The Fine Art of NOT Reacting to your Teenagers.

The fine art of NOT reacting to your teenagers. Is there really an art to this?  I think I should thank every difficult customer I ever served in my early twenties with my retail store.  Thank them for teaching me through mouthy rages of insistence how to respond.  The customer was not always right. Neither are our teenagers.

The customer could bring in an item that was not purchased in my store and scream in face that they wanted a refund/money for that item. Or a customer would get all red in the face and angry because the item that was available last week was no longer available, and I was demanded to get it to them now. Or a  customer who wanted their furniture NOW as in right now, as in stop what you are doing and serve me now. With no understanding that their furniture was secured in a warehouse and that our trucks were out delivering to scheduled appointments. Yet even with that knowledge would get so worked up that I would not physically close my store, run to the warehouse and pull large pieces of furniture that required manly strength and deliver myself.  Customers who left messes in my store and walked out. Food, dirty diapers tucked in a corner, finished beverage containers.  My favorite was a customer who insisted we were having a half off sale on ALL our furniture.  Threw such a fit that she would never shop in our store again. And came back next week to again tell us how awful of a store we are but still wanted to buy the furniture and did. (Kind of like our teenagers who are nice when they want money or a ride somewhere.) 

Here is what I learned in my twenties that truly helped me with my teenagers. No matter what comes out of their mouth, do not react. I learned that most people have about 2-4 minutes of angry energy and steam.  If I was quiet and practiced active listening skills with concern for my customers it was almost always the 2 minute mark that they ran out of steam. If I tried to inject and react to what they were saying it was like locked and loaded and 2-4 more minutes added to the fuse.  The fact is simply this. Customer's truly believed they were right, even in obvious and factual wrongs. Teenagers are the same way. They will say and do things that are so factual wrong, but they believe they are right. Do not take offense to what comes out of their mouth. Do not react to what is coming out of their mouth.  Listen. Actively listen and try not to inject. Let them get out what they need to get out. I trained my entire sales staff to respond this way.

I made the mistake many times with customers in my earlier months of opening my store to try and point out that they were in fact either lying or their facts were not accurate. Like the women who insisted that our entire store was 50% off. She showed me an ad, which was from another store and then insisted I match their 50% off sale. I listened, let her blow all the steam and energy around what she thought should be her right. I asked if I could ad her to our mailing list, so when we did have sales she would get them.

Teenagers just want to be heard and understood. Really that is mostly what it is. In the same way I trained my sales staff to never take to heart what the customer was saying, in the same way never take to heart the hurtful words that come out of our teenagers mouths. Breath deeply as they are blowing off steam. Actively listen. This does not mean  you are agreeing or allowing the offenses. It means that they are able to outward process, unedited, and after it's all out you will be amazed at how ready they are to come to the table for a more controlled conversation.

I can not tell you how many angry customer's were diffused by just listening. Like the customer who bought a lamp for her 8 year old. Came into my store yelling and screaming at my sale person because her one year old touched the lamp and burned his fingers. Somehow that was my store's responsibility. She yelled and screamed. I stepped in and excused my young 18 year old sales person who sold her the lamp. I listened. I breathed and I allowed this customer to have a voice. When she was done, I asked her if she needed some water?  I told her that I had kids and burns are scary.  I asked her where the lamp was. She did not bring it back. She just thought we should educate parents on the dangers of lamps. She came back over and over and continued to buy products from my store. But believe me when I say she came in red faced and angry that day and left happy and heard.

Our teenagers get red faced at angry at us.  It's going to happen and that is when we get to make a choice. Join the screaming and fuming match or wait it out. Then ask if you can get them a drink of water. Let them know you are so glad they felt that they could come and talk about it with you.

Now on my 3rd teenager and I can say that I may not get it in the moment at all times, but I have the resources in my back pocket with the experience of years with customers and my first two teenagers. My first two have grown up and into good friends. Now on my way with my 3rd teenager and still two more after that. Whoa baby it's sure is a ride.  So remember, try not to make a face or interrupt the outward processing of our teenagers.  Actively listen without trying to inject your own opinions and ideas. And if this is hard, then take some very slow deep breaths while they are unloading. Not always but easy, but we all have it in us to give it the ol' colllege try.  Happy teenager raising.

30Secondmom & Kids Room Design

June 19, 2012 By hungouttobuy in KIds Room Leave a comment

30Secondmom and a kids room designer, what do we have in common?

www.30secondmom.com

I started following this website a couple of months ago through my android. I thought what better way to brighten my day, as a mom, than to hear from other mom’s who have gone before me, or who have studied the fine art of mothering as a career.  Each contributing writer has a specialized field that relates to almost every element of mothering and being a parent.  Topics not just about our kids, but nutrition ideas, health, money, home, travel, beauty, relationships, activities, technology, and here is where I come in, even a kids room designer.
As a contributing writer for 30secondmom it is my job to bring tips and ideas on how to spruce up, decorate, do it yourself, ideas for your kids room.

www.30secondmom.com

At first I thought, I would not be able to fill this role, as I am not one who is few on words.  After sifting through years of working with clients, I found it very easy to add a 30secondmom (click on my link) tip each day.  Taking the questions I have been asked over the years and giving quick ideas, remedies, and antidotes on kids’ room design.

Elisa All is the founder of 30secondmom.  I have had the opportunity to get to know her these past few weeks. Chatting about being moms and business owners.  She has been nominated for a prestigious Moxie Award-Celebrating the best in digital. http://moxieawards.builtinchicago.org/  You can also view one of her own 30secondmom updates here. Like you, and like me, she is a business owner who desires to also be a terrific mom. http://www.30secondmom.com/author10-elisaall

Each week 30secondmom is host to a Twitter Chat called “#30secondmom chat”  It’s at 6:00pm Pacific time, every Wednesday evening. I have my husband on board for this coveted time. He arrives home from work a little earlier, takes the boys, cooks dinner, deliveries dinner to my home office so I can get in on the chat.  Each week a guest speaker is brought in and we all learn new ideas about being a mom in this world.  This week, June 20th,2012 I will step into that role.  I admit I am little nervous, but excited to be the guest speaker, speaking on kids room design.

I am passionate about 30secondmom for many reasons.  First and foremost is the fact that we live in busy shoes.  Switching around with various roles from stay home mom, working mom, mom running errands and doing life with kids. Even dads can jump in as they too live more involved lives with their children.   This website has brought together a wealth of information by moms who have gone before us.  Even as a contributing writer I check my phone daily to read what great tips have been posted.  I learn new things. Hard to believe that a mother of five, with her oldest being 24 would learn new things. Even younger moms bring me new insights into my own mothering, my own relationships and encouragement in my day to day living.

I invite you to join in on the chats.  Follow on twitter @30secondmom #30secondmom and sign up to get the daily updates at www.30secondmom.com

I also invite you to join me as I share some idea on kids room design this Wed. June 20th @ 6:00pm Pacific Time. Go to twitter and type in #30secondmom .  Jump into the conversation and meet a group of lovely people, both moms, dads, and the likes of those who enjoy great conversation. Introduce yourself. We want to know you personally, and this chat allows us to do just that. Yes, 30secondmom and a kids room designer have much in common.

What are some questions for your kids room you would like answered through 30secondmom?