Friday, September 25, 2009

Carrying the Weight of the Wool

This is not an easy week for me. Yet it has been an amazing week. Does that make sense. Life happens every single day and even when my heart is full of joy, real joy, unspeakable kind of joy, those issues of life can just zap it away.

I struggled all summer long, prayed over and over for guidance as to where to send my kids to school. A school that I have loved and been a part of for the better part of 14 years and consistent with. I don't like change and when you find a school you love you try to just stick with it. This past year with two in college, and two in a private school we just did not know how to swing the expense of another in a private school and decided on options.

Home school, public school, what to do kind of school choices everywhere. We landed on a school that seemed to match our needs and our budget. Only to realize a couple of weeks into it, the teaching style was not right for Ethan. Eric loved it which surprised us all. Ethan loves school, has always been the one to remind me to get home so he can get his homework done. Ethan is the one who wants to read two books instead of the required one. Ethan the deaf child who did not even hear the statistics of deaf children and educational set backs. In two weeks I saw the love and passion for school drop out of his spirit. Crushing my heart as to "did I make the right decision?" I don't start and stop things. I press on and work through as best as I can. Ethan demonstrated the very same behaviors at home that Elliot did almost 17 years ago. His teachers would say he was a nice boy, just needed extra help on this, low test scores and once home this little boy named Elliot was angry, mad, wanted nothing to do with anything school. My heart has been so heavy on this matter as Ethan demonstrated all the same once familiar behaviors.

My husband and I were baffled over such a dramatic change in Ethan. A decision was made and midweek we put the boys back into the old school. By Thursday evening Ethan was doing his homework, reading his books and happy with life. It's a teaching style that has nothing to do with a fabulous teacher. Ethan and Elliot both always had teachers that I loved. I personally wish I did not love them so much, as these kinds of decisions would be so much easier if the teacher was lousy, but that is not the case.

This whole thing made for a rough spot in my heart and in my week in the struggle to deliver the news to the school and then hoping there was room in the old school of years past.

A few other issues this week, none to go into now and I am feeling spent. No change left not one penny. I went downstairs to read "From a Shepherd's Heart Psalm 23" and began to think of myself as this woolly four legged creature just wandering. Not so smart, not so quick on my feet, and carry the weight of the wool.

"The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want". But that is not true I do want. I want things to go well, I want things to work out always, I want other to be happy, I want to be a good decision maker, wife, mother and then as I sat thinking of the weight of the wool on my shoulders I realized that is exactly what the passage stands for...dog gone it Elizabeth let the Shepherd carry you. Isn't that what His job is, so that we don't have to want. Free myself of this weighty wool.

Life happens and we are not in control of everything. Thank you Shepherd. As I look at this week I find such comfort in knowing, owning, believing and once again coming to Him to carry me. It took a good shearing on my part, but less of the wool in on my shoulders.

6 comments:

  1. My heart goes out to you Elizabeth. Not an easy answer to those questions at all. I am thankful that you listened and followed what the Lord wanted you to. A child that is happy learning is such an incredible blessing. May your heat feel lighter as each day passes and this wonderful child continues to flourish. Love you.

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  2. We've had school struggles on this end as well- T starts his new school on Monday- I'm looking up to HIM! :O)

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  3. Oh friend, I'm with you. I've continually stressed over the school issue for a couple of years now since Jadon was diagnosed with dyslexia. I fight this emotional battle on a regular basis. He just has issues.

    I had a great weekend, but am so full of emotion right now I don't know what to do with it all. My life intersected with both joy and tremendous pain this weekend. I am spent and in need of my Shepherd this night.

    Lots of love headed in your direction~elaine

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  4. Elizabeth - You're an amazing woman... even more so when you're letting the shepherd hold you!

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  5. i sometimes just wrap myself tightly in that wool, instead of letting it fall to the ground....freeing me of the weight of the burden. why do i do that to myself? cuz i a a dumb ole sheep. thanks for this elizabeth....it was very helpful for me tonite. <3

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  6. I tried to comment the other night but it wasn't working. Anyway, school has been weird for us thsi year too -- and we homeschool. I just felt unrest about it until things finally fell into place. Well, they didn't exactly just fall there on their own, but I did finally get it figured out. Try not to despair mommy. It is so wonderful that you are attuned to the needs of your kids and able to make changes when you see they are not flourishing as you know they should. And now all is well! xoxo

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