Influences of the Shepherd

As each Tuesday rolls around, I sit in my comfy yellow chair, review my book, my notes, and begin to pray that God would give me wisdom and direction with book club this evening.

It's always interesting to see where my heart is led and what events in my life I can pin point as being profoundly related to the topic at hand. The Shepherd's Look at Psalm 23 by W. Phillip Keller has been very interesting. Relating the task of raising sheep to our role as His sheep.

Where my heart landed today was that as "...He prepares a table for me..." And the author went on to dissect what "preparing a table" means for a shepherd. It's going ahead to the best and highest pastures. The lush of summer, the vibrant color of green, the grazing place on high. And it is high up there. The Shepherd will make many trips to this "table". Looking for poisonous weeds. One flower was described as being so beautiful, yet deadly to a sheep. Even with the Shepherd preparing that "table", pulling the poisonous flowers, preparing the soil with salt, there is still danger in the influences that linger.

My heart was heavy after reading this particular chapter. Influences. Even at what is considered to be the finest offering our Shepherd could provide there are still the dangers of influence. As we wander to far from our Shepherd the distractions of danger linger, often unknown to the dumb little sheep. I speak of myself in that way right now.

I was living my life on what I thought was the path up to that "table". Things appeared okay, but it was the influences that distracted me. Sometimes we choose to get out of reach of His staff and He has to come after us. Even after coming for us, we turn right back into danger. Several years back I got into a crowd that did a lot of social drinking. I was never much for drinking in that I was a young mom, running a business and had to be bright eyed the next morning. After 1-2 drinks I was done. This was a fun crowd of very good people. Long before David and I, I dated someone who consumed much alcohol on a regular basis. I was dumb. DUMB!!! I had never been around anyone who abused alcohol so I did not really know what abuse looked like. So I asked an alcoholic what to much alcohol was. I did not know this person was an alcoholic. Some might thing well you should have known, but I did not.

It was a couple of years later, after dating David and discussing the issues I had with myself and others and the amount of alcohol that he clearly defined these people as alcoholics. His back round for over 15 years was an Alcohol and Chemical Addiction Therapist, so he was clear on the signs and indications.

Influence? Yes, I am convinced God has more work for me as I look back almost ten years ago realizing I was driving a large vehicle on some nights when I had more than two drinks. My life and the lives of others spared I am certain. I was reminded of this story today. A time in my life I had not thought of for years as I pondered my walk into not so good influences in my life. You know the grass just might be greener on the other side, but only for a while, because being out of reach of our Shepherd is dangerous to our hearts.

What influences have been masked in your life as good, but really hinder your relationship with our Shepherd. What influences have moved you away from that table He has prepared only for a while appearing to be greener pastures?

I pray today that I would be stay close to Him daily as not to misunderstand the influences in my own life.

Benefit Concert Series

Mid week blues. I just ordered 1,000 blue gift bags. I am working on a project that God has been working on for many months. I just did not know about it until a few weeks ago.

There is this family that God has put on my heart to actively pray for. When they moved to Oregon I thought in the middle of the move they should at least be able to take a break and be fed, so we invited these strangers to dinner. Little did I know that their children were the ages of mine. My three year old had found his wife. The mommy is a sweetheart, and God would soon have me coming alongside the mission organization in which her husband is an Evangelist. By the way I had to look up how to even spell evangelist.

For years my heart has been troubled over why God would never call me to missions. I am tough. I can handle heat, unknowns, different food, and love people. I do not fear strange places and strange things that fly or crawl in those places. Yet my heart has never been prompted to get on a plane and serve on a mission. Why God? Perhaps my mission is right here at home. As the months have unfolded with this family I have sat under the teaching of this man. Our children have played and our mommy hearts have shared. Okay God, we can right a small check each month to support this mission. Is that really all I am called to do?

My daughter has been blessed musically. She has been blessed not just with opportunities and venues in our area, but has even had others come along and want to support her, in the ways they can, if she were to pursue music. Yet she has not jumped at these opportunities, nor has she known how. I can't fault her given her age. Her heart and passions with music have always been to bring people into worship with our Maker. I sat down with her several weeks ago and asked what hinders her from moving forward. She shared her heart and said that if she were to perform in a concert that was to feature her, she wanted all proceeds to benefit a mission. She did not want to perform with the purpose of drawing attention to herself, but more to God, His Kingdom, and what other can do to come alongside and learn what they themselves can do as well. I asked her who she would want to support.
Without any hesitation she said Jose Zayas.

I have blogged a few times about his teaching and the anointing on his life. I started to cry when she said that because I could see her heart's desire and I shared in the same. We brainstormed how we could come alongside Jose Zayas Evangelism International (J.Z.E. I.) (http://www.josezayas.org/) God put on both our hearts the idea of a three part concert series over the next six months. We met with Jose and he was very accepting of our offer to come alongside.

In that time God has busted the doors open with His blessings in this project/event. My back round has been events all over the US for companies promoting products and ideas. Did I spend the last 15 years in training for God's kingdom kind of work? Did God truly know the desires of my heart and when that time would come using my gifts right here at home? Of course. As I look back over the last year and a half I see God's hand in so many ways and His workings to bring this together. J.Z.E.I just received a generous matching donation, dollar for dollar up to 50K. Timing? God? Perfect? Always.

I sit here completely humbled to be part of His mission plan. My prayer has been "humility in my ability" because at the end of the day it does not matter what my abilities are. What matters is that I am seeking His guidance and direction with each decision being made on behalf of His Kingdom.

Please, if you are reading this pray for the upcoming events. The first concert is scheduled for Dec. 2ND. If you are in the area and want more information you can email me or post on here. If you have resources you think we might need let me know.

Oh, by the way, the blue bags are gift bags for those attending the concert. I am blessed to have a number of people coming along to help out using their skills, resources and gifts. I had a dear friend ask if her Bible Study group could be our prayer warriors. It all begins with a prayer and God is always there, listening, and working His wonders into our hearts. Thanks Lord Jesus, thanks!!!!

Shepherd of Love

Last spring I spoke at a women's event at our church. It was a struggle for my heart to expose so much of the intimacies of my life there, but it was through that sharing that I could show God's grace, mercy, and care on my life. Not to mention love.

I have just finished up a few days of studying the next two chapters of "A Shepherd's Look at Psalm 23". Our book club is meeting this evening and my heart is heavy with these thoughts and words. I was wondering if I should open my laptop or get the table set for dinner with the ladies. Here I am, so you know what won out.

Chapter Five goes into great details of the "casting off" of a sheep. It is basically a predicament the sheep get into. Stuck on their back, unable to get up, limbs going numb, gases filling a belly, and the entire science of a cast off sheep is deadly. The Shepherd has to do a head count every single day. The Shepherd will look to the sky for circling buzzards, and that is typically a sign of a casted sheep. Putting the shepherd into a full sprint to find that one sheep. The chapter speaks about God finding us and putting us back on our feet. Sometimes over and over, but He does step in to help always.

The weeks and months that follow the times when I have shared my story are met with the tears of many broken and casted women. I hear over and over that the understanding of God is that once I have fallen over I am not worthy of being rescued and put back on my feet.

I will never forget the face of a young woman. Makeup running down her cheeks, and her quivering voice said this..."I knew I was not suppose to be here tonight because of the things I have done. Why would God ever want me, and then you share your story and I now know that God truly does still want me." My heart is heavy for those who know Jesus, have fallen over, can't get back up and stay in that place. Where does this idea come from that our Lord Jesus is done with us and we are to be stuck in that place that leads to death?

He truly is the Good Shepherd. He truly does come after you, looking for you in all the areas of the land, high and low. And it is there he takes your limbs, massages your heart and says now go let Me "restore your soul" and "lead you to the paths of righteousness".

Do we get that? There is restoration waiting to happen in that part of us that has fallen over. What is your falling over moment? I can name a few, and the book outlines a few. In that falling over moment, are you bleating out for help, or just so comfortable in that uncomfortable state you are just best left there. Does it give you peace to know that He is just right there ready to put you back on your feet? The world, oh this world, would like for us to think that we are stuck and can't get up. Get use to it and know that He can never save you. But the world is well just that the world. Our Lord Jesus took my miserable life, those moments of falling over, when Elizabeth was stuck. You know the kind of stuck I am talking about. Stuck, and guess what several times in my life I have needed Him to put me back on my feet. And the joy of being restored and the even greater joy of looking at the path of righteousness and walking along following my Keeper, my Shepherd.

Dear Father, Shepherd, Keeper,

I am sure with my life alone you have had to replace your staff for overuse. Thank you that you looked for me, pursued me, and saw that I was down. That you did not need to stand over me and ask yourself if you should help me to my feet, but without any questions asked you put me back on my feet and restored my soul. You are the Good Shepherd.

Coincidence's of His Blessings

I host a book club at my house every Tuesday evening. My living room is packed out with about 15 women who amaze me more each week. We are studying a book called "A Shepherd's look at Psalm 23".

This past week we decided to have a sit down dinner for our next meeting time. I love hosting just about anything. I love the planning, the preparing and I love setting a table. I thought it would be fun to buy 15 little lambs to place at each setting. I wandered through a few local stores and found nothing. Apparently it is not lamby season. I went to the Dollar store and found some scary eyed looking lambs and decided that this was just not going to happen.

Friday I morning I sat in the car after dropping the boys off at school. I prayed that I would find lambs, at a reasonable price, somewhere. Emerson and I went about our errands. On our way home we stopped at a garage sale just a few blocks from my house. I have been looking for months for a piece of some kind of art to go on a small wall in my living room. I have a huge painting and it needed something with the same color scheme to balance it out. I have been looking for a year.

To my surprise and for only $10.00 the perfect painting. I could not have hand picked a better match. I was so excited. Emerson and I wandered around and then there they were. All bleating for me to find them. Lambs, lambs, and more lambs. Guess how many lambs....15 lambs. And even a few Shepherd's. Is this how God works?
Or is this just one of those coincidences? Or is it simply a coincidence of His blessings.

I told the home owner my story and search for lambs and she was just so blessed to hear the story of the ladies in my book club. They were about 25 cents each and now sit on my table waiting to be part of a place setting. I think it's such a joy to find in each day how God truly has blessed us.

I disciple a few lovely ladies. I often think they get tired of me each week, as part of their homework is to write down ten of the ways God has blessed them this week. I know for me I don't have to look very hard as my eyes, ears, and heart are open to however He wants to bless me and I don't want to miss out. I did not get just one lamb, but I got 15 lambs, a few Shepherd's, and a painting that has waited a year for me to find.

Thanks dear Father that your blessings are never a coincidence of the day or event. You want to give us the desires of our hearts and sometimes those blessings come that very day and sometimes it takes a year. Even if it is just a bunch of silly figurines and a painting.

Do you Like to Hop Like a Frog

I have learned in one morning the divine wisdom of a boy/girl relationships. I have seen it bud from the start and watched it progress in less than 45 minutes. I shall be writing books on this and become famous. Lord knows thousands of book have already been written on the subject of romance, and they keep coming out each year because no one ever seems to get it. Well my friends I watched, I learned and now I shall impart such wisdom.

He noticed her from across the room. He watched her. He then sought outside council.
"She has a happy face mommy, do you think I should talk to her?"

He did not need to wait for an answer as his instincts already overpowered his need for an answer. He slowly moved into her space. There they both sat on their own little logs of budding friendship. She with her pony tail, bright smile and dimples. He with is carefree and uninhibited spirit. He smiled at her, and she giggled and smiled back. He asked her her name, she asked him his name. Together they sat on their separate logs and exchanged important information. Name, age, and then interests. He asked her if she like to jump like a frog. She said yes, but she was not very good at jumping. He offered to show her and together they hopped from log to log. He asked her if she wanted to climb, which would take some work, onto the biggest turned over log. She said yes, but she would need some help so he helped her. she accepted his hand as he pulled her up.

They sat together now on the same log and he told her she was beautiful. She looked over at her mother and smiled and she slightly turned her head back to him and said thank you, so are you. He then asked if she was afraid of beavers. She said yes, and he said come with me and I will protect you. She followed him to safety on top of a bridge. They both hung over the bridge to make sure it was safe. She said it was safe and they should go under the bridge and he followed her giggling sounds under the bridge.

Together they laughed, together they asked questions. Taking turns to listen to the other. Taking turns to lead each other to safety. She told him he was brave and his little chest swelled. He told her that she could cry if she wanted because sometimes beavers can be scary. She did not cry that day.

Another boy approached, and this young man with his new beautiful friend introduced her. He said this my beautiful friend and again the girl looked at her mother. He invited the other little boy to join them. This new person was a bit rough. As a matter of fact called the sweet little girl a name. Her 45 minute old friend stood up for her. He said to the other boy that you don't talk to my friend like that. The other little boy looked at the girl and said he was sorry and then together the three played. He expected an outsider to treat his friend with respect.

Is this really how it should be? Do two three years old get it? I watched this scene play itself out and it dawned on me that single people really could learn some important lessons from a couple of three years old. The mother of this little girl was just as amazed as I was to see this scene play out. Each never having been coached on friendships other than the parenting role we all play.

Emerson was a friend, asked questions, got to know her, liked what he saw and continued to pursue little Grace. Grace in return was polite, secure enough to know she needed help and could accept the assistance of a young man. I am certain she had not one thought of marriage at this moment. She could extend her little hand for help. She could be a girl, but she could also express her own ideas and Emerson listened. He told her she was beautiful and she accepted the compliment. He could say that because he was not trying to impress or marry this girl he just spoke from his heart.

It was precious, innocent and sweet. What would happen if a young man just walked up to a young woman and expressed an interest to get to know, ask questions, play together, invite others into play and respect the heart of the other. It was that easy.

So there I have imparted such wisdom played out by three years old. Go now to that young lady and ask if she likes to hop or if she is afraid of beavers.

Grumbling into His Presence

Do you ever read something in a book and just sit an awe of the author? Pehaps pull out your journal and copy word for word what the author wrote? Even say something like...this is exactly what I would have said or written, or these are the very words I needed. I love reading and I love reading the words of another that inspire, touch, and move my heart.

This morning was really an easy morning except for the fact I had a stiff neck from a long night's sleep. I decided to take the boys to early service and let my husband sleep in. I had a busy day yesterday and he held down the fort, so in my amazinging wifeness I did not bother him, just let him snooze. Off we went to church.

Upon hitting the parking lot my heart sunk. We were far away from the church and they already had the bright vested man directing traffic away from the building which was already a good two blocks away. I rolled my window and asked if I could drop my family off and Emily agreed to hold down the kids while I parked the car. I grumbled. I mean seriously if I had not dropped everyone off I would have just gone back home and picked up another service later in the day. Grumble, grumble. I parked almost at the front of the complex which is furthest from the church. It took me five minutes to walk with my 20 pound Bible and stiff neck.

I did not get seated in the main gathering place because it was full and I have to admit I REBEL watching a service via "video venue". Kids in classes and there I sit in the video venue. Emily offered to go and get me a cup of coffee. I love the discernment of a child. Although it did not take much to know that mom was flustered. So I sat, sipping my coffee and praying that somehow I could hear a Word from God in my grumbling. I opened my Bible to the text being taught from and then was lost in my journaling and reading. I do not have to go to church to meet God. I do need to clear my mind, my heart, and my soul as not to hinder my connection to Him. The events leading up to sitting down really stirred some energy and I just journaled and asked God to stir that energy towards Him.

Nehemiah 1:5-6a

"O Lord, God of heaven, the great awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love and obey his commands, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to bear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night for your servants, the people of Israel..."

And it there I paused and copyed this passage into my journal. I replaced Israel with the city of Portland and felt this grumbling weight lifted. I did not have the words to express my heart but Nehemiah shared his. In going to the Word of God truth is laid out over and over for me.

It was then the message of this morning transformed my grumbling heart and I can sit and only scratch the surface of how my heart was blessed this morning. Even in our grumblings when we pause to seek Him, He will intervine on our mood and extend more of Himself.

Did I have to slug back several blocks to the car with all kids in tow and a hint of rain. Yes I did, but my steps were less heavy and my heart is brought a glimse closer to a greater understanding of His purpose and plan for my life. More to come on that later. When God steps in and bless's my heart I must give Him glory, honor and most important praise. Praise you Jesus for knowing the condition of my heart and providing the words of another to show me more of you.

And the Band Played On

Band Practice is in session. One three year old on his own snare drum, one five year old on his own xylophone, one seven year old the drums, one twenty year old at the piano. All playing at the same time being lead by the 20 year old. Just your typical Friday morning in this house.

All scrambling to finish breakfast so that extra time before leaving for school would allow Band Practice. Me, I sit in the family room, a few rooms away from the make shift band room (my living and dining room). Sipping my hot coffee and deciding this is to precious to miss. I step out of the way of budding and accomplished musicians and just listen.

They love their band. They love to practice and with each new mysterious note they play, off beat, and without direction they play the most beautiful music. As I sat sipping my coffee listening to the clatters and bangs, and the melody of the piano I felt how blessed to sit with such raw talent. How blessed this music of sorts is to my ears. I smile to think of the boys waiting for their Papa to come home from work so they can perform for him. I am sure after a long day at work the clanging of instruments would not be his first choice, but even he smiles and takes it all in.

What a blessing to God these children must be. To take the worship songs they have heard over the years and piece together worship to Him. This is how my home has always been. I remember years of one end of the house with Elliot playing trumpet or guitar, and the the other end with Emily playing the piano or her mandolin. No, they did not blend well from opposite ends of the house, but I prayed I would be silent. Truly a hard prayer as I am not one for a loss of words. In that silence and going about my business two were raised up to be love, embrace and be creative with music. I am praying the other three will do the same. We are well on our way, as big sister sits at the piano with them. An example to those little boys.

This afternoon Emerson wanted me to practice the Ant Song with him. Me playing the cord of C and singing..The ants slowly climbing up the hill, the ants running down the hill...Emerson playing and counting the beats with me, slowing down, getting faster. He is only three and even now he gets the joy of making a beautiful sound with a snare drum.

God truly gives us the desires of our hearts, as my hearts desire has always been to have musical children. So thanks God for the ability to tolerate these early years of lots of banging and clanging around. I wonder what the neighbors think. And the band played on.