Forgiveness is hard. Do you agree? Sometimes we move on from a situation and no longer have to deal with the situation, see the people involved, and the pain of the situation slowly takes a back seat to the joys of life as it moves forward.
In the past month some of those hurts which I believed I had recovered from have come back and I have had to face things head on. I have felt like I have been in a head on collision with life and even my safety belt could not protect me or my heart. I have had moments in my life when things surface and I think or say something like..."wow, I thought I had worked through that one, only to be feeling the pains and emotions as if it just happened all over again." That is when I realize and learn that for the many seasons that have passed and the removal of people or places I have not had to face the realities.
This past week I have been thinking alot about my active response to forgiveness. One which I truly believed I had, only to feel the pain of the past once again. Does God protect me from pain, until I have grown up a little more and can face and deal with things in a much better way then I would have in years past? Such a perplexing question and yet here I sit typing away over what forgiveness looks like for me this week, next week, and the months to come.
Forgiving myself, forgiving the hurts of others and functioning without the fear of facing the pain again. I realize I give no details to the matters I am working through. The details are not important for this post. The questions I ask myself, reflect on a little deeper are not the details, but more of actively forgiving. My forgiving is not based on the other person's response or lack there of. It's acknowledging my part, asking for forgiveness on my part and being free to heal the hurts, the wounds, the pain and then seeing the burdens lifted. Sometimes, that burden sits deeply in pockets of my soul because life did not allow me to do my part.
I have done my part to some degree these past weeks. Asking for forgiveness and seeing the other person accept it. Now forgiving myself is an even bigger task.
I think that mercy and grace truly are amazing. We have the capacity to forgive, and to live life to it's fullest. We have to let go of our own understandings, let go of being right, let go of entitlement, let go of what we think we deserve, let go of how it should be, and just humbly seek the face of Jesus in all we do. Even in forgiveness. The Bible speaks volumes on forgiveness, and yet as I write from my heart I realize my own pride wants to hang out, prove my right, and in doing that I myself hinder the freedoms in forgiveness. Did you read
that, "I myself hinder the freedoms of forgiveness."
What are you holding onto? Who are you waiting on? Let the keys of forgiveness, which you hold release you. Cheers!!