Today I Licked A Brownie

Today I licked a brownie. There I said it out loud.  This is not the most flattering picture of me. But admitting that you licked a brownie is not exactly flattering either.

Allow me to go back 36 years.

Perhaps in going back 36 years I might redeem my sense of pride. Thirsty-Six years ago I attended a Young Life camp called Malibu.  I was on Work-crew for the second half of the summer. It was a full three weeks of serving at camp.  As I was getting settled into my bunk room, along with a few other gals, I noticed that we all had our stashes of candy, chocolates and gum. We giggled that we were set for the entire three weeks to ration out the sweet goods.Then we cleverly hid our sweet snacks so others would not help themselves.

The day went on, and later we gals were back in our cabin ready for bed. As girls might do we all circled up on the floor gabbed and gabbed about our day while sharing and eating our sweet treats. My mom was very generous in shopping. Making sure I had enough to share with others. The conversation turned to our simple addictions to sweets or salty treats. We even did a poll of who liked sweets and who liked salty treats. I of course was two hands up for sweets. Then the challenge. The unexpected challenge.

One of the gals asked if any one of us could go three weeks without sweets?  Funny the saltier treat challenge was never presented. Well I was pretty sure I was not addicted to sweets, preferably chocolate so I opened my big mouth and said, "Oh that would be easy." And that night ten girls challenged to NOT eat sweets for their entire time at camp. Three full weeks starting the minute our feet hit the floor the next day. I was up for the challenge as I finished another handful of peanut m&m's. And then took another handful. Oh yes I was up for the challenge.

Now let me explain something. If you have never been to a Young Life camp you should know one thing. All, as in ALL the desserts are homemade. The biggest and yummiest home made chocolate chip cookies, cakes, pastries and might I also mention that the ice-cream shop is another sugar house of yum. What on earth was I thinking?

As we gathered the second night in our bunk room, with an entire day under our belts,  we went around and asked who had had a successful no sugar kind of day. There were only four of us left after one day. I was one of them. But with a box full of all kinds of candy my mom had bought I was ready to throw in the towel and start the bedtime routine of gabbing away while snacking away. Instead I put my box in the middle of the room and said, "I am surrendering". We all laughed and I watched my sweet treats be divided up among the other gals.

The four of us who were left decided to pair up and become accountability partners during every meal. Often we four would sit together, but never alone a table. Mealtime was family style with many tables. I was always tempted to get lost in the crowd and go to a table where no one knew me. It was no easy task cutting sugar out of my diet. What eighteen year old does this? It consumed me. All I could think of were ways to sneak, cheat or surrender. I did none of these. I remember praying and crying out to God that something must be wrong with me to put so much through and angst into just giving up sugar.

After the first week I noticed that my shorts were getting loose. Each day we gals would check in with each other. And each day we were one day closer to success. One afternoon, during free time we all decided to go out the outer dock which was removed from camp. It would take the temptation of getting ice-cream, or snacks. As we lay in the sunshine we began to share just how hard this was. We shared deep and sorted feelings which quite honestly angered us to think we were so addicted to sweets. We shared how each of us were sooooooo tempted to go to the bunk room and sample someone's treats. It's not like they were hidden, but the temptation was there.  It was during this time on the outer dock that we all realized our straight up addiction to sugar. (Coffee had not yet been introduced to my system). We talked about how much we ate at home on a day to day basis. I admitted that I ate an entire big bag of M&M's almost monthly and that it was nothing to go into the pantry and snack away on sweets. I shared how my friend and I went into the pantry and ate an entire box ( 10 pounds) of chocolate. Only to learn my mom had bought it for a party. So I quickly replaced it without her knowing. I shared how this same friend and I would return from tennis practices and make HUGE bowls of ice-cream. I was not aloud sweets after school  but if my mom was not home she and I would indulge. One day my mom came home and we went running hid our bowls of ice-cream in the living-room fireplace.
We all shared from our hearts just how hard it is to give up sweets. Here I was with girlfriends with the first week behind me and my shorts getting loser by the day. A true success and still could not stop thinking of chocolate m&m's calling my name. Call our names.

By the end of three weeks I had lost nine pounds. My friends lost similar amounts and we were finishing our success with a big bowl of homemade ice-cream. And later that day I was sicker than a dog. Having purged my body of sugar the ice-cream was a really bad idea. Yet we did it. We actually did it. And to this day I remember those three weeks. I was working in the laundry room and I would pray, read my Bible and journal begging God to take this stupid desire from me. And back then I knew nothing of cravings and really how sugar is like a drug. Anyone ever have kids of their own will know this when you tell your child they can not have a piece of candy.

Every since that summer in 1984 I have tried to be mindful of food like addictions. And yes sweets in the form and taste of chocolate are my guilty pleasure. That is until I go three weeks and cut myself off. For the past 36 years at least once a year I will go without sweets and sugar for three weeks. Just to remind myself that I can and to ensure I own the addiction and it does not own me.

Well ladies and gentlemen, it is much harder today than it was 36 years ago. Especially with teenage boys here at home. I was doing great as I finished my first week. And I decided that tonight for our dinner out with friends, which I was bringing desserts, that I would buy prepackaged sweets so I would not be tempted in baking. However I baked these brownies last week and low and behold they jumped out of the fridge. I took the lid off and the smell of chocolate had me. So today I licked a brownie.  I was reminded of a "Will & Grace" episode where Grace and Jack were on a diet and trying to keep each other from licking a crouton. Here is that clip. I cannot believe it was on youtube.  So funny, and how many of us have faced this at one time or another?

https://youtu.be/Bva468f8-38

Oh my goodness I could have used those guys today to keep me from licking a brownie. But I licked one.

This all reminded me of why we need people in our lives. Friends. really good friends to hold us accountable through the things we are trying to change, or harder times of temptation. As I stood in the kitchen I was reminded of being 18 years old, away at a camp and girlfriends holding each other to the decisions of withholding. Today I have many close friends whom I can go to. I even have my children. And I will now go to my boys and let them know I am refraining from sugar. They will not be gentle or kind. They will most likely yell across a crowded room, "MOM!!!  DO NOT EAT THAT!!!" But I shall enlist them for the task.

Fortunately I traded one lick of a brownie in for some celery and spinach Parmesan dip. And I will continue onto day 8 of no sugar with success. The good news is I know I can be successful because I have been success for 36 years. I have even challenged myself to give up coffee once a year for two weeks. That one is easier these days than many years back when I would drink 4-6 cups. Now I barely have two cups so less of a challenge. Cheers to kicking the cravings, addictions and bigger cheers to friends and family who cheer you on.

Christmas Surprise

The fun of hosting a surprise evening for the Young Life girls in downtown Portland.  What a surprise it was to pull up to a hotel and say, "here we are!"

The stockings were hung on the pillows with care, waiting for girls to each choose a pair.

Santa hats, candy and Christmas surprise wishes, tonight this mama will not be doing dishes.

Christmas Elves dance and sing in Pioneer Square.

Santa showed up and coffees we shared.

So happy to get a chance to hug Santa.

 I am so blessed to have a wonderful evening in Portland with the girls from Young Life.  My heart just swells.  I told them that it would be a surprise. Their parents each called to make sure of "the plan".  I picked them all up with the help of another Young Life leader to transport to downtown and a surprise hotel stay in the city.  The fun started the minute the girls had on their hats and stockings, out the front door of the hotel, and the girls singing carols from one block to the next.  We ate out, played freeze tag in pioneer square, sang carols with many onlookers, filmed by the news and ended up on TV, late night coffees, Santa delivering stockings, and late night chats in our cozy jammies and bed.  Thanks Lord Jesus that you  created and made these girls, you love them and give me a heart to love them too.  Merry Christmas.

A Gift To Hear Her Story

I love meeting new people. Especially when I have a few hours to hear their story of salvation.  A story that says...this is how I met Jesus. I heard one of those today.  This one was particularly special to my heart.  Today we met for the second time. I knew I had met her once before and could not recall. She reminded me under the Solid Rock running tent at the Helvatia Run.  She was my walking/running partner.  Over facebook we connected to be each others buddy for this event. Both of us attending Solid Rock.  So as we began our walk, what better question to start a long walk of 6.2 miles than to ask how she met Jesus.  And so I asked, and over the next several miles she shared.

She was just a good kid growing up in the Portland area.  Going to high school, playing volleyball, had friends, and doing life as most high school girls would do. I listened as she shared and asked more questions and then she got my attention.  She was invited to "club"  Young Life club.  My heart just melted. I got tears in my eyes. She did not know this at the time. I wanted to jump in and tell her how my heart is deeply passionate over  Young Life, but I did not, I let her go on. She shared how she and her friends would go to club.  How she ended up going to Malibu camp. How she never did learn how to water ski. How she drifted into the rocks, the rope tangled and she was pulled in. I almost want to take her myself up there and let her have do over.  She shared how she accepted Jesus, and there became a Christian, but did not really know what that meant, but like saying "I am a Christian." She started going to Bible study.  Her leaders showed her how to find her way around her Bible. She laughed when she told me they would rewrite her notes in her journal because she was all wrong in how she was going about things, because she did not grow up in a home that went to church, so she was finding her way and these precious Young Life leaders took the time to show her.

As her life moved along, her relationship with Christ deepened and her passions for learning more grew.  Fast forward to today.  Walking 6.2 miles with this sweet girl named Kelsey Coe.  I asked her if I could tell her story today and she said I could and that I could use her name.   Ministries outside of church are so important. Here is a 20 something girl, who grew up in a home that never went to church.  This precious heart being brought by her friends to a place called Young Life Club.  Finding leaders who came around her and helped her live out what it meant to be a Christian and now she is plugged into an amazing Bible teaching church.  It was not until the end of our time together when she was in my car I wept openly about her story. I told her that I was bursting inside as she shared, and wanted so bad to inject my own stories of seeing so many young people like herself come to know Jesus through Young Life, but did not want to interrupt her. I told her I had been part of Young Life to some capacity for several decades.

What a gift to hear her story.  Also a reminder of the importance of ministries outside of church that reach out to our youth.  She was once that youth that needed to be reached out to. I was once that youth that needed to be reached out to. It was through Young Life that I found favor in God in so many ways that changed many areas of my life.  Kelsey thanks so much for allowing me to poke my nose into the business of your heart. Thanks for sharing so openly and for spurring me on to keep walking the pace, and running this race today. Love you girl!!!!