Mom, You Are So Weird

She does not like much attention. This is her birthday month. Leaving the end of being a teenager. She will most likely come out of her room, after having read this and say something like..."mom, you are so weird"...or..."motherrrrrrr, you are so weird". I asked one of her good friends the other day if she calls her mom weird and she said yes, so I have come to learn that it's an endearing kind of phrase.

Feeling a special kind of caring is especially tender when it comes from a child. You know that little squeeze of your hand and a little person saying I love you. She has never been like that. As a matter of fact I have many framed pictures and files of her love for her mommy, and I have never ached to have that random act of a hug and an I love you. It's not so much her. She is a doer of her love, and a writer and both are endearing to me.

In the early morning she was a doer that touched my heart. I think it's days like today when God shows me that I have not totally messed up my kids. She had to go to jury duty. An act of being an adult, and that she is. It was about 40 minutes away and she could have spent two hours on two or three buses to get there, but instead she kindly asked if I might take her, and I said yes. On one condition. That she get her brothers up, in the car and wake me up and hand me the car keys. It's summertime and who wants to get up, dressed, and out the door at the crack of dawn. She agreed.

About 6:30am there was a knock at my bedroom door. There stood my sweet daughter holding me the perfect cup of brewed coffee with just the right amount of milk. I looked at her bleary eyed and said thanks. She said it's time to go and I said "lets get the boys out of bed". She said they were already loaded in the van. Wow, I did not hear a thing. I got into the drivers seat and looked back into the van at three dressed little boys all eating their toasted bagels with peanut butter. I looked at her sweet face and could not say a big enough thanks. She dressed, fed, and got them into the car without so much as a peep.

She told me once that sometimes I don't notice what she has done, and I notice only what she has not done. The day she told me that I started taking notice of the heart of a servant. Not just that teenager who might ploy to get what she wants because she does not ask for much, but truly a heart that serves others. Not just her family, but others too. She's balanced in that she does not compromise her school, or her commitments for overly serving, but even in the smallest ways to stand back and see her heart this early morning I smile. As she is leaving the teenager years with this being her birthday month I shall take some older journal entrees and share more of what my journey as a mother of a daughter has been.

Pie-Sweety, if you read this.....well I am always in acceptance the endearing "oh mother". And truly you blessed my heart. Thanks

Where did the whale spout go?

This is my PieSweety. The light of my life. She is going away to school. A little girl that has stood within a few feet of my space for over 18 years.

We are going to be learning about what our new normal will be. Everyone's normal is different. We learn to function in the normal we creat. Now this little girl is going off to college and creating what will be her normal. Does that even sound normal?

Her bedroom is so warm and cozy. Her art hanging from the walls, her collections and treasures neatly designed, because she has always let me decorate her room for her. She begs me to do it and then turns around and always says I love it!!! I told her that I am going to use her room as my private get-a-way because it's just the kind of room you want to lose yourself in.

I have prepared my heart, emotions, and head for this for a long time. And then I look at this sweet face and think wahhhhhh! Okay getting msyelf together one more time. I pray that God will continue to use her for His glory in all she says and does. I pray for any boy that might think she is the one, that he realizes that he is not. LOL

I know many of you have grown children who have moved away. I read your blogs all the time gleaming little bits of wisdom, pleasure, and warmth to see how your relationships are changing, some of the challenges and so much fun. Thanks to all you moms who have become my mentors through your heartful sharing.

Mommy thoughts on kids growing up....

Today my beautiful daughter got her nose pierced. She wanted to go last night, have me take her and make me part of this new experience, but I could not. I looked at the sweetness of her face and thought this was one thing I could not do, not today. The place was to close at 8pm and it was 7:30pm when we thought we might go out. But I needed time. I needed time to circle the place about ten times in my car. Park and sit for another ten minutes and pray. Pray that they had run out of ink. Nope that is a tattoo. Pray that the needles all fell on the floor and were no longer sterile, or better yet pray that they did fall on the floor, she would get a terrible infection and have to take the thing out. But instead she went today.

I even went to the bank and transferred money into her account and paid for it. Yet, I feel sick to my stomach over this. She and her brother went together, and I would have gone, but all three little boys needed naps. I have been mad at myself all day for NOT being okay with this. I have had to ask myself why I am not okay with this and I realize that the stereotypes I have embedded in the core of me are the reason.

I almost cry every single time I look at Emily. I am distracted by this nose ring. Although the gold loop does match her petite gold loop ear rings. She does not even have her ears double pierced. She is no rebel by any means. She has a love and passion for life, her family and God. Does a nose ring some how change all of who she is?

I guess I have always felt that when people put rings on their faces it's because of something they lack in their face or heart, so this distraction takes away from what ever it is. Which is silly, but it's a cultural understanding that came down through the lines of life.

Later this afternoon I had the opportunity to chat with Emily about her nose ring. She understands where I am coming from and in the spirit of Emily and the kind sole she is, she listened intently and help me understand her more.

It's just a strange thing when the worst thing your child has ever done is get a nose ring, and then I realize that it's not so bad really. The funny thing is that at our Home group this past week two young gals (early 20's ) shared about a mission trip experience. Both whom Emily knows and made a special point of introducing them to me with their lovely nose rings. It was her way of saying..."see these two Godly women, they are so beautiful and yep have nose rings".

It may take me a few more days of processing to understand myself as a mother in all of this, and will take me some time to get use too, but she is growing up, her own person, and wants to do things that will be different than what I might do, and I embrace her in all her independence because at the end of the day, she is one terrific young woman, she is my daughter, my best friend and I love her.