Happy Anniversary To Those Who Married A Good One

 

There is MUCH  joy in sitting across from a dear friend over lunch. Friends for over 25 years.  A long four hour lunch.  Lots of catching up. Lots of chit chat over each others lives and then................

She leans in, she smiles this young girl crushing on a boy kind of smile and says, "Elizabeth I got a good one. He is a hard worker, great provider, a very good lover, even after 40 years.  Sure he has gained some weight, but he is a good man. He has always been my best friend.Some seasons in our life he has worked long hours while I was raising our kids, but I never once doubted his commitment and love to me. We have been through a lot together"

This summer my Facebook feed has been filled with the celebration of wedding anniversaries. Some a couple of  years, some ten or twenty years or more.  That lovely wedding picture posted and my heart leaps with great joy  I am like a young girl, listening, taking notes and praying that one day I may find a good one.  

As a single woman twice divorced, it's such a joy to see couples fighting for their love no matter what. The one thing that I hear over and over that follows all the gush is the trust in that "commitment" to each other. With each picture and post that streamed on Facebook, quiet prayers of "keep fighting for your love" because no one else will do that for you. No therapist, no mentor, no attorney. Believe me I know this to well. Those sad endings of your friends and his friends and no one, not one person will stand beside you and encourage you to fight for love.  Standing firm and holding hands no matter how life steps in.  I have sat back watching, learning and watching some of my closest friends work out love  and marriage and seeing how God is growing that love and growing them deeper into a love that only they know and share.I still dream and still wants to do the work, the hard work that I never got to do.  And here I am sitting and smiling and believing it's out there for all of us somewhere and someday.

 

After the cake is cut,and the guests have left you have a lifetime to make your marriage work.   Perhaps I might have a cake made in celebration of those who have made it work. Of dear friends who are speaking into me a kind of love that I did not have or know. The kind that fights with everything you have to then forty years later sit across from a girlfriend with dreamy eyes over having married a "good one."

Happy Anniversary to all my dear friends who  have married good ones.  You are always an example to me of commitment and love.  I know your stories and I know how you have worked out the hard stuff. Sometimes with grace and beauty and sometimes in messy ways, but you are celebrating and I celebrate with you.  Sheri, Stefani, Renee, Lauree, Ann, Kathy, Rita, Deborah, Amanda, Alyson, Alicia, Elliot & Sarah, and so many more.  I am cheering you all on to the next years and the rest of your lives with that good one you got.

And someday, maybe God will take me down this path again.

 

Writing about another life I once had...

It is very hard to bring my past into this blog. It's a huge part of my life I can't be real about and yet it's that part of my life that shaped and molded me. It's that part of my life. the better part of 17 years, that God found favor and blesses me today. I can not be open with my heart and I am a very open person.

Last summer I was made aware that my ex husband's wife reads my blog. I don't fault her for that at all. It's a public blog to those who find me. She communicated with one of my kids that I would be dealt with if I did not take something down that I had written. I referred to a part of my "past", not mentioning names, not mentioning dates on the calendar. That specific "past" could have been anyone yet she chose to decide it was my ex and she was wrong it was not. I was careful not to mention names or dates, but it was the event that God had worked in my life. I did not take down the post.

Life happens to us. We all have pasts that have affected us. I write not thinking that an ex's wife will be reading. I often write as God has pressed on my heart something that could benefit another and bring that one person into a better understanding of God's grace, mercy, and amazingness.

I spoke at our ladies event last winter and spoke on a life of hurt and guess what, part of that time in my life was my first marriage. Unfortunately to many of us can write on that one topic. In that first marriage we were both not so nice people. Goodness if we were nice people we'd most likely still be married. In sharing that time of pain in my life I have been blessed to come alongside and encourage others in their walk with Jesus. I have been able to help others put the pieces of a broken marriage together with the hope of staying married. My intentions were never to be in a really hurtful marriage. Nor to bring a shadow onto the character of another. Marriage's don't break down because of one person it takes two.

I am sharing this today because my son listened to the CD of me sharing my story and truly it's a story of God's interventions into my heart. He said that people need to hear this story. And yet, do I pause because one person may not want to know the past of an ex-wife. I don't know the person I was married to almost ten years ago. Perhaps he is prince charming, walking closely with God, and loving another woman like he could never love me. All very good things, but as my heart has prayed this past week I am going to share some things that I have learned and grown from. Will it reference my first marriage? Most likely. Will it be more of my part and how God has shown me how to love and live in a healthy marriage today? I will do my best.

There are many marriages on the edge of separation and divorce. I wish I had someone to hold my hand and help me along, but I did not have that because I posed to have a perfect marriage in public. Behind closed doors that first marriage was very different and if you are hurting in a marriage I want to encourage and come alongside to offer hope that comes with Jesus taking over.

So, if you are reading this and are offended by some of my personal experiences, please know that I do my best to not use names, dates and times and not every bad thing is my past was a result of my ex. My failed marriage is not a result of what he did or did not do. It's about how I failed to know how to handle myself in situations that required me to depend on God. So as I write about another life I once had I pray that those who read will be encouraged.

Fire Proof

Last night I watched this movie. First, movies should give a Kleenex warning with the opening credits. I had a friend tell me I should see this movie. She said she cried through so much of it and now I see why. So about half a box of tissue and two hours later I was so impressed with the message of hope and salvation this movie gives.

I think there are times, like watching this movie I grieve the lost dreams and hopes from my first marriage. The pain of wanting to work on a marriage and then being served divorce papers. I have told David that, that one moment in my life was one of the most painful. When Kirk Cameron opened the divorce papers in the movie and started crying, I could not help but take myself back to that same moment. I was driving into my driveway and some stranger literally walked up to me and asked if I was Elizabeth, to which he handed me the divorce the papers. I think even now, in a happy marriage it's okay to allow some of those old wounds to heal a little more.

I went to bed feeling so very content, blessed, happy, and grateful for David. Even on his worst days he is still so very kind with such honorable intentions. We all have moments, bad days and selfish times. David is the rock in our family. He is the one who calls me to "check in", ask how my day is going and offer some witty thoughts on the weather, kids, and share his work with me. He loves unconditionally and is a very patient man. To think that in one year he went from single bachelor to step-dad, father and now a big family of five. Yet when turbulent waters rise he is still here and we both don't have to work so hard because we are such great friends. This is our anniversary month. Six years later we are still holding hand and enjoying the life God blesses us with each and every day. He values my desire to be home full time taking care of our children, and goes to work every single day so I can live out that desire.

In the movie, as Kirk Cameron went through the 40 days in that book I just smiled as I realized my husband does this kind of stuff on a regular basis. It made me think of how I can be doing more to serve and love my husband. So this morning I started making my own little list to work on and be mindful of. I thought of five things that I know he will like...which I grumble just a little...because when serving others we are not doing what we think is fun for us, it's about doing what you know would value the other person and something they would like. I can admit that on most days I am a pretty nice person and fun to be around, but going out of my way to do something for David being mindful of what would really surprise him. I want to challenge anyone reading this to do the same for your spouse. It's really not so hard, but I just loved how this movie was a reminder to me.