Is This What Having Teenagers Is Really Like

Is this what having teenagers is REALLY like?

My first round of teenagers happened over 17 years ago. I had a 12 & 14 year old when the 3rd child came along. And then two more babies came along. I had teenagers and toddlers. I use to say that, "I have toddlers by day and teenagers by night". And oh my goodness was that a very busy time in my life. It was my normal. I would nap when the babies and toddlers napped so I had the stamina for the teenagers in the evenings.Teenagers that required a listening ear, thoughtful conversations and advice on how to talk to that special boy or girl.

I am thankful that God wired me to be organized and a, "clean and prep as you go" kind of gal. Dinner was pretty much always ready at the same time every day. Boys went to bed at the same time. I would tell the teenagers that if they wanted friends over for movies, and fun teenager stuff that they had to come after 7pm. This way the three littles were already in bed. I kept my freezer stocked with frozen pizzas and ice-cream for the unexpected extra kid my teenagers brought home.

Well those teenagers are now 29 and 31, and I am deep into the teenage years with the younger ones. And it's SOOOOOOO easy. It's like I am missing something. I remember Elliot and Emily in their rooms in the evenings doing their homework, practicing their instruments, instant messaging friends on AOL, or coming to me and asking if we could take a walk or watch a movie together. The three littlest would be sound asleep for the night and it was not uncommon to head out to a movie, or a late night run to our favorite restaurant for treats. Doing all this after putting in a full day with three little boys.

Now fast forward to a 17 & 14 year old in my house. I have spent the past few hours working on my newest hobby, Skip To My Room. Which has been my passion for well over 25 years. No more a retail store but still having fun with it. And time to actually thoughtfully have the kind of fun with it I had only dreamed of. One teenager is watching a Blazer game. I heard the strumming of the other practicing his guitar. I am so glad I have a hobby because I am pretty sure I would not know what to do with myself. Pretty soon we will be heading out to basketball practice and all I can think about is this, "Is this what having teenagers is really like?

They come to me to ask questions, outwardly process life and my mind is clear. I wonder sometimes if Elliot and Emily ever wondered if I was really present. There were times I was so tired from the activities of the three younger boys and I would just be present, smile, nod my head and hope I did not fall asleep. I loved when they suggested a movie at home. I would curl up on the sofa, watch the first 30 minutes and go to sleep. That was so long ago and here I am now with teenagers and no little people to chase after. So again I ask the question, "Is this what having teenagers is really like?"

Thanking God FOR the Little Things

Do you take the time to notice the small things God does in your life? Today is the start of thanking God for the little things. After my last blog which you can read here https://elizabethonthego.blogspot.com/2018/05/set-me-in-large-place.html I really wanted to just expand on this one event in my life. Because it is the BIG ways God answers our little tiny prayers. And if we sit back and really start thinking of the details of every day life, you soon realize just how present God is in how He answers prayers.

Let's talk about this car. Four years ago I needed a four wheel drive. It was the end of the first season's snow and ice that came early. (Notice the curb is still showing signs of a snow melt. ) I had already had one snowy icy winter in a small community along the Columbia Gorge. I had a van with only rear wheel drive. Lots of hills and lots of snow and ice. I was living out on a farm and the black ice and snow are dangerous in these parts. A 30 minute drive to work, turned into over an hour crawling through snow and ice.  I remember thinking if I have to go another winter in snow and ice with this car, my van, I am going to be house bound. And the memory of a 45 minute slow slide down my driveway in what felt like 10 feet of snow and ice still lingered. (By the way the telephone pole DID NOT win that day.) I started praying. I was a new single mom and had to really watch my financial resources. I had no clue how to buy a used car. As in no clue.

I went car looking. Looking at used SUV's. I was told that you "never" buy brand new. Since I have my cars for more than ten years at a time I was out in left field with no mitt. (That is for you Ethan if you are reading.) I started praying.  I remember thinking, "God do you bless people with cars?"  "God if you really love me, please make it a nice safe car." "God I know you love me and I am sorry for trying to challenge your love but really a four wheel drive, pretty please." "And leather, and a white car, and FOUR WHEEL DRIVE." I kind of felt like that teenage girl who prayed and asked God for four boys and a girl when I grew up. I mean really, He did answer that prayer, why not a car prayer?

After car shopping and feeling even more stressed out I went to my store (Skip To My Room). Lauren, my employee asked me how the car shopping went. I slunked in my chair and said you can pretty much plan on opening the store everyday as I will not be driving in. Of course I was joking but car shopping with stressful. And sales people make you think they could put you in a Bentley today. And I really was content with my current vehicle. It was the bomb-diggity and great for all the hauling of products for my store, but sheesh. When I bought that car I admit I knew nothing about cars, I had no idea that not all cars are not four wheel drive. As an adult all my previous cars were four wheel drive. I will never forget about 12 years ago when I bought the van, I took the boys to Pacific City. I went to drive down onto the beach, and it bottomed out. Luckily some muscle dudes came and pushed me out. One guy said, "You might not want to be driving your two wheel drive onto the beach." I looked at him puzzled. I had only had the car for a few months. Driving around the Portland area does not require four wheel drive. I told him that I am pretty sure my car is four wheel drive, after all it was a big van. He looked in on the dash and around the steering column and confirmed that it was wheel rear drive, two wheels.  Okay. we can't all be knowledgeable about everything. LOL

Later that afternoon, feeling defeated about car buying,  Gordon walked into my store. Good Ol' Gordon and I worked on a business project together. He was older and wiser. About 15 years older than me and I may have referenced his age with wisdom when I started the conversation on car buying. Gordon often stopped by to visit, chat about business strategies, shooting the breeze on finance on business. I loved talking with Gordon. Being older and wiser I asked him about car buying and used car buying. I told him that I was actually talking with God ALOT about this process, and really needed an angel in human form to help me out. Gordon asked me what I was looking for. I told him exactly what I needed in a car. I told him that it would be a bonus blessing if it was white and leather seats, as a car full of boys would fair better. He listened intently. He asked me what my budget was. I told him.

Then he said, "Come with me". Come with me, as in get in his car and let's take a ride. I actually thought he and I were going to car lot row just down the street. As we drove, he said he had just put his "other" car on Craigslist.  I kid you not, we drove to his house. He opened his garage and there was this big white SUV.  He went inside and got the two sets of keys. Handed them to me, and said drive it around. If it suits you, keep it and we can work out the details of payment. He told me the price, which was out of my budget, and then he continued to say that he would cut his asking price in half to accommodate my budget. I drove it for five minutes, called him and said I will take it.

It has been four years since the blessing of this vehicle landed into my life. We are a road tripping family. The car had about 70K miles on it when it was turned over into my care. This past month it turned over 200K. And it still running beautifully. ( One thing my daddy taught me, oil changes, maintenance and good tires. CHECK!!)

Last night I was driving home late with the boys from a BBQ. I thanked God for this car. All I could think about is how God gives us good gifts. If we took a day to really think about what He orchestrates on our behalf it is never a coincidence. And a white car with leather seats. He knows our hearts and our desires and He Masterfully puts the universe in order. In His time and in His miraculous ways. There are many situations that go without resolve. And if I am being honest I get frustrated with God. Asking the "why's". When I start down the path of "why" I quickly adjust the course of thought to the many ways HE has blessed my family. I turned towards thanking God for the little things. Believe me, a car is NOT a little thing. It seemed trivial at the time as I had a good working car.


A few years back I thought I would take a year to blog, every single day of how God has blessed me. I wanted to thank God for the little things.  I think, as writers and story tellers, there is a tendency to wait for the BIG moments or stories. What about those small ways that have HUGE significance? A day does not pass with me thanking God. Even in hard or difficult times and moments, the minute the tears dry I am thanking God. Thanking God for the little things.

Stay Tuned because my inventory of little things in more than a million in my life time.

Professional ON

Last night I sat at dinner with the boys. We have this Mexican restaurant which is a favorite. They had lots to share after spending the day with their big brother and sister-in-love. I listened, asked questions and then asked them, "What did you learn today?  Did you learn anything new today?"  I admit it was the opening of a topic I wanted to share. I wanted to tell them what I learned. And in telling them I believed it would give some clarity to having a working mom.

I added this picture as this picture as a calming image of what it means to refuel.

For my entire life, and I do mean my entire life I have been told over and over that I have the energy of 5 people. And because I have been told that I always had grace for those who could not keep up with me. I thought, maybe there was something to my diet. I eat well. Or maybe it had to do with the fact that I typically get 8-10 hours sleep, which refueled and charged me up I thought maybe because I outwardly process life, schlepping of the stresses of the day. I have had many people actually ask me, "How do you have so much energy?"  I have said, "no" to anyone who ever wanted to sell my nutrition products. Because they boast that you will have more energy, sleep better and have improved health. I rarely get sick and have enough energy, and sleep well so I took a pass.

However I learned something very important this past week. It actually took me about ten months to learn this, but it was like BAM-BAM over my head. I finally understood. And as I began to share with my boys we all sat quiet and it made sense to them as well as I explained the "Professional On". 


I am going to start by telling the story of my first born son, Elliot. When he started school he loved it. He made friends easily, he had the typical struggles of learning, but once mastered built his confidences. Every day when he came home from school he went to his room. This rambunctious boy would sit at his desk for 1-2 hours every day and quietly build and play with his Legos. I would ask if he was okay. His father and I worried that maybe there was something going on at school. Yet Elliot was content. Then one day I did the parent helper in classroom thing. And I, as a first time mother, experienced the kindergarten classroom. After two hours of time helping out in class, I had to go home and sit on my bed in absolute quiet for an hour. As I lay on my bed, it hit me and I began to understand Elliot. Elliot made sense. He was in the environment 7 hours a day. He had to be "on" for seven whole hours. A six year old boy had to be on five days a week, six hours a day. I could not even handle two hours.  It was also after that day I thanked God for the decision to keep my kids out of daycare. To be in a room full of people every single day made me feel overwhelmed, and disturbed my mental piece.

As a business owner I have always had the blessing of having really good employees. Even as I began to wind down the brick and mortar of Skip To My Room I had good people working for me. ( Shout out to Lauren, McKenzie, Fred and Emily) People think as an entrepreneur you are running 24/7.  That was not me at all. I had my calendar and I scheduled meetings in blocks of time that allowed for lots of down time between meetings. Sometimes 2-3 days of down time. If I was working in my store. I may have been there from 10am-6pm, the store's hours, but I had people to cover the showroom, and at any given time I could go into a private office, close the door, kick my feet up and refuel. There were many days I would call into the store, ask how the day was going, and decide to work quietly at home. I was not "on" all those working hours. I could come and go as I pleased and even end the day at noon if I was feeling like it. Believe me I thank God every single day for the kind of business that allowed this, because I was able to leave, pick kids up from school and be done. If I decided to work at 10pm, a quiet house, kids in bed I could do just that.

What people never saw in me was that down time. Daily taking time to get away, be in a quiet space and refuel. As I reflect back over 28 years of being an entrepreneur there were many times of marathon working, but there was an end to projects. My kids have the fondest memories, as they tell me, of eating pizza and renting movies as I worked in the showroom after hours.  As a consultant you show up for the meetings, or the business trips, but always an end. And then days to refuel and regroup because I managed my own schedule. Being home with children all day is not the kind of "being on" I am talking about. I could decide to crawl out of bed and sit in the middle of the playroom with a cup of coffee while toddlers are using me for a human jungle gym. And still not be that "professional on". 

Yet in all my years I never understood where my mental and physical energy came from. And it was just this week I was able to put the pieces together.

For the past 10 months I have had a job commitment. Daily "Professional On". That job owns me about 30 hours a week. I have to be "ON" 6 hours a day. What is the result of that being "on"? I come home and crave quiet. I mean the sit quietly and refuel my brain. And I am exhausted as in tired like I have never been. The emotional and intellectual part of my brain is 100% on for six full hours daily. Oh sure I have had many many days of being tired after a long day. Traveling and putting on events for clients is typically a full four days and long hours commitment. But then you go back to your hotel room, and you sit in quiet. You order room service and you refuel for the next day. After the event, the meetings, the fast pace you are back on a plane and home. Kids go off to school and you have an entire day of being quiet, refueling and having that down time, or "off" time. This is what people never saw in me. That down time. That off time. Doing things that bring me balance. Like crafting, or wandering through antique or thrift stores, or reading. Reading 3-5 books a week.Being home, in the quiet of a house while children are in school.  There was no "Professional On" during these times.

This has been a brand new experience for my children. Mom is tired at the end of her work day which ends early afternoons. This mom has been "on" for six straight hours daily. I love my job. I mean I have been over the top blessed with this job and no one thought I would last 3 minutes with a long term commitment given my foot-loose and fancy free life-style. It is a new season in my career. And I love my work, but being on daily, every single day, six full hours has shown me something I was not even aware of. It had me reflecting back to my first son, and his coming home after being "on" all day at school and needing to take time to be alone, refuel, and a break from human interactions.

My kids have always had a mom with an abundance of energy. I was able to manage and balance my "on" and "off" times around my kid's schedule. When picked up from school, I may have put in a full day of work, but during that day there were many moments of down time for refueling. Thus allowing the after school activities with kids to be tackled with bursts of happy and positive energy.

I drove home from work yesterday and I started crying. Crying for every single mama I have ever known who worked a full 8-10 hour job and then picked up kids from daycare and had to still give as much as they had left to their kids. I can honestly say I could never have done that. I chose to keep my kids out of daycare. Having my own business has always allowed that. I could drop them off at school, work during their school hours, and be done whey I picked them up. My kids are older now. They are now experiencing the mom working away from home and coming home tired. As teenagers their need for me is different. They want me to sit and listen to their outward processes of their day, their thoughts and their ideas. I can sit and listen, and as I sit quietly I am secretly refueling. No diapers to change, or no feedins in the wee hours with a baby. How on earth do single moms work all day and come home to young little humans who need help with a sippy cup?

As we sat through our dinner, we talked about how they feel after being in situations where they are "on". Now being home-schooled, life is.... "easier and less stressed" "I feel like I can take my time and am really learning" "It's not that I did not like the people in my class, but most of them I would never choose to be around" ......and after all these years it made sense to all of us. Being "ON, the "Professional On" day in and day out is hard. No matter what age you are. Imagine right now being in a room with 20-30 people five days a week 6-8 hours a day. Whether your kids are in daycare or school, that is what they experience. I could not do that. I mean I am honest in saying, no matter how much I love people I could NOT do that.

Even with a job commitment I have been able to orchestrate my "off" time and my kids love it. I may not be watching the baseball game, but while one kid is watching baseball on TV I am just sitting and quietly refueling and having some kid bonding time. I now understand why my friends, who work full time, are keen on a night in rather than going out. The emotional energy it takes every single day is not one that I had never experienced until working daily for another person.  Not even a full day. My bosses are great. I can take an a break any time I want. They have said, "Where do you get all this energy?" I can run out to take care of personal matters if there is need, but the reality is I have a job commitment and regardless I am "on" 20-30 hours a week. And I never understood how I had so much energy. And the reality is I had a normal amount of energy, I was just able to remove myself, whenever there was a need, for a few hours to regroup and refuel. Something that is not an option when you work for someone else.

Every day I thank God for this job. I decided for the second half of my life to take on a new challenge and career path. Every day I thank God, that as a consultant I can, and am still able to take on new clients and work around a schedule that allows me to bring my best. My best is that "Professional On". God took me down a path of entrepreneurship. And that "Professional On" requires all of us to be 100% present. Present emotionally and intellectually.   That is ALOT of brain power going out daily. Give yourself grace if you are tired at the end of you day. Give yourself a pat on the back if you have been working for someone else your entire career. I have only been at this for 10 months and I can understand my family and friends so much better. And most importantly take time to refuel and regroup. On the days I have activities with the boys after work. I listen to my favorite music on the commute home. I listen to it loud and I sing at the top of my lungs.

I appreciate my family and friends so much. I appreciate that they all had to adjust to my working on someone else's schedule. Most importantly is taking the time doing something that gives you refueling time. As a single mom, it really is not the "mom's night out" that refuels me. It's the "mom's night in." I think I have a new blog post idea. I am certain it's been written a gazillion times. I think I will call it "Ten Ways To Refuel". I spent a career as an entrepreneur with balance. I may have a few good ideas in my back pocket. Stay tuned.

Embracing Some of Life

Precious and few are the moments we two can share........lyrics to a song of the past. I have had this song humming through my brain all morning. It started with a simple "I always have time to kiss mommy because I have a loaded kissing machine." This came from Eric just before he hopped out of the car and into the school building. I realize I have had the wonderful blessing of many children and there are days when I would pay big bucks to have some of me time for a long time. The time goes quickly. Ain't that what your mama use to say? I have the experience of time as I have two now in their 20's and guess what my mama was right. That time did go quickly and now I have those precious times with the younger boys.

Later in the morning Emerson and I had a screaming contest into a used up juice bottle. Try it. Wrap your lips inside the opening and then scream as loud as you want. We were busting up laughing at each other and then he screams into the bottle those three precious words..."I LOVE YOU" and then I screamed them back at him, through the bottle which is a very quiet muted sound. I could probably bottle this idea and make millions. The screaming bottle.

My last post was about waking up and repeating and I get teased by family and friends over the name of my blog "elizabeth embracing life" however it is very true. I do embrace these times, these special little moments. I am so thankful that my life is not so fast-tracked that I truly can sit in a car for 15 minutes and bust a gut over screaming into a bottle with a four year old.

It's not just the moments with children. I write often of my children in that I am wrapped in this season of lots of little sillies. It's the precious and few times we have with anyone of importance in life. I sat across the table last night with some people that those moments have not been there and I am going to make it a priority to have me some precious moments with these people even in the "few" times we may be together. Embrace those times, listen, ask questions and embrace life with those special people in your life.

p.s. in the time of writing this post my poor little dog has been in a battle with a sweatshirt, and last I looked the sweatshirt is winning. I think the hood and arms makes him think it's a real person he is battling. So funny!!!