When I wrote that I remember thinking that in all my life I had never felt so much pain in my heart. I had felt pain before, but after a few days of dealing and processing life just moved on. Only seven days after I wrote that piece another devastating event happened in my life. And the pain of that event caused even greater pain to my heart. A pain I never thought was possible. Right now as I write the details, as important as they are, those details are not the message of this blog post. The message is a continuation of overcoming the sadness and grief in your life.
A few months ago I met with a counselor. Asking her how to help my children in navigating some hard family stuff. Her words were wise. She said to remind your children. Remind them of who they are. Remind them that these events are hard, but this is WHO WE ARE. And her words hit me hard. I need to remind myself of the same. I love to write, but in this season I have been paralyzed in my writing. I have felt lost in the events that got me to time and season in my life.
My daughter and I have always gone into situations with this this understanding, "Plan for the worst and expect the best." Seems kind of funny. As a musician it was always a mystery as to what a venue might be like. When she was 18 we were hours before a big music event and we had no sound system. We were cool about it. Because in that situation the worst would have been, no sound system and we had already prepared for the worst. And God stepped in with a beautiful miracle of a sound system. When my children and I make plans we always plan for the worst and expect the best. You know extra food and water bottles on road trips. Extra cash in a secret hiding place if we lose our wallet.
What if you have no idea about what is about to happen and life takes you by surprise. There was no time to plan for the worst and expect the best. Only the worst is happening and continues and no matter how many people pray for you or tell you it will get better you live it daily. No matter how many blog posts you write on grief you are still in in. Your children are living it with you and looking, watching and needing YOU to help navigate. What do you do? You have already checked all the boxes for the different stages of grief and you ran out of boxes to check. How do you wake up and continue every single day? Here are some ideas on what to do when you don't know what to do. I encourage you to use these tips with your children as you help them navigate through the sadness and grief.
1. Read the Bible
I admit that there are times I am just reading over the words. Nothing sinks in but I keep reading. What does happen is there is a peace that washes over the heartache, the sadness. Once that peace sets in the words jump off the pages. Filling my heart with clarity and understanding. One day we will know why God allowed such heartache. Keep your Bible by your bedside so when you have those sleepless nights you are armed and ready for God to pour His word of hope, encouragement, peace and love.
I have no idea who the woman is in this picture. What I do know is her face is what I feel in my darkest hours. I put on my headphones. I drive to work every single day with my headphones on. Listening to worship music. Filling my heart and my soul with a fresh start. The sadness is covered and the grief is pushed away for a little while. I keep my headphones and music by my bedside. When thoughts of sadness want to consume me, I consume more music. When I have read the Bible until my eyes are blurry I put on music. My heart begins to sing. Even when the words are heavy on my heart and tears fall I am in worship with God.
3. Get In Your Car and Go Somewhere
I was invited to an evening out. I TOTALLY wanted to just curl up on the sofa and get lost in a movie. A heavy hearts wants to hold you captive. A heavy heart of grief wants to keep you alone. Have you noticed that? No one to ask you questions. No one is checking in on you. Because the story is still the same sad story. But listen to me. Get in your car and go somewhere. I did not want to go. I threw on some lip gloss, brushed my hair and wore black. Why black, because no matter how messy you may feel black is class and style. You may not feel like class and style but it helps. That night I was with people I love and people who love me. And it was a wonderful evening. I took a selfie that night to remind myself that no matter how much grief and sadness I feel I am going to make myself get in my car and go.
Tell your story. Social Media is a good thing. Your story matters. Your story could be the story that helps another person in their journey. You can tell your story without going into the details. My story is a messy one. And the enemy of lies, deceit, and destruction would like to keep you alone and in the dark. That is when the enemy can destroy your soul. Get out of the dark and stand in the middle of the ring. There are millions of books published with a story. Why do we read these stories? Because there is a beautiful thing that happens when you realize another story. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You can paint a very pretty story on social media. It's easy to post just the pretty, the happy, and the highlights. But is that your real story. I have posted my journey. And there have been those trying to discredit and destroy my character who have tried to use those stories to hurt me. But God is in the house and what HE is doing in my life is bigger than my story. My story has reached out to others who have contacted me, and I can help encourage. Social Media is a good thing. It's in a very strong way, your own self publishing without the hardcover and numbered pages.
I love this picture with my nephew Spenser. He is full of energy and joy. No matter what is going on in life, he can make you laugh. Hanging out with my kids, and even if it feels sad or hard just DO IT!! You will never regret showing. And everytime you do, you will be reminded of who you are long before all the sadness. People you know and love know you. Talk to your friends, your family, your community.
I write today from a place of still grieving. Yet I also write from a place of healing and helping. Healing comes. It really does. It has come through these five tips. I write from a heart of experience, not just good ideas. God knows all of this. I know that someday soon God will give the reasons for all of this, but in the meantime I submit to you to keep moving forward and if you are at a loss, them simple read this five tips. Try them for a week and I promise you will be blessed.
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