Do you choose to understand the heart of another? We have have a choice to make. To be bitter and angry or to seek and understand. I have been thinking about this a lot this weekend. A few situations in my life this past week, and the discovery of fabricating of one's life and the poor treatment of a loved one. To each situations I want to desperately strike out, and hurt back with words. I want to compose a brilliant email and tell each person just what I think and expose who they are. Yet, as I ponder each situation something different begins to happen in my soul....understanding. Understanding is not acceptance.
Understanding is not a free pass to the other persons to continue and repeat in my life. Understanding brings my heart and soul to a whole new level. It covers the bitterness and the anger with tenderness. Understanding brings me to want to come alongside love unconditionally. Understanding turns me from feeling bitter and angry to concern and care. Is that even possible? YES IT IS.
Looking past the offenses and asking the questions of why one might act in this manner. It's almost like a bipolar kind of thought. One minute you see the deep kindness in that person, and the next moment you are shocked at what you see and hear. I go back to that moment of kindness in that person. That is the true them. Something in that person's life distracts that authentic glimpse of who they are, and that part you love. When we see the good, it refuels those feel good feelings in that relationship. Understanding allows love to pour through the other stuff unconditionally.
As I have looked at both situations this weekend, I love more. I am learning more of the stories of these lives, and my hearts hurts to know the struggles in these lives have produced some hurtful ways of dealing with life. I harbor no anger or bitterness. Understanding allows questions to be asked, and hearts to begin to open up a little deeper. Understanding does not judge.Understanding produces trust. Trust comes to realize who we can become to bring the other person into a better them. Understanding is the beautiful process of turning bitterness and anger into a deeper relationship with that person.
Do you dig a little deeper with some of those relationships that bring you negative emotions? How are you doing with what you are feeling? What if you looked deeper and began to understand what the other person has gone through to develop those acts that are hair pulling and frustrating. I encourage you today to move your emotions to understanding.
Showing posts with label Friendships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friendships. Show all posts
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Perimeter of Friendships
She has been at our church for six months now. She has a story that has yet to be told. I heard bits and pieces this evening. Asking more questions and learning more about her. And then I went home. David texted me and told me we needed dog food.
On my way home I stopped at Target for some dog food. A man was juggling many items, so I pulled a cart for him. He thanked me and I headed towards the dog food section. I circled the store three times, because I was lost in my thoughts. I kept thinking of the perimeter of friendships and this woman at church. Years of being involved in the lives of women, it is always safest to keep on the perimeter. Only a few come into the space closest to my heart. Only a few I trust, and only a few really know me. I have been blessed with some pretty amazing friends who have walked with me for my entire adult life. I have to say that even in those early days of making friends it was safest to start at the perimeter and cautiously and slowly allow them closer to the center where my heart is.
There have been times when women have busted through my perimeter and then there is confusion and chaotic measures of drama. These kinds of friendships have taught me that it is safest to keep things at the line of the perimeter. Until I met her on Sunday evening.Then I write more, read more and learn more about what it means to be a follower of Christ.
I am not going to lie. I have had drama circling me these past few months. Chaotic measures of drama and my perimeter was bent, torn, and busted through in ways that I am not even proud of my response to it all. Reminding me why I keep new friendships on the perimeter. Ewww, it did not feel good, it was messy, and it was not something that would turn out in favorable ways. The immediate response is to keep the lines of the perimeter broader, thicker, and taller. Protect my heart, protect those around me. Until I met her. There have been many "hers". ThenGod uses and teaches and keeps pushing me to the line.
We plopped our handbags on the table, blew on our coffee & tea and then that awkward moment of wondering who would be the first to say hello. Funny, this moment is rarely awkward for me, but that night, her eyes looking away and down. Had her perimeter been damaged? Was I standing so close that the aroma of my coffee trumped her tea? She looked up again and said hello, so I said hello back. She was not familiar to me, so it makes sense to ask an easy question. "How long have you attended this church?" She answered, "only six months." And then her story began to spill out in bits and pieces. Scattered, as if if she stopped I might walk away because her story is messy. I stayed, and i asked more questions. Then I wanted to leave. I didn't want to hear of another messy broken marriage. Another woman, going it on her own. Another mama heart that aches to know that her son is suffering, but I stayed and I listened.
I did not get her name, or her phone number, She told me her name, but 45 minutes later, my coffee now cold, I could not remember and she dashed out. As if she knew she had said to much. She did not. I have stories too. Do we dash away from the stories of others? Sometimes I do, because I am vulnerable. Sometimes I do because I have to meet the needs of my family. Sometimes I do, because perhaps I am in a season of being hurt by my own messy that I don't have the energy to be around someone else's' messy.
Then I think of Jesus. Thinking of all the messy situations he was right there in the middle of. Ever notice in John that Jesus never calls out sin in another? I am no Bible scholar, but as I observe the character of Christ I notice this about him. He asks a lot of questions. And in asking questions, he draws out the broken hearts, the scared, the weary, and blind. He never even says, blind man what do you want? He simply asks, "What do you want." He allows people to tell a little of their story. He allows people, over and over to break through the perimeter and touch his heart. It got messy for Jesus, often and yet he did not change his love, acceptance, care and asking of questions.
Do I want to be like Jesus? Yes. Do you want to be like Jesus? Start reading about his life and just watch. I am not sure who that woman was that one Sunday evening in church. I hope that she felt love and acceptance. In my last post, I said that Jesus was "with" people. Next time you see someone, a stranger, someone who is alone, take some time, or just a few moments to just be "with" them.
How is your heart challenged to be with people, even when your perimeter?
On my way home I stopped at Target for some dog food. A man was juggling many items, so I pulled a cart for him. He thanked me and I headed towards the dog food section. I circled the store three times, because I was lost in my thoughts. I kept thinking of the perimeter of friendships and this woman at church. Years of being involved in the lives of women, it is always safest to keep on the perimeter. Only a few come into the space closest to my heart. Only a few I trust, and only a few really know me. I have been blessed with some pretty amazing friends who have walked with me for my entire adult life. I have to say that even in those early days of making friends it was safest to start at the perimeter and cautiously and slowly allow them closer to the center where my heart is.
There have been times when women have busted through my perimeter and then there is confusion and chaotic measures of drama. These kinds of friendships have taught me that it is safest to keep things at the line of the perimeter. Until I met her on Sunday evening.Then I write more, read more and learn more about what it means to be a follower of Christ.
I am not going to lie. I have had drama circling me these past few months. Chaotic measures of drama and my perimeter was bent, torn, and busted through in ways that I am not even proud of my response to it all. Reminding me why I keep new friendships on the perimeter. Ewww, it did not feel good, it was messy, and it was not something that would turn out in favorable ways. The immediate response is to keep the lines of the perimeter broader, thicker, and taller. Protect my heart, protect those around me. Until I met her. There have been many "hers". ThenGod uses and teaches and keeps pushing me to the line.
We plopped our handbags on the table, blew on our coffee & tea and then that awkward moment of wondering who would be the first to say hello. Funny, this moment is rarely awkward for me, but that night, her eyes looking away and down. Had her perimeter been damaged? Was I standing so close that the aroma of my coffee trumped her tea? She looked up again and said hello, so I said hello back. She was not familiar to me, so it makes sense to ask an easy question. "How long have you attended this church?" She answered, "only six months." And then her story began to spill out in bits and pieces. Scattered, as if if she stopped I might walk away because her story is messy. I stayed, and i asked more questions. Then I wanted to leave. I didn't want to hear of another messy broken marriage. Another woman, going it on her own. Another mama heart that aches to know that her son is suffering, but I stayed and I listened.
I did not get her name, or her phone number, She told me her name, but 45 minutes later, my coffee now cold, I could not remember and she dashed out. As if she knew she had said to much. She did not. I have stories too. Do we dash away from the stories of others? Sometimes I do, because I am vulnerable. Sometimes I do because I have to meet the needs of my family. Sometimes I do, because perhaps I am in a season of being hurt by my own messy that I don't have the energy to be around someone else's' messy.
Then I think of Jesus. Thinking of all the messy situations he was right there in the middle of. Ever notice in John that Jesus never calls out sin in another? I am no Bible scholar, but as I observe the character of Christ I notice this about him. He asks a lot of questions. And in asking questions, he draws out the broken hearts, the scared, the weary, and blind. He never even says, blind man what do you want? He simply asks, "What do you want." He allows people to tell a little of their story. He allows people, over and over to break through the perimeter and touch his heart. It got messy for Jesus, often and yet he did not change his love, acceptance, care and asking of questions.
Do I want to be like Jesus? Yes. Do you want to be like Jesus? Start reading about his life and just watch. I am not sure who that woman was that one Sunday evening in church. I hope that she felt love and acceptance. In my last post, I said that Jesus was "with" people. Next time you see someone, a stranger, someone who is alone, take some time, or just a few moments to just be "with" them.
How is your heart challenged to be with people, even when your perimeter?
Saturday, April 30, 2011
God Is the Ultimate Caretaker of our Hearts
Today I had a stay-cation. In my own cozy home. Saturdays are always my sleep in days and I did just that only to wake with a nasty migraine. It was a food allergy kind of headache so I knew what my day might be like as did my husband. He stepped up his day, forgoing his first golf game of the season to care for the three boys so I could just do what I could to be comfortable.
It's days like this I get how very blessed I am by David. We had promised the boys they could spend their Birthday money today. So he packed all three boys into the car and went off shopping. Later he and all three boys piled into one bedroom building Lego sets, and discussing all the fun they had. All was quiet again when he decided to take them all to the park for a few hours. I can not hug him enough and say thank you enough for doing all he did today. Right down to doing the dishes and laundry.
I am going to surprise him on Sunday by having his golf clubs by the front door, and pretend like I have no idea how they landed there. A much earned day in the sun and on the golf course.
When I have a day like today it's very easy to think, or over think the things going on in my life. One thing I have been thinking of is how I am not such a good friend in trying times. This thought was so heavy on my heart, and has been the past few days. Even when I ask God to show me the kind of friend I am to be I seem to fail in the eyes of my friend(s). Why? I have asked myself that question and pondered the words and actions I often have. My nature is caring and sympathetic. My nature is to take it to God and pray over the situation and from there listen to the Holy Spirits guiding. Does the "guiding" offer the kind of support and standing beside a friend that they may need? Am I doing and being that Godly friend?
It's days like this I get how very blessed I am by David. We had promised the boys they could spend their Birthday money today. So he packed all three boys into the car and went off shopping. Later he and all three boys piled into one bedroom building Lego sets, and discussing all the fun they had. All was quiet again when he decided to take them all to the park for a few hours. I can not hug him enough and say thank you enough for doing all he did today. Right down to doing the dishes and laundry.
I am going to surprise him on Sunday by having his golf clubs by the front door, and pretend like I have no idea how they landed there. A much earned day in the sun and on the golf course.
When I have a day like today it's very easy to think, or over think the things going on in my life. One thing I have been thinking of is how I am not such a good friend in trying times. This thought was so heavy on my heart, and has been the past few days. Even when I ask God to show me the kind of friend I am to be I seem to fail in the eyes of my friend(s). Why? I have asked myself that question and pondered the words and actions I often have. My nature is caring and sympathetic. My nature is to take it to God and pray over the situation and from there listen to the Holy Spirits guiding. Does the "guiding" offer the kind of support and standing beside a friend that they may need? Am I doing and being that Godly friend?
I was reading Philippians 4: 6-8
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Something I understand is that I am not a "lip-service" kind of person. I do not fake emotions and have an even harder time concealing them. For a sister in Christ who is hurting for what ever reason I try to direct them to the heart of God. This passage is one that always brings my heart so much comfort. My words will never ease the pain which is deeper than my own understanding. A gal was quite upset with me a few weeks ago. Her last words to me were that "You think you have insights, but you have none." If she was trying to be hurtful, it did not hurt. It helped me in a grand way. I don't want my insights to be what fuels my passions. I want God's word the Holy Spirit and His truth to be what comes from my heart.
So dear sisters in Christ, dear family and dear precious friends. My words, my heart and my intentions will be to come alongside and care for you. I am always going to fail. Expectations in me will often equal me failing over and over. However please know from my heart my intentions are always to serve our God and in doing so loving you and directing you to Him. This passage is what gives me comfort in hard times. It brings me peace that is beyond my comprehension, and beyond how I can ever serve you as a friend.
God is the ultimate caretaker of our hearts, of my heart. It is Him whom I trust with the intimacies of my heart and find healing, find truth, and find that special place of joy and peace. May you seek Him more to know Him more. Love and Blessings, Elizabeth
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