Enough For Me

So it is not exactly the summer we had planned.  Plans?!  What are those?  As of late the boys get up each morning and start the day without me. I am sleeping in. It's summer I get some summer breaks too, like sleeping in.  Sometimes Emily will meet them downstairs and get breakfast started, or brew the coffee and bring me some.  The reality is that being sick, so unexpected in the summer, has me with a little less energy, a little less UMPH and the realization that those wonderful plans on how we would spend our summer days are less than I had hoped.

The boys are fine with a few extra movies each week, longer summer school projects, and my nine year old likes to snuggle close and have me watch him navigate his fighter planes on his DS. I just nod and smile and show some excitement for whatever is happening on the tiny screen. The dreary weather that many are complaining about is really fine with me.   It makes it easier to recover from pneumonia, when the boys look outside and see drizzle, they are not begging to go outside and play.

I have started reading a book, which will be part of a book club starting this week.  "One Thousand Gifts" by Annn Voskamp.  I just read the first chapter.  Only one sentance stood out in the entire first chapter.  

"I look in the mirror, and if I'm fearlessly blunt--what I have, who I am, where I am, what I've got-this simply is not enough."

The reality for most of us, is that we can look in the mirror and say those same words.  Why?  Because our struggles in this world are defined, always by a measure of how much. How much do I weigh?  How much time did I spend on this or that or with whom?  We want to be more in just about every aspect of our lives. So much so that the mirror tells a  story of our hearts, rather than just a tattered set up jammies and frazzled hair in the early am.


I have not read ahead to the next chapter. I want to be clear minded at book club, and not confuse my thoughts with future chapters.  I wanted to think on the one thing that grabbed me, and this statement is the only yellow highlight in the chapter.  I rebelled just a little when I read it.  Why?  Because I think at my age I have done so much, seen so much, and have learned to rest in Him in ALL things that enough is truly enough.  Enough is defined by what each day brings and being okay with it. Not measuring myself to the expectations of others, to the definitions in magazines, books, friends.  Is it enough to say that my own personal joy and contentment truly come from  a source that is greater than this world?  It is enough for me, but I get that not everyone around me will grasp that same understanding.  


Can I be honest with how God shows up daily to sustain any voices in my head that might try to rob me of "enough" each day.  Can I allow the circumstances, the hard stuff, and challenges to rob me of "enough"?  Or those outside sources trying to also redefine exactly what enough should look like or be?


I have some very deep struggles. Struggles that daily I have to overcome and bring to the feet of Jesus. It's a habit of my relationship with Jesus to just say..."okay, Jesus, some of this crap is creeping back into my mind. Please go before and after those thoughts that would like to rob me of today's joy, because Lord Jesus you truly are enough."  A habit in knowing each day I must bring it ALL to Him.   "what I have, who I am, where I am, what I've got." All of it must start with His measure of love and care for me.

 
As I look in the mirroe"what I have, who I am, where I am, what I've got." has to be enough for each day.

"For from Him, and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory." 

Romans 11:36

He is all things and right now that is enough for me.  I think this will be a good book. One that I can see will come alongside and bring some deeper thoughts. Today, just enough thought to remind me that truly what I have starts with Him, who I am starts with Him, where I am starts with Him, and what I've got has everything to do with Him. The Him is God, the sustainer of my life.