I have issues with dads in my life. I have very big hurtful awful issues. One specific things that bothers me and I do try to understand is that when a person has had issues with their earthly fathers and thus lose ground and understanding of our Heavenly Father because of the issues with their earthly father. I am not so sensitive in this area and often listen only, with the inability to offer hope. I think it’s a victim mentality which allows an excuse to stray, stumble, and gives little credit to the relationship, the healing, the love and the compassion God has for our lives. I want to jump out of my skin and say something like….”that is your issue with your dad and for that reason you are robbing yourself of a wonderful relationship with the Father of our hearts?”
I was chatting the other day with a young woman who is missing out on the relationship she can have with our Heavenly Father because she relates Him to her relationship with the severe issues with her dad. Did I mention I have issues? I am going to lay some of these issues out right now.
Dad number one is the one who contributed the DNA. He was a ladies man. As a matter of fact my mother was his second of his six or seven marriages. He dropped in and out of my life twice between the ages of 4-23. He left my mom when I was two years old. One can only hope he was a nice person and had agenda’s that prevented him from seeing me. That is the kind of story a little girls writes in her mind, only to realize later he just did not want to be bothered. That has created some issues over my lifetime.
Dad number two is the step dad. Let me see, emotional, sexual, and physical abuse are all he will have to deal with when he faces God. I was told how ugly and stupid I was on a regular basis. “Hey stupid come here”. One night a bag of snacks spilled all over the kitchen floor. I was taken out of bed from a deep sleep and asked to clean it up. I was not handed a broom or dustpan. I was told to eat every last piece. It was those orange cheetos things. To this day I can not stand the sight of those things. If that was all that ever happened I might not have so many issues, but if you want to know more just ask. That period in my life also created issues on top of the existing issues.
Dad number three is the semi-adoptive dad. I must give him much respect. He is a very Godly man. He has spent the better part of his life working hard and serving in areas that truly have grown people into God’s kingdom. He did his best to do what he could with me. But I had already come with so many issues. Did he intend to add to those issues I am sure the answer is no, but he did. Excusing me from the only loving family I had ever had because I would not play by his rules. Simply give the baby up for adoption or you will no longer be part of the family. I kept the baby and you can guess how that story went. I think this situation created the most confusing issues of all time in my life.
With the dads in my life coming and going and hurting my heart I think I have every right to look into the face of God and scream, yell, and spit if it were lady like. I have every right to relate to our Heavenly Father in ways that keep me from growing closer to Him. I think I have about every excuse in the book to keep me confused over Him in my life. Because the “rules” say its okay to view God in a dis-configured sense because of our earthly father’s failing us. As a matter of fact it would be so much easier if I just bask in this thing called victim because then I really don’t have to change my thinking so much, I don’t have to work at anything but self-pity and and and and…..!!!
I am, everyday of my life, reminded of:
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as God has forgiven you.”
“Be imitators of God, therefore as dearly loved children and live a life of love just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
God loves us so much as His “dearly loved children”. What purpose to stay deep in the hurts of past fathers in our lives? What harm to our souls and to our hearts to allow the sins of another to take up so much of you heart and be the excuse for being stuck, the excuse for not getting God in your life. Our earthly fathers are not on the field as our Heavenly Father and yet we put Him there as a place of dishonor.
2 Peter 1: 3,4
“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.”
There are no disclaimers. I looked. Nothing that says if your earthly father has failed you, then I understand if you can not understand this passage of scripture or even Me, your Heavenly Father. He longs for a relationship with each one of us. Not hindered by the hurts of our past, the hurts of our fathers.
I thought long and hard about this post and realized that my post Father’s Day post is something I wanted to share as a hope for next year’s Father’s Day. We have a Father who has never failed us, never given up on us, given us away, hurt or harmed us. Everyday I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father. In a strange way the failures and hurts of my earthly fathers has been a tremendous blessing in my life. My struggles and issues have given me a deeper and passionate love for the Father who I embrace every day. There are no distractions of the issues created in my life due to the lack of fathering I had, but instead it’s been the cause for great healing, deeper yearning and a real love for my Heavenly Father.
My Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank you for the issues in my life created by the fathers who came along in my life. I do not know their hearts, their intentions or if I was ever truly loved, but this I do know. My heart is not distracted by these issues. I want to run into your arms, hold on, and feel your grasp which pulls me along. I pray for those who are stuck, captured as the victim who is comfortable with being uncomfortable because it’s all they know. Let there be a yearning to know you as the greatest Dad in the world. You are not my number one, two or three dad in my life. You are my only DAD!!!!! LOVES YOU!!!