Am I suppose to have a plan? A plan for each hour of each day, once all the kids are in school. Am I suppose to know what is next? Should I feel a little guilty to have a husband who provides in a way that allows me to be a a stay home mom, even with all the kids in school?
I have had all summer to figure out what to do with my life. Isn't that what comes next. What are you going to do Elizabeth? A question asked of me all summer long. I have had some ideas and even those have changed a few times.
I got a small lecture from my older kids yesterday. They said it would not be cool to publicize it, so at the risk of not being cool I am going to still have some fun with it. You see this past weekend there were three weddings to attend. That meant two days in a row I was all dressed up, hair done, and make up close to perfect. Shoes, dress and handbag all matching as well as jewelry. By Monday I was back to being in my "normal" clothes. (jeans, tshirts, sweat pants and sweatshirts.) Now comes the lecture. Both older kids telling me I need to take better care of myself and not dress so frumpy. "Do your hair and put yourself together mom. You look awesome when you do." "Mom you looked so amazing this weekend, all weekend." "You need to be doing this everyday." "Take pride in how you look because you looked fabulous." Okay whatever!!!
I told them, "when you have three little boys and just finished a three mile hike, playing on the baseball field trying to swat branches a birds, and climbing the jungle gym then we can have this conversation again." I was laying on my bed resting after a full day with the boys and admit my fashion is a bit frumpy looking, but very comfortable when doing all these acrobatics with these boys. I told them that when they were in school I then had the time to invest in more of my fashion, than just throwing up my hair, and running with the kids. They both looked at me like "whatever mom, just do it."
So what next? First taking the time I now have to be less frumpy and maybe wear make up more often, and straighten my hair, and take long walk, and iron some of those less frumpy clothes (because I won't worry about a boy running into the iron and burning himself with scars for life. ) and fold the laundry in one sitting, and clean my desk, and listen to an entire pod-cast in one sitting, and learn new songs, and write, read, and take a nap.
I may not have taken the time needed to look lovely and savy,( whoopee today I put make up on and Emily said "mom you look nice", but I did take the time to invest in boys and one girl. I get what the bigger kids are saying and I will make note. Until I figure out what is next I have all the time in the world to stand there with a flat iron and try new make up techniques. REALLY? After being super charged for many, many years how on earth am I going to find peace in standing still in front of a mirror doing my hair.
I do have some solid plans and ideas for how my time will be spent. As my last post suggested I am working slowly back into interior design. With a real client, and a real bathroom to re-do my brain is wrapped around those design ideas, building new ideas and then the leg work to find all the special things for making that room special.
I love that God knows the designs for my life. Last year He knew and next year He knows all about too. I will wait and listen. I will sing praises as I iron, and get dinner ready hours before. I will read of His wonderful things with more time, no interruptions and know that this is exactly where I am suppose to be for now.
It's been our first week back to school. My first week in what feels like a lifetime of having a little person in my space 24/7. I miss them, they don't miss me and lets just say that Elliot's visit this afternoon was with open arms.