantly is taking the time doing something that gives you refueling time. As a single mom, it really is not the "mom's night out" that refuels me. It's the "mom's night in." I think I have a new blog post idea. I am certain it's been written a gazillion times. I think I will call it "Ten Ways To Refuel". I spent a career as an entrepreneur with balance. I may have a few good ideas in my back pocket. Stay tuned.