Wow, what an amazing day moving my business out of my home and into the streets of NW Portland. This was a family event. I love this one clip of video where Emerson is sweeping up the mess. Elliot and David unloading furniture, and Eric off wandering and exploring. We had had Matt & Mari and precious others helping in the move and now, to know its done I can get more acclimated in this idea of a stepping back into retail. So much fun in all the work. I thank God for today.
Emerson said his favorite parts of today were, "that we went to your store back and forth" and "we stopped for donutes," and "we ate chocolate ice-cream. " There you have it. The highlights from a six year old.
So many good things that God has blessed me with today, and then someone says something and I feel my heart sink a little. I walked around Lowe's this evening picking out paints and trying to distract my heart from a slight blow. Asking myself why this blow feels the way it does and then it hits me. Influences. How, we can have a great day. A hard working day yielding rewards, of accomplishment, family time together and friendship building, laughter, silly fun and that one person whom we view as important says or does something to take the value from you as a person. It is a blow. It's an even greater blow when we/I allow it take up space in the pit of my stomach.
How do I process this? My first rebellion from this pit in my stomach is to get on the phone with another person, and outwardly "process". Only realizing that, that only perpetuates gossip. Trapped in my own thoughts and asking God to calm my heart and seek to understand. I strolled along the isles waiting for my paints to be mixed and then got this big grin on my face. Grinning over the significance of this moment, passing along each isle. God, you give me good things. You give so much favor and blessing into my life. Your presence and existence is real to me, and that is where my confidence comes from. Not people who are going to find my faults and elevate them, talk about then and become naysayers.
Now how do I encourage others in this world. Facing the difficult relationships of those who seem to have an element of influence in their lives. Your parents, your best friend, your siblings, your church leaders. They, like you and me, are going to fail over and over. We have to own that expectation we put on those people. Why? That expectation is what caused the pain. An expectation, a standard greater, a platform being stood on, and then that person of influence says or does something and there is that pit. I put to much into their opinions, when there is front of me, God showing me over and over his love and care for me life, for your life and yet that moment through Lowe's asking myself why there is a sting.
There is a sting because we expected more. Why? There is an influence in who that person is. Then we have a hard time getting out from under it and at times it yields a place of nurturing, growing, or damaging and destroying the pieces of who we are. It's confusing, especially when you begin to see the hypocrisy and the judgement. Why? Again this person is viewed as a person of influence in your life.
And as I strolled into line, I pursue this idea of allowing people to have that kind of power or control in my life. I allowed it. I own that. The important thing here is to really do some sober estimating of why that icky feeling landed in your stomach. Which I did and when I came home and started chatting with David, I was so far down the road to grace and understanding it no longer made me queasy inside.
Who is causing some conflict in your soul? How are you viewing the influence they are in your life? Ask yourself why that person yields so much control over your heart and then find a place of grace and love, no more allowing the ill affects of that person affect you. Coming out of such a terrific day, I have a choice to make. Embrace the 100's off good. Or embrace that one really not good at all. It's a choice, and one I am willing to sit and blog about. Why? I see over and over my dear sisters, my friends struggle with that "one" person over the same kinds of things. Hand that person over to God, and no longer allow their words to carry to the pit of your stomach. Maybe it's time to start purging some of those influences, in that you still love and care for them, they just are no longer allowed to take up residence in your heart. Love and Blessings, Friends.