I have some heavy burdens which I have to be honest about. I don't carry them. I don't wear them on my face. I don't carry a big trunk around. I don't even carry them in my handbag. They sit on my desk. They fill my journals, they are scratched on strips of papers. They are packaged, at times in pretty papers and there before God I place them.
This is my birthday month. Birthdays are really great times of reflection and looking back. Looking back at what you have accomplished when half your life is lived, or more than half your life. As I look back at the burdens of my past, the moments of bad decisions, and the SPECTACULAR view of my life today there is one thing I embrace, as my blog title reads. GOD.
Years ago I read the passage in Psalms 42:5
"Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?"
I did not want to be downcast, disturbed, and wear the weight of the world on my shoulders. I did not want to carry my burdens in the wrinkles of a sour face. In carrying them I was not letting go, or surrendering or even trusting that God was even able to do just so.
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God."
My soul yearns each day to go to that stream and be renewed and leave it all at His feet. But how do you leave a fussy child, struggles in a marriage, dinner not turning out, cookies burned, the job stinks, and the list goes on. When we take these burdens on as our own we begin to break down. God did not design us to carry the burdens on our own. I vowed many many years ago to truly seek JOY. As in enJOY life. EnJOY the place I am at, and be brave to the world. The world....piffle! The world would like to rob us of that joy and keep us bound by the burdens of everyday life.
I have lived a wonderful life in ways that the world may never know. My burdens handed over, daily as they come. God create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me (psalm 51:10) In that renewal is that connection with God all day long to be the carrier of those burdens that come. It's an honest smile, an honest hope and an honest JOY when surrender the burdens to Him. He wants us to. So for that reason I can't own them anymore. I give them over and truly hope for the best, and God always puts His best foot forward on our behalf when we seek Him in ALL things.
Looking back on living half my life, I am grateful to have those journal entrees of reminders of his faithfulness to me. His strong arms to carry those burdens that I may experience true joy in the everyday stuff.
This Christmas a greater joy to come in our family, that can only be result of handing the burdens over to God and allowing him to do the work, the miracles, and me his faithful servant girl.
Thanks Lord Jesus for your strong arms to carry my burdens. Those journals, slips of paper, and scratched notes are my way of writing them down, reading them, and then saying here you go God I trust you will direct my heart.