Yesterday was kind of a hard day for me. It should have been a delightful and fun day. On many levels it was. My wonderful husband David decided that our house was to warm and booked a few nights at a nice hotel here in town. I have had friends coming and swimming all day long, and pretty much on vacation in Portland with my husband cutting his work days short to join us. It was fun to see the boys developing their confidence in the pool. I mean really 4-8 hours in the pool will do that.
However by yesterday afternoon some of my past came back to haunt me. Devouring my soul and leaving me in heap just crying over the hearts of unhealing, unforgiveness, and the affect it has on my kids. For about an hour I allowed the words of another to send Miss Lizzy into a Tizzy. Words that claim my life is false, I am not who I claim to be. Wouldn't saton like nothing more than to continue to use the sins of our past, the hurts and the unforiveness to confuse and continue to have control in our hearts, and my heart. It hurt deeply and yet having been out of that life for the better part of ten years the words still went deep.
I had my "blue" Bible with me at the hotel. It's a newer beautiful rubbed blue leather Bible. Because it is so new I am not able to turn to the worn pages of underlined scripture. You know how you can just open your Bible and find what you need in the moment. I sat on my bed and prayed, looking down at this new Bible and asked God for strength to say and do the right thing. No kidding my Bible didn't just fall open. I dropped it and caught it half way down the side of a nightstand with my thumb turned to this passage:
Ephesians 4:31
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind compassionate to one another forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
I have read this passage before and the tears ended quickly. I could grab hold of this foundation of scripture for my heart and truly find joy in where my life is today and who I am today. I felt compassion and forgiveness and prayed over the situation. I looked at my children and thanked God for the blessing of them, a husband who cares and loves so deeply who's life comes alongside me to allow me to grow more. Yet, saton would like to steal this joy, this place that God holds in our family. And victoriously God has given way to that continued peace and joy through the words of His scripture.
David, the boys and I sad over dinner in the hotel. Enjoying our vacation in Portland. With wiggly chatting boys in a fancy hotel we did our best to remind them of manners, quiet voices, but sometimes you just have to bust out a laugh, a burp, and question out loud a smell. Some friends were joining us for a swim, so after dinner David took the boys up to get their suits on. I sat and sipped on a glass of water when a quiet voice spoke to me.
This woman leaned over from her table and asked if this was my family. I said, yes and immediately apologized if we were to loud. She said that we were fine. She said it was just so precious for her to watch a family enjoying being a family. I thanked her and was about to turn around when she asked if she could give our family a gift. With a raised eyebrow I said "a gift". She said she was an executive with Disney. I chuckled, not sure what to think and said okay are we going to get a free pass? She said better. She then reached into her handbag and pulled out six pins. She said these are VIP pins to be worn all over any Disney park. She said that the staff know these pins and what they represent. I was very humbled and excited. I said I can't wait to go up and show the boys. She said "no, put them away, keep them in a safe place as they are your ticket in any Disney park around the world for up to five years". I asked if I could see her business card. She laughed and said something like I know this seems random and sure enough she pulled out a business card with her name and all the stuff that looked like a Disney executive might have.
Now I know that this seems a little unreal and even now I am just humbled. My heart was severely challenged over who and what I am. In praying and asking God to show me what my life truly is about I will stand behind this very thing. I know that woman was an angel. I know that it was God's incredible sense of humor to have an angel come along and smile on our family unit enjoying being a family because regardless of the turmoils, and struggles, and the ins and outs of daily life my husband and I enjoy being a family and no one can take that away from us. So thanks to this woman (wink-wink) angel who came along to bless our family.
Thanks dear Lord for your present power in our lives each day. May we seek You in all things.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
God Finds
I am sitting here on a Sunday morning in my dining room. I love this spot in my house because I am still connected to the family, they just never think to come in here. I think we all need a little get away in our own homes. A few years back I was able to carve out a little space under a staircase in a big storage closet. I was able to fit a desk, extension cord for a lamp and computer and it was actually very cozy and darling.
I made a HUGE garage sale find this past Friday and it seems the boys will be busy this next year. A family was moving and had a moving box about three feet high full of Playmobil. They were not considering selling it because they did not want to take the time to sort out all the different sets. I was digging through a LEGO box and found a Playmobil cowboy hat. I asked if they had Playmobil and that is when the box came out of the garage filled with moving boxes and ready to be loaded on a truck.
When I saw the contents I truly gasped. These were older Playmobil from the early 90's and the boy was 15 years old. His mother said they had not opened that box in years. I opened my wallet and took out all my cash for the next couple of weeks. I said I don't want to insult you because I know the value of this box. All I have is $50.00. She had to talk with grandma about it, as grandma was behind this great collection, having bought all these for her grandchildren. Grandma smiled at my three little boys and said of course. It took two people to load the box into my van.
In addition there was a 1994 big boy castle and pirate ship with every single piece by Fisher Price. I had to laugh. Elliot wanted these two sets when he was a little boy and we just could not afford them. So Emerson got these two sets for $5.00.
I think this family must have owned every single person, set, and animal Playmobil made back then. We spent a long Friday afternoon sorting. My boys are so brilliant. They were able to put together Castles, Ships, Houses, Farms, you name it and then find all the people and little tiny pieces to make each set. Hundreds of pieces and even two days later they are still creating, playing and well here I sit in my dining room with a warm cup of coffee.
I have to say that things like this happen to our family all the time. Perhaps I have a good sniffer. I mean all this started with a Playmobil cowboy hat in a LEGO box. I think I do know how to look for a deal, and mostly know what I am willing to pay.
As we drove away I asked the boys what they thought of this HUGE blessing? They could hardly contain the excitement and I could not drive home fast enough. Blessings? Hmmmmm, do we take the little finds in our life as blessings or is it just that we happen to be at the right place at the right time. I am no smarter than the next person, okay maybe just a little, but with each amazing find I have to pause and thank God for smiling on our family.
My boys today are wearing clothes that I found at Good Will three years back. I had stopped working and found pleasure in dressing my boys up. I came out of a high end kids fashion industry. I had been to New York City for all the runway shows. Ethan even walked the runways for a fashion show for Vogue magazine. How on earth do I go from dressing my boys so handsomely to Good Will. The day I drove into the parking lot I prayed that I would find something cute. God, you are so amazing. A family apparently had three boys 3-5-6. My boys were only 1-3-5 at the time and were in need of new duds. I found eight bag fulls of full outfits, matching outfits, jammies, all from fancy stores, not one hole or stain. Today my boys still wear these clothes and some may cringe at the thought but I know God is blessing our family in the ways we like to be blessed. Take a moment to today to think about the God finds in your life, the blessings because He loves us and wants to bless us. It's pretty cool to really sit down and take inventory of our needs and desires are being met by those God finds.
I made a HUGE garage sale find this past Friday and it seems the boys will be busy this next year. A family was moving and had a moving box about three feet high full of Playmobil. They were not considering selling it because they did not want to take the time to sort out all the different sets. I was digging through a LEGO box and found a Playmobil cowboy hat. I asked if they had Playmobil and that is when the box came out of the garage filled with moving boxes and ready to be loaded on a truck.
When I saw the contents I truly gasped. These were older Playmobil from the early 90's and the boy was 15 years old. His mother said they had not opened that box in years. I opened my wallet and took out all my cash for the next couple of weeks. I said I don't want to insult you because I know the value of this box. All I have is $50.00. She had to talk with grandma about it, as grandma was behind this great collection, having bought all these for her grandchildren. Grandma smiled at my three little boys and said of course. It took two people to load the box into my van.
In addition there was a 1994 big boy castle and pirate ship with every single piece by Fisher Price. I had to laugh. Elliot wanted these two sets when he was a little boy and we just could not afford them. So Emerson got these two sets for $5.00.
I think this family must have owned every single person, set, and animal Playmobil made back then. We spent a long Friday afternoon sorting. My boys are so brilliant. They were able to put together Castles, Ships, Houses, Farms, you name it and then find all the people and little tiny pieces to make each set. Hundreds of pieces and even two days later they are still creating, playing and well here I sit in my dining room with a warm cup of coffee.
I have to say that things like this happen to our family all the time. Perhaps I have a good sniffer. I mean all this started with a Playmobil cowboy hat in a LEGO box. I think I do know how to look for a deal, and mostly know what I am willing to pay.
As we drove away I asked the boys what they thought of this HUGE blessing? They could hardly contain the excitement and I could not drive home fast enough. Blessings? Hmmmmm, do we take the little finds in our life as blessings or is it just that we happen to be at the right place at the right time. I am no smarter than the next person, okay maybe just a little, but with each amazing find I have to pause and thank God for smiling on our family.
My boys today are wearing clothes that I found at Good Will three years back. I had stopped working and found pleasure in dressing my boys up. I came out of a high end kids fashion industry. I had been to New York City for all the runway shows. Ethan even walked the runways for a fashion show for Vogue magazine. How on earth do I go from dressing my boys so handsomely to Good Will. The day I drove into the parking lot I prayed that I would find something cute. God, you are so amazing. A family apparently had three boys 3-5-6. My boys were only 1-3-5 at the time and were in need of new duds. I found eight bag fulls of full outfits, matching outfits, jammies, all from fancy stores, not one hole or stain. Today my boys still wear these clothes and some may cringe at the thought but I know God is blessing our family in the ways we like to be blessed. Take a moment to today to think about the God finds in your life, the blessings because He loves us and wants to bless us. It's pretty cool to really sit down and take inventory of our needs and desires are being met by those God finds.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Jesus Snacks.
This child has not wanted to accept Jesus into his heart. It's not something we push around here as I truly believe that everyone needs to have their own coming to Jesus, but he is very deep and asks many questions on a regular basis about Jesus. A few weeks back he made the announcement that he would only have Jesus in his heart on Fridays, because it's the end of the week. Friday would come around and he would get a big smile and say today is a Jesus day, it's Friday. I just went with it.
A couple of weeks ago Ethan came to me and said he would like to ask Jesus into his heart and make it real and his own decision. He said he wants to work on those dark spots on his heart. He asked if I would help him pray and that afternoon at the kitchen counter he prayed and now has Jesus living in his heart every day of the week.
Ethan often asks what the juice cups and crackers are for at church. The kids sit with their parents during the worship and then are dismissed and don't get to partake in communion which our church does every service. I said that the adults do not get a snack time and over the past few weeks, in bits and pieces I have explained what communion is. Being the over thinking deep child that he is I have been answering many of his questions.
Tonight our church did things a little different and had communion while the kids were still seated with parents. Ethan said he would like to drink Jesus's Blood and eat a cracker for His body and so we went up together. I asked him if he understood that this represents Jesus's blood that was shed for our sins. In his seven year old way, he asked if he would bleed if he got an owie if Jesus's blood did that for him. So together we whispered prayers of thanksgiving and shared communion. On the way home from church Ethan said this..."mommy I think it's really important that the adults have Jesus snacks each week, as a reminder of all that He did for us and a reminder of why we need to be good."
I love kids. The tenderness of their hearts and how real they are with their words. I am so blessed at his decision to follow Jesus and his experience for the first time with Jesus snacks. He gets it all so very deeply. Thanks Lord Jesus for holding my son's heart because he gave it to you.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Orchestration of Time
It’s not selfish of me at all to want to be in charge of my time. It is something we are all given in the same doses yet how we choose to use it is not completely our own. Right now I sit at a computer with the back round of boys happily playing. I think this is my time, yet the reality is I have snuck away, for the moment and all the boys are unaware of me slipping away. They have busied themselves without me which is a slow progression as they get older. I am frustrated today as I try to make the best of the moments I have to myself when in reality when the mother of five kids, all home right now, I am pulled in many directions without regard for my time. It’s the nemesis of being a mother.
Being home with young children is a balancing act of freedom to just be. I just want to be left alone without being bombarded with the questions. That does not happen as I want my children to ask questions and I have conditioned them that it’s okay, yet my thoughts are interrupted all day long without the considerations of my time. Sometimes time is just the thought being completed in my head, but those are interrupted. Just now as I type I had to stop to look at a stuffed dog with a makeshift leash. A proud seven year old is taking his puppy for a walk and he’s proud of his leash he made. Now I have bow-wow sounds and silly voices of dog and owner walking through the “park” which is the hallway several feet from me.
I sat in on a meeting last night at church. One of the ladies shared how she has taken the first chapter of Genesis to begin to understand the value of her time, ordering her time, and taking time to be creative in this next season of her life. Aside from the scripture I loved one of the things she said. Something like this…If God, the creator of Heaven and Earth could orchestrate His days then what better model to follow. I have read Genesis One several times in my life. Never looking so much as how God used His time, but more the focus of day one, day two and so on. Do you ever feel like some parts were left out? Like did any of the angels interrupt God, tap Him on the shoulder, and say “before you start that could I tell you something, ask you a question, can you take me potty?” Did God just stand there in the darkness of the world and say “Let there be light.” Did the angles know by the expressions on His face, the intensity of the moment, that He was about to create the world, therefore they took a step back and realized this would not be a good time to interrupt?
When I read about the earth’s beginnings and what God did on each day I realize that He could orchestrate everything so perfectly because He is and will always be the one true God. He knew exactly what precise moment was the best timing for there to be light and darkness, land and water, animals and humans. I can’t even get it right to know if now or later is a better time to dust. I don’t always rally the troops, put everyone in a corner and then have my perfectly orchestrated time to create, be orderly, and then stand back and say “wow, a job well done”.
What God did do was set aside days for a specific task. That is a good idea, and even more so because it comes from God. At the end of each day’s work on creation God took a step back and “God saw that it was good”. Can I do that with my time each day as I plug along in the roles and hats I wear? Looking over the day and see that it is good? One of the things that I have been doing for years is take inventory at the end of the day of what I have done. For me, it’s not so much the creating of a list and checking things off that list, but it’s more making that list at the end of the day and realizing how I have spent my time and what that looks like. It gives me pleasure in my own little way to say…good job Elizabeth your time was used well today. Then there are days when I look at the page of nothing I can write and I realize that I have allowed the standards of the world to dictate what is considered a job well done. A long day playing at the park with the kids, does that make it on the list at the end of the day? Sitting with a friend and laughing for hours over coffee that went cold, does that make it on the list? Or does the list have things like laundry-check, dusting-check, post office-check, and grocery store-check. What does your list look like? How do you orchestrate your time? What adds value to each day that is important to you, not by the world’s standards?
I can orchestrate a wonderful day, only to be interrupted by the needs of my family, a phone call, email, face book, and a book that I want to read one more chapter of, and life goes on. Life happens every day, and perhaps it’s not played out in the way we would desire, but if you are meeting the needs of others, serving others and living out a life to be like Jesus I think God will be smiling and saying it was good. An orchestra has a leader called the conductor. In the same way I conduct around my home it’s a joy to know that God is conducting my life each day. Some days saying Elizabeth you need to practice more and play that piece over and other days saying wow that was terrific. Thanks Lord Jesus for today. One day at a time, one moment, and not always my own but always YOURS!!!
Being home with young children is a balancing act of freedom to just be. I just want to be left alone without being bombarded with the questions. That does not happen as I want my children to ask questions and I have conditioned them that it’s okay, yet my thoughts are interrupted all day long without the considerations of my time. Sometimes time is just the thought being completed in my head, but those are interrupted. Just now as I type I had to stop to look at a stuffed dog with a makeshift leash. A proud seven year old is taking his puppy for a walk and he’s proud of his leash he made. Now I have bow-wow sounds and silly voices of dog and owner walking through the “park” which is the hallway several feet from me.
I sat in on a meeting last night at church. One of the ladies shared how she has taken the first chapter of Genesis to begin to understand the value of her time, ordering her time, and taking time to be creative in this next season of her life. Aside from the scripture I loved one of the things she said. Something like this…If God, the creator of Heaven and Earth could orchestrate His days then what better model to follow. I have read Genesis One several times in my life. Never looking so much as how God used His time, but more the focus of day one, day two and so on. Do you ever feel like some parts were left out? Like did any of the angels interrupt God, tap Him on the shoulder, and say “before you start that could I tell you something, ask you a question, can you take me potty?” Did God just stand there in the darkness of the world and say “Let there be light.” Did the angles know by the expressions on His face, the intensity of the moment, that He was about to create the world, therefore they took a step back and realized this would not be a good time to interrupt?
When I read about the earth’s beginnings and what God did on each day I realize that He could orchestrate everything so perfectly because He is and will always be the one true God. He knew exactly what precise moment was the best timing for there to be light and darkness, land and water, animals and humans. I can’t even get it right to know if now or later is a better time to dust. I don’t always rally the troops, put everyone in a corner and then have my perfectly orchestrated time to create, be orderly, and then stand back and say “wow, a job well done”.
What God did do was set aside days for a specific task. That is a good idea, and even more so because it comes from God. At the end of each day’s work on creation God took a step back and “God saw that it was good”. Can I do that with my time each day as I plug along in the roles and hats I wear? Looking over the day and see that it is good? One of the things that I have been doing for years is take inventory at the end of the day of what I have done. For me, it’s not so much the creating of a list and checking things off that list, but it’s more making that list at the end of the day and realizing how I have spent my time and what that looks like. It gives me pleasure in my own little way to say…good job Elizabeth your time was used well today. Then there are days when I look at the page of nothing I can write and I realize that I have allowed the standards of the world to dictate what is considered a job well done. A long day playing at the park with the kids, does that make it on the list at the end of the day? Sitting with a friend and laughing for hours over coffee that went cold, does that make it on the list? Or does the list have things like laundry-check, dusting-check, post office-check, and grocery store-check. What does your list look like? How do you orchestrate your time? What adds value to each day that is important to you, not by the world’s standards?
I can orchestrate a wonderful day, only to be interrupted by the needs of my family, a phone call, email, face book, and a book that I want to read one more chapter of, and life goes on. Life happens every day, and perhaps it’s not played out in the way we would desire, but if you are meeting the needs of others, serving others and living out a life to be like Jesus I think God will be smiling and saying it was good. An orchestra has a leader called the conductor. In the same way I conduct around my home it’s a joy to know that God is conducting my life each day. Some days saying Elizabeth you need to practice more and play that piece over and other days saying wow that was terrific. Thanks Lord Jesus for today. One day at a time, one moment, and not always my own but always YOURS!!!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
To be like my mother
This morning Elliot came into the kitchen with a HUGE thank you for doing his mountain of laundry. If he was not sleeping in his bed last night I would have put the fresh sheets on his bed too. As we sat around the kitchen counter talking about the service of a mother I embraced how God has made me as a mother.
I shared with Elliot and David how my mother served me in my adult years and I now embrace the treasures now past along to me. My mother would allow me the freedom to just rest when in her home. She would jump in and care for the kids, jump in and do our laundry, prepare the meals, and free me up to do some things that maybe I never had time to do while being full time mommy. When she came to my home she would cook up a storm and fill my freezer, iron clothes that hung in my closet wrinkled, and do my mounds of laundry...even clean the bathrooms.
One weekend she came for a visit and I had a huge basket of ironing on my dryer. She jumped in and ironed it all. A couple months later she was coming for a visit and that basket was full once again and you know what, she did it all again. Who says that we have to stop serving our children once they grow up and are on their own? Do we take this black and white approach to parenting our adult children. Your are on your own now so figure it all out.
I was shown great love and service to my heart and soul when my mother stepped into my house. Some of my friends have complained over how their mother's come into their homes and "take over" and "control". My mother can come over and take over and control any time she wants and I am so blessed that my son sees this as a wonderful gift of service to him. Now as for the control part...hmmmm...should I toss some of these jeans with more holes than swiss cheese. Five years ago that would have been my choice. No longer.
My mother has not been so much in my life these past years yet even with the distance of time and geography I have learned some important things about mothering even into a child's adult years. It's a blessing to serve my children, and a gift that they would allow me. An even greater blessing to have had a mother to not just show me, but model serving in the ways that she did. Thanks Mom!!!
I shared with Elliot and David how my mother served me in my adult years and I now embrace the treasures now past along to me. My mother would allow me the freedom to just rest when in her home. She would jump in and care for the kids, jump in and do our laundry, prepare the meals, and free me up to do some things that maybe I never had time to do while being full time mommy. When she came to my home she would cook up a storm and fill my freezer, iron clothes that hung in my closet wrinkled, and do my mounds of laundry...even clean the bathrooms.
One weekend she came for a visit and I had a huge basket of ironing on my dryer. She jumped in and ironed it all. A couple months later she was coming for a visit and that basket was full once again and you know what, she did it all again. Who says that we have to stop serving our children once they grow up and are on their own? Do we take this black and white approach to parenting our adult children. Your are on your own now so figure it all out.
I was shown great love and service to my heart and soul when my mother stepped into my house. Some of my friends have complained over how their mother's come into their homes and "take over" and "control". My mother can come over and take over and control any time she wants and I am so blessed that my son sees this as a wonderful gift of service to him. Now as for the control part...hmmmm...should I toss some of these jeans with more holes than swiss cheese. Five years ago that would have been my choice. No longer.
My mother has not been so much in my life these past years yet even with the distance of time and geography I have learned some important things about mothering even into a child's adult years. It's a blessing to serve my children, and a gift that they would allow me. An even greater blessing to have had a mother to not just show me, but model serving in the ways that she did. Thanks Mom!!!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
My Moment at the Well
Many years ago my heart was aching over the damage in heart. I read the story of the Woman at the Well and it so touched my heart that I had to write must it must have been like to be her, what broken parts of my own life might think or feel.
My Moment at the Well by Elizabeth Traub
I have always known in my heart that what I have done, and continue to do is wrong. I have so little value of myself. I can look into a broken piece of glass and realize that the reflection I see is also broken. Broken with little hope of any repair. Yet in my own heart and in my soul I can not make change. Any hope for me has long since dried up. There are no miracles waiting for me. There are no miracles for a Samaritan woman who has chosen the company of many men.
This morning is like many. Although I have bathed, there will be no cleansing for what I have done. I am a woman, who is known for performing services in the darkness of night. I know my position, and although it is not what I had hoped for, in my life, it is who I am.. My position in this community affects every element of who I am. Even on this hazy morning I must alter the timing of my chores, as not to be met with the ridicule of the other Samaritan women. They know not the pain in my heart which has brought on my social position. They only know that I have distracted many of their own husbands.
This morning I go to the well of Jacob. I go during this hour, with hopes of meeting no one. Even in early daylight, the darkness in my heart can not withstand any light. Each day I have set out always in the sixth hour and I meet no one. Only today there is someone. My heart begins to beat at a faster pace. Only in my own sin and darkness, I fear this person will know me and I will be called upon for dialogue.
It is a man. He has the look of a Jew, although my eyes are lowered as not to make any kind of contact with him. He sits at the well’s edge; making it very difficult to avoid him. As I approach the well, I can see by his face, his clothes, and his color that he is a Jew. And yet he makes no movement away from the well. Can’t he see that I have come to draw water from the well. I have been taught that Jews and Samaritans have no dealings. And yet this man, this Jew only watches as I approach.
As I begin to dip my bucket the Jew speaks. “Give me a drink.” I am fearful by the calmness in this man’s voice. It is like no other man’s voice. Does he not know who I am? Does he not know my position in this community? “How is it that you, being a Jew, ask me for a drink, since I am a Samaritan woman?” I wanted to say, since I am the local Samaritan harlot. Yet the soft look from his eyes does not indicate he can see the darkness in my heart. This man answers me. “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.” I can’t help but look in all directions from the well. Who is this man who speaks of living water? This well has been producing clean water since our father Jacob, yet something seems different about the water he speaks of.
“Sir you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep; where then do You get living water?” This man, this Jew looks down into the well. And then he looks into my eyes, into my heart, and into my soul. No man has ever done this before. And he speaks, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again: but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.” Eternal Life. What does this mean? I lack understanding, yet my heart is feeling something. What is this Jew offering me? What am I feeling? I have only known darkness, heaviness, and yet this man is offering me something I have not known. The well can quench the thirst in my mouth, but what well can quench the thirst in my heart and in my soul?
I want so much to have what He has offered. Yet I am not worthy of asking for anything. And asking a man, whom I have been forbidden to speak with. He has spoken to me with such honor and respect. He must not know who I am. “Sir, give me this water so I will not be thirsty.” He speaks again. “Go, call your husband and come here.” How do I answer? For, in feeling for the first time honor and respect, he has now asked me to bring a husband. I have had many. And who I am with is not my husband. If I collect my bucket now, and leave, I can leave knowing for a moment in my life I felt a sense of worth. He can not know who I am. And yet I trust Him. I can see in His eyes, that this man is different. I can see in his lack of wanting to touch me. There is this glimpse of something so unfamiliar to me, unfamiliar to a local prostitute. Can I trust what my heart is feeling? I have had no other sense of hope or even trust.
“Sir, I have no husband” I have lowered my head, knowing at this very moment I must tell him who he speaks to, and advise him to move on before he is seen with me. Before the words roll from my tongue, he speaks. “You have well said, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; this you have said truly.” Who can this man be, a prophet? A prophet who knows this much of me and still sits at the edge of the well? The Messiah? The one who my father’s have spoken of? Could this man be him?
“Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet” What emptiness I have had has been filled. What darkness I have lived in can be changed. Who is this man, who has come at this early hour for rest? This man who can look on my life without shame is Him. “Samaritan woman, I who speak to you, is the Messiah. But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth; for such people the Father seeks to be his worshipers.” Have I just met the spirit? Have I just been delivered the truth? If spirit and truth can sit beside me, at this well, and look on my heart and soul without shame and disgrace, then I have truly met my Savior.
Only moments before coming to this well I only new darkness. I knew of nothing or no one who could cleanse such darkness from my heart and soul. And in one moment and one meeting I have been cleansed by this man they call Jesus . In a very precious moment the depth of my well has been filled.
Dear Messiah, I slipped away, leaving my watering pot. It was a watering pot that has been filled with the water from the wells of this world. My heart has been an empty and broken pot. You have come along and repaired the brokenness within me and filled me with an Eternal Spring of Living water. I go to the town, in the light of day. Fearing no more, what the townspeople may think of me. I know that you are real in my heart. I will draw my strength from you. I will no longer walk the path to the wells of this world.
Thank you Messiah, for not fearing the darkness in my life. Thank you Messiah, for knowing that I was worthy of your time. Worthy to be given new life. My story does not end here. It is only the beginning.
My Moment at the Well by Elizabeth Traub
I have always known in my heart that what I have done, and continue to do is wrong. I have so little value of myself. I can look into a broken piece of glass and realize that the reflection I see is also broken. Broken with little hope of any repair. Yet in my own heart and in my soul I can not make change. Any hope for me has long since dried up. There are no miracles waiting for me. There are no miracles for a Samaritan woman who has chosen the company of many men.
This morning is like many. Although I have bathed, there will be no cleansing for what I have done. I am a woman, who is known for performing services in the darkness of night. I know my position, and although it is not what I had hoped for, in my life, it is who I am.. My position in this community affects every element of who I am. Even on this hazy morning I must alter the timing of my chores, as not to be met with the ridicule of the other Samaritan women. They know not the pain in my heart which has brought on my social position. They only know that I have distracted many of their own husbands.
This morning I go to the well of Jacob. I go during this hour, with hopes of meeting no one. Even in early daylight, the darkness in my heart can not withstand any light. Each day I have set out always in the sixth hour and I meet no one. Only today there is someone. My heart begins to beat at a faster pace. Only in my own sin and darkness, I fear this person will know me and I will be called upon for dialogue.
It is a man. He has the look of a Jew, although my eyes are lowered as not to make any kind of contact with him. He sits at the well’s edge; making it very difficult to avoid him. As I approach the well, I can see by his face, his clothes, and his color that he is a Jew. And yet he makes no movement away from the well. Can’t he see that I have come to draw water from the well. I have been taught that Jews and Samaritans have no dealings. And yet this man, this Jew only watches as I approach.
As I begin to dip my bucket the Jew speaks. “Give me a drink.” I am fearful by the calmness in this man’s voice. It is like no other man’s voice. Does he not know who I am? Does he not know my position in this community? “How is it that you, being a Jew, ask me for a drink, since I am a Samaritan woman?” I wanted to say, since I am the local Samaritan harlot. Yet the soft look from his eyes does not indicate he can see the darkness in my heart. This man answers me. “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.” I can’t help but look in all directions from the well. Who is this man who speaks of living water? This well has been producing clean water since our father Jacob, yet something seems different about the water he speaks of.
“Sir you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep; where then do You get living water?” This man, this Jew looks down into the well. And then he looks into my eyes, into my heart, and into my soul. No man has ever done this before. And he speaks, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again: but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.” Eternal Life. What does this mean? I lack understanding, yet my heart is feeling something. What is this Jew offering me? What am I feeling? I have only known darkness, heaviness, and yet this man is offering me something I have not known. The well can quench the thirst in my mouth, but what well can quench the thirst in my heart and in my soul?
I want so much to have what He has offered. Yet I am not worthy of asking for anything. And asking a man, whom I have been forbidden to speak with. He has spoken to me with such honor and respect. He must not know who I am. “Sir, give me this water so I will not be thirsty.” He speaks again. “Go, call your husband and come here.” How do I answer? For, in feeling for the first time honor and respect, he has now asked me to bring a husband. I have had many. And who I am with is not my husband. If I collect my bucket now, and leave, I can leave knowing for a moment in my life I felt a sense of worth. He can not know who I am. And yet I trust Him. I can see in His eyes, that this man is different. I can see in his lack of wanting to touch me. There is this glimpse of something so unfamiliar to me, unfamiliar to a local prostitute. Can I trust what my heart is feeling? I have had no other sense of hope or even trust.
“Sir, I have no husband” I have lowered my head, knowing at this very moment I must tell him who he speaks to, and advise him to move on before he is seen with me. Before the words roll from my tongue, he speaks. “You have well said, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; this you have said truly.” Who can this man be, a prophet? A prophet who knows this much of me and still sits at the edge of the well? The Messiah? The one who my father’s have spoken of? Could this man be him?
“Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet” What emptiness I have had has been filled. What darkness I have lived in can be changed. Who is this man, who has come at this early hour for rest? This man who can look on my life without shame is Him. “Samaritan woman, I who speak to you, is the Messiah. But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth; for such people the Father seeks to be his worshipers.” Have I just met the spirit? Have I just been delivered the truth? If spirit and truth can sit beside me, at this well, and look on my heart and soul without shame and disgrace, then I have truly met my Savior.
Only moments before coming to this well I only new darkness. I knew of nothing or no one who could cleanse such darkness from my heart and soul. And in one moment and one meeting I have been cleansed by this man they call Jesus . In a very precious moment the depth of my well has been filled.
Dear Messiah, I slipped away, leaving my watering pot. It was a watering pot that has been filled with the water from the wells of this world. My heart has been an empty and broken pot. You have come along and repaired the brokenness within me and filled me with an Eternal Spring of Living water. I go to the town, in the light of day. Fearing no more, what the townspeople may think of me. I know that you are real in my heart. I will draw my strength from you. I will no longer walk the path to the wells of this world.
Thank you Messiah, for not fearing the darkness in my life. Thank you Messiah, for knowing that I was worthy of your time. Worthy to be given new life. My story does not end here. It is only the beginning.
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