David and I were very excited to wake up early with our boys and drive up to Mount Hood for a nice day hike. For several months Ethan's dream has been to hike on Mount Hood. David originally said June 21st would be the day, but then we decided why not on Memorial Day.
Sunday evening I came in late after being at church. David had lined all their clothes, socks, and hiking boots by the front door. It was very endearing and a reminder of the many reason I love him. Later I heard a voicemail that I might stop at Fred Meyer to pick up some "matching" socks as he could not find mates for any socks. I thought that was so cute. I gave up matching socks years ago with the boys.
We packed our little vintage Coleman cooler, big water jug, and one backpack with emergency necessities. Our plan was to drive and find a little breakfast cafe on our way up to Mt. Hood. Loaded and headed up the mountain was a very rewarding moment. I felt that just driving down our litte street we had arrived as parents. No strollers, no potty issues, nothing but our family and the open road. Wow, we have arrived. Actually we arrived at the Tollgate Inn. A cute little diner with servers that just basked in the endless questions from three adorable boys. It was fun to see the big plates of eggs, pancakes, sausage, toast, and hash browns arrive at our table. And like boys they woofed down their food and then back on the road.
We drove up to Timberline. A crystal clear beautiful sunny day. We park and Ethan has announced his EXTREME disappointment. He sees the top of the mountain and can not begin to understand why we are "down here" when he wants to be up there. We try to show him some hikers with packs, special shoes, and that they have had special training. David and I looked at each other and thought...wow we did not see this coming, but in Ethan's mind he had been robbed of the beauty from the top. Eric frolicked like a puppy in the snow and rolled down a tree ravine and scrambled back up. Eric made loud announcements of his joy, happiness, and choice to ENJOY!!! Emerson will often mimic Ethan's mood. Emerson went back and forth from enjoying himself to faking disappointment. After a small hike to a lift area, with boarders and skiers flying over the hill where we were, we decided this was not going to be safe and Ethan was choosing a less than happy place. So we trecked back to the car, taking Ethan further from his dream of climbing Mt. Hood.
We loaded the boys back into the car and David and I pretty much decided that we should go home, or find a trail lower down. Eric and Emerson were happy and got their fill of a mountain. Ethan still sobbing over this disappointment. We drove down.
About five miles down we found a trail head. Ethan announced that he would not be going with us. I said we are going to collect pine cones for our bird feeders and then we could go. Five minutes into collecting pine cones I took off running up the trail. A mother with boys knows that some hardcore exercise will work out any disappointment. Sure enough Ethan followed trying hard to keep up. Soon we were all climbing up the trail and running. Ethan said that his brain was finding a happy place. I told him that this was part of Mt. Hood and his face lit up. We all hiked at a good clip and just enjoyed the movement of our bodies. We came to an area where the boys just wanted to climb. David said he was sure the trail could be picked up at the top of this hill. He told me to continue up the trail with Emerson. I refused. I felt that if our family is lost in the woods we would be lost together. So, who would have known that Emerson would scramble up and over fallen logs, grab tree branches to pull himself up and forward, and duck under brambles. Nothing would stop him. David kept Ethan and Eric going upward while I followed below Emerson. If he were to lose his footing, I had to be below him to catch, break, or prevent a fall downward.
I was so amazed with all three boys and so thankful that David and I, being older parents could keep up with our young boys. Sure enough the trail did pick up further up and huffing and puffing we had a much needed water break. There was no breath taking scenery as we were deep into the woods, but to watch Ethan work himself out of being so disappointed, and the fun of running ahead, hiding and just walking along with all kind of conversations and chit chat. Once again we have arrived. We are officially into our next season of parenting. Emerson, only three proved to be more than a trooper. So happy and so excited.
Today is Tuesday. Back to the last few days of school and life as we know it here on the home front. As I sit here and reflect on just a day ago I am so thankful and blessed to be part of an amazing family.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Challenge Part 1 Writing
One of the reasons I have decided to openly share the process of how my heart is challenged is to give complete glory and honor to such an amazing God. So many of us walk around with unanswered questions, doubt, uncertainty of what it means to “get God”, and second guessing the super natural in our lives. God speaks to me so clearly through the Holy Spirit that it scares me in an awesome way, and catapults me to surrender to His will. I believe that God so loves and gets me. He even knows just how to get my attention, how to make me laugh and knows that it’s never a one time deal with me. He knows that the Elizabeth typing these words needs banners that are bold to get my attention. My brain thinks and works quickly, often missing the key elements of this or that, thus God gives me more than I deserve to get my attention. Many may pooh-pooh such wonders in their own lives as simply a coincidence, or a slim act of convenient timing, but I know different. And my hope is that as I share the pieces of my heart one person may walk away and truly know that the Holy Spirit is working today to accomplish His plans for you.
My life has been very full. More blessings than I could ever deserve. More heart ache than one person should endure, more bad choices than I would like to admit. With each blessing, heartache and set back in my life, God never failed me or left me. Many who I thought were close to me went away leaving me to figure things out on my own. I was not always making it. I depended on the wrong resources. God never let go of my heart and finally it was with a Bible and a God to embrace my heart, my mind, and my spirit to carry me through.
I am a story teller. Those of you who know me well know that I laugh a lot. I love to share very small bits and pieces of my life. Often I am told I should write a book. Strangers that I chat with have said the same. I keep thinking that my life is not any more exciting than the next person. Only a small glimpse into my life opens up others to share. For most of my life, I have only really shared the exciting and fun stories. Sharing stories that seemed to make people laugh, or in disbelief ask how this could possibly happen.
Last November I felt this overwhelming responsibility to write something. A book? Not me. Just ask my husband. My fingers lag behind my thoughts. I rarely spell check, due to time factors, and found myself basically saying no way God. Writing a book became so heavy on my heart that I said simply this, “okay God, you know I need to have a faith building moment, or moments to truly understand what I am to do here. That afternoon I stopped at a garage sale. Only 50 cents on me and there for 50 cents was a small paper back book. “If You Can Talk, You Can Write”. I just started laughing out loud. The guy asked me what I was laughing at and I got to share my conversation with God only moments earlier.
I thought about reading this book, but just put it on my nightstand. I felt that by reading it I was surrendering my will. My very strong will is often what prevents me from stepping boldly. I sat in bed on a Saturday evening and realized I would not know what to write about. My life stories have been snippets shared here and there. With three little boys demanding so much of my time, what would ever motivate me to even begin to figure out what important parts of my life should be shared? The very next day our pastor’s wife stopped me in the hall. She said that she felt that there was something about me and my life and that “I have a story to tell”. She asked if I would share my story to the ladies of our church. Mind you this is no small church, hundreds of women, my story? God, you are funny. You know how to get my attention. On this Sunday morning God did get my attention and a little more of my will was let go.
I started complaining to my husband that I needed a job. I felt that I needed a home kind of job to fill some of the quieter hours in my home. My boys have a nap/quiet time in the middle of the afternoon for two hours. They are in bed around 7pm. Whatever do I do with this extra time? Did the idea of writing a book ever cross my mind? It did, but I just did not have enough from God, and He knew that. Why? He knows me. I sat in my little home office one evening. The house was quiet. My husband was sweating to some oldies on the treadmill and I sat there and prayed. I said “God, I am so heavy with this idea of writing a book. I don’t know the first thing of the technical parts and this scares me because I don’t have time to go to school and get an education on writing a book, so for this reason please God understand why I am not doing anything about this.” I turned on my computer and decided to search craigslist for desperately needed bookcases for my office. I clicked on jobs and found myself answering an ad for an editing project. I thought that perhaps if I edited a college kid’s paper I might learn a few things. It turns out that I worked on an amazing book, in its entirety of a well educated business man. This book is now being looked at by Random House.
God has shown up each time with the tangible. I get it. I don’t second guess the convenient timing of God in my life. I did read the book I picked up at a garage sale. I outlined my life in order to share the things that I felt the Holy Spirit’s leading in what would bring glory to Him in his design and plans for my life. God met me in the technical area in getting that education under the leadership of a brilliant man, which to this day I have not met.
Writing my story has been so heavy on my heart. God met me at each Elizabeth obstacle. He knew I would have them. He knows how my brain works and how I learn and how I talk, and how I live. A couple of weeks ago I just started crying. It was very hard to outline my life. It was hard looking over my past and grieving the little girl who had so many important people leave her (me). Outlining the miserable mistakes I have made and then again I questioned one more time if this is what I should be doing. Out of the blue a blogging friend presents to me the heaviness of her heart that I might write a book. She is a very wise Godly woman. I have learned so much from her, and her blog. I know if she were to live in town, we’d have many a long coffee laughing, crying, and sharing some of the intimacies of our hearts. She has encouraged me and given me that one last push.
Why am I sharing this with bloggy world, or facebook world? Who knows, maybe only one person might halfway read this while having their morning coffee? I write this first part of a three part “challenges of my heart” because I listen to the hearts of so many people questioning if it’s God speaking, or selfish thoughts or desires masked. For me it is always a very deep instinctional kind of knowing, and then the resisting, and then the excuses why I can’t do it, and then God will show me the way to His will, and then the surrendering.
Obstacles along the way don’t always mean it’s not God’s will. God has taught me the most amazing things in the journey, when I surrendered. Obstacles will come; writing may take a life time. Is it the telling of my story, or the writing of my story that is important? I think it’s seeing how God can and does work in our lives. Understanding our relationship we have with Him, and then knowing when to listen even when it’s hard. Writing my story will be hard. I am realizing it’s not going to be the words on paper, or a computer screen, but more reliving in my thoughts and memories the hurts, the wounds, the pain and the sufferings. And then to wake up in those times with a deeper love and passion for Christ Jesus. I am able to look back and see the healing in my life on so many levels that I want to share that hope, that healing and the magnificence of Him.
Having shared my story with the ladies of my church produced an outline. No more excused God. I surrender.
My life has been very full. More blessings than I could ever deserve. More heart ache than one person should endure, more bad choices than I would like to admit. With each blessing, heartache and set back in my life, God never failed me or left me. Many who I thought were close to me went away leaving me to figure things out on my own. I was not always making it. I depended on the wrong resources. God never let go of my heart and finally it was with a Bible and a God to embrace my heart, my mind, and my spirit to carry me through.
I am a story teller. Those of you who know me well know that I laugh a lot. I love to share very small bits and pieces of my life. Often I am told I should write a book. Strangers that I chat with have said the same. I keep thinking that my life is not any more exciting than the next person. Only a small glimpse into my life opens up others to share. For most of my life, I have only really shared the exciting and fun stories. Sharing stories that seemed to make people laugh, or in disbelief ask how this could possibly happen.
Last November I felt this overwhelming responsibility to write something. A book? Not me. Just ask my husband. My fingers lag behind my thoughts. I rarely spell check, due to time factors, and found myself basically saying no way God. Writing a book became so heavy on my heart that I said simply this, “okay God, you know I need to have a faith building moment, or moments to truly understand what I am to do here. That afternoon I stopped at a garage sale. Only 50 cents on me and there for 50 cents was a small paper back book. “If You Can Talk, You Can Write”. I just started laughing out loud. The guy asked me what I was laughing at and I got to share my conversation with God only moments earlier.
I thought about reading this book, but just put it on my nightstand. I felt that by reading it I was surrendering my will. My very strong will is often what prevents me from stepping boldly. I sat in bed on a Saturday evening and realized I would not know what to write about. My life stories have been snippets shared here and there. With three little boys demanding so much of my time, what would ever motivate me to even begin to figure out what important parts of my life should be shared? The very next day our pastor’s wife stopped me in the hall. She said that she felt that there was something about me and my life and that “I have a story to tell”. She asked if I would share my story to the ladies of our church. Mind you this is no small church, hundreds of women, my story? God, you are funny. You know how to get my attention. On this Sunday morning God did get my attention and a little more of my will was let go.
I started complaining to my husband that I needed a job. I felt that I needed a home kind of job to fill some of the quieter hours in my home. My boys have a nap/quiet time in the middle of the afternoon for two hours. They are in bed around 7pm. Whatever do I do with this extra time? Did the idea of writing a book ever cross my mind? It did, but I just did not have enough from God, and He knew that. Why? He knows me. I sat in my little home office one evening. The house was quiet. My husband was sweating to some oldies on the treadmill and I sat there and prayed. I said “God, I am so heavy with this idea of writing a book. I don’t know the first thing of the technical parts and this scares me because I don’t have time to go to school and get an education on writing a book, so for this reason please God understand why I am not doing anything about this.” I turned on my computer and decided to search craigslist for desperately needed bookcases for my office. I clicked on jobs and found myself answering an ad for an editing project. I thought that perhaps if I edited a college kid’s paper I might learn a few things. It turns out that I worked on an amazing book, in its entirety of a well educated business man. This book is now being looked at by Random House.
God has shown up each time with the tangible. I get it. I don’t second guess the convenient timing of God in my life. I did read the book I picked up at a garage sale. I outlined my life in order to share the things that I felt the Holy Spirit’s leading in what would bring glory to Him in his design and plans for my life. God met me in the technical area in getting that education under the leadership of a brilliant man, which to this day I have not met.
Writing my story has been so heavy on my heart. God met me at each Elizabeth obstacle. He knew I would have them. He knows how my brain works and how I learn and how I talk, and how I live. A couple of weeks ago I just started crying. It was very hard to outline my life. It was hard looking over my past and grieving the little girl who had so many important people leave her (me). Outlining the miserable mistakes I have made and then again I questioned one more time if this is what I should be doing. Out of the blue a blogging friend presents to me the heaviness of her heart that I might write a book. She is a very wise Godly woman. I have learned so much from her, and her blog. I know if she were to live in town, we’d have many a long coffee laughing, crying, and sharing some of the intimacies of our hearts. She has encouraged me and given me that one last push.
Why am I sharing this with bloggy world, or facebook world? Who knows, maybe only one person might halfway read this while having their morning coffee? I write this first part of a three part “challenges of my heart” because I listen to the hearts of so many people questioning if it’s God speaking, or selfish thoughts or desires masked. For me it is always a very deep instinctional kind of knowing, and then the resisting, and then the excuses why I can’t do it, and then God will show me the way to His will, and then the surrendering.
Obstacles along the way don’t always mean it’s not God’s will. God has taught me the most amazing things in the journey, when I surrendered. Obstacles will come; writing may take a life time. Is it the telling of my story, or the writing of my story that is important? I think it’s seeing how God can and does work in our lives. Understanding our relationship we have with Him, and then knowing when to listen even when it’s hard. Writing my story will be hard. I am realizing it’s not going to be the words on paper, or a computer screen, but more reliving in my thoughts and memories the hurts, the wounds, the pain and the sufferings. And then to wake up in those times with a deeper love and passion for Christ Jesus. I am able to look back and see the healing in my life on so many levels that I want to share that hope, that healing and the magnificence of Him.
Having shared my story with the ladies of my church produced an outline. No more excused God. I surrender.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Challenges of My Heart
I can not help but share those things that challenge my heart. It's in that challenge I see clearly what God is asking of me. The challenge comes when I struggle to surrender to God's will. I have never been one to really ask or second guess when I feel and know the Holy Spirits leading in my life.
When I am wrestling with whatever it may be, I know that there will be a lot of work ahead, alot of me having to give up more of myself. I can look back on so many times when I have said "God, you have the wrong Elizabeth, I am not so strong, I can't do this wah, wah, wah." Then I surrender and work through and on the other end the blessings are more than I could have imagined.
I have wrestled for several months with three things. First homeschooling, second writing a book, and third hiring a fitness trainer. All three creep into my heart and head on a regular basis. I have these mini-faith-building-moments that encourage me in these three areas, and yet I struggle and this is where the challenge begins. The struggle and wrestling with what I want to do, and what I know God is calling me to do. I am not a home school kind of mom, I am not a good writer, and a fitness trainer would mean accountability and some extra money. Yet my heart is heavily convicted on all three accounts.
In the next three blogs that follow I want to address each challenge I am faced with and how God has shown me favor and confidence. It's just one of my small journeys. However I believe all three are worth sharing. I can't wait to share how God is working, intertwined into every aspect of my life what has happened in the surrendering of His will not mine.
When I am wrestling with whatever it may be, I know that there will be a lot of work ahead, alot of me having to give up more of myself. I can look back on so many times when I have said "God, you have the wrong Elizabeth, I am not so strong, I can't do this wah, wah, wah." Then I surrender and work through and on the other end the blessings are more than I could have imagined.
I have wrestled for several months with three things. First homeschooling, second writing a book, and third hiring a fitness trainer. All three creep into my heart and head on a regular basis. I have these mini-faith-building-moments that encourage me in these three areas, and yet I struggle and this is where the challenge begins. The struggle and wrestling with what I want to do, and what I know God is calling me to do. I am not a home school kind of mom, I am not a good writer, and a fitness trainer would mean accountability and some extra money. Yet my heart is heavily convicted on all three accounts.
In the next three blogs that follow I want to address each challenge I am faced with and how God has shown me favor and confidence. It's just one of my small journeys. However I believe all three are worth sharing. I can't wait to share how God is working, intertwined into every aspect of my life what has happened in the surrendering of His will not mine.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Tell It Like It Is
Is it ever okay to just tell it like it is? I have come across many people in my life who do just that. Take it or leave it, offended or not I will speak my mind and tell it like it is cause gosh darnit that is how I am. Speak truth and call it a day. I know for me that I have hurt others with my factual truth of the matter. My son said to me once that it's hard to argue with me because the truth is what it is when spoken, but my delivery could use a little work.
Can we deliver truth gently? Do we have to earn the right to speak the truth? I struggle in this area. I must be honest. And in struggling in this area I may come across as judgemental, but truthfully that is not my intentions. A couple of months ago our pastor spoke on this matter and I love love loved it. Taken from my notes:
He spoke from James 4:11 & 12
vs. 11 Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it.
vs. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?
The pastor threw out this question..."are we blasting or blessing?"
When James speaks of the brethren he is writing to believers and calling us to a standard of living amoungst ourselves. Verse 11 is basically saying that we are not to slander, speak evil, speak carelessly or critically of another.
And verse 12 is basically saying it's God's job to judge and our job to love.
However this is what these two verses do not mean. And this is where clarity has come in this judging and truth speaking stuff we Christians seem to twist up so delicately.
1. These verses do not mean we arent' to examine the fruit. (speaking to Christians)
We are to keep His commandments. Take a moment to read Phil 1:9, 1Tim.3
2. It does not mean we are not to reproove your brother in private (convince or correct) Proverbs 9....reproove a wise man
3. It does not mean we are not to rebuke-->there is a time-->warnings of the heart
Proverbs 27:5-6, 2Tim 4:2
4. Doesn't mean we are not to exhort and encourage
This all is taken from my notes from a very Godly man, who speaks truth and accountability is his teaching.
What does James mean:
1. Believe the best about people. Matt 7:1 Take a look at your own life first
2. Be quick to forgive others. Ephesians 4:32, 1Peter 5:8->above all keep fervent in your love for one another.
3. Be one who gently restores people. Galations 6:1->you who are spiritual restore with a gentle spirit.
I do not believe we are to tell it like it is. I am always so shocked, speechless, uncomfortable when someone who has not earned the right in my space or life to tell me like it is. It immediately points them away from the Cross and more like a better than most attitude. I know I have walked this line and am working deeply on this.
It's harder for those of us with stronger personalities to say "well this is how God made me" and then to bolt right through. I did not see any disclaimers of personality types in any of the passages I have read. Thus that attitude is one to push through what God is trying to pull back in our lives. Gently, whoa there big kid, STOP!!!!!
I have been praying over a friend for weeks now. One who I believe we both value the depth of our friendship. Today I prayed hard for her. Wow, did God just swoop down and take care of me in this process. Out of the blue she called me and God just gave me wisdom beyond my own doing. I was able to gently speak truth of a matter that was very hard. And guess what this dear friend could hear it, accept it, understand it and blessed me by saying that she values that I would speak that. I would be lying if I said this was just all my own brilliance as a friend. But it is not. It's the WORD of God that has to intervene into my heart and soul. Asking myself and praying that the timing be right.
I can be very frank and say the human part of me wanted to just tell it like it is a few months back, but like my previous post says the words never came out. A small victory for me through the leading of the Holy Spirit. Today was the day for me to talk with this dear friend of mine. Did I tell it like it is today. Yes, but with firmness in my voice and gentleness in my soul. She most likely will be reading this and I want you to know once again as I have shared face to face countless times how very much I love you. I may not be so eloquent, nor use big words, but they are words of love, truth, hope, and a directing to the God who cares deeply for each one of us.
I pray that as you pause in our own life to reflect you ask yourself if you are blasting or blessing. I think those are good words. Thanks to a pastor who bring clarity to the Word of God
Can we deliver truth gently? Do we have to earn the right to speak the truth? I struggle in this area. I must be honest. And in struggling in this area I may come across as judgemental, but truthfully that is not my intentions. A couple of months ago our pastor spoke on this matter and I love love loved it. Taken from my notes:
He spoke from James 4:11 & 12
vs. 11 Do not speak against one another, brethren. He who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it.
vs. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?
The pastor threw out this question..."are we blasting or blessing?"
When James speaks of the brethren he is writing to believers and calling us to a standard of living amoungst ourselves. Verse 11 is basically saying that we are not to slander, speak evil, speak carelessly or critically of another.
And verse 12 is basically saying it's God's job to judge and our job to love.
However this is what these two verses do not mean. And this is where clarity has come in this judging and truth speaking stuff we Christians seem to twist up so delicately.
1. These verses do not mean we arent' to examine the fruit. (speaking to Christians)
We are to keep His commandments. Take a moment to read Phil 1:9, 1Tim.3
2. It does not mean we are not to reproove your brother in private (convince or correct) Proverbs 9....reproove a wise man
3. It does not mean we are not to rebuke-->there is a time-->warnings of the heart
Proverbs 27:5-6, 2Tim 4:2
4. Doesn't mean we are not to exhort and encourage
This all is taken from my notes from a very Godly man, who speaks truth and accountability is his teaching.
What does James mean:
1. Believe the best about people. Matt 7:1 Take a look at your own life first
2. Be quick to forgive others. Ephesians 4:32, 1Peter 5:8->above all keep fervent in your love for one another.
3. Be one who gently restores people. Galations 6:1->you who are spiritual restore with a gentle spirit.
I do not believe we are to tell it like it is. I am always so shocked, speechless, uncomfortable when someone who has not earned the right in my space or life to tell me like it is. It immediately points them away from the Cross and more like a better than most attitude. I know I have walked this line and am working deeply on this.
It's harder for those of us with stronger personalities to say "well this is how God made me" and then to bolt right through. I did not see any disclaimers of personality types in any of the passages I have read. Thus that attitude is one to push through what God is trying to pull back in our lives. Gently, whoa there big kid, STOP!!!!!
I have been praying over a friend for weeks now. One who I believe we both value the depth of our friendship. Today I prayed hard for her. Wow, did God just swoop down and take care of me in this process. Out of the blue she called me and God just gave me wisdom beyond my own doing. I was able to gently speak truth of a matter that was very hard. And guess what this dear friend could hear it, accept it, understand it and blessed me by saying that she values that I would speak that. I would be lying if I said this was just all my own brilliance as a friend. But it is not. It's the WORD of God that has to intervene into my heart and soul. Asking myself and praying that the timing be right.
I can be very frank and say the human part of me wanted to just tell it like it is a few months back, but like my previous post says the words never came out. A small victory for me through the leading of the Holy Spirit. Today was the day for me to talk with this dear friend of mine. Did I tell it like it is today. Yes, but with firmness in my voice and gentleness in my soul. She most likely will be reading this and I want you to know once again as I have shared face to face countless times how very much I love you. I may not be so eloquent, nor use big words, but they are words of love, truth, hope, and a directing to the God who cares deeply for each one of us.
I pray that as you pause in our own life to reflect you ask yourself if you are blasting or blessing. I think those are good words. Thanks to a pastor who bring clarity to the Word of God
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The Words Never Came
I have had the glorious morning of resting. It has been a few days of battling being sick. In my mommy kind of way I ignore being sick and carry on with the day. I grumble a little that I can't just go to bed and get well. I don't complain much because the reality is that being a stay home mom means just that. I am home. I don't have to figure out what to do with kids, balance a job, and then fight being sick. So thanks God that I can be home. Today, not a good day for mom in the health department.
Emily was off to classes which left Elliot. I did not even have to ask. He told me to go back to bed and he would care for the boys. All the things that go through my head were ready to come out of my mouth. Things like...brush their teeth, lunches, school on time, homework, don't lose your brother's, shoes, coats, potty breaks....but the words never came. I had to let go for today, being the overprotective well thought out mom. Elliot is going to care for them the way Elliot will care for them. If they eat granola bars all day it will not hurt them. I just had to smile and let him know today was a paid position.
The words never came. Those words have circled in my brain and I had to ask myself if this was God showing me a little of what Proverbs 15: 23 which reads...A man has joy in an apt answer, and how delightful is a timely word.....
My words this morning would not have been timely. Elliot was jumping in and doing his best to help his sick mom and serve his brothers and me. The last thing he needed was a list running out of my mouth. I think it would have discouraged him in serving our household at this time. How often do the words spin out of our mouths only to later think...shoot I should not have said that? In thinking over this morning I am so glad I don't have to ask myself that question. My lack of words were timely, and pressed so on my heart. I was reminded of this Proverbs because I am working on this in my personal life every single day. Praying that God will help me to be mindful of my timing and guess what the words never came.
Emily was off to classes which left Elliot. I did not even have to ask. He told me to go back to bed and he would care for the boys. All the things that go through my head were ready to come out of my mouth. Things like...brush their teeth, lunches, school on time, homework, don't lose your brother's, shoes, coats, potty breaks....but the words never came. I had to let go for today, being the overprotective well thought out mom. Elliot is going to care for them the way Elliot will care for them. If they eat granola bars all day it will not hurt them. I just had to smile and let him know today was a paid position.
The words never came. Those words have circled in my brain and I had to ask myself if this was God showing me a little of what Proverbs 15: 23 which reads...A man has joy in an apt answer, and how delightful is a timely word.....
My words this morning would not have been timely. Elliot was jumping in and doing his best to help his sick mom and serve his brothers and me. The last thing he needed was a list running out of my mouth. I think it would have discouraged him in serving our household at this time. How often do the words spin out of our mouths only to later think...shoot I should not have said that? In thinking over this morning I am so glad I don't have to ask myself that question. My lack of words were timely, and pressed so on my heart. I was reminded of this Proverbs because I am working on this in my personal life every single day. Praying that God will help me to be mindful of my timing and guess what the words never came.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
The First BBQ of the Season
This smile is true to the life we live. Pretty good, happy and even with the daily events we try to enjoy life. BTway I found these glass's at The Dollar Store.
My husband informed me this morning that there will be no more food shopping until we have unloaded the freezer and cupboards. I said that we have a houseful and I stocked up with Elliot home because he is always walking in the door late at night with a few extras and they always have mouths that want food. He walked out to the freezer and this is always a good thing.
Later I saw hamburger being defrosted and thought hmmmmm David is cooking hamburgers and I have never seen him cook burgers indoors. A power outage over the dinner hour guaranteed a yummy dinner. David made his secret recipe burgers, and grilled them and we wrapped fresh broccoli in foil and threw that on the grill. The smell of a thunderstorm and BBQ brought back memories of my early Pennsylvania upbringing. It was glorious and divine. I told him I will have BBQ ready every single night when he arrives home from work. There is something about the flavor of food when it's cooked on a grill outdoors in the rain.
Eric was in the tub earlier this evening. I decided to spray down the entire bathroom with cleaner and deep clean the bathroom while Eric was in the tub. This is a terrific idea, since I am there right? That is until the power goes out. This bathroom has no natural light, and is in a hallway with no windows, so we are both in pitch blackness. Eric squeals to get out, but I yell to stay put because I have cleaner chemicals sprayed all over the floor. He starts crying, just a little and I am laughing because David is yelling CLOSE ALL THE WINDOWS!!!! I tell Eric to stay put and then run from one room to the next as a sideways wind, thunder, and rain storm beat on the house. I run downstairs to grab some flashlights. Eric is yelling...."don't forget about me mommy". I arrived back in the bathroom with a flashlight and finished cleaning the bathroom. Eric let me know he was done with his bath NOW. I can get an hour of bath time out of Eric, so the truth of the matter is he was not hip with a flashlight lit bathroom.
The next hour was spent trying to explain to three little boys about electricity, what the wind, rain, thunder, lighting and storming has the power to do. Over and over the same questions asked in about 100 different ways. Ethan kept running to the window and give us an update on the current conditions outside. Ethan was the most uptight over the weather. It did not help that when he was most fearfully looking out the window David came up behind him and made rumbling sounds into his ears, and well that promoted more fear. David said I would have done the same thing if I had thought of it. Never I say.
Well I must end this blog for this evening. Ethan is making a list of all the pets he wants and needs help with spelling. Emerson just washed his hair in the toilet again because it was dirty and at this time I am needed. All hands on deck at this house. Happy Weekend.
Healing or Hope
Today my mind is in overload. It started with a meeting I had with a friend this week. I met with many people this week, so it's easy to try not to guess who or what or when or when, just that this meeting sparked so much intense thoughts, frustration, anger at times and I realized I just have to surrender it all to God, and do what I can in His kind of way.
The question of sorts is why, as Christians, we decide what sin is more sinful than another. We do decide that don't we? Even when God speaks clearly in the Bible that sin is sin we decide every day through our eyes of judgements. So here again that tricky word judgement that we as Christians seem to have written the definitions and own them so convincingly that we send non-believers, and even believers away with pain, hurt, and no hope what so ever.
Many many years ago I went through a really rough time in my life. Making bad "sin" decisions left and right. Did I get any support from anyone from the body of Christ. No, not a one. Some may argue that I would not listen. But did anyone ever pick up a phone and meet with me face to face, pray with me, confront the sin in my life and offer any kind of hope? Nope, no one from what seemed like a life of long term Christian friends. I got emails, and a phone call just to cancel a meeting with me, but not one person met with me to come alongside my broken and confused heart. My sin was the ultimate bad sin and those who knew me appeared to have feared the consequence they might receive for confronting me. It hurt many years ago, the whispers behind my back, the actions that those even very close to me took.
And then with complete exposure of my heart I went to one solid Christian friend and laid out my life. Her response was simple..."you have been very stupid". She did not take one sin over the other, she did not judge where I was at, she called it what it was stupid. She prayed with me, and then for the next year walked me through much healing in my life. Yet those who judged and never came around continued for years to place so much judgement on what my life was. Moments of bad choices apparently were my lifestyle and for years very little face to face contact, understanding or opportunities to heal.
This week I gently spoke of God's design, the best I know how, bases on what the Bible says about sin and God's healing in our lives. Someone who is living every single day in what we Christians would say is "the bad kind of sin". As I sat and walked through scripture with this woman I realized that there was more healing and forgiveness in my heart for those who could not pick up a phone and meet with me. Who could love like Jesus did, who could meet me at the well and offer hope. The sin this woman is living in is no more worse than the sins in my own heart, that I am working through. Even if most would say "oh but this is really bad". This is a woman trying to learn how to pursue Christ in her life of bad decisions. If I had sat there, or chose not to meet with her until she got her act cleaned up, what message of hope or healing would there be for this woman?
My past expediences have truly taught my heart to be compassionate and to never turn away from someone who is living outside of God's will. Sin is sin. The sin in my life today does not under shadow the obvious sin in an other's life. All sin hurts the heart of God. I meet so many younger and older women who want to pursue God, but have been cast aside by Christians who will only judge in hurtful kinds of ways. I know most have been there and done that.
As I was speaking with this woman and hearing her desire to let go of this specific BIG BAD SIN it was not enough to just pray with her, throw some verses at her and hope for the best. This person needed to know that she could speak freely about her sin. So we went to James 5:16
" Therefore confess your sins one to another and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective"
The verse is speaking of Christian brothers and sisters. Knowledge that we as brothers and sisters will stumble and will need to be available to confess and pray for each other. Listening to this woman share was a bit shocking. I sat and prayed that God would only show compassion, love, and hope on my face. Not judgement and then withdraw from her. We prayed and I could only hope that the Holy Spirit would do a mighty work in her heart.
A few days later I got a call from her and weeks later she has been set free from this particular sin in her life. Freedom as sisters in Christ to expose the sin in our heart. A novel idea, but stated clearly in the Bible.
There are times when one of us is in sinking sand. We think when they want help they will reach for the rope and then we can pull them out. I think that sometimes we need to just forget that rope and grab that person's hand and help carry them to the cross. I wish I would have had that in my life years back. But then in not having had that I can now come along side women like this beautiful gal and through the Holy Spirit's leading offer Healing and Hope.
Dear Lord Jesus, Open our hearts to reach out and extend ourselves like you would do. Like the woman at the well you rested there and brought her to YOU. Let us know when to reach down and pull a sister or brother out of the sin they are facing without judgements, but with a heart of prayer, healing and hope.
P.S. Thanks Ann for loving me and showing me how stupid the sin in my life was. Thanks for not casting our friendship to the wind, but loving me and my family and for praying for me. You are still an amazing wise woman.
The question of sorts is why, as Christians, we decide what sin is more sinful than another. We do decide that don't we? Even when God speaks clearly in the Bible that sin is sin we decide every day through our eyes of judgements. So here again that tricky word judgement that we as Christians seem to have written the definitions and own them so convincingly that we send non-believers, and even believers away with pain, hurt, and no hope what so ever.
Many many years ago I went through a really rough time in my life. Making bad "sin" decisions left and right. Did I get any support from anyone from the body of Christ. No, not a one. Some may argue that I would not listen. But did anyone ever pick up a phone and meet with me face to face, pray with me, confront the sin in my life and offer any kind of hope? Nope, no one from what seemed like a life of long term Christian friends. I got emails, and a phone call just to cancel a meeting with me, but not one person met with me to come alongside my broken and confused heart. My sin was the ultimate bad sin and those who knew me appeared to have feared the consequence they might receive for confronting me. It hurt many years ago, the whispers behind my back, the actions that those even very close to me took.
And then with complete exposure of my heart I went to one solid Christian friend and laid out my life. Her response was simple..."you have been very stupid". She did not take one sin over the other, she did not judge where I was at, she called it what it was stupid. She prayed with me, and then for the next year walked me through much healing in my life. Yet those who judged and never came around continued for years to place so much judgement on what my life was. Moments of bad choices apparently were my lifestyle and for years very little face to face contact, understanding or opportunities to heal.
This week I gently spoke of God's design, the best I know how, bases on what the Bible says about sin and God's healing in our lives. Someone who is living every single day in what we Christians would say is "the bad kind of sin". As I sat and walked through scripture with this woman I realized that there was more healing and forgiveness in my heart for those who could not pick up a phone and meet with me. Who could love like Jesus did, who could meet me at the well and offer hope. The sin this woman is living in is no more worse than the sins in my own heart, that I am working through. Even if most would say "oh but this is really bad". This is a woman trying to learn how to pursue Christ in her life of bad decisions. If I had sat there, or chose not to meet with her until she got her act cleaned up, what message of hope or healing would there be for this woman?
My past expediences have truly taught my heart to be compassionate and to never turn away from someone who is living outside of God's will. Sin is sin. The sin in my life today does not under shadow the obvious sin in an other's life. All sin hurts the heart of God. I meet so many younger and older women who want to pursue God, but have been cast aside by Christians who will only judge in hurtful kinds of ways. I know most have been there and done that.
As I was speaking with this woman and hearing her desire to let go of this specific BIG BAD SIN it was not enough to just pray with her, throw some verses at her and hope for the best. This person needed to know that she could speak freely about her sin. So we went to James 5:16
" Therefore confess your sins one to another and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective"
The verse is speaking of Christian brothers and sisters. Knowledge that we as brothers and sisters will stumble and will need to be available to confess and pray for each other. Listening to this woman share was a bit shocking. I sat and prayed that God would only show compassion, love, and hope on my face. Not judgement and then withdraw from her. We prayed and I could only hope that the Holy Spirit would do a mighty work in her heart.
A few days later I got a call from her and weeks later she has been set free from this particular sin in her life. Freedom as sisters in Christ to expose the sin in our heart. A novel idea, but stated clearly in the Bible.
There are times when one of us is in sinking sand. We think when they want help they will reach for the rope and then we can pull them out. I think that sometimes we need to just forget that rope and grab that person's hand and help carry them to the cross. I wish I would have had that in my life years back. But then in not having had that I can now come along side women like this beautiful gal and through the Holy Spirit's leading offer Healing and Hope.
Dear Lord Jesus, Open our hearts to reach out and extend ourselves like you would do. Like the woman at the well you rested there and brought her to YOU. Let us know when to reach down and pull a sister or brother out of the sin they are facing without judgements, but with a heart of prayer, healing and hope.
P.S. Thanks Ann for loving me and showing me how stupid the sin in my life was. Thanks for not casting our friendship to the wind, but loving me and my family and for praying for me. You are still an amazing wise woman.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)