Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Good Wife

2Thessalians 1:11
"To this end also we pray for you always, that our God will count you worthy of your calling, and fullfill every desire for goodness and the work of faith with power."

Who is the Good Wife? Who do you watch from afar, or up close and personal and wish to be that Good Wife? Who are you to your husband behind closed doors? When no one is watching and it's just you and him, who are you? That Good Wife?

I was visiting with a dear friend yesterday who's heart was heavy with some real issues concerning her husband. I loved how she talked about her own issues, and in being married she/we often protect our husbands from the realities of our hearts because we want to be that Good Wife. Only later to have these issues surface in other ways of disproportion.

Amos 5:14
"Seek good and not evil, that you may live; And thus may the Lord God of hosts be with you."

As she shared, my heart's own heavies began to surface. My eyes filled with tears, because like she, I too had decided to unload the realities of my heart to my husband that same day and I did not feel like the Good Wife. She was the one who said something like "I guess I am not the good wife" and when she said that my tears spilled as we both processed what a Good Wife looks like.

Is a Good Wife one who harbors the resentments of the realities of life? Is a Good Wife one who protects her husband from those realities because of the stress levels they carry at work, or their own life conditions.

I have felt like the Good Wife if I am honoring, respecting, and protecting my husband's honor and integrity. However it is dishonoring for me to think he can read my mind, know my heart on hard issues, and if I conceal those realities and then take them out in disproportionate ways later, making me look like some crazy lady to him.

I think as women we see that Good Wife over there. All pretty, house in order, and kids with clean faces, nails and hair done and then we see life begin to crumble internally, and those issues sit dormant with unresolve. I know that Good Wife really well. Protecting myself and my husband to be that Good Wife.

I admired my friend yesterday....really really admired her boldness to express the issues, and give her husband time to process and understand her. She said something like "I know many of my Christian friends who would have stopped me from expressing myself to my husband, because in my efforts to be kind, it can come across as not so kind because it's addressing the realities" we NOT address the realities for fear of not being that Good Wife. She clearly said to me that she is not the "Good Wife" which is why I write this.

I have had more hard conversations with David this past month. Stating the realities of our situation and hearing him now begin to process the heaviness of what sits on my heart. He said just this past weekend, in response to my not so Good Wife moment as I expressed my heart..."perhaps if we addressed these issues in the first year of our marriage it would not be so hard now", but we are choosing hard right now to work through the realities of our marriage and what it comes down to is that not so Good Wife.

So, who is that Good Wife who conceals her heart to spare the pain of facing the work, and the workings of building an honest relationship. Maybe your husband does not embrace your feelings, your thoughts, and your realities whatever they may be. Is keeping them hidden and locked up inside working for you? Going to friend or family and complaining is only going to dishonor your husband.

I am no expert in these matters, but as I learn and grow I love when I can sit with a woman who is real. Who can embrace what is hard and see God's hand in the growth of that relationship. In my heart she is that Good Wife and I see how God is showing Himself to her in the realities as she opens her heart to her husband.

The exterior of our lives is not what defines a Good Wife. It is who we are behind closed doors. Exposing our hearts, exposing what is hard, and knowing that if we are seeking God in ALL things, He is going to see us through. Knowing the pureness of the intentions of our hearts are for His glory, not our own and allowing ourselves to be real, in loving ways that will build in us the Goodness of who God would want us to be on both sides of the door. I want to be that Good Wife that my husband embraces too on both sides of the door.

Romans 8:28
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."


  1. There's been a lot of exposure behind closed doors in recent days; even today, a painful moment or two of getting real and honest before one another. It usually doesn't evolve very daintily or prettily, but almost always does it evolve, and for that I am thankful. I don't know what it means to be the "good wife" these days; I'm simply trying to make sense of my own pain, and then when I see pain in the lives of my children and spouse, well, it's almost too much for me to handle. How I pray that we always operate and handle one another from a place of truth and kindness and love and not from a point of control.


  2. My home is certainly dealing with this issue Elizabeth. How does one truly be honest without causing pain? I think being the "good wife" means that we are open and honest. Does that mean yelling or condemning, of course not. It still needs to be done with the utmost respect and love. But to have all that pain eat away at you is not healthy either. I think that the pain in figuring it all out is what truly makes us a "good wife". May we all remember that most of the people we have contact with are good willed. We just all need to be honest and then these moments don't come around as often. Your honesty always amazes me. Much love to you.

  3. So... the "good daughter" of Our Heavenly Father was prompted this morning to ask for the information that the "good husband" had asked her for (which had kind of made her bitter). Within minutes of her obedience to the "Good Father", "good husband" calls "good wife" (which makes "good wife" very happy) and she discovers that "good husband" has not yet received the e-mail from the "not-so-good wife." So, she proceeds to fill him in on her e-mail and he completely understands where she is coming from...

    "Good wife" thanks her "good friend" for being so supportive yesterday. And for having amazing insight to ask, "Are you doing okay?"

    I love you! GREAT post!


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