It is very hard to bring my past into this blog. It's a huge part of my life I can't be real about and yet it's that part of my life that shaped and molded me. It's that part of my life. the better part of 17 years, that God found favor and blesses me today. I can not be open with my heart and I am a very open person.
Last summer I was made aware that my ex husband's wife reads my blog. I don't fault her for that at all. It's a public blog to those who find me. She communicated with one of my kids that I would be dealt with if I did not take something down that I had written. I referred to a part of my "past", not mentioning names, not mentioning dates on the calendar. That specific "past" could have been anyone yet she chose to decide it was my ex and she was wrong it was not. I was careful not to mention names or dates, but it was the event that God had worked in my life. I did not take down the post.
Life happens to us. We all have pasts that have affected us. I write not thinking that an ex's wife will be reading. I often write as God has pressed on my heart something that could benefit another and bring that one person into a better understanding of God's grace, mercy, and amazingness.
I spoke at our ladies event last winter and spoke on a life of hurt and guess what, part of that time in my life was my first marriage. Unfortunately to many of us can write on that one topic. In that first marriage we were both not so nice people. Goodness if we were nice people we'd most likely still be married. In sharing that time of pain in my life I have been blessed to come alongside and encourage others in their walk with Jesus. I have been able to help others put the pieces of a broken marriage together with the hope of staying married. My intentions were never to be in a really hurtful marriage. Nor to bring a shadow onto the character of another. Marriage's don't break down because of one person it takes two.
I am sharing this today because my son listened to the CD of me sharing my story and truly it's a story of God's interventions into my heart. He said that people need to hear this story. And yet, do I pause because one person may not want to know the past of an ex-wife. I don't know the person I was married to almost ten years ago. Perhaps he is prince charming, walking closely with God, and loving another woman like he could never love me. All very good things, but as my heart has prayed this past week I am going to share some things that I have learned and grown from. Will it reference my first marriage? Most likely. Will it be more of my part and how God has shown me how to love and live in a healthy marriage today? I will do my best.
There are many marriages on the edge of separation and divorce. I wish I had someone to hold my hand and help me along, but I did not have that because I posed to have a perfect marriage in public. Behind closed doors that first marriage was very different and if you are hurting in a marriage I want to encourage and come alongside to offer hope that comes with Jesus taking over.
So, if you are reading this and are offended by some of my personal experiences, please know that I do my best to not use names, dates and times and not every bad thing is my past was a result of my ex. My failed marriage is not a result of what he did or did not do. It's about how I failed to know how to handle myself in situations that required me to depend on God. So as I write about another life I once had I pray that those who read will be encouraged.